How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[The Feline Solution 2]

Man, usually the Amazon man comes between 3PM and 4PM, today dude came at 8AM sharpish and now i can't sleep anymore. Went to bed at around 4AM so i am bit frazzled, sucks that i got pretty much nothing to do now but wait. Stuff like this only ever happens on the scant days where i have important stuff to do (got my first coaching appointment today at 2PM), it's a conspiracy i swear.

3-4 doses of ephedrine

Ain't that stuff really bad for the heart or am i getting it mixed up with something else? I dimly remember something about young dudes just keeling over in the gym when that stuff was unregulated and popular way back when.

And yeah, I'm beginning to suspect literally all of my meds are keeping me not only fat but also keeping me unmotivated in general

One of the many, many reasons i eventually stopped taking any medication nor going to psych doctors anymore. Main reason was not feeling any better at all after a decades long odyssey in the health system here, being on virtually every trycyclic, SSRI and SNRI at one time or another (except Bupropion, which after my experiences with street amphetamine, would've most likely worked, i strongly suspect i got some form of ADD). I feel you on that "on any day i feel like a 0 on a -5 +5 scale" too, i completely stopped caring about anything when i was (over) medicated, no emotional highs or lows. I am biased here because i pretty much lost any trust in psychiatry but i just don't think that medication can fix what most likely is either a spiritual problem (i know how that might sound retarded) or just the normal reaction to your living situation (being lonely, poor and what have you not for a prolonged time isn't known to make people happy).

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Dropped the feline off at the vet 2.5 hours ago. Awaiting the xray call and bill summary. I'll pay it regardless but man, fuck. Haven't been home alone in years. She's not here, and I had to sign a "in case she fucking dies" when I left her there. I'm sick myself so we'll spend the day feeling sorry for ourselves, if she despite my luck survives. She's been tested quite a bit recently at the vet so I hope this is the last for a while. I've read that cats liven up after having bad teeth pulled so maybe she'll become a snugglebug which would be nice. Inflict trauma to motivate dependency.

if you can lower your standards down to "cave troll", I'm single
But seriously, wanting romance and love and not having it sucks. The dating scenes of today terrify me, even if I ignore apps like Tinder and similar hook-up apps.

Modern socializing starts and ends with pursuing it. "An event to make friends? Coo- wait, who'd go to an EVENT to make friends? Losers?". Nobody well-adjusted with a few friends to their name would go. And there's nothing at the center of said event but socializing. It's not like "Beginner golf-and-speeddating!" or what have you.

I've actually read of successful speeddating events in my country the last few months but they're incredibly expensive and just too on-the-nose. I'm not above saying I'd like to date someone, nor to pass on someone who goes "I would in fact like a partner", but the few times it has gotten close, I realize how little it adds. Flirting, humor, IMs. We never shared interests, not that we'd need to, but like.. at all. Not like reading different books which would be interesting at the least.

Having a cat makes women envious as hell on dating apps which is at least kinda funny. They can't stand having to compete for attention, even from a literal creature.

 

[Overwritten Tapes]

Ain't that stuff really bad for the heart or am i getting it mixed up with something else? I dimly remember something about young dudes just keeling over in the gym when that stuff was unregulated and popular way back when.

It can be dangerous.

 

[The Feline Solution 2]

It can be dangerous.

I'm more surprised to hear that you can still get your hands on it. I remember it being everywhere for a while and after it got regulated it completely disappeared here. Used to be huge in my gym for cutting, less taxing than doing amphetamines for weeks on end if you disregard the whole "may result in sudden heart attacks" thing.

 

[Overwritten Tapes]

I'm more surprised to hear that you can still get your hands on it. I remember it being everywhere for a while and after it got regulated it completely disappeared here. Used to be huge in my gym for cutting, less taxing than doing amphetamines for weeks on end if you disregard the whole "may result in sudden heart attacks" thing.

