How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Mother's on a restrictive diet for an exam, so i had to make her the blandest, boringest, lamelest soup ever. And Jello.

I'll wait her to sleep so i can fix myself some dinner so she doesn't feel sad about not getting to eat it. After the exam, i'll make her something nice
 
Mother's on a restrictive diet for an exam, so i had to make her the blandest, boringest, lamelest soup ever. And Jello.

I'll wait her to sleep so i can fix myself some dinner so she doesn't feel sad about not getting to eat it. After the exam, i'll make her something nice
Without exposing yourself too much, what is the exam about?
 
I am having some stupid feelings and I think it's more connected with hormonal changes rather than anything anyone has specifically done, although my husband doesn't always help. I know that he struggles, I try to be supportive of him. He is really too selfish to realize that I am currently going through my own hormonal thing and it has been a sort of emotional rollercoaster. I realize that other people have always inserted themselves in my life when I did need that support, but now try to over insert themselves and even control who they want me to be even though I am really to gain independence and resolve my issues with how I feel about myself. I have gained a lot of self confidence, but it was something which I have worked hard at. I have been growing my group of tangential friends and realizing that I can have a group of people I know. He takes digs at me without realizing it and then I am too sensitive. I feel invisible and like it would be easy to go away. I am irratic and I feel like I'm doing a performative a swan song and no one is noticing. Im not doing it on purpose, I feel as though I keep acting recklessly hoping that someone can see how much pain Im in and I want just about anyone to notice.
I feel so hollow inside. People I know keep dying and the momentum keeps getting faster and faster. I am being erased and there is nothing left. I have nothing tangibly positive to try to hold on to.. I compartmentalize my feelings because they are all so shitty but some how I have this amazing dog, she's silly and smart and she wants to meet everyone and they are just delighted to met her. It breaks my heart when she tries to make my husband and I stop fighting.
Mom and my husband are cruel and impatient towards him, as I used to be.
[Quick catch up: my husband and I (have our own house) but we currently live with my parents because they're both elderly and dad has Dementia and left up to her own devices mom would start to start neglecting my father soon because that's how she rolls.
Dad's birthday is coming up soon, so I am making sure that he gets a nice gift this year. Just like Christmas, he seems to be getting that little boy excitement and I understand what it feels like when your spouse neglects your birthday but expects theirs to be splendid. Next Generation has recently been taken off Netflix which really bummed dad out, and even though Husband also tried Battlefield Earth and now X-files, he doesn't seem to be into either. I took the time and explained the X-files to him but he thinks Fox and Mulder are a couple. (Understandable, most people think they should be) so he's getting the Nex Gen box set for his birthday.
Dad isn't always clear in what he wants, and he asks questions in an expectant statement, "I like carrots, carrots are good for me." Means make me carrots Motherfucker, and it's fine I have learned the lesson of patience and so I cut him up carrots if he asks for them or not. Mom and Husband will forever tell me to keep my patience while mom breaks dishes and screams. They complain bitterly about things he does and when I mention that "he cannot help it" it doesn't mean to them gang up on him. If mom, husband and I are in the kitchen making dinner (I make my dinner, husband makes his dinner and starts mom and dad's dinner which mom then finishes), Mom and husband start talking about him like he doesn't exist, and he's in the next room--they keep blatantly talking about his birthday present, and begrudgingly talking about the things they're going to do for him. I have to advocate for him when he wants things, yes he does take things without asking but he's not allowed one special treat. He is really bad at regulating his usage of things and has to be watched, but every so often he just wants a bag of candy or popcorn and he can't have just one small pleasure. Mom wishes death on him. Yesterday I was upstairs working on something, and my dad and my dog started playing. I don't know what's gotten into him but they were having such a purely special moment that I stayed upstairs, mostly because I was bawling and because I didn't want it to stop.

May be this will post this time, probably not.
 
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I have given myself enough to him but I had to look him straight in the eye and say "we are OK" although I don't feel as if we are.
i thought you were leaving him? he honestly sounds like a jobless leech, and at this point you would be better off alone. the more you tolerate his uselessness, the worse it will get.

Dad and I have found a commoradity in being the rejected spouse since mom and my husband are cruel and impatient towards him, as I used to be.
[Quick catch up: my husband and I (have our own house) but we currently live with my parents because they're both elderly and dad has Dementia and left up to her own devices mom would start to start neglecting my father soon because that's how she rolls.
if you have your own home, you should move back to it and let your parents have some space, and come over during the day and then go back home at night, so everyone gets breathing room. it sounds like you guys are all packed into this house together, constantly picking at each other, which has to be stressful. you deserve to be able to relax in your own home without worrying about everything, too. i would tell your pet asshole that he isnt to be home during the day, he needs to be out looking for work, doing day labor, anything but being underfoot and not contributing.
 
Things went shocking well talking to said person. Now I feel better about them and myself. Now my car is getting ready to die, fun! When God shuts a window, he opens a new one.
 
