How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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i forgot to mention this....my friend sent me this...anonymously
I would not touch that with a 10 foot pole. Cleanse it with fire and prayer and hope for the best.
I don't know how anyone dates anywhere to be honest. There aren't places that people go to meet other than maybe a game store to play Friday Night Magic or something. I don't know what normal people do.

People seem to meet much more online these days, but even as someone terminally online I don't know how they swing it. People are so anti-social it's a struggle to even make friends. Obviously people are managing but I've asked how and no one can explain it. It's usually a friend they've known for many years and they are just rotating through all the girls they know. I guess if you fail to establish a large enough social circle when you're young you're just screwed. It's at least much more difficult because you don't have the excuse of school anymore to force a large group of people to interact with you.
Indeed, agree with all of this. Seems odd how we live in a time when it's extremely easy to communicate with anyone anywhere yet it's so hard to form a connection with anyone... Recently made a new friend, sort of. They're from the same country I'm from, which is a rather novel thing for me, all of my online friends are foreigners. I'm kind of retarded and rather poor at having a conversation, yet somehow it makes me happy just to have someone replying to my inane yappings. I think I truly am cooked beyond belief.
 
i have a TON of salt/water that was exorcised at the epiphany mass last year (im catholic)
its an interesting little thing, except the weird sticky feeling that i attribute to using cheap paint. i think.
Just..be careful. I unironically believe in the Sonichu demon.
 
I have things to be positive about yet tonight my body/mind decided to feel overstimulated for absolutely zero reason.
I'm on edge. None of my limbs feel "right". Thoughts scattered.
Eyes are exhausted but pop right back open when I close them.

I feel autistic af. I really don't know how else to put it.

A moment this disquieting hasn't happened in a while. I hope this is just a bad night and not my anxiety returning to stay a while.

I got too much shit to do for this to be a regular thing
 
A bit demotivated and frustrated. Girlfriend wants to start a YT cooking channel for some months now, all the equipment arrived a month ago already but i had/have my back issues, yesterday we made a test shot and i am absolutely not satisfied with the outcome.
This is not aimed at making big money, more so that my girl got something fun to do and also something that we have that we do together but still, the outcome sucked. I just did not manage to get a good angle at all and we also have to set up the tripods differently (already worked at that after shooting for a bit yesterday), we also most likely need to buy a third light or rather a softbox. I am also not entirely happy about the quality of our phone cameras, if worst comes to worst we need to spend money on a camera. We got the money, but an additional 300€-400€ is much, much more than what we initially wanted to spend on this. First time in my life i am regretting not being an Apple nigga, with a last-to-current gen iPhone this would be a non-issue.

My back is giving me shit today because of monkeying around with the filming yesterday, sitting in front of her laptop right now and even after just 10 minutes i feel my lower back painfully throbbing. Gonna go to the orthopedic station of my hospital today to continue treatment (as was planned when i left the clinic on the 23rd of last month), i hope i don't have to wait all day there, website predictably doesn't list their open hours and no one is picking up the phone. It's across the street so i am not too bothered about that. All in all the back is getting better, did some squats yesterday and the pain while doing that was manageable. Can't do any abs exercises yet, with those movements it hurts to much. I am pretty sure i won't be needing an operation down the line for this shit and it will all be fixed by physio.
Still got that issue with my left arm, which absolutely will end in an operation, an operation i should've had two years ago but i am retarded and thought it would go away on its own. My body is a wreck and working on it will most likely be the main focus for me this year.

Edit: Also just got off the phone with my landlord CUNTS, the heater in my kitchen is on the fritz (put a space heater in it already to not freeze to death when sitting or filming here) and it's probably a year since work in my bath got done and they still haven't put the tiles in place again. "I will pass it along" yeah, like the last 20 times you said that? Fuck them, seriously.
You're probably thinking of @Lingering butter taste, RIP in pepperonis
kek, didn't know she got the strikethrough. Well deserved, she worked hard for it.
I'm working on losing weight, and I have lost close to 40 pounds already
Pretty good. Keep at it. First thing Dr. will tell me today is most likely to lose weight to put less strain on my back. Was at 80kg when i left the clinic on Dec 23 but am at 86kg again already as of today, it is ridiculous how fast i gain if i don't watch what i eat. I could pretty much eat all day, if i were in the US with its overabundance of delicious and unhealthy food i would've been morbidly obese for years by now.
She would need to be violent or otherwise an active threat in order for that to happen due to the laws here.
It's the same here. I still got a neighbour like yours here in my house, hardcore addict and full-blown BPD (according to herself). At least i'm one of the two guys here that she likes and gets along with. I don't really know why she took a liking to me, i always keep her at arms length and keep small talk to a minimum when i see hee in the stairwell or out on the streets. I still get to enjoy her shitty techno music at 4AM and her violent outbursts in the stairwell when she brought yet another new dude home. Complete madness with her, she's also already in her 40s. I also don't want to discourage you but my experience with contacting the landlords over shitty neighbours (not the girl i was talking about before) never lead to anything. The housing situation in your country is probably as shitty as in mine but i'd urge you to find a way to move, any way, this is no way to live (again, speaking from personal experience).
For some stupid reason I decided to start intermittent fasting

Not eating until noon was easy

But now I can't eat until tomorrow noon and I'M FUCKING HONGRY, HOMBRE
Been there. Still the fastest and easiest way to lose weight for me once my body and mind got used to it. Did 4/20 over months at the end, with a high deficit, and still felt like a competitive eater when i sat down to have my one big meal of the day, like 2kg/4.4 pounds of oven roasted zucchini with a kilo/2.2 pounds of skinless chicken breast in one sitting and shit.

