How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Lingering butter taste]

Too much thinking. As SMB said, read a book. There's a nice thread about reading where you could look for inspiration on what to read. I lurk that sometimes, although I don't post much since I'm into reading single long running series. (Currently still reading Lord of the Mysteries / Circle of Inevitability)
Also maybe listen to some nice relaxing music? I've been fond of Low Roar over the last few years, check out Don't Be So Serious

I mean I’ve gotta come to some conclusion. I think some thinking is ok, as in just enough to make a decision. I get what you mean, but I do have to decide something at this point. I’ve scrolled so much that there’s users where I’ve read everysingle post they’ve made, that’s not normal, something’s gotta be decided.

It’s just a hard decision, and life is full of those. I’m thinking in my mind of all the reasons I’d want to stay here and all the reasons I wouldn’t, and maybe it’s crazy, but I can’t think of a single good reason to stay. I really can’t. But at the same time, it feels wrong to leave. Cause I still feel like I don’t have “permission” to leave. So in that sense, I want to stay. Because I feel like I’m not allowed to leave. But then is it my decision?

But I guess it’d all come down to how I feel when clear minded. And all I know is that when I feel clear minded and normal, I have an extreme aversion to use this site. But maybe then I’m just not clear minded

LIMIT your KF time.

Thank you for the advice, but that’s another thing. I have indeed tried to just limit how much I use it, like “Oh you can only check this thread” or “Oh you can only have one hour a day” or “Oh you can only have a few minutes a day” or “Oh no using the search function” and so on and so forth, but everytime I do I end up saying “I can’t take it anymore, I NEED it.” And just going back to my normal usage of it. It’s almost like the site itself is a temptation. I know that’s weird to say, but I hope you get what I mean.

 

[Dizzyuntildeath]

Brosef, we're already right back to this huh? You're either trolling or you're genuine...ly ill. When you say you doomscroll obsessively to the point that you terminate real life socializing to do it, there's something wrong here. Also, look up studies of the long term affects of Doomscrolling, its a new phenomenon, and thus we do not have the generational studies for it done, but it's already looking really fucking grim in what it does to the brain.
And this 'permission' bullshit? You're ill. No person holds that kind of power over you. I don't ask permission to wipe my ass, I just wipe my ass. If you think you need permission to look at a website or not look at it as the case may be, I'm gonna head you off at the pass and tell you that there is something wrong with you and you should probably not engage in the behavior that furthers your illness. Nobody here has the keys to your illness, that's all you, buddy. If you live at home or with roommates or something, investigate having all the KF domains blocked and not cheating by using TOR.

 

[Otterly]

I can’t take it anymore, I NEED it.”

Addiction test; if this was booze, would you have a problem?
PL: you remind me a little of someone i know IRL, who developed postpartum psychosis. Constant compulsive reassurance seeking was her thing.
It’s your illness. You need to take this to your therapist and find ways of coping with it. What’s your aim? ‘Normal use of a website and normal interactions with friends.’ What’s actually happening? What’s the gap? Why does it happen? How can you get to where you want to be? Give the meds time to work and keep working on it with your therapist ok?
For your own good, this will be my last reply today for you - see I am cutting off a source of reassurance? How does that make you feel? Take that to your therapist and discuss practical coping mechanisms. Nothing changes unless you change the behaviours and feeling around something, ok? That’s what you need to learn. No amount of reassurance will ever be enough for you.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

Addiction test; if this was booze, would you have a problem?

I know you won’t reply, but ya probably.

What’s your aim? ‘Normal use of a website and normal interactions with friends.’

Honestly, that’s never been my aim. I kinda see no use in using this site outside of satisfying my urges. Not saying this site is bad, just that the only reason why I ever signed up was so it’d be easier to doomscroll. I just found some entertaining threads along the way. But even now I don’t enjoy them anymore.

I think my aim is I just want to be happy, I’ve gotten there a few times, but everytime I do I always just don’t want to use this site. Like I always think “Kiwifarms? Really? Why do you want to make yourself miserable? Have a good day instead.”. I don’t know what that says honestly. I’m so confused.

