How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Ruined by the Rain said:
Might be wrong thread but I find it harder to remain on this site. QnA was always fag central but it has recently gone from shitposting to "we act retarded, and now retards think they're in good company". My favourite cow threads are all dead, my favourite posters don't post as much anymore. I tried to find more funny lolcows but seeing all the pedofaggot dograpists that's featured on here buried all the funny threads is exhausting.

I like some of the guys here but opening this site gets me more MATI than actually enjoying it. I don't think it's all in my head but I've consumed the good parts of the site and I don't think I like what's left. I came here to laugh and left more pissed than when I log on
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The threads have become weirdly parasocial. Either they want to be a cows best friend and hope they're doing well or they want them to drop dead immediately and go to hell. There's not much fun is there?
 
Ruined by the Rain said:
This is lunacy to me. I don't actually know shit about what people do in college. I have a job and when I'm not studying I'm working.
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It's genuinely just about having fun. When you're college aged, you still have at least 4 decades of work ahead of you. The work that is available to students is mostly low pay while there's always opportunity to join clubs or parties that will close their doors to you as you age. Simply put, it usually will not be possible to have the same type of fun once you leave college while you can always work low-pay jobs.
 
Kofi Drinka said:
The threads have become weirdly parasocial. Either they want to be a cows best friend and hope they're doing well or they want them to drop dead immediately and go to hell. There's not much fun is there?
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Yeah, lot of the threads I used to haunt - even before becoming a member of this site - are either dead or crammed full of people who act like lolcows themselves. Bit depressing, honestly; as stated, it'd (partially) due to both old users leaving and the threads getting so much new blood in, though to be fair, it's also hard to get in new content in some areas when everything is made into the same faggy blob. Not helping is that a number of the more "decent" lolcows have been passing away as of recent, while the majority of fucked-up loons are still sticking around; focusing entirely on the negative can really affect someone's mental state after all, even with good intentions, and the fact that this site's become something of a circlejerk itself only reinforces the issue.

Seriously, there are some pricks on this site; while KF overall is still a great place, there's some users here that act more like Redditors than Farmers, and it gets a bit... notable.
 
Got my job overlap payout. I spent most of it to reduce my modest student debt (by US standards). It'll be nice to be rid of it in a few months, but at the same time it's like.. then what? I'll just be putting my money into savings. I guess having no debt is good but it still feels odd to just start saving shit cause I don't spend it. I scour Steam for an excuse to buy new games cheaply and it's just not there. I invest with little chance I'll leave kids to pass it onto. :(
 
⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
Got my job overlap payout. I spent most of it to reduce my modest student debt (by US standards). It'll be nice to be rid of it in a few months, but at the same time it's like.. then what? I'll just be putting my money into savings. I guess having no debt is good but it still feels odd to just start saving shit cause I don't spend it. I scour Steam for an excuse to buy new games cheaply and it's just not there. I invest with little chance I'll leave kids to pass it onto. :(
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Hey, never know what'll happen; health issues, vehicle issues, house problems... always good to have a fallback option. Trust me, better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
 
I think the best way to put it is that I'm fed up with myself. Nothing in my life is changing because I don't do anything to change it. I can't get myself to form better habits that I know I need and drop the ones that I know are bad for me. I can't get myself to do this and I have no idea what it is that I have to do for the pathways in my brain to rewire to just stop. Just stop this constant self-destruction and start moving forward in life for once. I'm sick and tired of being a prisoner of myself with all the power to escape yet no clear path of it. This helplessness that I am painfully aware of yet I can't defeat. And the last thing that I want to happen is for this helplessness to take control and materialize the suicidal thoughts I'm having from time to time. I know that the issue is me, I know that I am the only one that can fix it, but I can't get myself to even start putting in the effort, let alone know where to put it and it's so fucking frustrating to wake up every single day to the same shit that I know I hate yet I don't know how to stop.
 
Scream Aim Fire said:
Yeah, lot of the threads I used to haunt - even before becoming a member of this site - are either dead or crammed full of people who act like lolcows themselves. Bit depressing, honestly; as stated, it'd (partially) due to both old users leaving and the threads getting so much new blood in, though to be fair, it's also hard to get in new content in some areas when everything is made into the same faggy blob. Not helping is that a number of the more "decent" lolcows have been passing away as of recent, while the majority of fucked-up loons are still sticking around; focusing entirely on the negative can really affect someone's mental state after all, even with good intentions, and the fact that this site's become something of a circlejerk itself only reinforces the issue.

Seriously, there are some pricks on this site; while KF overall is still a great place, there's some users here that act more like Redditors than Farmers, and it gets a bit... notable.
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There's lots of people on here who get really agitated easily. There plenty of cows who deserve scorn, but I miss the ones who are just strange weirdos. Agree with you on the lurking part as one thread I lurked way before this account is dead.

Thread tax: Whoever said it gets easier as time goes on when a loved one dies obviously lied. I feel like it's sinking in even harder as this month ends and I have no idea if I'm grieving appropriately or not.
 
My birthday is next week yey.

Also, a relative is retiring next week too. Gonna have a big party. Also going to Kentucky soon too.
 
