How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
What kind/ level of loss of mobility?
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There's something wrong with my shoulder (bear with me, ESL): when I try to raise my arm straight it gets blocked real quick (50°) and gets painful.
The weird thing is that if I fold my arm in a certain way, raise it into any position, and then straighten my arm, it's somewhat fine-ish (until it gets below the blocking point, then it's back at square 1)
 
Told my fiance that I really think I need to sign myself into a mental facility before I fully lose it and got hit with “no you can’t do that because I need to go to work”
Can’t kill myself because I fear going to hell but maybe if I pay someone to kill me it won’t count

I’ve already convinced myself that I won’t live to be old but all I really ask for is at least 20 years for the sake of my kids…that’s it
I hope God can at least grant me that
 
My mom had a very bad reaction to her new cancer meds and I've never felt so worried in my life. When my dad was in prison she never missed a single visitation day despite the 3 hour commute. She's the most caring and loyal person I've ever known and she doesn't deserve any of this shit.
 
Ironically enough, I feel like this is the only place on the internet where anything I say doesn't really matter (in a good way.) I can say my own opinions without having to filter myself, and the only bad possible thing that can happen is that someone calls me a niggerfaggot or something. I never really noticed how emotionally constipated I was and how much I self censored until really starting to rant about trannies. Every now and then I think about touching something the navy seal thread but I never do, due to how gross it is. I think I have some weird unprocessed feelings about being a military kid that I could never really let out.
 
Super Mario Brothers said:
Ironically enough, I feel like this is the only place on the internet where anything I say doesn't really matter (in a good way.) I can say my own opinions without having to filter myself, and the only bad possible thing that can happen is that someone calls me a niggerfaggot or something. I never really noticed how emotionally constipated I was and how much I self censored until really starting to rant about trannies. Every now and then I think about touching something the navy seal thread but I never do, due to how gross it is. I think I have some weird unprocessed feelings about being a military kid that I could never really let out.
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Not to make you PL, but did you have to move around a ton in your childhood as well?
 
Señora Airi said:
Not to make you PL, but did you have to move around a ton in your childhood as well?
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I might be more fortunate in that regard where I stayed home with a nanny most of my childhood but I developed this weird relationship where I'd wait weeks for my mom to come home only for her come home to drink. As a kid I would throw fits about why I wasn't allowed to be with her in Baghdad, which in hindsight, is kinda funny in a dark sort of way.
 
I'm not sure if things are really bad or if I'm only convinced that they are. I've grown scared of smoke breaks in the back parking lot because I'm convinced I'm going to be murdered. I have a lot going for me and I don't want to be murdered. This past weekend someone was murdered six minutes from where I live, on streets I like to walk when I need air, or to think. I have been going down for a while. I feel like a rabbit in a cage. I want to get off this train.
 
Moved to the new offices, from a 25 to a 45 min commute. It makes a lot of sense for the work we do, and I'm no longer surrounded by people I've no reason to be around, but obviously it sucks. The pay is worth it, but it's a building in butthole nowhere, so I've become one of those people I've myself wondered "what kind of pay would you demand to slave away in an irrelevant hole if the alternative was to be around other people and feeling the buzz of the city?".
The Ghost of Rarity said:
Can’t kill myself because I fear going to hell but maybe if I pay someone to kill me it won’t count
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It's funny how religion should be no more than some rules for living life, yet people try to snake out of them at every turn. "No brudda, don't tell me what's in this burger; then I won't go to hell for eating it".
 
AnOminous said:
Pathetic. It's a joke I'm even still alive and I wonder why I'm not rectifying that.
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Due to staffing issues I have been retained as Hell's gatekeeper.

Do not come to Hell, do not irritate me, do not address me, do everything you can to avoid approaching me.

I will make your afterlife a beaucratic nightmare without end, full of pointless paperwork that I will toss for any reason or for no reason and force you to start again.

This will not be a Sisyphean task. You will not enjoy your time with me. There will be no joy as your boulder escapes you.

Every moment with be a boring eternity from which there is no escape.
 
I had a good long talk with my mum today. Nothing serious, just a catch up talking about my life and where I'm going. I still feel a bit shit but I'm better for the talk. I love my mum bros.

