How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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I decided to quit vaping cold turkey after watching some random guys video about it yesterday. Though I have been thinking about quitting for a while
Figured if I always think and worry about death then I should probably stop doing one of the things that I know will lead to some sort of ailment one day lol

Now if I can just stop the emotional eating then maybe my life can get back on track (unless I am already dying and don’t know it I guess)
 
Neutrophil counts finally aren't at zero anymore. I have a whopping 140, but it's a good sign that my body is finally starting to restart itself. When it gets to 3k I get to go home, and they said the count will usually double each day so I'm pretty excited.
 
Hentai-Semitism said:
Not very well. I'm middle aged and I'm basically waiting to die of old age or boredom, whichever comes first. I'm not even complaining. It's just that the only strong feeling I've left is extreme irritation with human rudeness and a few of my pet peeves. Feels weird, man.
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Same, besides the middle-aged part. I just feel done with everything in general and can hardly muster excitement for anything. I am in a good relationship, i got a functioning social circle but still i just want shit to be over. I'm at the point again where i am excluding myself from basically everything friends and family does despite doing fuck all day in and day out. Other important things, like taking care of some semi-pressing health issues, are also getting dragged only half along. I wish i could go back to doing hard drugs again just for some excitement and passing the time better even though i know my past substance abuse is to blame in large parts for my current mindset.

TL;DR Shit sucks, i'm bored.
WASR96 said:
Neutrophil counts finally aren't at zero anymore. I have a whopping 140, but it's a good sign that my body is finally starting to restart itself. When it gets to 3k I get to go home, and they said the count will usually double each day so I'm pretty excited.
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You got this shit by the balls. I only know one person who did that self stem cell treatment, my Mother-in-law, and she beat a form of bone cancer thanks to it and chemo, while being past 80 years old as well Has been in remission for a couple of years now.
 
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Bonzi Baptist said:
even if I manage to get it, my mom will scold me for going to places without her permission. I wish I could easily get a job, but it's hard to do that without her once again scolding me.
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Brush. Who cares? I mean, you're grown; why afraid of being scolded?


Bonzi Baptist said:
all these solutions are practically fairy tales—they will not happen in the real world.
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They happen for everyone in the real world. You're confusing discomfort and obstacles for blockages. You're choosing this at this point.

Bonzi Baptist said:
How can I afford an apartment with an entry-level job? Usually where I live, they start at 900 a month.
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Get a room, or get a roommate.

Hentai-Semitism said:
Not very well. I'm middle aged and I'm basically waiting to die of old age or boredom, whichever comes first. I'm not even complaining. It's just that the only strong feeling I've left is extreme irritation with human rudeness and a few of my pet peeves. Feels weird, man.
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I'm sorry to hear that - why are you bored? I mean, everyone experiences boredom sometimes, but if it's a whole-life experience, something's wrong. Speaking as a middle-aged person - and I mean AARP started trying to recruit me a few years ago, not 35 or 40 - the only time I'm bored is when I let myself sink into too much low-value time-wasting. Otherwise, I've got a million things to find interest in or to do. Some days I have to make myself seek them out, because numbing out is alluring even if not helpful, but like any physical muscle, mental muscles get stronger with effort.
 
The Feline Solution 2 said:
You got this shit by the balls. I only know one person who did that self stem cell treatment, my Mother-in-law, and she beat a form of bone cancer thanks to it and chemo, while being past 80 years old as well Has been in remission for a couple of years now.
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Thanks man. I've definitely done a lot better with this regiment than I did with the previous chemo I had to do. But I'm also in a better place mentally this time around and just taking things one day at a time, rather than worrying about the future. Your MIL sounds like a badass, I can't imagine going through this at 80. I hope things turn around for you soon and that you can start getting enjoyment and excitement again from the things in life you like doing.
 
The Feline Solution 2 said:
Same, besides the middle-aged part. I just feel done with everything in general and can hardly muster excitement for anything. I am in a good relationship, i got a functioning social circle but still i just want shit to be over. I'm at the point again where i am excluding myself from basically everything friends and family does despite doing fuck all day in and day out. Other important things, like taking care of some semi-pressing health issues, are also getting dragged only half along. I wish i could go back to doing hard drugs again just for some excitement and passing the time better even though i know my past substance abuse is to blame in large parts for my current mindset.

TL;DR Shit sucks, i'm bored.
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I know that feeling, bro.
 
Just got hit with a random bout of depression out of goddamn nowhere. I tend not to feel my emotions most of the time. I struggle with allowing myself to cry, especially in front of others or even privately, but I just felt the urge to do it now, and it came with the worst heavy feeling ever. Like an urge to lie down and sleep forever and not bother with anything for a few centuries.

I do not know what triggered it.
 