Still in hospital, keeping me overnight. Platelets are low? Mean platelets are high? Apparently that’s a problem?? BP not great not terrible. No one is declaring ‘clamps but everyone keeps looking at me sideways. Babby still huge and fine.

This is the first night I’ve ever been away from Kid DeLawyer and am trying not to be a weepy wamen about it, but… my baby!! I have two arms and I must hug. :'(

ETA: if my numbers get any worse they’re talking about delivering -tomorrow-. If they’re stable they’re still talking delivery on Friday?? I thought I had almost an entire month to finish home prep and now I am spiraling a bit. This baby might end up sleeping in a damn drawer. How does this crazy shit always happen to me.
 
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A group of stray cats started hanging out at my apartment complex and they brought a kitten with them. The kitten has stuck around and now several of my neighbors and myself are giving him food, toys and water. I hope he stays and I hope I can adopt him.
 
Visit with grandma was good. She did mention to me that should I move back I could live on the plot of land she has. It's really tempting, but I just don't have the capital or would be able to find a job that would pay enough to move back, unfortunately.

Kofi Drinka said:
The threads have become weirdly parasocial. Either they want to be a cows best friend and hope they're doing well or they want them to drop dead immediately and go to hell. There's not much fun is there?
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That's why I stopped following the Pizzacake thread - there's only so many times I can take of a middling comic artist's takes and her cucky husband.
Though I'd reckon it's not just the threads being parasocial - a lot of the users are. Had to stop following the vtuber thread cause every time Null would make a post, thread would get shitted up for days by parasocial users calling other parasocial users cringe. And as we saw with the NFL thread getting featured, apparently we can't even have a normie-tier lolcow. It just seems as though the users just want to blackpill and politisperg every chance.
 
Lovely Kin said:
Thread tax: Whoever said it gets easier as time goes on when a loved one dies obviously lied. I feel like it's sinking in even harder as this month ends and I have no idea if I'm grieving appropriately or not.
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You just get used to pain.

Slav Power said:
I think the best way to put it is that I'm fed up with myself. Nothing in my life is changing because I don't do anything to change it. I can't get myself to form better habits that I know I need and drop the ones that I know are bad for me. I can't get myself to do this and I have no idea what it is that I have to do for the pathways in my brain to rewire to just stop. Just stop this constant self-destruction and start moving forward in life for once. I'm sick and tired of being a prisoner of myself with all the power to escape yet no clear path of it. This helplessness that I am painfully aware of yet I can't defeat. And the last thing that I want to happen is for this helplessness to take control and materialize the suicidal thoughts I'm having from time to time. I know that the issue is me, I know that I am the only one that can fix it, but I can't get myself to even start putting in the effort, let alone know where to put it and it's so fucking frustrating to wake up every single day to the same shit that I know I hate yet I don't know how to stop.
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Dude, why are you so dead set on the idea that the issue is you? You are not a fictional protagonist. Yes, you have have control over some parts of your life, but curveballs happen with everybody all the time. You get too many of them in a row and bam - you think it is going to be like that forever. Not everything is your fault.
 
Juan But Not Forgotten said:
Dude, why are you so dead set on the idea that the issue is you? You are not a fictional protagonist. Yes, you have have control over some parts of your life, but curveballs happen with everybody all the time. You get too many of them in a row and bam - you think it is going to be like that forever. Not everything is your fault.
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So whose fault is it? Is it my parents for not raising me right that I don't have the self-discipline to move forward? Is it fate that dropped me off at the wrong time at the wrong place? Blaming anybody else besides me is pointless and it's just looking for a scapegoat to feel better about me, a grown adult being incapable of being one. I don't see anyone else to blame but me here, even if it's still counterproductive since I can blame myself all I want, I'm still not doing anything to change my life circumstances.
 
Still alive. Woke up Monday with spots on my arms and legs that hurt like hell. Went in for radiation therapy and docs didn't care. Went to Oncology to be sure, nope, just chemo rash. Drove home and fell asleep. Woke up at 2pm, tried to get up, collapsed. Could barely see or move. Unlocked my front door and dialed 911. Some sort of skin bacteria I got from neutropenic fever. Hospital still tried to keep me today, but nobody was helping me move or shower so I refused and got my antibiotics for oral use so I could come home. Brothers came down to help take care of me for the weekend. Idk wtf to do anymore. Wasn't my only near death experience, but it was sure as fuck the most painful. I don't want to burden my family with this shit anymore, but I really don't want to die anytime soon.
 
Slav Power said:
So whose fault is it?
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Nobody's. World isn't fair, it doesn't have to be.

Slav Power said:
that I don't have the self-discipline to move forward?
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You have, you just get bumps on the road.

Slav Power said:
Blaming anybody else besides me is pointless
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So blaming only yourself somehow helps? Doesn't seem so.

Slav Power said:
I'm still not doing anything to change my life circumstances
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Well, you can't be born as someone else far far away, but I've seen you trying stuff. And don't start with "it is not enough", your attempts show that you don't want to give up, you're just to nervous that another try is not going to solve everything or almost everything at once. I get it, I am anxious too. It is last day of summer and I wanted to go swimming, yet now I feel less like doing it. But you know what? Kicking myself won't help me craving it again like I used to. Yes, you can force yourself into doing stuff, but you can't force yourself into wanting or enjoying things. You have to let yourself feel free first.
 
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