My appointment at the psych ward is in a month and I don't have the guts to contact them for an emergency appointment, I feel like I can't justify it because surely, someone else is suffering more than me.
At least half the rooms are taken up by people who live there, and once they're threatened to be kicked out, they throw a tantrum. I saw more homeless alcoholics and relatively normal mid-30s dudes than self-diagnosed girlies. Though I did see a lot of those; the kind where you go "Ah yea, this'll end up on your tumblr as a badge of pride".
idk. my husband and i are pretty boring, but everything is so different now...the goth/club scene is so different now..like now days, if you arent sucking the girl cock, you will be ostracized, like completely iced out, and it sucks. i knew a guy who jokingly called his friend gay, and he was kicked out that same night..he had been the dj for this club for like 15 years!
Goth used to mean "that skinny faggy emo boy would probably suck his bro's dick kinda ironically drunk at a party to impress the 'bisexual' girl who has never had sex with either gender". I can see how it'd devolve into girl cock worship (as has every other space on the internet). Those who actively engaged in bisexual tomfoolery on the regular were only part of the alt scene for that exact purpose. Of course, 'goth' today means 'black bimbo'. As much revealing skin as possible, primarily on onlyfans, and friendship between people is measured in how much sex you've had.
Told my girlfriend about it and she actually got mad at me (she's very possesive of me, she also never met that woman and saw me interact with her).
I tell myself I'd never get possessive over someone but I even as that shouldn't be an issue, I read so many cases of chicks basically wanting your name stamped on her forehead and baiting their partner into situations to express ownership because it's appealing to be 'his lady'. I'm thankful for all the mindgames one avoids by being single.
 
Paying off that suprise bill finally. Now I can work on my other saving goals. Tax returns inbound so thats a blessing.

Hopefully I can get more cleaning done in the next few days. Right now I'm gonna go chill in my room for the night after a long shift. Life gud. Hopeful.
 
i thought you were leaving him? he honestly sounds like a jobless leech, and at this point you would be better off alone. the more you tolerate his uselessness, the worse it will get.


if you have your own home, you should move back to it and let your parents have some space, and come over during the day and then go back home at night, so everyone gets breathing room. it sounds like you guys are all packed into this house together, constantly picking at each other, which has to be stressful. you deserve to be able to relax in your own home without worrying about everything, too. i would tell your pet asshole that he isnt to be home during the day, he needs to be out looking for work, doing day labor, anything but being underfoot and not contributing.

I am leaving him but right now I have nothing to support myself and I have to have a solid plan.
I have not been hearing back from the jobs I've applied for and social assistance takes forever. So where am I going to go? I couldn't support just myself and dog let alone and elderly man with dementia and the move alone would stress him out, which you really do not want to do, the plateaus drop faster.

I wish my house was easy to get to, and dad does not want to leave this house.

A plan is forming, but it's going to take about a year

I got to speak French in the wild yesterday and I was super proud of myself, I took my dog to the park and there were tobogganners and families making snow men. My dog didn't understand that a stick laying on the snow was an arm and not just to crunch, and it really upset this girl and I was able to follow her disappoint en français, so I went and found another suitable stick and apologized in French and had a brief conversation.


My appointment at the psych ward is in a month and I don't have the guts to contact them for an emergency appointment, I feel like I can't justify it because surely, someone else is suffering more than me.
You ARE TOTALLY WORTH IT! That's what it's there for, get in there!!
 
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I tell myself I'd never get possessive over someone but I even as that shouldn't be an issue, I read so many cases of chicks basically wanting your name stamped on her forehead and baiting their partner into situations to express ownership because it's appealing to be 'his lady'. I'm thankful for all the mindgames one avoids by being single.
I never knew it any different regarding girls/women, i pretty much accepted it as a very female trait by now. Every single girl/woman i've been together with has been like that (so, sample size of around 18 ), even the ones i only had short flings with. Fuck knows why, i don't think i am that much of a catch that this behavior would be warranted, women are not throwing themselves at me left and right nor am i the kind of person that goes out of his way to purposefully make his partners jealous (also never cheated on a woman, even though more than one woman cheated on their partner with me, which i only found out after the fact and, obviously, disliked immensely).

Maybe i just have and/or attract a certain type.
 
I never knew it any different regarding girls/women, i pretty much accepted it as a very female trait by now. Every single girl/woman i've been together with has been like that (so, sample size of around 18 ), even the ones i only had short flings with. Fuck knows why, i don't think i am that much of a catch that this behavior would be warranted, women are not throwing themselves at me left and right nor am i the kind of person that goes out of his way to purposefully make his partners jealous (also never cheated on a woman, even though more than one woman cheated on their partner with me, which i only found out after the fact and, obviously, disliked immensely).

Maybe i just have and/or attract a certain type.
its definitely a woman thing...when i was younger, i was SO jealous and territorial, it was bad...i think it lessens with age, or at least it did in my case. and the sad thing is that my husband was/is a huge nerd who writes computer programs for this petroleum engineering company, and is even more shy than i am, not sure what i thought he would do :story:
actually, i told him that he would probably like it here if he joined...there was this group he used to be on...and im bad with names, but it was kind of like this place i think...he did the movie night for them. hes obsessed with obscure cheesy movies, and on thursday nights he would i guess be in charge of their movies. i wish i could remember what it was called, it had a number or something on it. (im so bad about rambling)

i cant sleep, so im ordering doordash because i refuse to risk getting knifed by a hobo so i can get some nachos...i know that doordash is whatever, but honestly i think its amazing that one can pay someone to bring you food at any time of day or night.
 
Are there any specific things that help bring you guys down from a panic attack? For me, if my phone's in reach, I'll listen to a few specific songs. If my phone's not in reach, I'm kinda screwed haha...
Synthwave in general is very soothing for me, but these in particular have really saved me
(Eagle Eyed Tiger is the goat)
 
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