How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[obsdj]

Baby DeLawyer 2.0 is here! 3.53kg at three weeks early. Vitals all good.

The @Meiwaku avatar rides again!!!

Big ups to Jersh and his gay doxing website. Years ago I was terrified to be a parent, but looking at the absolute human garbage catalogued here and seeing them reproduce made me think “Shit, I know I can do a better job than that. I might as well do it.”

Now I have two perfect mini-DeLawyers. I love my little family. Feel very blessed rn.

Congratulations, God bless you and your family! Hope you are okay too after all that, and that you have enough help (or the means to get some as needed).

 

[Idiot Doom Spiral]

I just got approved for a one bedroom apartment. Brand new, too. I’m going to have to pare down my possessions significantly, but I think I can make it work. I’ll be living alone, which is great because I value my privacy. I move in from tomorrow, but I’m going to look at it today.

I’m excited.

Enjoy every minute of it, pal.

I lived alone between mid-2012 and the end of 2020, and I’ve spent the last 4+ years wistfully pining for that time back.

It was the most free, fun, exciting time I ever had in my life. I never fucking knew how good I had it until it was over.

I sincerely hope it all works out for you!

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

yeah, thats the plan for me. i've got a lot of good techniques to regulate anxiety, but I sometimes have little spirals like that. every day is new, so is how I manage things if its not so hot. nobody should be responsible for my mental well-being aside from me so I try very hard to make sure that i'm responsible and not trying to be an emotional burden on others

Yeah, regulating anxiety is very key, but a little different than (though almost certainly entwined with) getting rid of neediness. But your self-awareness is good. Hopefully managing down anxiety/ anxious reactions and follow-on behaviors will give you the space to practice not only not spazzing out but also to realize there's no point and that you don't need to be insecure, because you'll be all right come what may.

That about sums it up honestly.

And yeah, I'm just latching onto schizo shit because life feels just so meaningless.

I really wish I could cope with religion but I just... Can't.

The whole concept of blind faith in my opinion is just a weakness. "Bro just trust me bro" never works lol. Remember COVID? Remember the heckin soyience? Literally people shitting all over that (rightfully so) were deeply hypocritical by being religious.

Idk, it's a tangent. I just need some sort of thing to actually look forward to in life, I have hobbies (copes) but it really isn't anything I'd be willing to die for y'know?

I need a reason to endure my dogshit life, something to wake up for and go "well, this makes it all fucking worth it.".

Well - and I'm not really a religious person / it's complicated, but I'm saying that to be clear I'm not proselytizing - the one thing that exploring religion (or active philosophies) can do for some people is to orient them toward something other than themselves. That said, if it's not of interest, totally legit; not urging you to try it, just setting up my real point: I think it's a normal/ frequent human tendency to stare down into ourselves, our faults, tallying things we do or don't have in life, etc. And if you're (metaphorically...and literally, I suppose) staring down at your shoes (yourself) all the time, you're missing everything around you. It's like going to a beautiful overlook and, instead of feeling peace and awe at the beauty, continually thinking about your to-dos at home, assessing whether your clothes look as nice as the guy next to you, wishing you were in that happy family over there. Sometimes turning off the constant thinking and evaluation and instead just being is the only way to go. It can require effort and practice to be able to look up and out, as well as a committed intention to cut the noise and brave or seek a quiet mind. But a quiet mind can be remarkably refreshing and restorative.

Similarly, since you mention them, some hobbies pass the time, and some are real passions, or at least absorbing (=/= drowning the noise with noise, avoidance). No idea your hobbies, but I'd encourage you to try out some things that maybe take some concentration and slow development (idk*, drawing or tennis, or meditation or woodworking or birdwatching - something accessible to beginners but with infinite room for growth), and see if anything hits you on a "more than passing time" level.

* I'm aware my random examples may be a million miles from any shade of interesting to you. My point was a few examples of a few things that are, like I said, pretty easy to try out, with plenty of places and ways to get some exposure, knowledge or training (or just test out), and that can be really enjoyable whether you're great at them or not. But I would also suggest maybe trying a few things that are atypical for you; it could be that you've been neglecting whole parts of your inner self that might really like or find some meaning in some different things.

I'm a dabbler - I love a LOT of things. Some things I'm really into and/ or very good at (some with effort and some just banking on whatever natural talent I might have for them). Other things I really like but stay mid-to-above average at at best, because I only sporadically put in focused effort. Some things I'll probably never be skilled at but do them anyway now and then (bc why not), and that's fine by me. Some things I've tried multiple times (bc I want to like them/ be good at them) but they just don't really click or catch my interest..

