Evil Whitey
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2024
Yeah I need to get out of there, I'm so blackpilled about demographics it's unreal
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Yellow Rose Of Texas
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2024
Trying my best not to blackpill myself again, but it’s hard not to.
Twitter will always be a fucking shithole,deleting it was the right decision.
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2020
I've been thinking more seriously about death lately. There hasn't been anything glaring in particular such as a close death or the age on my driver's license that I can think of which has spurred it on, but I occasionally get an unease about the idea of dying; it always passes quickly and I still don't dread it or feel much about it outside of those odd moments.
Possibly related, but I do feel kind of burnt out emotionally I suppose. I look at politics and those who've made it a core part of their personality and I feel disgust and disappointment more often than not. My own life is objectively pretty good, but it's unfulfilling and it's harder and harder to stay motivated. Despite this I do treat people very well and you'd be hard pressed to find someone who would contradict this claim in earnest. That's not added to suck myself off, but rather to at least acknowledge that I've not yet become a completely miserable cunt.
tl;dr it's a post about angst.
Possibly related, but I do feel kind of burnt out emotionally I suppose. I look at politics and those who've made it a core part of their personality and I feel disgust and disappointment more often than not. My own life is objectively pretty good, but it's unfulfilling and it's harder and harder to stay motivated. Despite this I do treat people very well and you'd be hard pressed to find someone who would contradict this claim in earnest. That's not added to suck myself off, but rather to at least acknowledge that I've not yet become a completely miserable cunt.
tl;dr it's a post about angst.
GAY DEAD MUPPET GANGBANG
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 11, 2024
You summed it up well. That describes me tonight.
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2025
I've cut my budget down quite nicely (waiting on a few other things like the car loan and such to go as well) to the point where everythings manageable now. I'll be able to build up money quite easily now as long as I can keep up with my discipline and hopefully once I get done with my college work I can finally get out from under this house.
Now if I can do other things like finish losing some weight (only like 15lbs left!) I can come out of the other end in quite a good spot.
Now if I can do other things like finish losing some weight (only like 15lbs left!) I can come out of the other end in quite a good spot.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
Can't sleep, stuck in my own thoughts and feeling the usual hatred. Hatred towards myself. That no matter how much I hate my current position in life I don't have it in me to change anything about it and defaulting to inaction, fueling hatred towards myself even more. That this hatred never pushes me to act so it's just endless self-pity. That whenever I dare to open up about this I just waste people's time since I never take the advice people give me. That I'm nothing but a liability to everyone, online and in real life. I hate myself more than anything else in the world.
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2024
I'm mad as hell bc my parents lied to me about how poorly my dad is doing. I live about as far from them as possible due to the nature of my job and I can't work remotely. So now my mom is trying to soft sell me and it's like, no, cut the bullshit and be honest. My brother lives near them and is kind of used to the slow decline and it's fine, but he's not seeing it form afar. And yeah, now I got the same symptoms as my dad and Im too much of a bitch to see a doctor about it. Shoot.
On the plus side, I dominated the little neighbor boys in a snowball fight today. Come at me and best not miss.
On the plus side, I dominated the little neighbor boys in a snowball fight today. Come at me and best not miss.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2021
Man, stop being so mean to yourself (more advice you may very well not take, but I hope you remember it one day when you're ready). You hate yourself for x then hate yourself for not being motivated or able to do something different than x, then you hate yourself for hating yourself for not being able to do x or y or z.
Give yourself a break. You're punishing yourself too much. We are all fallible; we all fail; we all can get stuck. OK. That's just a condition of life. Sure, ok, maybe you're sad-sacking a lot and being a burden on others. Maybe that's true. It doesn't mean you're irredeemably lost forever. It may mean you need to (work to) peel away all your assumptions and baseline expectations and beliefs about yourself (and others, maybe), but it doesn't mean you can't. The double-bind, of course, is that when people feel least capable of acting is when they most need to. So maybe think about clearing out the nasty voice in your ear that says you're stuck (and the waterfall from that of being difficult and draining and bad in some way for self-pity). Maybe you self-pity bc you're trying to comp for something lacking that has gotten stuck in your brain. Or maybe you're just Eeyore (though tbh doesn't sound like it). Either way, if you're struggling this way there's something that isn't or hasn't been addressed that needs or needed to be. So whether you do or don't know what that is, show yourself a little love and kindness.
But also do seek to try to locate where it comes from.
Nah, nah, nah, get to a doctor. If it's a long-term thing, a) addressing earlier is better, and b) it may be that protocols and outlooks for it at your age are better than they were for your dad when he was your age. Either way, knowledge is power.
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2019
Props to y'all for cutting out social media. Kiwi Farms is the closest thing I use to social media after cutting out Facebook 10 years ago and I've been happier without it. I do miss when Yik Yak was a thing, the shitposts I would see on there at work and around my town used to crack me up.