Sorry for the millions of replies, just caught up with the thread.
 
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I got too much shit to do for this to be a regular thing
Can I suggest writing down your routines? What you eat, when you eat, when you go to bed and get up in the morning etc. Doesn't need to be an essay entry for every little thing, just to get a feel of your patterns of behaviour and when you're feeling overstimulated/anxious.
Breathing techniques can help calm your system down as well. I use an app called Finch that offers barebones exercises for free subscribers that can get you started on breathing exercises
kek, didn't know she got the strikethrough. Well deserved, she worked hard for it.
She really did. I'm not gonna divulge DMs but we had some pretty long talks about her POCD. At the very least she seemed interested in getting help because she was put on meds, and at first I actually thought she would be giving the farms a wide berth due to her proclaiming she'd lost interest in doomscrolling in the Puppychan and Roblox/Ruben Sim threads.
Guess she wasn't on a self-prescribed break, but rather a forced one.
I feel kinda bad for her but I also know from my own repeated cycles that getting help can be really difficult if you aren't giving it your everything.

One week until my in-patient program starts. I can't deny that I can feel the anxiety and anticipation right underneath my skin. I haven't had a lot of success trying to force a better sleeping pattern which 100% is on me and no one else. It sucks, because I have actually attempted to go to bed earlier than my usual 2-3AM but when I go to bed before midnight, I wake up at 1AM and can't go back to sleep. I have some sleeping aides but they're not actual sleeping pills, so taking 1x25miligram quetiapin hasn't done much for correcting that "evening nap" and making it a full night's sleep.
 
There is nothing here for me but sadly my dog is the only reason why I don't. Leaving her with these people is a horrendous thought.

When she is gone I won't have anything stopping me.
 
There is nothing here for me but sadly my dog is the only reason why I don't. Leaving her with these people is a horrendous thought.

When she is gone I won't have anything stopping me.
Can you not bring her with you?
 
My pants don't feel so tight at the waist anymore, which means I'm trimming some of this fat off me. That's one good thing going for me lately.
 
Coming back from a trip down south. More and more I wish and hope that my move down there will be sooner than later. My mental health and my mother's physical health improves when we're in the sun, and it's objectively cheaper down there in the long run.

I fucking hate the fact that I've lived in a cold liberal shithole for all these years. There's nice and good people and things, sure, but I'd ditch my state in a heartbeat and have said people visit or move down with me. How can someone be depressed in such sunny places?? Life breathes into me when I'm here.
 
There is nothing here for me but sadly my dog is the only reason why I don't. Leaving her with these people is a horrendous thought.

When she is gone I won't have anything stopping me.

Can you not bring her with you?

Bring her to the afterlife like an Anubis? Not getting hired is killing my soul further. Still not being understood and having everything boiled down to emotions is soul killing. Dealing with this deep empty pit all alone is soul killing.
I fucking hate everyone and everything (except my dog.)
 
Back from the hospital. Sub-1 hour wait, it's alright. MRT next monday. Dr. who checked me said he thinks it's a disc issue or spinal canal thing but he thinks an operation won't be needed. Also told me it can come back so i need to get my ass into gear and start exercising again, with heavy core focus. Not gonna lie, it's about time i take my exercising serious again, don't want to be a total wreck when i hit 40, like too many of the men in my family.

Was a good boy and told him i don't want the opioid painkillers again if possible, he seemed surprised by that. Got some more of the non-opioid variety which i am already taking and they work fine. Already saw myself going towards abuse territory with the Tilidin on New Year's Eve, i don't need that shit in my life. The opioid buzz is massively overrated anyways IMO.

Speaking of addiction, it's 4PM and i am getting loaded now. Took off my pants already and have no intention of putting them back on today.
 
There is nothing here for me but sadly my dog is the only reason why I don't. Leaving her with these people is a horrendous thought.

When she is gone I won't have anything stopping me.
I feel the same way as you do, about my dog.

I can't offer much advice as I am not a hopeful person myself, so all I can say is that I hope your baby lives for years and years. Maybe by that time you will have found other people, things, or animals to keep going for.
 
Bring her to the afterlife like an Anubis? Not getting hired is killing my soul further. Still not being understood and having everything boiled down to emotions is soul killing. Dealing with this deep empty pit all alone is soul killing.
I fucking hate everyone and everything (except my dog.)
Go to a woman's shelter, now. If you don't have any other escape plans, go to a shelter.
You need help. Full stop.
 
You're probably thinking of @Lingering butter taste,
i didnt know she got kicked off either...she seemed really nice. she actually messaged me, and we had a pretty good conversation about different interests we both had, but then she disappeared, i guess thats why.
btw i feel you on the sedentary thing...i am SO bad about this. one of my favorite hobbies is reading, and i will waste hours and days sitting and reading books, nothing else. congratulations though, 40 pounds is awesome!!
 
How many people do you talk to everyday sans the work, grocery store or the Internet?
It depends on how lucky I am at timing my walks with the dog and whether or not my tard wrangler is scheduled to come over for the day.
On average, 0. On a day where I time my walks right, 1-4 people spread over the entire day.
I'm on that self-isolated hikikomori/hermit grind. I know it's bad and I'm slowly trying to be more social but making friends in your +30s is hard enough as it is.
 
Been doing a lot better since I started to disconnect and go outside. Tried coming back to my usual platforms overtime, mainly I lurk here now and still enjoy reading threads. But everything just feels so tiring whenever I come back online and try to engage. My social skills are improving, I've made some potential friends, and I've been getting into hobbies I otherwise thought I had no interest in.

It really was this damn phone.
 
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