...point is, everything doesn't have to be heart-stopping, but by going a little wide/ different than the usual/ known, you might find one that is, or find a good mix that is very rewarding. It's all good, It's okay to suck if you really enjoy something, and it's OK to say, "not for me." But my personal philosophy is always to be open and curious; stagnation is death. And pushing a bit to try doing whatever seems even moderately interesting is a way potentially to find things that really do light your fire. And even though that's not necessarily "I Would Die 4 U" territory, those things can bring real meaning to life - and a respite from spinning around and around about ourselves and what's lacking. And a life built with enough stimulating (or benignly challenging) facets to it usually leads to increased contentment and ease, and the bad or sad things have less space to occupy and dominate.

Eta: congratulations @Brett DeLawyer!!!! So happy for you & your family!

 

[Anonitolia]

Close relative got into Homestuck and has been very enthusiastic about making it known. There is no escape. Send help

Congratulations to @Brett DeLawyer please for the love of GOD keep your children away from Homestuck

 

[Squanto Airi]

Coworker's mom just passed. Her and I were just talking a few hours ago about how she was gonna visit her in a few days.

Please keep her in your prayers, and talk to your parents if you can.

 

[Dean Pentel]

Honestly I think I'm just gonna radicalize as much as possible. I need something to latch onto and quite frankly it isn't "god".

Don't have to get bitches to gain power.

After all, a very angry painter who was very much possibly a virgin ended up taking over half of Europe for a bit lol

Don't forget that painter was not only a busy man, he was excellent at networking. He had a few things he cared very much about. He put in a lot of work and he cultivated his people skills. Those two things are a big part of why he was able to spearhead a unified movement.

If you want more from life, commit to the process of achieving your goals, not the goals themselves. It is never easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. It won't happen overnight and you are for sure going to fuck up plenty. I'm nobody special, born in poverty and raised in a rather dysfunctional home, and if I can get to a life worth living, you can too.

 

[Candlelight Desolation]

I've found an idiot-proof way to get more reading done: go to my local library, go to a quiet reading room they have in the back, and read for two hours. I also take my notebook with me as I read stuff.

Incidentally, I got tired of flimsy and impractical Amazon and cheap furniture you buy at the store, so since I have some carpentry training and like the mentality of "If you want something done right, do it yourself", I decided to make one out of plywood among other materials myself (really, all of it at the end of the day cost about your average Ikea BILLY shelf, maybe a little higher). It took me some days to put the thing together, but it's done. I have books on it now, though I had to wait a little before I could move it into my bedroom because of toxic smell coming from E600 glue I used to attach the thick poster board on the insides - the glue still needed to cure.

What I find notable is that while I was hammering the thing together to reinforce the rows, some relatives with severe TDS were in the other room laughing at the South Park episode on someone's phone which came out not too long ago making fun of ICE/the Administration (meanwhile, those guys in charge of that show never said one word about Biden when he was in power). I'm not into Trump hero worship, but I find it telling I'd rather put together a DIY bookcase on my own in the other room from relatives rather than watch propaganda made by two sellouts.

Pic related, it's an older picture of the shelf before the last of the glue cured:

Spoiler: diy bookcase dox

I've got some plywood left behind, so I'm considering making a new computer desk out of that. I think I have just enough for that.

 

[Squanto Airi]

Pic related, it's an older picture of the shelf before the last of the glue cured:

Spoiler: diy bookcase dox

I do like the colors at the end of the bookcase shelves. Are they to correspond with the genre of books you have?

 

[Candlelight Desolation]

I do like the colors at the end of the bookcase shelves. Are they to correspond with the genre of books you have?

More how I plan to use my shelf; I've always quite liked color-coding, and I'm planning for it to be more practical instead of just hoarding books. I'm slowly but surely beginning to embrace minimalism, also I don't like the idea of having things on shelves you don't use as a tool and/or value enough to revisit. Here's how it works:

• Red/Blue = Read four at a time from each
• Yellow = Read two at a time, or one from here and one from green before looking back to the top

So it'd be 10 books per cycle. Every shelf from left to right is organized by Dewey Decimal because I have a horrific time organizing books on my own, and I figure Dewey is a foolproof way to go about organizing them. Regarding Dewey, I mainly read from these four categories:

• 200s - Religion
• 300s - Social Sciences
• 800s - Literature
• 900s - History

 

[Lingering butter taste]

One of the most embarrassing things ever is telling your therapist you’ve been “verbally abused”. I always feel so fucking ashamed whenever I have to say that cause it’s like, the fuck do I mean words did something to me? Why would words ever traumatize me? Why did my parents yelling at me for crying or being too happy in public mess me up, that’s so pathetic. Words shouldn’t do anything to me, ever, why were we even made for them to mean anything? It’s such a useless trait.
I’m thinking of this cause I remembered back when I was breaking down over something and my parents took pictures of me laughing to show me how “ridiculous I looked”. I was 18, that shouldn’t have bothered me but it did. I’m such a fucking sensitive retard.

