How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[WhoBusTank69]

TL;DR my brain is fucked. Oncology Radiologist is going to do his best to give me more time.

Tell us which threads you frequently read so the rest of us can avoid this, please and thank you.

 

[Dean Pentel]

Can I ask, how? Are you microdosing on acid/shrooms by yourself or is it a guided thing with a therapist, or a trip guide?
I've been struggling with my issues for so long that I've been considering alternate types of therapy, like ECT (last resort) or ketamine.

For me, it helped me to get out of my own way. I was able to accept truths about myself that I didn't want to face or was uncertain about. It's as if it suppressed my ego enough that my own bullshit couldn't influence me to keep me trapped in the same patterns. I believe this happened because I was willing to change and because I was willing to submit to what the trip wanted to show me. I can't emphasize this enough: if those two things aren't in place for someone, this therapy will not help.

To answer your other questions, I microdose psilocybin now. I've taken LSD and psilocybin a few times in the past 16 months within a therapeutic environment with the intention of fixing stuff. I don't do it recreationally. It was my introduction to this type of therapy and the confirmation that it works and that the next step I took was worth the gamble.

The most powerful stuff I've done was ibogaine and DMT. That took place in real deal therapeutic environment (not just homes of medical provider friends) called Ambio Life Sciences. Expensive and booked out at least a year, but it helped me more than I can put into words. Reach out to them if you have questions. Be warned that I had a very uncomfortable trip. I hear this is true for a lot of folks, probably because we're all pretty fucked up on some level. Still, if that was the price for what it did for me, I'd gladly pay it again.

 

[Yellow Rose Of Texas]

Have an unremarkable day yesterday.But at this point,unremarkable is like a 10/10 for me.
I hate besides my parents most of my distance relative are major political spergs. The moment we sit at the dinner table it’s only a matter of time before one will start to have a TDS episode and rant about how outsource shit to chinks and jeets is a good idea.
It’s already tiresome that the internet has been filled to the brim of political garbage,I don’t need to hear the same thing back at home as well.

 

[DatBepisTho]

Going better than usual after a super low dip in mood/motivation.

Started playing co-op games with IRL friends due to being halfway across the map from them, so SAD is kinda being kept at bay rn.

Also, slapped down a solid sketch to commemorate the friend group's Peak victories, so that's got me riding a wave of accomplishment. It also gives me something to turn into a watercolor later this month when I'm needing to touch grass, but can't.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Tfw you're told you're moving to a different group and then radio silence for days...then a meeting request for a week later to discuss what you'll be doing...but before that your reporting line will change in the system...but you're not allowed to discuss any of it with anyone yet.

It's not really a big deal but istg my company manages information so HARD.

 

[Burning Bridge]

Cutting off the lows comes at the cost of never feeling good.

I've found that the longer you stay on them, the lower your middle goes. Of course, take what I say with a grain of salt; my mind's been so blasted by professionals "just trying to help" that none of my experiences are relatable to normal people.

 

[WASR96]

Tell us which threads you frequently read so the rest of us can avoid this, please and thank you.

I certainly didn't spend my early years in healthy environments. Base burn pits, depressurized flights and being on the O2 mask the entire flights, and PFAS exposure. But I'd be willing to believe that Tommy Tooter is so unclean that arguing with him on the Farms infected me, so definitely avoid Horrorcow threads lol. I also frequented the Mega Rad Gun thread and shit on Sig SAAR a lot. I could see the jeets poisoning me over me saying I'd carry an M4 over the M7 any day of the week ending in y.

 

[DenseDeerFather]

That's a lot to unload in one week. Focus on getting yourself better first. Maybe your friend will be more willing to talk about his situation when he's had more time to process it himself. It sounds like he still has some sort of option left to turn things around at least. I'm not sure of your friends personality, but I definitely preferred my friends to still be lighthearted about it. Only one of them replied to my message. At first with "I don't even know what to say to that man" but after I said "nothing really to say about it, I wasn't expecting this either" he immediately came back with "damn, it should have been (name of annoying, now felon, coworker we had) instead. What a waste" which made me laugh and lightened the mood. I think it's easier to just rip that band aid off and move on with the time he still has. Hope you feel better soon, and good luck. Hopefully your friend gets the treatment he needs so you won't have to worry about that conversation in the first place.

He elaborated sort of, saying that it's "not up to him" which is not too reassuring or clarifying. Sounds like an illness, but it worries me that he didn't deny or confirm suicidal intent. Granted, not everyone who is suicidal would broadcast it. So my deal was to be somewhat casual about it, like "Well, so we can rule out suicide. Good to know!"

Anyway fever has evolved into a cold. Lovely.

 

[WASR96]

He elaborated sort of, saying that it's "not up to him" which is not too reassuring or clarifying. Sounds like an illness, but it worries me that he didn't deny or confirm suicidal intent. Granted, not everyone who is suicidal would broadcast it. So my deal was to be somewhat casual about it, like "Well, so we can rule out suicide. Good to know!"

Anyway fever has evolved into a cold. Lovely.

That's tough. Definitely keep an eye on him and watch out for any signs. If he starts giving away possessions then it might be a good idea to intervene and ask directly if he has any plans of harming himself. It really sucks when you can't control anything medically, and I hope someone in his corner can still pull him through. Even if his illness becomes terminal, suicide isn't the answer. There's definitely days where I wish I was already dead since the pain gets unbearable, but I'll never take my own life since it would destroy my family. He's going to have a long road ahead of him if it doesn't work out, but he'll just have to learn to take it one day at a time.

That sucks that your cold still hasn't improved. Stay on top of your fluids, get some airborne and dayquil and hopefully you feel better soon

 

[Otterly]

I’m kind of feeling like this burnout won’t go away but that there is still stuff to enjoy.

