How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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I will be reaching mid 30s soon, I have not been in any kind of relationship since mid 20s, all of my friends are online and now I am posting on KF; is this my midlife crisis? I would say that's not good. On the other hand, materially I'm doing great, and physically fit wise I'm doing quite well compared to my past self. It's nothing impressive, but I am probably best shape I have been in over last 4-5 years. This year I set some new personal bests fit wise, for example I managed to do 10 pull ups for the first time ever.

I don't think I'm in any position to complain about my life as I have been more fortunate than most, yet loneliness and the passage of time feel like they weigh heavy on me. I think most people my age are married and have kids by now. What have I been doing all this time? I think I have no idea what I'm doing in life, but there's nothing else to do other than keep on keeping on...
 
long waters said:
I don't think I'm in any position to complain about my life as I have been more fortunate than most, yet loneliness and the passage of time feel like they weigh heavy on me. I think most people my age are married and have kids by now. What have I been doing all this time? I think I have no idea what I'm doing in life, but there's nothing else to do other than keep on keeping on...
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It's nothing to be ashamed of to desire these things. People have many needs that go beyond food, water, and shelter. All humans need socialization. We're hardwired to want to be accepted by the tribe because forming relationships is how we survive as a species. Just because you may be healthy, and wealthy doesn't mean that there still isn't a need for social circles and intimate relationships. I think it's under-appreciated how these aren't just nice things to have but are actual literal needs for humans. There's a reason solitary confinement is often described as inhumane because the adverse effects it has on people aren't just psychological but physiological.

It's why I find the incel phenomenon so interesting. Because on one hand their communities are often funny to laugh at, they are goofy, and they're easy to pick on. But on the other hand their grievances are not wrong. People desire to love and be loved, and when you are deprived that, especially over a long period of time, the stress alone can make people prone to real health complications. I hope this is coming across right but my point is don't feel like you don't have the right to complain or feel sad just because you are succeeding in other areas of life.
 
YHWH's Strongest Soldier said:
It's genuinely just about having fun. When you're college aged, you still have at least 4 decades of work ahead of you. The work that is available to students is mostly low pay while there's always opportunity to join clubs or parties that will close their doors to you as you age. Simply put, it usually will not be possible to have the same type of fun once you leave college while you can always work low-pay jobs.
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The type of "fun" they're having is not really fun to me. I'm straight up schizo. I don't like eating out/going out because there's almost 80% chance there's a tranny staff*. I'm actually transphobic in the way that seeing one ruins my day so I prefer to stay in until I can move out of this country of lunatics. You wouldn't believe the amount of trannies here, it's unbearable. I'm going insane

This is a certain ASIAN country and just the other day I saw a tranny dressed like a stripper in my college canteen. If that was a female student she'd be hauled off campus and deposited at the gates. The tranny worship is complete and utter lunacy. Having to see a man build like a linebacker dressed in cheek length miniskirt and stockings is traumatic to my delicate eyes

*I live in the most tranny infested country in the world
Slav Power said:
So whose fault is it? Is it my parents for not raising me right that I don't have the self-discipline to move forward? Is it fate that dropped me off at the wrong time at the wrong place? Blaming anybody else besides me is pointless and it's just looking for a scapegoat to feel better about me, a grown adult being incapable of being one. I don't see anyone else to blame but me here, even if it's still counterproductive since I can blame myself all I want, I'm still not doing anything to change my life circumstances.
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Life is not a blame game. I found that it's better to just not place blame at all and accept it as events that happened. It doesn't mean anything on people involved in the situation. They're not good or bad, just participants
Spilled Spaghett said:
There's a reason solitary confinement is often described as inhumane because the adverse effects it has on people aren't just psychological but physiological.
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I haven't talked to anyone in weeks. I only go to classes where I have zero friends, go do my job where I work as a delivery man so I literally speak to no one, and then I go home to hold my human sized doll bf in silence until I pass out.

I'm literally going insane and last night I have to turn off the lights and go to bed because everything was looking strange and threatening. I thought I was sick so I just went to bed. I'm way past "what's happening to me?" phase and atp it's just that I have to use my brain to think of a way to resolve my problems.
 
Ruined by the Rain said:
The type of "fun" they're having is not really fun to me. I'm straight up schizo.
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Yeah, I suspect that your definition of fun is radically different from a normal person's. I can't say that trannies existing somewhere ever prevented me from having fun. Do you even derive joy from spending time with people or are normal social activities for young people just an alien experience to you?
 
Try meetup.com and just do anything just to be around people. We need socialization because it effects our physical brain chemistry if we don’t. There is something called nuerofactor that the brain makes its kind of like having oil in your car engine and it makes more when you have sunlight water, exercise, socialization etc and when you take those things away the brain gets all inflamed and breaks down. Even if you have to pull a forest gump and just go sit on a bus bench and talk to somebody, try to do it, you need human interaction! Try going to an AA meeting and pretending to be an alcoholic just to get some socialization and hugs or something tell them an AA person sent you for loneliness if you don’t want to lie cause I’m trying to send you. Maybe talk to cashiers at stores and stuff? I’m not being facetious, you NEED to find a way to end your isolation. I’m praying that you do and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Another idea pretend to be a tourist and ask somebody for directions. Just to start a conversation. I’ve been painfully shy and isolated I used to be a selective mute so I kind of understand and these may seem like crazy ideas to normies but they will work.
 