Thank you for the advice

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Too much thinking. As SMB said, read a book. There's a nice thread about reading where you could look for inspiration on what to read. I lurk that sometimes, although I don't post much since I'm into reading single long running series. (Currently still reading Lord of the Mysteries / Circle of Inevitability)
Also maybe listen to some nice relaxing music? I've been fond of Low Roar over the last few years, check out Don't Be So Serious

As to how I've been doing, don't really have interesting things to say. I don't want to incel rant again about feeling depressed and lonely over holidays or whatever.
Although, one thing I could mention, ever since a certain post in the household tips and tricks thread, I've started changing my bedsheets more often and lately I got back into ironing out my handkerchiefs too. At some point as I've been getting older I started thinking "ah what's the point in ironing, they'll get wrinkled again as I use them anyway!". But ironing things is nice, they look neat and orderly afterwards and it appeals to my 'tistic sensibilities. Perhaps it's also like a form of "meditation". No thinking about various things that bother me, just relaxing and focusing on taking out wrinkles.
Maybe I should start wearing shirts instead of t-shirts so I have more things to iron?... But a shirt and a hoodie is a weird combination. I actually don't own a single shirt anymore, I'd have to buy some.

I upgraded you from Like to Winner, because I am an absolute ironing evangelist. It's the ideal chore (I find it therapeutic in a few ways), and the outcome is a joy every time you go to use something that's been ironed and nicely stored.

Also, ironed things fold more neatly, so stacks or drawers also look better. If you keep your handkerchiefs in a drawer (like a shallow drawer/ tray) and you have room, stagger them in vertical rows (where they overlap but aren't stacked, so you see the top edge of each one in the vertical row). I'm telling you: it brings peace and a little aesthetic pleasure in something mundane (I do that with silk scarves).

I've been upping my use of starch lately, too. I have 3 levels of spray, though tbh 2 of them are fairly indistinguishable, and the stiffest one isn't quite as stiff as I'd hoped...but I'm also someone who almost automatically has the urge to triple the oregano in any recipe*, so I might have a tendency to go to minor extremes when I like something. Shirts probably ought to stop at "crisp" rather than going all the way to "unbendable."

* I've reined that in; sauces aren't all supposed to taste the same. :-/

 

[Lingering butter taste]

but it's already looking really fucking grim in what it does to the brain.

I’ve heard it’s really bad if done before 25. Your brain fully develops by 25, so if you’re training your brain before 25 to be miserable then… Yknow, that’s why I kinda wanna rush getting better. I’m 20, and I’ve been doing this type of stuff since I’ve been 16. That’s 4 years of training myself to overthink, I don’t wanna be like this forever. But it feels like that’s what’s… safest?

And this 'permission' bullshit? You're ill. No person holds that kind of power over you. I don't ask permission to wipe my ass, I just wipe my ass. If you think you need permission to look at a website or not look at it as the case may be, I'm gonna head you off at the pass and tell you that there is something wrong with you and you should probably not engage in the behavior that furthers your illness. Nobody here has the keys to your illness, that's all you, buddy.

I don’t want to waffle, you criticized me on my waffling and I think you were completely right in that. But I do want to explain, I… I dunno how to describe it, I’m just used to being told what to do? My parents were pretty controlling, deciding my friends, my hobbies, my beliefs. I grew up Christian, in a very strict sense of it, so I’m used to there being big consequences to doing the wrong thing. And I guess, one day, I came across this site that has strong opinions on what’s right or wrong. That suggests strong consequences for doing wrong. That has this attractive edge factor with the fact that it’s all big and scary and no one likes it. I’ve always latched onto people for permission to do things. I’ve lost a lot of friends cause that freaked them out, and put them in a very uncomfortable spot.

What made me consider working towards cutting this out of my life entirely was the fact that when I’m medicated and calm and of normal mind, I have no desire to look at the site. So I thought that was a sign that in all reality I don’t like it here. But at that point I’m playing psychiatrist.

 

[Nick Bockwinkel's Belt]

Maybe desperate times call for desperate measures.

You're trying to goad someone into telling you to kill yourself, aren't you? Sorry. That isn't gonna happen.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

You're trying to goad someone into telling you to kill yourself, aren't you?

No? Dude, what? Why would I ever want that? How did you get that from what I said? When I said desperate times call for desperate measures I meant I might have to quit the site, geez.

 

[Dizzyuntildeath]

Anyway, who likes garlic? I want to make garlic potatoes but the kids are picky.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

Anyway, who likes garlic? I want to make garlic potatoes but the kids are picky.

Thank you. I was just about to say I really hate how we keep derailing the thread.

