How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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JanuaryViolet said:
Has anyone heard from @WASR96 in the last few days? I seriously hope he's ok and just living his best possible life under the circumstances.
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Did anyone establish any kind of offsite contact with him? We all know that's not typically recommended for KFers but under the circumstances...
 
Spilled Spaghett said:
There are a lot of mistakes that you can afford to make when you're young that you can't afford to make as an adult.
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thats for sure. we were 17/18 when we got married, and we made SO many stupid decisions that i cant imagine making now. sadly, some people never change their mindset and keep making the same mistakes well past young adulthood.
that aside, its so weird to hear people talking about dating, and the single life, etc because i have never experienced any of that, and i cant relate at all. sometimes i wonder what it would be like to have the house completely to myself, and i wonder if im missing out on something.
 
Banquet Meal said:
that aside, its so weird to hear people talking about dating, and the single life, etc because i have never experienced any of that, and i cant relate at all. sometimes i wonder what it would be like to have the house completely to myself, and i wonder if im missing out on something.
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I can promise you it feels the same on the other side. At least for me I cannot at all relate to living with a partner and wonder what it must be like to roll over in bed and have someone there right next to you. Whether you're missing out on anything totally depends on where you are now, and what you want. I understand that there are plenty of men who don't want to settle down, or don't want to date because they value their independence more than anything else. But for the majority of people, being partnered is proven to be better in nearly every metric, but that assumes a stable and mutual relationship of course. Being alone is nice only in small doses. Everyone needs time to themself. On the whole, people aren't built to be alone. The people who are usually have to supplement it by being more socially active in other ways. The only advantage to that is you have the luxury to take breaks whenever you want, at the cost of stability and knowing that someone will always be there with you.
 
Spilled Spaghett said:
Being alone is nice only in small doses.
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Counterpoint. Being around people is only nice in small doses.
I have to visit family sometimes. It's about 2-3 days when I start getting annoyed. I think even with a perfect person it would last about a week.
Best thing that ever happened was my second college apartment when I could finally afford a single with no roommates. Except for a couple months in a work provided apartment I haven't had to tolerate living with another person in a very long time.
If you'll excuse me I need to go yell at the squirrels in the yard.
 
DavidS877 said:
Counterpoint. Being around people is only nice in small doses.
I have to visit family sometimes. It's about 2-3 days when I start getting annoyed. I think even with a perfect person it would last about a week.
Best thing that ever happened was my second college apartment when I could finally afford a single with no roommates. Except for a couple months in a work provided apartment I haven't had to tolerate living with another person in a very long time.
If you'll excuse me I need to go yell at the squirrels in the yard.
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That's why I say it's not a hard rule. The quality of the social interaction matters a lot too. Obviously if you are with people who make you miserable then there is no benefit.
 
Endless Blabbery said:
It has happened to me too, although I would be asleep at the time and I would spontaneously wake up. It was like someone would slam on a door, which could easily be my parents rather than schizophrenia. I have also dealt with dreams like that, but they were mostly stress-induced: teeth falling and breaking apart, cockroaches, being shot, running away from God-knows-what.
I do know of magnesium and glycine; and of the dangers of blue light. Still, I don't make or consume broth, I tend to stay up doing whatever in front of the computer, and then my phone as I can't keep myself awake any longer. But hey, at least I consume a whooping 100 mg of magnesium every day (which is a third-quarter of what I would actually need)...
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Interesting to see more people with the shitty ass noise dreams. I sometimes get these scream dreams where as I'm falling asleep I just hear the loudest scream that always scares the shit out of me. My common amounts of sleep paralysis nearly always were noise based, some kind of yell or creeping horror type noise. Switching to blue light filters didn't do much besides make my eyes feel so much better and I've never tried any supplements for sleep. All that helped me was conquering the fear of the dreams themselves. I used to dread sleep, filled with constant lucid dreams, sleep paralysis, looping waking dreams, the random out of body dream every now or then, and of course loud noises. At some point in all my lucid dreams I started forcing the nightmares to happen and watched them without waking up, they always passed and I slept like a baby afterwards. Instead of waking up when I felt the dread of a nightmare approach I faced it and eventually it climaxed with a shadow being that I then banished from my dreams. I legit woke up and lost like 80% of all of my normal stress, driving didn't scare me anymore, work didn't annoy me, and people don't freak me out anymore. It really is one of the weirdest experiences in my life and it makes me convinced I'm a nutcase but I just can't deny the results.
 