Its regulated, you need an ID and only get 2 boxes per month

 

[WASR96]

And as I’m sure you know well, all chemo just now is basically poisoning the shit out of you in the hopes that more of the cancer dies before the healthy bits of you do.
There are some good and promising immune therapies

Yeah, I just pulled the short straw with it metastasizing to my brain. They've normally had massive success with the salvaged immuno and chemo regiment. Even if that didn't work, the two doses of high dose chemo+ stem cell transplant to help the bone marrow start producing white blood cells again is usually the nuclear option hard reset to wipe everything out. The brain is just really hard for chemo and immunotherapy to effectively penetrate. The cancer was able to produce more lesions before I've even fully recovered to what would be a normal white blood cell count for most people. I'll be happy when they can finally get white blood cells to hunt down and destroy this shit. I'll be long gone, but kids not having to waste their childhoods inpatient and being poisoned with platinum chemos is a comforting thought for the future.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

Legit think I should have someone help me figure out the subtle stuff with socializing. I'm realizing just how much shit I do not understand and how much I stick out in social interactions.

"Acceptance" isn't it, I don't want a fucking ego like a tranny or whatever the hell, I just want to learn how to blend in. I want the good job, loving wife, picket fence, all that bullshit.

I never wanted to stand out, at least not in the ways I do as of now.

Anyone here with the 'spergers who managed to make something of life? Have any advice for this shit? I basically gave the fuck up on therapy when I realized even the *specialists* didn't understand the most basic bullshit with this affliction. Imagine being a damned licensed therapist and not understanding Theory of Mind lmfao.

I'm so goddamned sick of basically having my humanity stripped from me and basically being nothing but a savant/machine. I'd like to think that I could rewire my brain or "logic away" this shit honestly.

 

[No. 7 cat]

Chest infection tho I thought it was worse as there was some pain in my right chest. Went mistakenly to the ER which is physically near me, but it's sloooow. Some slight wheezing still. Okay tho. Antibiotic prescribed. Also painkillers which I won't take. It's better to bear up regarding middling to minor pain.

Improved having taken two official sick days off work for the first time ever. It feels weak of me. Not cleared yet but softened. The antibiotics are having an effect plus rest.

 

[No. 7 cat]

Chest infection tho I thought it was worse as there was some pain in my right chest. Went mistakenly to the ER which is physically near me, but it's sloooow. Some slight wheezing still. Okay tho. Antibiotic prescribed. Also painkillers which I won't take. It's better to bear up regarding middling to minor pain.

Improved having taken two official sick days off work for the first time ever. It feels weak of me. Not cleared yet but softened. The antibiotics are having an effect plus rest.

 

[AnOminous]

Having a cat makes women envious as hell on dating apps which is at least kinda funny. They can't stand having to compete for attention, even from a literal creature.

I have a general rule that if my cat doesn't like someone, or someone doesn't like my cat, I don't like them either. They're generally better judges of character than I am. Exception Siamese cats because they hate everyone except one person pretty often.

 

[2mm and 99 others]

Having a cat makes women envious as hell on dating apps which is at least kinda funny. They can't stand having to compete for attention, even from a literal creature.

Dunno what bishes you talk with in there or even how did you came to the conclusion. Normal women like to see, that he might not turn out to be the nicest guy to be around, but at least he is not an abuser and doesn't vent his frustrations on smaller beings, if the cat is well kept and friendly.

 

[obsdj]

I have a general rule that if my cat doesn't like someone, or someone doesn't like my cat, I don't like them either. They're generally better judges of character than I am. Exception Siamese cats because they hate everyone except one person pretty often.

Animals know good people. Except with cats sometimes they need a warming-up period, whereas dogs often love everybody at first and need a little time to realize a particular person is a dick.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Having a cat makes women envious as hell on dating apps which is at least kinda funny. They can't stand having to compete for attention, even from a literal creature.

Man, fuck dem bitches. If I met someone who didn't like my dog, that'd be the biggest red flag possible. I don't need you to treat her like an actual human child, but she's my world, so at least just tolerate her presence at a minimum.
I am not the biggest cat person but that doesn't mean I don't like cats, I'm just a retard when it comes to reading their body language. If I met someone that had a cat, I would be trying my hardest to make that cat like me.

 

[I Know 孤独のせい]

Doing good. Jingle Jam is starting today, so I am ready for my nostalgia receptors to get fried for two weeks straight.

 

[long waters]

if you can lower your standards down to "cave troll", I'm single
But seriously, wanting romance and love and not having it sucks. The dating scenes of today terrify me, even if I ignore apps like Tinder and similar hook-up apps.

Modern socializing starts and ends with pursuing it. "An event to make friends? Coo- wait, who'd go to an EVENT to make friends? Losers?". Nobody well-adjusted with a few friends to their name would go. And there's nothing at the center of said event but socializing. It's not like "Beginner golf-and-speeddating!" or what have you.