73_Autistic_Fuck_54 said:
This time I actually have a plan on what I want to do, and will seek out accommodations for my autism so I don't crash and burn.
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I hope that goes well for you! I had a largely positive experience in community college. I was coming straight out of high school at the time where I was pretty introverted, but the lack of HS bullshit in college motivated me to do all kinds of things I wouldn't have done otherwise. I ran art club for a while, had a higher-up role in student government and had an on-campus job. It all looks good on a resume, but also boosts your confidence a lot. Our tutoring center was great and the regular students had a great camradarie, so if your college has any free tutorial services I'd jump in on that right away.
Bonzi Baptist said:
My mom won't let me leave, and I have nowhere to go. I don't have any friends I could move in with, I don't have a driver's license, and I don't have a job, and I'm not allowed to go off to college, so I am stuck.
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Assuming that you are being honest*, is getting a bike an option or finding a nearby volunteer gig? That's great as a "practice job" and even a shitty hand-me-down bike can get you places. Walking is also always an option unless you live in too Culturally Enriched of an area.

*An ex-friend of mine that I've complained at length about once claimed that he HAD to eat Taco Bell every day because his mom didn't let him cook. It literally wasn't true, she just didn't want him trashing the kitchen like a chimpanzee .
 
MerriedxReldnahc said:
I was coming straight out of high school at the time where I was pretty introverted, but the lack of HS bullshit in college motivated me to do all kinds of things I wouldn't have done otherwise. I ran art club for a while, had a higher-up role in student government and had an on-campus job. It all looks good on a resume, but also boosts your confidence a lot. Our tutoring center was great and the regular students had a great camradarie, so if your college has any free tutorial services I'd jump in on that right away.
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Thank you for restoring my faith in what I know and always have, which is that what you are in one environment does not dictate what you are in another - especially as you go through the adolescent/ young adult years.

Many, many, many people blossom in college/ once out of the house. In some cases, night and day. That über-nerd in high school becomes a suave (and sometimes, but not always, obnoxious) BSD in investment banking with the world at his feet. Or the quiet kid in the back becomes a Broadway star or builds a mid-tier real estate empire from scratch.

The biggest disservice to oneself is accepting internalized external limitations.
 
New job is going great! I’m finding new challenges and learning more and more. I’ve also moved into my first apartment with my cat, went grocery shopping but ran out of energy so I didn’t cook anything but rice in a pressure cooker.

I’m so happy I can cook rice in a pressure cooker, I normally use a pot or standard rice cooker.
 
Lian Xing said:
You have a massive house/roof, or you are getting screwed.
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It is quite large, plus I have a flat-roof section that joins with multiple sections of the regular roof in some complicated angles and with inadequate drainage, which has caused significant damage to everything near & below it, so that portion is going to have be re-pitched and a custom-fabricated gutter, downspout, and drain-out away from the house created and installed. I'm addressing multiple issues. The rehab on the damage is going to be another huge chunk. Frustrating because a new roof will be nice and is due, but aesthetically doesn't really do too much. But one thing at a time -
 
I've been feeling weird all day. I haven't talked to anyone, nor have I wanted to.

I went on a date last night, and as per usual, he's way more into me than I am into him. I should really start categorizing people into types because they're all so similar. This one was the guy that's waiting around for someone to make his life interesting. To those guys, I become a cruise director. Red flag was that it was his birthday and he wasn't spending it with his kids. Like, I know I come from a dysfunctional family, but I wouldn't admit that to a woman I just met.

But it isn't all maudlin. I've been thinking about my father's guitar collection and how similarly I might shop for a guitar the way I'd shop for a gun. Not that I'm buying one anytime soon, just going through the similarities in my head and how I remember Dad's Rickenbacker (he had Martins, too; those are probably worth a fortune now, but I just felt more romantic about the Rick). I never played, though I had short-lived aspirations and indifferent parents that couldn't be bothered with lessons.

Also, for some bizarre reason, I'm getting hyped for the Grand Prix in Singapore next weekend. I haven't been into F1 racing until literally like a month ago (it may be that YouTube is showing me lots and lots of Red Bull footage, and that's the easy link to Max Verstappen) and now I'm starting to have a lot of fun with it. I'm just catching up on the MacLaren drama and I'll probably move onto "What's wrong with Ferrari" next.
 
Mom is still recovering from her stroke and apparently has some shoulder issues on the bad arm due to too much rehab. Which means she still can't drive the pickup. Which means my visit next month makes me the one who has to take the trash trailer to the dump. And my backing skills suck.

And since I have to head off to Tejas for a week for a work customer I'm going to drive to see mom, catch my work flight from there, come back and do the family stuff then drive home. Which makes for a fuck ton of driving. But I'm interested in seeing how the electric pickup does on an extended trip and it's not winter yet. Who knows, maybe I'll find a spot in REDACTED where I can take a nice picture on the drive.

Otherwise things going well, current list of home projects wrapping up. Broke down and PAID someone to do the drywall and floors in my bedroom. Then after I'm back from travel I have to move the bedroom into the bedroom and the office out of the living room into the office room. It's only been 10 years I figured it was time. Computers are all mostly happy. Squirrels are noisy. Friend's plane still broken(not my fault) but he thinks it will be done by the time I get back. Helped him work on it yesterday and learned more hate for designers who don't think about future maintenance as I tried to get a fill plug out to fill up a fluid reservoir, which was helpfully blocked by hoses and the structure of the plane.
 
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