How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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WhatsApp and Telegram are no more for calls, only calls via phone or glowing messenger proposed by the government.
It sucks, I cannot privately communicate with relatives, neither can I route WA or TG through VPN, which are also actively blocked, use Signal or set my own self-hosted service up.
It sucks, I'm paranoid. I'm working to make a way out this situation. I hope this ludicrous bullshit of war and totalitarianism ends. Not with North Korea or China, of course.
 
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Tried going on a walk outside but I couldn’t stop thinking about this site, left early to doomscroll it I guess.

I would take this up with my therapist but I’m really really embarrassed to admit that a website has been causing me this much distress. Plus I’m not sure how she’s going to react to hearing I use KiwiFarms
 
Lingering butter taste said:
I would take this up with my therapist but I’m really really embarrassed to admit that a website has been causing me this much distress. Plus I’m not sure how she’s going to react to hearing I use KiwiFarms
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If you feel the need to, don't refer to it as a website but as the topic of online gossip.
Also, we did warn you about the habitual doomscrolling.
 
Juan But Not Forgotten said:
Ohoho, oh wow. The only one who didn't say it spies on you was probably their CEO and still I am not sure.
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I would keep this opinion, if Signal wasn't blocked just like WhatsApp is blocked now or if I could self-host something by my own and if it was used by anyone besides me. At least, WhatsApp is not Max Messenger.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
Tried going on a walk outside but I couldn’t stop thinking about this site, left early to doomscroll it I guess.

I would take this up with my therapist but I’m really really embarrassed to admit that a website has been causing me this much distress. Plus I’m not sure how she’s going to react to hearing I use KiwiFarms
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You should admit it, because the fact that a literal walk outside was interrupted by needing to go on a website says something. You don't have to use the name of the site.

And of course you can stop. Or at least - if not, he/she can help you figure out your addictive tendencies and help you manage them.
 
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
You should admit it, because the fact that a literal walk outside was interrupted by needing to go on a website says something.
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It was so weird, I usually listen to music on my walks, and music makes me happy and calms me down. But today I just couldn’t pay attention at all, I kept thinking “I should check this thread, maybe something new happened in this thread, yknow should I even be listening to this artist? What if they have a thread and I don’t even know it? What’s the Farm’s general opinion on this song, should I be listening to it?”. Eventually the music bled into background noise as I just sat staring at the ground and decided “Yea, lemme go home. I need to check the farms.”
 
Lingering butter taste said:
It was so weird, I usually listen to music on my walks, and music makes me happy and calms me down. But today I just couldn’t pay attention at all, I kept thinking “I should check this thread, maybe something new happened in this thread, yknow should I even be listening to this artist? What if they have a thread and I don’t even know it? What’s the Farm’s general opinion on this song, should I be listening to it?”. Eventually the music bled into background noise as I just sat staring at the ground and decided “Yea, lemme go home. I need to check the farms.”
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Come on, now.

Or I guess you could have opened the site while walking to see that nothing critical happened and then gotten back to doing something good for you.

Is this a common scenario for you, meaning getting obsessively attached?
 
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
Or I guess you could have opened the site while walking to see that nothing critical happened and then gotten back to doing something good for you.
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I kinda just didn’t feel like going outside period anymore. Not to mention my phone’s shotty cellular
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
Is this a common scenario for you, meaning getting obsessively attached?
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In general? Yes, this often happens with other things. Same script of “I need to make sure I’m being a good person and I’m not accidentally doing something evil”, different subjects. Back in middle school it was leftist politics, high school it was religion, now it’s this site I guess.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
It was so weird, I usually listen to music on my walks, and music makes me happy and calms me down. But today I just couldn’t pay attention at all, I kept thinking “I should check this thread, maybe something new happened in this thread, yknow should I even be listening to this artist? What if they have a thread and I don’t even know it? What’s the Farm’s general opinion on this song, should I be listening to it?”. Eventually the music bled into background noise as I just sat staring at the ground and decided “Yea, lemme go home. I need to check the farms.”
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What worries you, what topics makes you focus on KF? You're newly registered so I don't know what would...
 
Smaug's Smokey Hole 2 said:
What worries you, what topics makes you focus on KF? You're newly registered so I don't know what would...
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To be fair, I’ve been lurking this site for years.

I think maybe the main thing is being seen as a pedophile, I’ve been groomed so that’s literally the last thing I want to be known as. I mean, I don’t hang out around kids, if I ever have to talk to one the conversation is short, but I’ve seen so many things on this site get called “pedophilia” that I had no clue would be considered that. I saw this one A&N thread that was talking about “kidulting”, I just thought “That sounds boring” but everyone was saying it was pedophilia. It’s just the idea that I could do something I didn’t know was unforgivable that’s bothering me.

I think the issue that makes me obsess over the farms is if I asked the average person “Hey, does kidulting make someone a pedo?” They’d say “Uh, no.”. That’s the issue, you can only really get these answers from KF.
 
YHWH's Strongest Soldier said:
@Lingering butter taste Does your therapist know you were groomed?
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I don’t believe I told her, no. I told her I have sexual trauma but that’s it. It’s nothing that serious anyway, just when I was newly a freshman, a bunch of seniors getting me to be sexual, sending me porn, encouraging me to keep them a secret from my parents, teaching me to masturbate, sending me nudes, asking me to send nudes, etc.
 
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