Debating whether to quit my job in a few months and hike a few hundred miles of the Appalachian Trail.

Humans were not meant to waste their lives away, staring at a computer screen all day.
 
TotalNematodeDeath said:
Instead of waking up when I felt the dread of a nightmare approach I faced it and eventually it climaxed with a shadow being that I then banished from my dreams. I legit woke up and lost like 80% of all of my normal stress, driving didn't scare me anymore, work didn't annoy me, and people don't freak me out anymore.
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Amazing, really. I will admit I did give lucid dreaming a try but I would always give up in less than a week. I still have a list of dreams I've had over the years but, unsurprisingly, the dream-collecting rate is about 11%.
The fact that you managed to, say, ask yourself to face your fears has left me pondering. I have tried that over the years, but I've been awake whilst attempting it instead of "half-awake" as you had been. There may be hope. Thanks.
 
Endless Blabbery said:
Amazing, really. I will admit I did give lucid dreaming a try but I would always give up in less than a week. I still have a list of dreams I've had over the years but, unsurprisingly, the dream-collecting rate is about 11%.
The fact that you managed to, say, ask yourself to face your fears has left me pondering. I have tried that over the years, but I've been awake whilst attempting it instead of "half-awake" as you had been. There may be hope. Thanks.
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I've discussed this with some people before but I never knew I nearly always had lucid dreams, to me being aware and able to influence dreams was just normal. I got to a point where I just wanted to see what my dreams would do without influence from me. It really became a curse always feeling like I was awake but as I've said that curse worked out to not be so bad when I used it for something else. Something about my mind is keyed into schizo mode
 
TotalNematodeDeath said:
I've discussed this with some people before but I never knew I nearly always had lucid dreams, to me being aware and able to influence dreams was just normal. I got to a point where I just wanted to see what my dreams would do without influence from me. It really became a curse always feeling like I was awake but as I've said that curse worked out to not be so bad when I used it for something else. Something about my mind is keyed into schizo mode
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Considering the countless information about it, be it AI-processed-and-churned-out or simply Reddit threads, do you have any particular routine or ritual that favors lucid dreaming?
As for the being perpetually conscious bit, I get it. I unfortunately sleep about twelve hours a day so that's even more of a reason to give it a try.
 
TotalNematodeDeath said:
I sometimes get these scream dreams where as I'm falling asleep I just hear the loudest scream that always scares the shit out of me. My common amounts of sleep paralysis nearly always were noise based, some kind of yell or creeping horror type noise
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this is exactly it..its awful, isnt it?? and again, for YEARS i didnt want to say anything to my dr, because on the face of it, it sounds insane, but apparently its your brain malfunctioning when you are going into deeper sleep. the other night i was almost asleep, and i heard this random beeping noise, totally not real but still scared me all the way awake...and the sleep paralysis thing is awful too, but ive only had that sporadically...a few weeks ago, i felt like i was awake, but i couldnt move or breath, or yell for help, and i swear it was like some shadowy figure was trying to pull me out of bed...of course that wasnt it at all, but it was SO real.
i honestly wonder if its some sort of sleep apnea?? weird shit though, no matter what it is. im sorry you are dealing with this too, its awful and can be so distressing.


regarding lucid dreams....im not sure if i have them, but i do have dreams that i remember in great detail, and oddly enough, i dream about the same people/places over the years. and even stranger is that the people in my dreams somehow age. i can also wake up and somehow go directly back into whatever weird dream i was having at the time.
sleep is such a strange thing, overall.
 
Endless Blabbery said:
Considering the countless information about it, be it AI-processed-and-churned-out or simply Reddit threads, do you have any particular routine or ritual that favors lucid dreaming?
As for the being perpetually conscious bit, I get it. I unfortunately sleep about twelve hours a day so that's even more of a reason to give it a try.
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I wish I could say I do anything special, the best advice really is remembering those dreams though. I haven't really seen many people with the same issues I have with sleep that didn't dive head first into wacky multi book scams. I think my grip on reality was always a bit looser than most peoples, I had head trauma at a young age maybe that's it? I don't know really what I do if anything that my genes aren't the one to blame honestly.
 
