How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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I feel conflicted saying this, because everything is telling me not to but inner grit is my jam man. My inner grit has gotten me out of tough situations before
I'm not sure what you mean above by "everything telling you not to," so in case I didn't express my own meaning well, by "inner grit" and digging in, I meant stand up for yourself and your life - as in get some self-esteem and mental distance from your mother, dgaf what she thinks and keep her out of your marriage; and changing your marriage or yourself enough to see more clearly and take action.

In just a few posts you've described multiple terrible dynamics* in your marriage and an inability or uncompelling interest to change it. (Though nice work on the job prospects!)

So by inner grit I meant not laying down your head and crying.

* and by dynamics I mean in both directions, the whole interrelationship
 
Me and my sister are terrified it’s genetic.
Schizophrenia does have a heritable component but;
- it’s not genetic like ‘you inherit one gene and definitely get schizophrenia ‘ it’s more an increase in risk.
- at 25 you’re right at the end of the main window it presents in most people especially males. It is possible to develop schizophrenia later, but it’s less common.
Having a schizophrenic parent is enough stress, don’t let a worry that it’s your destiny ruin your life because it’s not destined to happen. Don’t smoke weed or do drugs. Keep yourself physically healthy and get enough sleep.
A woman called me "sweet" yesterday
Had she licked you?
 
I am laying in bed and eating a whole spanish salami (Fuet), no plate or bread, like the total fucking slob that i am. I hope my back heals up before i reach this level:
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New Year spendings. Feel stripped down.
I am not even doing anything big (doing nothing at all because of my back, really), it's just me and my girlfriend at home, and i spent 100€ on groceries and some alcohol between today and yesterday. It's ridiculous.

She's going to cook Osso Bucco (already preparing dough for a focaccia as well right now) tomorrow so i got something to look forward to. Never did much on New Year's past my 20's either way, i always felt the partying on that date is way too forced. I can go all out basically any single weekend of the year (proven it way too many times over the course of my life), i don't need the whole city being a mad house for that.
 
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, i always felt the partying on that date is way too forced,
I don't understand the appeal of going on on NYE unless it's for something really unusual.

Last year, I might have schlepped my ass to Nashville because some band was covering Graceland and Purple Rain in the same show for NYE (had plans the day after). Just going out to drink and hang out is really boring. Give me something awesome to show up for, not just drinks and noise and crowds.
 
I feel like New Years can't compete right after a month+ of Christmas. I'm burnt out on holiday spirit, and watching a ball drop just isn't that exciting. It feels more like an excuse for people to drink, and as someone who doesn't drink, it's concerning how many excuses people need to justify their drinking.

I'm more of a night owl so I don't need a reason to stay up past midnight, but I think I would rather be playing games or just go to bed. I'm too tuckered out.
 
Speaking of great ending to this year: I didn't mind when my 2nd date didn't go anywhere today. I do mind when I hit a rock basket fence on my way out. :ow:I wish everyone a happy and more prosperous 2026.
 
hope I get movement back before the end, being layed up isn't how I want to cross the finish line.
I hope you do too. if you were my brother I’d break you out and drive the tank for you. You could still do the shooting ofc
He controls the money
Can you change this? he sounds awful. I hope you can get out.
 
Don’t smoke weed or do drugs.
That is a really big one to watch out for if you know or suspect you have schizophrenia running in your family. I lost a cousin on the german side of my family to this, dude i grew up with and still love dearly. While we don't have full-blown schizophrenics in my family psychosis is something that does run, dude is completely gone ever since he did some weird shit when he was on vacation about 15 years back. He wasn't even a druggie, from what i can tell about what happened sometimes trying out shit just once can be enough to fuck you for life. I know research chemicals (the so-called bath salts) were popular at the time. My aunt won't even talk about what really happened back then to this day but she and her husband had to bail my cousin out of a Tel Aviv prison (bad place to be in for a 2m/6'5" tall blue-eyed, blond-haired german) and they only got him out because my aunts husband has diplomatic contacts via work. The last time i tried to talk to my cousin, three years backs, it was like talking to a ghost. Like, one sentence you could tell he's coherent and understood you, then he's letting lose with three sentences that immediately tell you this dude is in cloud cuckoo land, an absolute shame. He is in a closed-down psychiatric facility for the umpteenth time right now because he is indeed a danger to himself and other people around him, my grandma and my aunt both told me that they are actually afraid of him and i can't blame them at all just going by my last interaction with him.

Sorry for a PL that's excessive even by this thread's standards but i truly do mourn the loss of a person that is still very dear to me.
 
rock basket fence
The part of my brain that collects useless information wishes to tell you that they are called gabions and now you know this and I hope one day it’s a question on a pub quiz and you win. And impress the girl you’re with at the pub quiz
 
I hope you do too. if you were my brother I’d break you out and drive the tank for you. You could still do the shooting ofc
Thankfully I've been back home since the 26th, transportation is the biggest pain in the ass at the moment. I'm starting to figure out moving around the house. Loading up into a vehicle is a bit more work so we're going to have to delay until I, hopefully, regain motion to my legs.
 
The injury in late November when I passed out from the sinus \ coughing thing that made my place look like a murder scene from all the blood... injuries are almost all healed and gone away. I have a small tiny itty bitty bump where I collapsed to on my nose which could be form long before and I just didn't notice it.
So... today and before Christmas I have been testing the waters and doing some working out with weights (gotta re-build back up from damage) and did over 3 miles in the 10 degree cold to test out new long johns I got for Christmas. (Present to myself.) They kinda worked better than what I have! I go out in the cold because it keeps the shiggen nugget stealing foxes and the shiggen tendie stealing fox girls away You have to be careful in my area. If you hear the anime music start playing and snow, cherry blossom leaves or autumn leaves start falling the producers don't give a care if you're an old guy. Fox girl is coming.
It's nice not to pass out when I cough again and have each encounter be potentially severely damaging or fatal.

Hope you're all doing well... even you. ... Maybe you too.
 
Finally leaving a potato processing plant in Idaho of all places. They make some ungodly amount of fries. This company makes like a quarter of the world's fries sold each year.

They do all this weird shit to basically make every fucking fry exactly the same. Like blanching them for the color, high pulse frequency to soften them before cutting, dehydrating, frying, and then freezing them.

I'm so goddamn sick of the smell of potatoes and the frying oil. I can now tell the difference between McDonald's oil and Burger King oil just by their smell. All my work clothes and safety gear reek of frying oil..

This shit is so hyper processed, it's not even food anymore. Yet they have a blank check to increase production.

Side note, reject fries get shredded into tater tots. The peels, which is part of a complex three step process, get turned into animal feed. It's about $1 a ton for the waste peels if you got some cattle or whatever the fuck eats this shit.

I really don't know why, but this shit just really bothered me on par with the last time I did a cattle processing plant. I think it's the soulless looking workers in hairnets, the wet floors, the constant noise and smells, with blinding florescent lighting, in between hour long meetings with corporate assholes complaining I got to extract fractions of pennies in efficiency improvements out of their process line.

And these workers got to just suck it up. There isn't another job for miles except for another potato processing plant run by the same fucking company.

It's just depressing. Sorry for the rant.
 
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