I'll trade you! I've still been stuck at 151 my last three outpatient check ins. Before I got sick, my average, healthy weight was usually around 174-176 and I'm struggling to get back there.
I've been in a similar position before. The ironic part is that the only way to get out of that headspace of inaction is to take action, rather than hoping you can summon the strength one day. I know that's way easier said than done though. If time/money wasn't a factor, what do you see yourself doing in life? Once you have a goal in place, break it down into goals you can realistically get done to get there. Only thinking about your overarching goal can make it seem impossible. Let's say you wanted to become a doctor. Obviously it can't be done in a day, and the brain will automatically default to "that's too hard of a goal." But if you start breaking it down into small goals daily (day 1=research schools near you, day 2=research funding options for said school, day 3=talk to an admissions counselor, etc.) you can eventually turn your massive dream into a closer and closer reality with death by a thousand cuts. I'm sorry you're in this headspace and I hope my rambling at least made some sense. It took me quite a few years, but I finally went from working a job I hated and spending my days off sleeping in and playing vidya to working my dream job and doing hobbies I wanted on weekends. I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever need someone to vent to, my DMs are open.
I know it sucks, but please get yourself checked out. If I had gone to the doctors office when I noticed problems rather than going to the ER when my body started falling apart on me, I probably wouldn't be in the situation I've been in all year long. I hope things start to turn around for your Dad.
PaleTay
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2020
I have a very Toy Story view of my childhood toys and think every stuffie is worthy of love, most of them are small with a few medium and the occasional full-sized one so they essentially end up in a bookshelf but I'm very picky on buying new ones and most of the ones I have are pretty expensive. My family, my mom especially, have been testing this recently by just gifting me cheap medium-large plushies of stuff I don't care about, don't have room for, and have asked them not to buy repeatedly. This has led to a fight because I didn't want a fairly big singing+dancing cactus toy that I despised at first sight and I couldn't even just toss in a pile because it could rip the thread of the other toys with its instrument and it might break if I just toss it around.
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2020
I'm doing great. The shuffling of stuff in the house is annoying though. I'm trying to make things look like a 'normal' person lives here so not having 12 of those large flip-top boxes taking up the closet and assorted crap everywhere. So I got a closet organizer to use the closet as a closet. Now the 12 boxes need somewhere to go. They're a mix of "valuable" and sentimental stuff so I might be able to reduce it a bit, there's still going to be 10. Which means finding room in the garage. When I moved in I didn't use the garage for this stuff since I didn't trust the temp and humidity in there, now after a dehumidifier for 10 years and graphing the temp and humidity I know that I can safely store valuable/moisture sensitive stuff out there. But that means going through the other stuff in the garage and figuring out what to discard/donate/move to shed.
I need less fucking stuff.
I need less fucking stuff.
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2017
I don't exactly break my back at work, but I swear I'm losing in all scenarios I'm in. Wanna send a big mail? I can do it myself and feel accomplished, but a superior also constantly wants to check anything major, but not everything major and is borderline mocking me if I do ask for input, to which they also won't "give me the solution" but still want to read the second and third draft.
Today I'm just gonna, do the minimum. Don't talk, drink my tea, stretch my legs. My work is very small in scope when I think about it and nobody pressures me into anything, only myself. But I know in 3 hours I'll be sat there staring wanting to actually do work. I need to start thinking like an office bitch going on 59 with no fears in life.
Today I'm just gonna, do the minimum. Don't talk, drink my tea, stretch my legs. My work is very small in scope when I think about it and nobody pressures me into anything, only myself. But I know in 3 hours I'll be sat there staring wanting to actually do work. I need to start thinking like an office bitch going on 59 with no fears in life.
I'm able to pay off the last of my measly student loan but I don't want to see such a heavy hit in my finances. I really don't use money and all I do is save up, but to be rid of that 'self-destructive' hole I keep putting money into would be nice. Just, the money I spend and the money I put away. No "I feel extra emo today so I'm gonna dump $150 extra into the loan".
If you can't quit Twitter today, you won't ever do it. It's 90% content you didn't sign up for, OF bots or OF thots acting like bots, verified shitposters and people trying to push money. At least I recall my use of Twitter being shit I actually wanted to see. It's the one medium I don't understand anyone actually seeing any use in. Do fucking IG if you have to: The comments there are so miniscule and simple it's barely worth posting any.
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2021
The past couple of days has been hard, my dad is in the hospital from a staph infection on the bottom of his left foot. Tomorrow he's going to take surgery to clean it all out. Best case scenario is that he'll be fine in a week, mid case scenario is that he'd be forced to loose a toe, and worst case scenario.... well. Anyway, wish him luck and pray for him.