I'm starting the gym. I'm not really interested in getting shredded and I'm pretty heathy but I could use with something to do. I think I'll go after work for an hour or 2 and just do basic bitch weight lifting and cardio.
 
Duke of Wellington said:
I had a good long talk with my mum today. Nothing serious, just a catch up talking about my life and where I'm going. I still feel a bit shit but I'm better for the talk. I love my mum bros.

I'm starting the gym. I'm not really interested in getting shredded and I'm pretty heathy but I could use with something to do. I think I'll go after work for an hour or 2 and just do basic bitch weight lifting and cardio.
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Gaining 20 in muscle mass (or losing 20 in the thighs, stomach, etc.) makes you feel like a whole new person. Also, consistent exercise is an excellent natural antidepressant, as is phototherapy. You just feel GOOD doing it. Apparently going outside and touching grass is actual good advice.
 
Señora Airi said:
My granddaddy had EMS called on him for fever and shaking.

UPDATE: Mom said he got some tests done and they think it's a UTI. He looks to be staying overnight in the hospital.
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UTIs in the elderly especially can be terrifying - they can make them seem genuinely demented. Hopefully treating it and some TLC will get him back on his feet
AnOminous said:
Pathetic. It's a joke I'm even still alive and I wonder why I'm not rectifying that.
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One day at a time. The empty void after the initial shock is a particularly bad bit. a gentle hug, or a slap, whatever works best.
 
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I need to see this today so maybe you do as well. But mostly me..
 
This past Sunday, my mother and I decided to go to church so they can get my late father’s name enshrined next to the names of people who have went to his church for the longest. This upcoming Sunday is when we are both doing the same thing, only this time just to give thanks for them acknowledging my father’s passing while the preacher did a sermon on a livestream.

It almost seems like it will be the final way to move on.
 
Mother has been very sick this week. Her health is not normally the best, especially after beating cancer a while ago but now she's looking very frail and it's hit hard that I may not have many years left with her now. Dad's still hale and hearty but he's the same age and is definitely not the big, strong man I fondly remember from childhood.

Growing old sucks. Watching your parents growing old and realizing their time will come one day sucks that little bit more.
 
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Otterly said:
UTIs in the elderly especially can be terrifying - they can make them seem genuinely demented. Hopefully treating it and some TLC will get him back on his feet
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They did treat him, and he got out of the hospital yesterday.
 
One of my brothers is getting divorced. From what I can tell it's fairly amicable, though I can assure you the fault doesn't lie with him. He was a marine who had to retire early due to a serious leg injury. He has a son from a previous marriage that was abusive, and two with his current wife. She had already tried to cheat on him once before because she assumed he was cheating. Their oldest son died in her care because he was unsupervised and climbed into the pool. She doesn't want to be intimate with him and tried bringing in other couples I guess as swingers which he immediately rejected. She spends more time ERPing with AI than flirting with her actual husband.

I feel bad for him because what do you say? I don't even have my own life under control. I feel like my life's bad. But this man has built his life up twice already and is now going through round 3. I know that two things can be sad at once, but I guess it kind of puts things into perspective that of course there are worse problems in life than being a lonely loser. You could be alone, and twice divorced, with a dead child, and still decide that now's the time to buy a punching bag and get back into shape. I wish I could be half as strong as he is.
 
Numbers did better than my docs expected. Back home in my comfy bed for 9 days until I have to do it all over again for round two. I'll be home for my birthday. Not a big deal to me anymore, but my Mom loves celebrating our birthdays, so I'm happy that she'll be happy. Still a little scared that I'm incapable of taking care of myself after spending so long in the hospital, but I feel safer knowing they put in my chart that I go straight back to the Oncology ward if something happens and I need to go to the ER. Last time I went to the ER, the other two floors I got sent to were so shitty that I had a mental breakdown after day 7 and refused further care to get out of there. I love all the staff on the Oncology floor, I begged to be sent there last time and was instead sent to ICU and then general admittance, and I've never experienced such shit care before. Thanks to all the Kiwis who have been holding out for me.
 
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