How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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I'm taking my cat to get neutered tomorrow morning and I took Monday off to make sure he has a safe recovery before I go back to work. Not looking forward to putting him in one of those head cones, but it's for his own good.
 
Otterly said:
So someone might say to you ‘oh go be a park ranger’ but I’d say pick apart the bit that makes you happy. Spending time in nature is what makes you happy, so look for ways to do that without blowing current life up. Maybe you can take a sabbatical and volunteer for something, or just see if there’s a weekend thing you can do? I too am a lover of growing things and in the summer sometimes I just go sit in my greenhouse and have ten minutes with a cuppa and my plants before the madness starts. Even that I found helped.
I hope you find something to help at work, I find the way we are structured is so inefficient and annoying it drives me I sane but I can’t change that
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Yeah… life is too expensive to just completely cut loose!
 
I feel as if my life slowly but surely improving right now, past 10 years for me has been largely negative, relatively financially stable and just enjoying my hobbies, i’ve kind of realized much of my problems in life stem from how I feel about other people and society at large, I guess i’m semi-misanthropic in a way, it’s getting easier to detach from annoying people which is a good sign
 
Work in the daytime, work in the evenings. I don't need to do it, but what can I say? I love money! It's taking its toll and I look forward to the evening work ending for good in May. Saturdays are my only day where I'm totally free and it's this weird situation where I want to make the most of it, but I'm also so exhausted I just want to sleep.
 
I was supposed to stay the week at my parents place to help take care of my mother and walk their dog. The plans fell through because my dad didn't need to leave the house, so now I'm back home.
I come back home, expecting a package in my mailbox. Nothing. Can't contact customer service on a sunday, plus their FAQ claims that I need to make a claim through the vendor. The vendor is in Japan, and the goods I ordered are limited time merch that cannot be re-ordered now.
What a great start to my sunday. Now I can look forward to phone anxiety tomorrow and an awful mood for the rest of my week.
 
One external meeting every day of next week. Both thrilling and dreadful. At least I'll be alone about it so I can make up whatever I want to the retards in the office.

I only got like 2.5 work weeks all of december, but I'm not really looking forward to any of it besides the food. I've had this week off, mostly spent it sick, and just done fuck all. I've read books. I can't find anyone or anything to put time into. Whenever I talk to strangers, it goes limp after a week or two. Everyone is set to offline and I care more about talking than they do.

"Whatever, I'll sit down with a game", and I just don't. Nothing seems to sustain me anymore. I feel like I'm in the last quarter of my life but I'm barely out of the first half, if even.
 
I was up all night sick but when I stepped out for my morning coffee and sunrise viewing I spooked a bald eagle out of the tree next to me. Very cool seeing 'em at less than 15 yards. Normally they hang at the lakes, so it was a rare treat to spot one out my way.

Pretty good consolation prize for dealing with a feverish sleepless night.
 
Yesterday I had a work accident; a pallet shifted slightly. It was a tiny movement that suddenly applied pressure on my left thumb. It sounded awful, but luckily I didn't break any bones. It seems I have some joint damage; the area near my thumb is bluish and very painful. I'll have to wait a couple of days for a doctor to examine it more closely.
 
I've been sick with a cold or flu for a week. I'm on the tail end of it I think but it's been lingering. Depression and loneliness has been really bad. I don't have anyone to talk to. Anyone I know is either someone I don't want to bother with my dumb bullshit, or someone I don't feel like listening to, or someone who I know won't care. I feel stupid and useless.

Sometimes I think I'd like to find a rub & tug to go to and get some kind of stress release. But those places are expensive, the women there are filthy, and I'd probably catch some disease. Plus they wouldn't enjoy dealing with my gross body so I wouldn't be able to enjoy it either. Or with my luck it'd be an undercover sting op.
 
Had a good "Come to Jesus" talk with my friends about my situation. I can already feel myself getting worse, so it was definitely time to cut the shit and address the elephant in the room. Got solid plans put together for one of them to drive down after the holidays, and for me to go visit another one in April if I'm still able to get around. Last friend in our group still is in some sort of cope mode where he can pretend nothing is wrong by avoiding the conversation. I'm not mad at him for it, I just hope he comes around to reality before it's too late to see him again.
 
WASR96 said:
I can already feel myself getting worse
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Sorry to hear that. I hope you're able to stay comfortable for as long as possible. Remember, you're allowed to have feelings about this, you don't have to be the saint "who never complained," if you have moments where you wanna break some shit or go out in the woods and scream, you can. Fuck cancer.
 
I got "Dilemma" by Nelly feat. Kelly Rowland playing in my head 24/7 for the last two days and it is driving me absolutely insane. GF already thoroughly sick of me singing the hook and trying to poorly imitate that "Oh!" sample :story:


"Uploaded 16 years ago"... where did my life go *sigh*

Edit:
Dean Pentel said:
Hallucinogenic therapy has been enormously helpful.
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I am happy to hear it works for you. Psilocybin? I have witnessed how crazy (in the best possible way) that stuff can make a change through one of my younger brothers, literally night and day in regards to thought processes and problem (of the mental variety) solving. As a quick example, he had a lot of resentment and unresolved issues with his father (we are half-siblings, not my father), to the point of not speaking to him for ~4 years.
I haven't had a good relationship with my father, who passed when i was in my 20's and to whom i haven't spoken for two years before he died (wasn't at the funeral either) and i told him many, many times, "Talk to him now, because you will have regrets when you can't anymore, no matter how you feel about him now" but he was having absolutely none of it every time i or other relatives brought it up. Cue his new girlfriend getting my brother into shrooms and he managed basically over night to let go of any resentment and past grievances, made up with his father and these days you'd never think they are anything but a loving son and father. I wouldn't have believed it if i hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

Another edit: Saw the explanations re: hallucinogens in your other post.
 
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Nick Bockwinkel's Belt said:
Are you sure that's the influence of the shrooms or the girlfriend? Pussy is a hell of a drug, too.
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Nah, he had girls before, it's not First Hole Syndrome. He also used to be a big time cokehead despite his age, very self-destructive (i am guessing that's a thing that runs in the family) and changed all of that, amongst other things. Just a completely different outlook on things he has now and it also doesn't come over as a "Hey family, i just joined this cool new sect called Scientology!" type of thing, he's still distinctly him. As i said in the other post, never would've believed the change if i hadn't seen it.

For what's it worth, i still like his old girlfriend better than his new one :story:
 
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