I started college two weeks ago and I'm already sick and tired of it. I don't even know why I put in the effort to make the 45-minute commute there four days a week. It's not because I'm struggling with the material in my courses (I'm doing okay there) but there's no motivation for me to get things done. All of my friends from high school have started doing their own things, and that's only been exacerbated by the gap year I took before starting. I haven't spoken more than 5 sentences during my time there, everybody else already seems busy or caught up with something. I think I'd have more fun staring at drywall, honestly. At least in high school I was able to say there was a light at the end of tunnel, I don't know if I can take 4 years of this shit, staring at the ceiling in the classroom for hours on end.
I feel like I'm already running on emergency power, like the lights in my head have faded to a dull red glow. I'm tired, boss. Really tired. It's not at all what I had expected it to be.
I have questions. Why don't you feel motivation to get things done? Is it bc your classes are a lot of general classes/ do you know what you want to focus on & do you have goals?
That commute is fairly long, which is tiring if you're not used to it (and often even if you are). Do you have classes everyday? Do you stay on campus to study or just gtfo after class? What about extracurriculars?
I ask all these questions bc I think it's easy to feel unmotivated if you haven't yet figured out your point in being there. Some people go to college for the absolute love of it (that was me, though I knew I'd go to grad school for a more career-oriented focus) or as a means to an end (that's my kids, though they've discovered a love - or at least appreciation - for the knowledge-acquisition itself).
I think commuting is hard, because one of the great things about being in residence is all the non-class time. So if commuting, maybe making an extra effort to get involved in campus life would bring some texture to your experience.
People are in college for a lot of reasons and with a lot of different perspectives, so I know it's not an amazing, idyllic experience for everyone (which it was for me). But I hope you find something there to connect to, rather than just putting in the time staring at the ceiling and meeting the basic requirements.
Finally was able to move states and I’m in a better place now.
My problem now is how do I feel about a parent who will use me for labor but freak out when I ask for a simple temporary request.
My solution was to document stuff, produced receipts when challenged which has worked out in my favor but instead of getting the cheaper and I stay silent option that creates no drama, I get my moneys worth doubled.
I sometimes forget about how people with personality disorders are and forget my mom is going to do everything in her power to not admit she wasn’t going to pay me back.
Honestly just wanted a small favor of, “can I keep stuff in your garage so it’s all in one place while I move states?”
Guys I had low expectations of my mom paying me back money she owed me so I’d thought my plan was solid but my time apart from her made me soft. I’ll be fine though.
Being related to - especially being the child of - a personality disorder has to be one of the most confusing and disappointing experiences. Having had experiences with some of those types, I've learned never to trust them, but I can hardly imagine what that is like when the disordered person is a parent. That just sucks. And yes, you'll be fine, but it still sucks, and I'm sorry you have that.