The Queen of Autists said:
Try meetup.com and just do anything just to be around people.
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The issue is that people who have to go out of their way to hang out with others are probably having such issues for a reason. The luck of the draw on dating apps seem more appealing than hanging out with downies, however much you're actually one yourself. Youtube has been suggesting me some "PoV:Extrovert" guy who just walks around talking to strangers, often coming across highly autistic, and even when he bags a hoe he's asking another for her number not an hour later. It's easy to not be envious of these people if it truly is a selfish itch to always talk and demand attention. "Is this what it takes?" I asked myself before quickly realizing I wouldn't want a chick who'd be into such extroverted rizz.

Spilled Spaghett said:
Just because you may be healthy, and wealthy doesn't mean that there still isn't a need for social circles and intimate relationships.
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It's slowly dawning on me that this new job of mine is just a job. No deadline to find another or what have you. It's now I need to do social shit, or at least push myself into engaging with people more purposefully online. But likewise it bears on the health to constantly beat yourself up about not doing more. If I stop telling myself I -need- to do this and that and just don't, I feel vastly less impacted. I'm still struggling with reading being a legitimate hobby when I'm used to riding bikes and shit. Thousands of pages a month and I'm still like "dawg get a real hobby".

Edit: Boss casually went "we're closing the department and shipping you 20 mins further out" lol. It ain't bad, still less than 50 mins of driving each way, but coworkers already went "I wouldn't do that". It made me wonder how badly I wanted this job, and like.. badly? But I'm already so comfortable I forget the struggle of getting out of my previous job. Human adaptability is scary.
 
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YHWH's Strongest Soldier said:
I can't say that trannies existing somewhere ever prevented me from having fun.
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I'm transphobic in a "they're affront to God" way. They're very unnatural looking to me like they're some kind of walking abomination and seeing people not realise this upset me.
YHWH's Strongest Soldier said:
Do you even derive joy from spending time with people or are normal social activities for young people just an alien experience to you?
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I have childhood onset schizophrenia so I don't actually have many friends in my life. I recently think back about my past and I'm a group parasite or otherwise forced my way into the group. When I was younger I hallucinated half the shit I remembered and I was convinced it's real and true and act accordingly.

When I have friends I enjoy their company but I think they don't enjoy my company. I can't tell if people dislike me or it's all in my head because it just feels like everyone is conspiring against me. I know it's mental illness tho but I just live in a constant state of fear and suspicion. I try to act otherwise because I use my brain and realised that I go more insane without human interaction.

I don't actually have anything I do for fun I'm ngl the most enjoyment I have is from owning things or figuring out how to get my hands on those things I want. I enjoy things I can physically interact with more
The Queen of Autists said:
Try meetup.com and just do anything just to be around people. We need socialization because it effects our physical brain chemistry if we don’t. There is something called nuerofactor that the brain makes its kind of like having oil in your car engine and it makes more when you have sunlight water, exercise, socialization etc and when you take those things away the brain gets all inflamed and breaks down. Even if you have to pull a forest gump and just go sit on a bus bench and talk to somebody, try to do it, you need human interaction! Try going to an AA meeting and pretending to be an alcoholic just to get some socialization and hugs or something tell them an AA person sent you for loneliness if you don’t want to lie cause I’m trying to send you. Maybe talk to cashiers at stores and stuff? I’m not being facetious, you NEED to find a way to end your isolation. I’m praying that you do and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Another idea pretend to be a tourist and ask somebody for directions. Just to start a conversation. I’ve been painfully shy and isolated I used to be a selective mute so I kind of understand and these may seem like crazy ideas to normies but they will work.
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I think I have actual brain damage. I'm probably going to join my college's Christian club because I don't drink, I don't whore, and I already quit drugs. Might not be related but I feel like that qualifies me to join.

I think the way I gain people to be around is I look for people who's judged to be unlikely to say no, then I introduce myself to them and insert myself in any groups they might be in. But well in college people don't usually come to the same area in the same time often so I can't use my tried and true method. So I'm joining a club where the same people are guaranteed to come over and over again.
 
drained and my mind is always racing i need to dig myself out of this hole
 
Could be better... This is probably gonna be TMI, but I'll give it a shot still:

I got a friend, my best friend. I've known the guy for over a decade now and we were really close... But then I discover this site, my worldview shifts, and some other things happen that keep me and him away for a while. What I didn't expect was for him to come out of the closet and as a furry (he became a furfag, never better said), so it's easy to imagine that his worldview is really different from mine. But I don't want to let that ruin such a long friendship, until the problems show: he once complained to me about poor representation of gays in media and I told him that his mistake was to assume corpos don't see him as just another number in the spreadsheet. He got uppity at me for considering him naive, but then cooled off. Even then, I had my suspicions since... And then cue a few days ago.

