How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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AnOminous said:
About 20 years ago I did lucid dreaming practice and after a few months haven't ever had anything like that again.
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Jfc I keep meaning to quote you but I keep forgetting. You told me this about three months ago. You told me to practice lucid dreams for my sleep paralysis/nightmare issues and it fucking worked. I also had hypnagogic hallucinations that would ruin my mood for days.

I stayed on it with the lucid dreaming practice (dream journaling, mental exercises, reality checking)after you suggested it and for about a solid month now I’ve had zero and I mean ZERO issues. Took consistency for a while but now I feel the effects are really sticking.

I’m not afraid to sleep anymore and I sincerely want to thank you, dude.

It also has made my anxiety a lot better and I feel like I have more of a grip on myself as a person. Also lucid dreams are fun af when you can make them work (even though right now I can only get a hang of them for a couple of seconds then it switches dreams. But at least I can get myself out of nightmares entirely to the point my brain is making less nightmares)

A billion years of trying to get doctors to help me never worked but taking the advice of a kiwi farmer changed my life for the better. Which is hilarious because people demonize this place so much.

Thank thank thank thank thank you oh my fucking god it’s been such a game changer.
 
Ferryman said:
Did you ever end up taking RHCSA? If so, how'd it go? I am considering chasing that one next. If you're looking for CV padding certs, I know CySa and CCNA get brought up a lot, as well as the various goyslop Azure/AWS/Cloud infra certs floating around.

To stay on topic: Swell, attempting to figure out how to properly 3D print keycaps and rack mount HDD caddies with fan slots. Outside's been pissing rain for two weeks so its nice and cozy. Feeling optimistic for real for real.
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Honestly I have not, I guarantee I can pass it but I feel like there's just no good jobs left.

Literally easier to just become a fucking pilot at this point lmao
 
Been self reflecting a lot on how non committal I was in the past, especially when it came to work and socialization. Back in the day, my mindset used to be "I'm gonna move away from this shithole so why bother making connections" and I was somewhat of a ghost among my coworkers at my old jobs. Never made a single lasting connection during my formative years and I feel like I missed out on yet another crucial stage of social development.

That old non committed mindset doesn't work anymore now that I live far away from my parents and have no plans to move away for a long distance relationship anymore.
 
Had my birthday earlier this month but have been so anti-social that i did pretty much nothing on the day of. Girlfriend told me how my friends wanted to throw me a surprise party on the day of which i immediately vetoed. Tomorrow is rescheduled to be a smaller get-together but i still feel like i can't be fucked to do anything, though i will make the effort. I'm so out of it in general lately that it is a wonder i made it to the first day of my new job last week. It's not even depression or anything, i just feel like i can't deal with anything much right now (right now being actual months by now). Jobcentre is hounding me, too, seeing how my current job isn't official so to speak, have to do some gay ass coaching thing (some scheme my government threw millions of tax payer €'s at and which does fuck all to actually get people gainful employment from what i heard) starting in the middle of next month. At least it's only 10 minutes on foot from my house and only twice weekly, won't have to worry about schedule interferences with my real job. Still, i am less than thrilled about the whole ordeal.

Edit: And right on bullshit cue my warm water isn't working. Just cursed. Every year the same, landlord won't be happy until i torch this place one day out of sheer frustration. At least the central heating is working on time this year.
 
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I thought everything was fine til earlier today. To preface this I'm just going to say that a specific group of coworkers and I had a discord server we made so we could directly talk to one another about work related/hobby related things and coordinate without management breathing down our necks about it. Sometimes the jokes got a bit edgy, or deep, and no one thought anything of it.

I made the dumb mistake of posting this stupid fucking image of Spongebob as Hitler cause we were making retarded jokes ab weapons and it veered into WWII territory real fast. Someone came in and asked me if I was a nazi cause it was my second time in the year and 6 months of that chat existing that I'd posted something like that.