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2024
Maybe self-loathing is just more common in eastern euro land? I try to channel my self hating into working out and doing more productive things than just lazing about like a retard. Sometimes it works, but I'll never not hate myself to some extent. Lately, it feels like I have not been able to lock in on the things I want to do. I am too distracted by my own self pitying thoughts about growing old and being alone, even though I am well aware that it's pointless to be distracted by such things. Just thinking about a problem doesn't solve that problem. Either take concrete steps to solve it, or ignore it and focus on what you can do (is what I try to tell myself).
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2017
Dude, I have really surface level idea about your circumstances, but still I really don't get why are you so harsh on yourself. I mean, life is shit? Absolutely. Is it your fault? I really doubt that. Even if you commit no mistakes, you can still lose. That is not weakness, it is just that life is way more complicated than a game of checkers.
- Joined
- May 26, 2024
Unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In my lane. Focused. Flourishing.
I took a morning shower and I just started cracking up in there. Not sure why. I was thinking about a shitpost AI video idea I had and it's not THAT funny.
EDIT: clarifications, typos
I took a morning shower and I just started cracking up in there. Not sure why. I was thinking about a shitpost AI video idea I had and it's not THAT funny.
EDIT: clarifications, typos
Last edited:
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2019
I managed to corner my boss for some time yesterday and had the conversation with her. Basically said ‘hey so sally (not her name) doesn’t react well to me. I want to fix this. Is there something I have done, or said, or something she finds objectionable, or something you feel I need to change to make her feel better about me? Be blunt and honest, I want to make this not an issue, offend me as you will.’
I think my boss was quite surprised I’d asked. She said it was unusual to get such a request and she respected it.
We discussed it. I don’t think we found any clear cut solution, but she is at least aware that I asked and am able to take an ego hit as needed.
The only thing I could think of was me asking a question months back which might have poked a hole in her pet project, but boss thinks that wasn’t an issue (the question is one that apparently got asked a lot that week, maybe she just had enough of it?) . I think it might be that though, and that’s on me to keep my mouth shut, I guess, but I also have a fiscal and legal responsibility to question these things so it’s not as easy as just suck up and shut up. I have to do due diligence and I can’t ethically do it one on one.
Work is hard. I find the hardest thing about it is the people. Every so often, maybe 2-3x over my career I’ve run into people who are like this and they are bad news. They seem to always have one person in their sights, and need to destroy them. It’s never been me before in the sights so I suppose this is a learning experience
Anyway I suppose I’ve learned that she dislikes me strongly, and I learned she’d done a couple of things behind my back that I feel are very underhand, so she’s tagged as a probable threat, and knowing where the spiders are is always a good thing. She’s one level above me, so advantage her. For now
@Uncle Tom's Condo i am sorry to hear about your dad. Also please go to the doc. Most things are easier to treat if you catch them earlier rather than later.
- Joined
- May 13, 2022
I genuinely cannot think of a single thing in the past 7 years that has improved. Both for my personal life and the world. Everything just gets worse and worse and I’m completely powerless to stop it.
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2016
Decided to settle down and buy a house in a majority white, nominally conservative, affluent area. It disturbs me that in the last 5 years or so the reality of the yookay and its precipitous decline has forced its way in to my daily awareness and my decisions.
I don't deal with genderwoo and politics wank at work so I'm sticking with this job. I see the horrors of Islamification in poorer areas so I'll take a modest house in a safer area and hope to stay in this bubble. But its not right that I should have to settle for a bubble; growing up I had a whole country.
People regularly tell me that they visit this area on holiday to get away from the culturally enriched areas - what used to be a normal British town now looks like a quaint heritage destination, a holdout of what we used to have. People want this. There's literally no reason we can't all achieve this - living in nice picturesque British towns with an intact social contract, decent housing and infrastructure, a cohesive culture. The only reason we didn't achieve such a utopia decades ago is because of the concerted efforts of our subnormal politicians, who have nothing but contempt for us.
I'm just generally disappointed and middle-aged, I guess.
ETA:
I don't deal with genderwoo and politics wank at work so I'm sticking with this job. I see the horrors of Islamification in poorer areas so I'll take a modest house in a safer area and hope to stay in this bubble. But its not right that I should have to settle for a bubble; growing up I had a whole country.
People regularly tell me that they visit this area on holiday to get away from the culturally enriched areas - what used to be a normal British town now looks like a quaint heritage destination, a holdout of what we used to have. People want this. There's literally no reason we can't all achieve this - living in nice picturesque British towns with an intact social contract, decent housing and infrastructure, a cohesive culture. The only reason we didn't achieve such a utopia decades ago is because of the concerted efforts of our subnormal politicians, who have nothing but contempt for us.
I'm just generally disappointed and middle-aged, I guess.
ETA:
You ninja'd me with very much the same sentiment. Its grim.
Yellow Rose Of Texas
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2024
Woke up feeling worse than yesterday, just nihilistic and hopeless. It’s impossible to stay positive when the world always feels miserable and constantly wants you dead.