 

[AnOminous]

Don't forget that painter was not only a busy man, he was excellent at networking. He had a few things he cared very much about. He put in a lot of work and he cultivated his people skills. Those two things are a big part of why he was able to spearhead a unified movement.

Don't forget he had literal OG antifa street criminals as his adversaries. Sure he had his own street criminals, but they dressed better.

 

[Doggo]

Enjoy every minute of it, pal.

I lived alone between mid-2012 and the end of 2020, and I’ve spent the last 4+ years wistfully pining for that time back.

It was the most free, fun, exciting time I ever had in my life. I never fucking knew how good I had it until it was over.

I sincerely hope it all works out for you!

Two weeks in and all is going well! I’ll admit I need to keep the place a bit cleaner than I have been, but I’ve been so busy with work, which I guess isn’t a bad problem to have. Thank you for the kind words!

Also, I just put $5k down on the vintage car I want to buy. Only $2.5k left to go. I am super excited, it’s been a long time coming.

 

[Random fucking rat]

Close relative got into Homestuck and has been very enthusiastic about making it known. There is no escape. Send help

Congratulations to @Brett DeLawyer please for the love of GOD keep your children away from Homestuck

Is it a child? Considering how long homestuck is, im surprised a gen-z would have the attention span to finish the entire vn. The hometsuck fandom was the most popular pre-tiktok.

One of the most embarrassing things ever is telling your therapist you’ve been “verbally abused”. I always feel so fucking ashamed whenever I have to say that cause it’s like, the fuck do I mean words did something to me? Why would words ever traumatize me? Why did my parents yelling at me for crying or being too happy in public mess me up, that’s so pathetic. Words shouldn’t do anything to me, ever, why were we even made for them to mean anything? It’s such a useless trait.
I’m thinking of this cause I remembered back when I was breaking down over something and my parents took pictures of me laughing to show me how “ridiculous I looked”. I was 18, that shouldn’t have bothered me but it did. I’m such a fucking sensitive retard.

Please allow me to arm-chair here. no, you arent sensitive. there was a study that babies and infants could sense and understand the feelings behind words even when they weren’t able to understand them. link to the study: https://youtu.be/ChoOExRLT4Q?si=0N5sdiIq1DH_bpM5

so obviously its not just the words. It could also be their body language, like for example, if they laughed and then disregarded something you were proud to show them. even if they said something to nice to you, it didnt match their underlying meaning. for example if they said “Oh, thats nice.” when its obvious from how they acted, they didn’t care. if anyone tries to tell you that being a bully to your child is “tough love” run not walk.

theres also another study (which is largely based off of theory) about plants in their budding stage, start to grow more prolifically and vigorously when nice words and affirmations are said to them. Something about the positive energy and vibrations. yeah its hippie, but if it makes you feel better, you can buy a plant and test it out. See if it heals something inside you.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

Please allow me to arm-chair here. no, you arent sensitive. there was a study that babies and infants could sense and understand the feelings behind words even when they weren’t able to understand them. link to the study: https://youtu.be/ChoOExRLT4Q?si=0N5sdiIq1DH_bpM5

so obviously its not just the words. It could also be their body language, like for example, if they laughed and then disregarded something you were proud to show them. even if they said something to nice to you, it didnt match their underlying meaning. for example if they said “Oh, thats nice.” when its obvious from how they acted, they didn’t care. if anyone tries to tell you that being a bully to your child is “tough love” run not walk.

theres also another study (which is largely based off of theory) about plants in their budding stage, start to grow more prolifically and vigorously when nice words and affirmations are said to them. Something about the positive energy and vibrations. yeah its hippie, but if it makes you feel better, you can buy a plant and test it out. See if it heals something inside you.

Thanks. When you put it like that, it does make sense I guess. That being around so much negativity and not getting legit support from them must’ve really fucked my shit up. I’ve never seen my parents as a support system, rather just the people I ask for stuff and ask for permission to do things. The idea of getting any kind of emotional support from your parents is still wild to me. Growing up that was considered… “White”

 

[owed to joy]

Thanks. When you put it like that, it does make sense I guess. That being around so much negativity and not getting legit support from them must’ve really fucked my shit up. I’ve never seen my parents as a support system, rather just the people I ask for stuff and ask for permission to do things. The idea of getting any kind of emotional support from your parents is still wild to me. Growing up that was considered… “White”

I once had a wonderful therapist whom I'll remember fondly forever. I told her that my parents were not like other parents and they never supported me and in fact required more from me than they ever provided. She looked at me blankly and responded, you are almost 30 years old - what exactly can be done about any of that now? Nothing. We all have bad experiences, but you are in control of what's next. It is a choice. Now I am 10 years older and I have never felt the same since. That old mean Jewish lady was worth every penny for that one single sentence.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

you are almost 30 years old - what exactly can be done about any of that now? Nothing.