Well that’s positive. Try not to not look at the corporate stuff as a whole. I found it helpful to look at what ‘actions’ made me happy or miserable rather than ‘job position x.’
Happy: controlling own time, being creative, working with hands. Nice people.
Unhappy; pressure, lack of control, retarded politics, idiots, etc
I basically wish I’d gone to art college. Live and learn

My depression and social anxiety is momentarily forgotten when I can smell the salty water.

The cure for everything is salt water; sweat, tears or the sea.

Hallucinogenic therapy

I’d love to hear about how this went for you if you’re up for sharing?

Going back in tomorrow to get a new mask made,

Oh lord, is that the stiffening radiology mask that pins your head in place? I guess the alternative is worse but that’s something I’d find very unpleasant

 

[WASR96]

Oh lord, is that the stiffening radiology mask that pins your head in place? I guess the alternative is worse but that’s something I’d find very unpleasant

Yep. It's the one that looks like you'd be a member of Caesars Legion from New Vegas if I painted it the same colors. This one, thankfully, isn't as tight since he's targeting a wide range. I've never been claustrophobic before, I can handle MRIs head first just fine, but the last radiation therapy I had, I panicked around the 45 minute mark and squeezed the button to tell them I needed to be let out NOW to take a 2 minute break. These sessions are supposed to be 10-15 minutes max, so hopefully I'll be able to control my shit this time.

 

[BallsGuevara]

I'm pretty excited. My vacation request at work was approved to take the week before and after the winter holiday off, giving me a total of three weeks to just chill. The wife was also able to use her vacation time for the same period so it's going to be great to have more time together without work getting in the way.

Feeling blessed.

The search for a better job continues. With my current experience I know there's better out there.

 

[One Sixth Native American]

Most important skill I've learned is to leave work AT work. It's going to be there tomorrow, and there's always going to be more of it. When you walk out the door for the day, you stop thinking about what you'll have to do tomorrow.

This is 100% great advice. It’s hard to explain but my burnout is due to not having enough to do. I’m in a professional role, I’m totally capable of doing my role, but leadership in the company doesn’t plan. The leadership has also structured the teams in a way where we’re in constant conflict with each other’s goals. I’ve never experienced burnout like this which is why I think it’s so deep. I’m bored burnt out.

I read through some of your recent posts to get more context behind your thread tax and I wish you the best. You've got a lot of good insights and are very positive considering what you're going through. Thanks for the perspective!

I've found that the longer you stay on them, the lower your middle goes. Of course, take what I say with a grain of salt; my mind's been so blasted by professionals "just trying to help" that none of my experiences are relatable to normal people.

This is the most devious thing behind anti-depressants. I've known people who started on the minimal dose to "just get things under control" and after 3~5 years these people are on medium to high level doses. I tried for 8 months and knew things weren't going to get better so I just went off my minimal dose and just started doing things in the evenings that made me happy.

Well that’s positive. Try not to not look at the corporate stuff as a whole. I found it helpful to look at what ‘actions’ made me happy or miserable rather than ‘job position x.’

I like this. Maybe finding the good things and focusing my efforts there is the right approach.

I basically wish I’d gone to art college. Live and learn

I'm wishing I'd been a park ranger. I'd love to spend more time in nature.

 

[Smyrna]

With burnout, my own experience was that getting work out of my head and keeping it out for about 3 days was enough to fix it. Just a hard reset. But that's not necessarily a simple thing to achieve - I needed two weeks off for it to actually happen. I was also very fortunate in that I have a great employer who didn't hold it against me.

Well, had a great employer, anyway. I am about to leave that job as the company is being wound up. Back in the barrel after 9 years. At least I have enough savings to not immediately be in trouble, nor do I have any dependents to worry about. But I am quite sure it's been the best job I am ever going to have, which makes it tricky to feel good about the future.

 

[TheRedChair]

I woke up this morning in a most foul mood as I know I have to deal with certain business matters for this month. Which means I become not-quite-human to certain people for awhile and I'm not happy about it. The holiday cheer has been beaten out of me a long time ago because on what I've seen society really do to each other. So while people enjoy the Holidays, I've got to my final crunch numbers for next year and put into to effect the changes needed to continue the profitability of what I have.


So here's a song on my general feeling for this month.

 

[MARlNA]

It's been a little over a year since losing my beloved cat, and I finally think I'm ready to start looking for a new furry friend. I'm a big baby and scared of getting hurt again (she developed mammary cancer at only 6, which is very young for that type of cancer), but I really miss having a cat. There are several shelters near me, so I'm going to be paying them a visit. Hopefully, I find a good match.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

There are several shelters near me, so I'm going to be paying them a visit. Hopefully, I find a good match.

It's a good time of year for that, you might just walk out with a pair.

 

[Otterly]

I'm wishing I'd been a park ranger. I'd love to spend more time in nature.

So someone might say to you ‘oh go be a park ranger’ but I’d say pick apart the bit that makes you happy. Spending time in nature is what makes you happy, so look for ways to do that without blowing current life up. Maybe you can take a sabbatical and volunteer for something, or just see if there’s a weekend thing you can do? I too am a lover of growing things and in the summer sometimes I just go sit in my greenhouse and have ten minutes with a cuppa and my plants before the madness starts. Even that I found helped.
I hope you find something to help at work, I find the way we are structured is so inefficient and annoying it drives me I sane but I can’t change that

 

[Nick Bockwinkel's Belt]

Pretty lonely. Sometimes loneliness almost feels physically painful. But it's better to be lonely than be around someone who doesn't reciprocate my feelings.

 

[Yellow Rose Of Texas]

Its finally the end of the year,I've waited long enough. So sick and tired of everything.