It hurt my feelings, admittedly, so I just left to save myself from further embarrassment. The issue here is that these were my only friends IRL so I feel like I just fucked myself over. Could just be anxiety but still. I should've known better than to be retarded.
 
fist_of_khonshu said:
I made the dumb mistake of posting this stupid fucking image of Spongebob as Hitler cause we were making retarded jokes ab weapons and it veered into WWII territory real fast. Someone came in and asked me if I was a nazi cause it was my second time in the year and 6 months of that chat existing that I'd posted something like that.
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Sharing memes with people you know IRL is always a risky proposition. Runs the risk of revealing too much powerlevel. (EDIT: I think that's especially true for work related things. Never powerlevel reveal at work.)

That being said, I think accusing someone of being a nazi for posting a Hitler meme is an overreaction. Maybe leaving is a bit of an overreaction too. I would assume politely apologizing should be sufficient.
 
long waters said:
Sharing memes with people you know IRL is always a risky proposition. Runs the risk of revealing too much powerlevel. (EDIT: I think that's especially true for work related things. Never powerlevel reveal at work.)

That being said, I think accusing someone of being a nazi for posting a Hitler meme is an overreaction. Maybe leaving is a bit of an overreaction too. I would assume politely apologizing should be sufficient.
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I did apologize, it was more this one guy overreacted as it's more a general chat now than a work chat. And worse has been said in this particular group. I more or less saw it as he took an issue with me specifically and rather than fight about it I opted to remove myself for the meantime.
 
fist_of_khonshu said:
I did apologize, it was more this one guy overreacted as it's more a general chat now than a work chat. And worse has been said in this particular group. I more or less saw it as he took an issue with me specifically and rather than fight about it I opted to remove myself for the meantime.
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In my experience, work group chats always devolve into catty BS like that. If it isn't someone pretending to be offended over a joke or meme they didn't like, it's passive aggressive indirect bitching about other employees instead of just talking to that person directly.

Anyways, I'm doing well. I feel healthy, I got married this month. Work is still a bitch but I'm looking for different work anyway.
 
The warm water is back, mashallah. Can cut my hair and shave now so that i don't look too much like a bum tomorrow.
Realizing again the problem with buying bottles of hard liquor is that on most days there's enough left in them to get loaded again the next day, which i am doing now. With gusto, just poured a Gin & Tonic that tastes like all gin, what the fuck?

fist_of_khonshu said:
I made the dumb mistake of posting this stupid fucking image of Spongebob as Hitler
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Classic :story:

long waters said:
Sharing memes with people you know IRL is always a risky proposition
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Definitely. I only do that in a group with two of my best friends and one of my brothers, i got enough memes on my phone to get done for years for Hate Speech related crimes in my 1st Amendment-less country. I know i'd still laugh when i have to explain to the judge why the People's Exhibit A to Z#56123 is funny in particular to me.
 
BallsGuevara said:
In my experience, work group chats always devolve into catty BS like that. If it isn't someone pretending to be offended over a joke or meme they didn't like, it's passive aggressive indirect bitching about other employees instead of just talking to that person directly.

Anyways, I'm doing well. I feel healthy, I got married this month. Work is still a bitch but I'm looking for different work anyway.
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Congratulations on your marriage, my friend, I wish you and your significant other all the best. And much luck with your job search.
 
Ughubughughughughughghlug said:
Play Days Gone and then go do a road trip of the countryside. It’s supposed to be an extremely accurate (Kingsom Come Deliverance style) rendition of a specific chunk of backcountry.
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The first time I drove through Oregon after playing Days Gone I was like "Holy shit, they really do have those boxes for the demonic birds."
bird platforms.webp
 
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I am livid. I spent over $800 fixing my bikes and they are both now completely cooked. Mechanics and electronics are totally fried; catastrophic failure. Battery on second bike likely burnt out as a result of over discharge. Why it was over-discharging I have no idea. the main one had some kind of short that fried that controller during a mechanical failure. I just got done replacing the pas sensor, screen, installed new derailer, new brakes, new tire, and now I can't use any of them. Basically paid someone $220 to say 'yup, it's toast'. Fuck my life.