I kinda disagree here

A lot of my life I treated people a certain way cause my parents made me believe it was normal. I always thought “Well my parents did this with me so it’s cool if I do it with other people”. I was losing friends left and right and was convinced it was their own faults. It’s only after learning that certain things they did were bad that I’m realizing it’s not right to do it to other people, and that people leave because I’m a dick just like my parents. I cringe at me years ago with how vile I was, just like how I’ll probably cringe at me today years later after learning even more behaviors I picked up from them were wrong.

What can I do about it? I can not be like them.

 

[owed to joy]

I kinda disagree here

A lot of my life I treated people a certain way cause my parents made me believe it was normal. I always thought “Well my parents did this with me so it’s cool if I do it with other people”. I was losing friends left and right and was convinced it was their own faults. It’s only after learning that certain things they did were bad that I’m realizing it’s not right to do it to other people, and that people leave because I’m a dick just like my parents. I cringe at me years ago with how vile I was, just like how I’ll probably cringe at me today years later after learning even more behaviors I picked up from them were wrong.

What can I do about it? I can not be like them.

We are saying the same thing. You take control and do not dwell on the past. Create your own future.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

We are saying the same thing. You take control and do not dwell on the past. Create your own future.

What I more so meant was that I think taking significant time to acknowledge and reflect onto the past is required for moving onto the future, otherwise you’ll make the same mistakes. The past is a study guide.

I do agree that doing nothing but mulling over it is a bad idea, purely because that is inaction.

 

[owed to joy]

What I more so meant was that I think taking significant time to acknowledge and reflect onto the past is required for moving onto the future, otherwise you’ll make the same mistakes. The past is a study guide.

I do agree that doing nothing but mulling over it is a bad idea, purely because that is inaction.

I just sincerely feel that any minute I ever spent being angry or sad or bitter or self-pitying or whatever over some shit from a million years ago over someone or something now dead or old or imperfect, was a minute wasted. Maybe some value in it as I'm here now but I'm much better off not wasting that time and I don't feel good in spite of my past, I'm grateful for it and for everything my family did and did not do. It all contributed to where I'm at today, which is somewhere I'm proud to be.


I ventured back in here because many months ago I made a post about my wife having post partem depression and acting crazy since the baby. She's much better now. I ended up having to tell her we should separate and I left for a week and I came to take the baby for a few hours everyday and just didn't engage with my wife at all - came by, said I'm here to see my baby and I'll bring her back in a couple hours and I kept it real cold and curt and before long, she was back to normal. Had to realize the stakes I guess. We're going on vacation in 2 weeks, baby's first plane ride. I'm excited, I've been needing a vacation.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

I just sincerely feel that any minute I ever spent being angry or sad or bitter or self-pitying or whatever over some shit from a million years ago over someone or something now dead or old or imperfect, was a minute wasted.

Not angry, but rather analytical. I’m not advocating for licking old wounds and continuing to hate people who have forgotten you even existed, rather I think way too many people think moving on from the past includes letting it go. We’ve romanticized this idea that when you realize something bad has happened to you, you must immediately forget it and never acknowledge it again. The past exists so we can learn to never do it again, it’s a concept made to be recalled. It’s why folktales and cautionary stories exist. Those who run from the past will meet it once again very soon.

I don’t think being angry about it will do much, of course if you have feelings to let out then let them out, but it’s not a state you want to stay in. Rather I think it helps to look at what, for example, one’s parents did wrong so they can know to not do that too. To really sit down outside of brief realization and think about what went wrong and maybe what went right. It’s something that most therapists will have you do cause it’s the first step to getting better. Forgive but never forget.

Not to mention I’m slightly of the opinion that when our society encourages “letting shit go” when it comes to abuse, we indirectly encourage abusers since we’re essentially telling them “Ya, if you do it then wait a good few years, it’s a-okay. I will have moved on.”

I ventured back in here because many months ago I made a post about my wife having post partem depression and acting crazy since the baby. She's much better now. I ended up having to tell her we should separate and I left for a week and I came to take the baby for a few hours everyday and just didn't engage with my wife at all - came by, said I'm here to see my baby and I'll bring her back in a couple hours and I kept it real cold and curt and before long, she was back to normal. Had to realize the stakes I guess. We're going on vacation in 2 weeks, baby's first plane ride. I'm excited, I've been needing a vacation.

That’s great. I think she did realize that if she didn’t get her shit together then that could be the kid’s future, being picked up by his dad from his own home. I’m glad things worked out, happy vacation