I like it, I don’t like too much of it though. Recently I tried one of those roasted garlic toast recipes and although it tasted good, I don’t see why someone would like having to immediately brush your teeth after a snack. It just depends on if the taste is worth the effort of brushing your teeth. I usually use pre-minced garlic cause I still don’t know how you’re supposed to cut garlic, I just wing it.

 

[long waters]

Anyway, who likes garlic? I want to make garlic potatoes but the kids are picky.

Dude. I literally have potatoes in the oven right now! Got garlic on my potatoes and stuff. I love garlic!

Edit: Btw, about the whole garlic breath thing. I don't really get it, because I like the smell of garlic. I don't think having garlic-breath is anywhere near as bad as having bad-breath from not brushing your teeth regularly. There are people who don't eat garlic, but due to plaque and bacteria and not having proper dental hygiene when they open their mouth it makes me want to run away.

Also,

I usually use pre-minced garlic cause I still don’t know how you’re supposed to cut garlic, I just wing it.

Look into garlic peelers:

I recently got one and it's somehow magical. You just put a garlic clove in there, roll it around and the outer skin just sticks to the silicone leaving a nice clean clove.
Also after peeling, you can use a garlic press to mash em more easily if that's your thing:

 

[Not A Bunny]

Anyway, who likes garlic? I want to make garlic potatoes but the kids are picky.

I sprinkle Trader Joe's Crispy Garlic on my mashed potatoes. Easy alternative if you want to make potatoes but exclude the garlic for anyone who doesn't want it.

 

[obsdj]

Also after peeling, you can use a garlic press to mash em more easily if that's your thing:

Warning, if you ever dip into the world of black garlic, DO NOT try to put those cloves in your garlic press. They're too soft and sticky and will only gum up your device. Either buy it in powdered form, or mince/slice the cloves by hand.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

Look into garlic peelers:

I recently got one and it's somehow magical. You just put a garlic clove in there, roll it around and the outer skin just sticks to the silicone leaving a nice clean clove.
Also after peeling, you can use a garlic press to mash em more easily if that's your thing:

This sounds like magic! Thank you! I’m going to the store soon today so I’ll see if I can find one, if I remember that is. I have very bad memory.

 

[long waters]

Warning, if you ever dip into the world of black garlic, DO NOT try to put those cloves in your garlic press. They're too soft and sticky and will only gum up your device. Either buy it in powdered form, or mince/slice the cloves by hand.

I have been thinking about trying black garlic ever since I found out about it earlier this year or was it last year. I don't think my kitchen power level is high enough yet to get into such a long term commitment as trying to make black garlic.

I upgraded you from Like to Winner, because I am an absolute ironing evangelist. It's the ideal chore (I find it therapeutic in a few ways), and the outcome is a joy every time you go to use something that's been ironed and nicely stored.

Come to think of it, you are part of the reason I started being more neat with my laundry again.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Anyway, who likes garlic? I want to make garlic potatoes but the kids are picky.

Make them everyday and force your kids to sit at the table until they eat what you put on their plate. Sure, you'll create lifelong traumatic fear of bulb vegetables and they might murder you in your sleep when you're 78, but after they do that, they'll probably sit down to a whole bowl of garlic potatoes and realize you were right all along. Sweet vindication at last!

Come to think of it, you are part of the reason I started being more neat with my laundry again.

My time here has not been wasted! 4 years for one man's handkerchiefs. I can die knowing I have been a force for good in the world. (For real, though, I'm unreasonably pleased to hear that.)

 

[Dizzyuntildeath]

they might murder you in your sleep when you're 78

God that would make me so proud.

 

[souschef]

That one student with autism that i constantly comply about came today smiling more than usual. He gave me a small star shaped box with chocolates inside, a christmas gift. Now i feel bad about complaining about him

 

[Lingering butter taste]

You leave a Discord and nobody notices that your 9gag reposts in #memes aren't there.

One time, I left a discord, and immediately got a DM from a member. “Are you ok? You’re allowed to leave, but I’m worried we did something.”. I left to work on myself, and when I came back I saw that there was a conversation of everyone going “Where'd she go? She was really fun, I appreciated her talking. I hope she’s ok”. When I announced I was back, everyone welcomed me. It was nice.

These types of communities still exist. Maybe not on discord for you, but I think your issue is less so the culture surrounding spaces and more so the size of the spaces you’re going to. You can’t expect someone to remember one person out of 5,000. I primarily hang in small online spaces, maybe try those if you haven’t already. It’s very hard to not make an impression.

 

[AnOminous]

As SMB said, read a book.