I've forgotten what its like to draw for fun. With all the AI art that's gone through the internet I had really slowed down on drawing (let alone animating anything), I'm at least happy I can still... draw for myself? Maybe I'll continue making games while I'm at it.
 
I'm feeling a lot better since the cat came back.

She had never tried to escape after being brought inside from her semi-feral calico origins. But for some reason, she went outside days ago and stayed away for days. I was worried sick. I never thought she'd try to go outside again after never even trying to leave for years.

I was upset. I was doing routine patrols for a couple days, with a completely pessimistic outlook. It was incredibly cold the last couple days. Surely the cat would come back in this horrible weather.

I went out for days keening for the cat to come back. Please, where are you, come back. I was sure she'd gone out and gotten eaten by a pit bull or run over by a car.

Finally, on one of my patrols, she showed up again and meowed, then ran away from me when I was trying to take her back home, but then let me pick her up and actually take her back home. And is now back home.

Don't scare me like this again, kitty!

I'm still a lot better with my adorable calico cat.
 
My treasonous Prime Minister (Mark Carney) just went to to China to sign Canada up to the New World Order instead of making adeal with the USA. There are retards in my country applauding this. Just fucking kill me God!
 
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Well, I got to go fly this past weekend and took a photo, which I can't share, but you can imagine a mountain with snow on it so that was fun. This weekend even if the weather is good I have too much house stuff to do. The giant pile of the tree that fell is getting smaller one green waste can full of brush at a time. Using the chainsaw is so much faster than the pruners to slice it up. Still not sure what to do with the actual wood which I need to finish cutting into manageable chunks with the shiny new chain saw chain. I brought myself a new 3d printer for Christmas to replace my Ender 3. I got it as a kit. I failed to see how long it was going to take. It's a 10-15 hour build. I have no space for the build so I have to pull the car out of the garage, setup the folding table, build for a couple hours, then shove it all back in the corner so I can move the car back in the garage. Luckily that work for my customers starting any day now hasn't really started so I might be building a 3d printer on company time. Hopefully next week the 3 different customers will actually be ready to go and I can stop watching horrible vendor training videos. Ingrown toenail now successfully mostly convinced to stop hurting so that's nice. Otherwise situation normal, nothing to report.
 
Plastic Paddy said:
I had a turbo shitty first day of work that if I get into the details, it just actually enrages me with the lack of notice from them to me and lack of willing to work with me as I am with them. I don't know how the fuck am I going to do these 12-hour long days (4 round trip commute, the basic 8 there) for 3 months, but I guess I have to grin and bear it as long as my back pain in this demanding probationary period doesn't kill me. It could certainly be worse, but I could be better. Eh on the bright side as long as I stick to it this bullshit crises will turn into a golden ticket.
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Today a lot better but my back got set off by being there for the past 2 days. I have to see what happens when I do PT on Saturday and see what they say because it might be it for me.
 
Spilled Spaghett said:
This is more anecdotal but women seem to also favor men who are already in a relationship too.
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I've grown to hate lifting in gyms when I travel for work now because if you are a middle aged guy, lifting weights, with a wedding band, gym rats will just ignore any sort of social decorum and start harassing you.

"Yeah lady, clearly you can't tell by the headphones thad I want to be left alone. I'm not about to blow up my personal life because you have daddy issues. Go away."

I had a fun day at work. The annoying masochist coworker who basically got me my job, was expecting me to just not charge a customer of his for 8 hours of overtime. I told him, I don't care if they pay or you pay, someone pays for my fucking time.

"That's the problem with you kids. You don't want to have to work and expect everything handed to you"

I'm four years older than this idiot. The reason I look younger than him is that I don't daily drink, chain smoke, nor am I morbidly obese. And we aren't talking about me not getting 8 hours of overtime across a month. I did a 22 hour day commissioning equipment and for some inane reason, I was only suppose to charge them

"Well Brad, let me talk to Josh. If he agrees with you, I quit"

Josh, our boss, who is always pissed at Brad for giving away shit to customers like hours, spare parts, etc. seemed to agree with me.
 
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