I got another friend, a really good friend too I made some years ago, even managed to open her eyes on things like illegal immigrants and leftist psychos. Said friend lives in Europe and is understandably worried about the chat control proposal. So she told my best friend when he asked her how she was doing (I thought they would hit off well) and he had a very passive, NPC-like reaction of indifference to it, topping it off with "that's like your opinion, I hope we can still be friends!" (Keep that last bit in mind). So she tells me about it (ironically, she understands me better than he does nowadays), being frustrated. I tried to fix things by explaining what happened to him, and he takes it negatively, accusing her of wanting to policy his thoughts (she didn't), and he decides to break off things with her...

Right after he said that nonsense of not letting it get in-between... And after he also got uppity at me for stating a mere fact that while ago. Best part though? He said he's mistrustful of relationships online because some faggot in Discord played with his feelings and cheated on him (pretend to be surprised)... And it happened some time after I warned him about how unhealthy homos are in personal relationships (to put it lightly)...

I'm probably being paranoid, but I'm worried that one day, I'll lose him to those societal cancers for good... But maybe it would be better at that point; the man I called "best friend" all that time ago would be gone, replaced by this doppelganger wearing his skin...

And those are my woes, pardon me if I was being dramatic in my ramblings. I hope the rest of you, fellow kiwis are doing better than me at least. :feels:
 
Yeah I dunno where else to rant about this because the very few people I usually would to are the ones doing it, so...
Has anyone else noticed people being increasingly inattentive lately when you are talking to them online? Because usually I try to reply to most of the things people are writing to me about and not just.. ignore them? I'm starting to feel like a real idiot pretty fast if I need to keep repeating myself so usually I don't do it unless I REALLY want a reply, but some people are now just ignoring me so often (during a conversation) that I'm really puzzled what's going on with them. Sure, people can be busy and stressed etc. etc. but still, a conversation starts to get annoying pretty damn fast when someone keeps ignoring you like this. And I'm not talking about "they didn't reply to a meme I sent them", - kind of way but in a "I thought I made an okay-ish & related point during our conversation or told you something actually meaningful and you just disregarded it " - kind of way.
These are pretty good friends of mine but we don't see each other often irl and sure, online communication can be draining but they never used to be like this. So just wanted to vent about this somewhere I guess.


Edit. Hit post too early by accident.
 
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The Queen of Autists said:
Try meetup.com and just do anything just to be around people. We need socialization because it effects our physical brain chemistry if we don’t. There is something called nuerofactor that the brain makes its kind of like having oil in your car engine and it makes more when you have sunlight water, exercise, socialization etc and when you take those things away the brain gets all inflamed and breaks down. Even if you have to pull a forest gump and just go sit on a bus bench and talk to somebody, try to do it, you need human interaction! Try going to an AA meeting and pretending to be an alcoholic just to get some socialization and hugs or something tell them an AA person sent you for loneliness if you don’t want to lie cause I’m trying to send you. Maybe talk to cashiers at stores and stuff? I’m not being facetious, you NEED to find a way to end your isolation. I’m praying that you do and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Another idea pretend to be a tourist and ask somebody for directions. Just to start a conversation. I’ve been painfully shy and isolated I used to be a selective mute so I kind of understand and these may seem like crazy ideas to normies but they will work.
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I've been the cashier at stores and stuff and, unless it's some mom and pop store that doesn't do much all day, even I wouldn't recommend this because cashiers are paid to be nice to you. Unless you are being hostile they're going to smile and nod because they just want you gone, or want to sell you on something. It's not really a genuine interaction with another person.

The hardest part is trying to find a way to talk to start a conversation that doesn't immediately put someone on the defense. Unless a person is there specifically to engage and socialize, any attempt at interaction is like a hostage situation. They may smile and nod, and speak the bare minimum to not be rude because they think you might be some sort of serial killer. The problem is other than maybe college parties these situations and places don't exist. So if you didn't form your social network early in life when people are obligated to be around and work with each other you mostly fucked yourself for the rest of your life. Normally you can expand your social circles by meeting friends of friends who will naturally introduce you, and people wont look terrified because you've been vetted by your friend. If you don't have that foundation good luck.
 
⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
Got my job overlap payout. I spent most of it to reduce my modest student debt (by US standards). It'll be nice to be rid of it in a few months, but at the same time it's like.. then what? I'll just be putting my money into savings. I guess having no debt is good but it still feels odd to just start saving shit cause I don't spend it. I scour Steam for an excuse to buy new games cheaply and it's just not there. I invest with little chance I'll leave kids to pass it onto. :(
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Take a few screen shots of your COD KDR. That will impress your kids more than you think when you have them.
 
What is it about women in the medical field that gives them such an ego? They have some surface level knowledge about whatever field they're in and they insist they are an expert. If you challenge them they get extremely defensive and upset. This seem especially true with women in psychology who insist on telling you how people actually behave and if you don't fit into that box or have a different opinion they became vindictive banshees.
 
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