I was able to salvage the battery on the main bike, it's quite a good battery, so maybe I can recoup some money by selling it, but I don't know.

I'm exactly where I don't want to be: borrowing money. I hate borrowing money. If I can't pay for it with cash right now, I don't get it. But I have to get a new ebike. So I dropped $1300 on a new ebike. So I am now $700 in the hole. The good news is I don't actually have to pay off my credit cards fully for at least another year, and I pay nothing in interest.
Core Theorist said:
Also, I hate niggers.
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You too? No way, I thought I was that only one! That's really cool!
 
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I went indoor go-karting for the first time last night. The place was empty, so I had the track all to myself.

Maybe it's the motorcycle lessons or me watching F1 videos (yes, that influenced my decision to go karting), maybe it was me letting go and realizing I wasn't in any real danger, but I didn't crash into a wall even once for 12 laps.

It's lame, but it's a feeling that I needed. That is, something else I was doing fed into something new I was doing. The skill was transferable. Proof of exactly what I've been fretting about for the past year: that I didn't have anything to build on until now, but it does mean that I have built things to work from. Well, now it's time to fucking build.

And on a lighter note, the moron upstairs cleaned out the squatters and a ton of shit into a dumpster and lo and behold, the fly situation has improved. I'm planning a bug-bomb this weekend to kill off the last of the little bastards.
 
partner and i broke up. found somewhere to live. he needs therapy and medication, and we're remaining good friends. it was amicable if i'm honest, but i'm still heartbroken. i didn't cry. it was very calmly done. internally however i just feel awful.

i'm just feeling so exhausted. i just want to feel better. i'm really struggling to see the point in trying but i have to carry on. i deserve a chance at life. suffering like this is only temporary, after all, at least i want to believe. but it feels endless. just thing after thing and i just can't catch up. he said he was proud of me for not giving in and for trying so hard, and that others probably would have broken down from the stress of all i'm dealing with. maybe that's true.

please, pray for me. i don't know how much more i can take of this. may God have mercy on me and please give me some sort of reprieve for my mental health. i feel like i'm falling apart entirely. my family is falling apart, my relationship to the man i wanted to marry is gone, my best friend is moving thousands of miles away, my grades are suffering due to the housing debacle even though my professors have been so compassionate about it. i don't know how much more i can tolerate without snapping and just completely withdrawing more than i already have.

maybe i'm just not good enough to be loved; i don't know if there's anything majorly deficient with me. there isn't, as far as he's concerned, when we both asked one another that sort of thing. maybe it's just not in God's timing. I'm still young. he did the whole 'its not you it's me'. either way, i'm going to take some sleeping medication to try and sleep. hopefully for more than 24 hours, but i doubt it, i don't exceed doses. wishful thinking.

i don't smoke and i feel like i want a cigarette, if i'm honest. that or to get completely wine drunk for a few days, but both of them are not constructive, and i'd rather not tempt fate to give me an addiction to nicotine or alcohol.

praying for all of your health and happiness as always, and sending my love. <3
 
missnaptime said:
Words
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I'm sorry to hear you've had to juggle all that at once. "For I know the plans for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11 has been a really important verse for me this year with everything feeling like I'm spiraling out of control. It's hard not to wrestle with emotions like that after a relationship, but it sounds like you were together for a while if you loved him, so you're definitely worthy of love since it was amicable. I know it's hard to feel that way after breaking up, though. Spend time with your best friend before they move, it will give you more memories together and distract from the negative spots you can take yourself to after a relationship. And definitely stay in touch. My best friend moved across the country 6 years ago and we still talk on a daily basis, and I still view him as being family at this point. It makes the times you get to meet up in the future that much more meaningful. I hope, soon, that you'll start to have things fall in place and be less chaotic for you and I'll definitely pray for you.
 
I currently feel like shit... I have a vertibra in my neck that moved so far, that it is currently leaning on the nerve responsible for the movement and feeling in my right arm, cutting it off, making it extremely painful to move or pretty much do anything with that arm. At least the painkillers i get are decent
 
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