I've come to think that if you haven't figured your stuff out, once you get past a certain age, you are just fucked, metaphorically speaking. All the good people usually have settled down by now and have a family; or at the very least have some kind of social network and aren't cluelessly wandering around. So what does that leave you? Hedonistic fuckers who spent their 20s whoring around, and other weirdo fuck ups like you. The former is not an option, so that just leaves you with other weirdos. But there start the problems, how do you meet such weirdos if you're both avoiding social interaction? Also, how do you find someone who's weirdness compliments yours in a beneficial way instead of making you both spiral into a worse situation? All the while, since you are aware of having a problem, you have to figure out how to work on it and improve your situation to make yourself more appealing to other people. It all seems very complicated and overwhelming. But in the end, all you can do is take things one step at a time and hope for the best. Still, no matter how much I rationalize things, I can't avoid the fact that over a long enough period of time lack of physical closeness to someone seems to be emotionally painful...

Legit think I should have someone help me figure out the subtle stuff with socializing. I'm realizing just how much shit I do not understand and how much I stick out in social interactions.

"Acceptance" isn't it, I don't want a fucking ego like a tranny or whatever the hell, I just want to learn how to blend in. I want the good job, loving wife, picket fence, all that bullshit.

I never wanted to stand out, at least not in the ways I do as of now.

As the ol meme goes, "I am in this post and I don't like it". Sometimes I can't help but question my own perception of myself, do I really stand out, or do I only stand out because I think I stand out and thus end up in a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy kind of situation? Worrying about this too much can put you in a bad positive-feedback loop...

Animals know good people. Except with cats sometimes they need a warming-up period, whereas dogs often love everybody at first and need a little time to realize a particular person is a dick.

Some time this year I visited a new friend and his dogs seemed to warm up to me and like me, made me quite happy like I just passed an exam I was worried about haha.

 

[WASR96]

But there start the problems, how do you meet such weirdos if you're both avoiding social interaction?

Easy. Get Null to pivot to creating another site that's online dating for KF members. $20 monthy membership. Easy money for that new server rack. We might see a drop in BP and Thunderdome posters though.

 

[obsdj]

Easy. Get Null to pivot to creating another site that's online dating for KF members. $20 monthy membership. Easy money for that new server rack. We might see a drop in BP and Thunderdome posters though.

But who'd be retarded enough to drop their opsec in order to date a KFer?

Oh, wait.

 

[DenseDeerFather]

Tired as fuck.

Went to the job interview. It went well. First day on Monday next week. I am excited but also extremely anxious. Enough to the point I had a minor panic attack afterwards.

However due to bullshit I am currently stuck waiting an hour for my next bus. That also isn't helping my fucked mentals but at least I'm not unemployed. You win some you lose some.

 

[long waters]

Easy. Get Null to pivot to creating another site that's online dating for KF members. $20 monthy membership. Easy money for that new server rack. We might see a drop in BP and Thunderdome posters though.

Maybe that's what all the AI server hardware is really for. AI powered KiwiFarms Dating/Matchmaking services!

 

[PetiteFeet]

I've come to think that if you haven't figured your stuff out, once you get past a certain age, you are just fucked, metaphorically speaking. All the good people usually have settled down by now and have a family; or at the very least have some kind of social network and aren't cluelessly wandering around. So what does that leave you? Hedonistic fuckers who spent their 20s whoring around, and other weirdo fuck ups like you. The former is not an option, so that just leaves you with other weirdos. But there start the problems, how do you meet such weirdos if you're both avoiding social interaction? Also, how do you find someone who's weirdness compliments yours in a beneficial way instead of making you both spiral into a worse situation? All the while, since you are aware of having a problem, you have to figure out how to work on it and improve your situation to make yourself more appealing to other people. It all seems very complicated and overwhelming. But in the end, all you can do is take things one step at a time and hope for the best. Still, no matter how much I rationalize things, I can't avoid the fact that over a long enough period of time lack of physical closeness to someone seems to be emotionally painful...

Man, I could write a 40 page essay in reply to this because I cannot condense my many troubles and feelings about this.
I have just accepted I will die alone. And that's okay. As long as I'm not in pain and I don't have any people I care about that will grieve me.