How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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>petting female cat
>tell her "I love you"
>jumps off my lap and zooms towards the living room immediately after hearing that

Im truly an incel aren't I?
She just wants to be friends. Friendzoned by a cat. Wow.
 
Update on the guy that I have a crush on:
1. he has a girlfriend
2. he blocked me on instagram LMAOOOOO
Mind you I never spoke to him so idk why he did that :lol: :lol:
At least you know!
She just wants to be friends. Friendzoned by a cat. Wow.
3am: I will scratch this door and howl until you open it and pay attention to me
5am: I will jump on you and eat your hair until you love me
8am, (post breakfast) how dare you try to touch me
 
At least you know!
I'm like 80% sure he blocked me because one of his many friends overheard me and my friends talking about him lol! Anyways I'm way too busy with assignments to be upset about this, I just don't want him or his girlfriend coming up to me to talk about it... awkward.

And on that note, I have less than two days to study AAAHHG.
 
At least you know!

3am: I will scratch this door and howl until you open it and pay attention to me
5am: I will jump on you and eat your hair until you love me
8am, (post breakfast) how dare you try to touch me
My cat who is the second cat in a row who had this behavior just literally slaps me in the face when I'm asleep to get attention. Do you know how much bigger I am than you are and I could wreck you? Oh, but you figured out that no matter what you do, I will not harm you.

Goddamn cats.
 
I've been thinking a lot about my Dad and how he has regrets from his life. And it now has me thinking about how I'm almost 25 and have no experiences to show for my own life. It terrifies me to think I could get to the same age he is and not have any experiences or memories worth dwelling on besides being sort of a shut in. It's gotten better recently, but I think I'll start making a real effort to go out and do things.
Im content being by myself, but being by myself at home is different from experiencing things outside.
 
My cat who is the second cat in a row who had this behavior just literally slaps me in the face when I'm asleep to get attention. Do you know how much bigger I am than you are and I could wreck you? Oh, but you figured out that no matter what you do, I will not harm you.

Goddamn cats.
This is why I prefer dogs. The worst I'll get is a needy whine and a tail wagging for attention, which I will happily give to her because she's a precious ageing baby.
And no chance of toxoplasmosis.

I will say I try to keep it friendly with my immediate neighbours' cats. The sweet young void gentleman right next door and the miniature tiger tabby upstairs both get treats whenever I can. Usually as an apology for my dog being unfriendly (my own fault for encouraging that behaviour, but it seems the only way every cat in my area understands I don't want them shitting in my flowers is by siccing the dog on them.)
I've been thinking a lot about my Dad and how he has regrets from his life. And it now has me thinking about how I'm almost 25 and have no experiences to show for my own life. It terrifies me to think I could get to the same age he is and not have any experiences or memories worth dwelling on besides being sort of a shut in. It's gotten better recently, but I think I'll start making a real effort to go out and do things.
Im content being by myself, but being by myself at home is different from experiencing things outside.
Aside from money, is anything holding you back from going out there and making the world your oyster? There are lots of ways to see the world without having to spend a ton of money, if you don't mind working while abroad. My older sister spent a year in Nepal at an orphanage, though truth be told it sounded more like a weird grift with cheap labour in the form of blue eyed young women volunteering.
 
one of my kids are getting married, which is great...except that his soon to be wifes MOM wants me to fly out to meet her...and honestly? the idea of flying scares the piss out of me. i like watching these stupid flight simulator videos, and im picturing myself getting blown to pieces at 150000 feet or whatever. that, and i am really really shy.
of course im going to do my best to go, but still scared. :semperfidelis:
 
Aside from money, is anything holding you back from going out there and making the world your oyster? There are lots of ways to see the world without having to spend a ton of money, if you don't mind working while abroad. My older sister spent a year in Nepal at an orphanage, though truth be told it sounded more like a weird grift with cheap labour in the form of blue eyed young women volunteering.

Social skills, mostly. I try not to be weird but I'm awkward and I think people can tell I have little confidence in my ability to socialize. I usually keep to myself, so when I try to branch out and get a little stumped it feels like a loss and I psyche myself out of trying again. Since I took a break I've been doing better. I'm going out this weekend to a Cherry Blossom Festival with my co worker and her husband. She's been a big help, I just know I can do better without having to rely on someone else to help me. And I feel like a burden to her most of the time.


I've been mostly trying to get into local events at the library or historic centers/societies. Some art stuff here and there if I can find it. Most of the time I find the art/historic/science related events I want to veer into have pretentious trannies and shit infesting them so I don't wanna interact much.
 
Fallen off the wagon these past couple of days by getting high over the weekend. Feel bad, because since I've gotten results back from a physical two weekends ago, I've been exercising and trying to eat better, but that Saturday night zapped it lol. The thing is, my cholesterol is a little high, which didn't surprise me, knowing my track record in 2025, but shit, it's been something that needs to be course corrected. My thing is now is trying to better track what I've been eating and how much I moved in a day. Haven't been back to the gym long (I think my first post about this was in the middle of Feburary?) so best to take shit one step at a time.
 
one of my kids are getting married, which is great...except that his soon to be wifes MOM wants me to fly out to meet her...and honestly? the idea of flying scares the piss out of me. i like watching these stupid flight simulator videos, and im picturing myself getting blown to pieces at 150000 feet or whatever. that, and i am really really shy.
of course im going to do my best to go, but still scared. :semperfidelis:
You got this! Congrats on your kid, may their union be a long and happy one.
Social skills, mostly. I try not to be weird but I'm awkward and I think people can tell I have little confidence in my ability to socialize. I usually keep to myself, so when I try to branch out and get a little stumped it feels like a loss and I psyche myself out of trying again. Since I took a break I've been doing better. I'm going out this weekend to a Cherry Blossom Festival with my co worker and her husband. She's been a big help, I just know I can do better without having to rely on someone else to help me. And I feel like a burden to her most of the time.


I've been mostly trying to get into local events at the library or historic centers/societies. Some art stuff here and there if I can find it. Most of the time I find the art/historic/science related events I want to veer into have pretentious trannies and shit infesting them so I don't wanna interact much.
Oof, yeah, I know the feeling. It's great that you're chipping away at it, I hope you have a lot of fun with the cherry blossom festival.
It's sad how trannies have infested everything but I would still encourage you to go to any and all events that seem interesting to you, if you are able to. You don't have to be best friends with every tranny that may be there, yellow rock them if you need to and they should hopefully get the idea that you're not interested, just polite.
 
Lately, whenever I've taken my dog to the park I see two dogs hanging around together. An older dog with a slight limp, and a younger dog. Husky mixes, I think? The young dog is very friendly. The older one is, too, but isn't super affectionate. I gave them water the first time I met them and went home because my dog is shy and was getting stressed out. Both of them, even the standoffish old one whined when I left. :( Went back another day and they were there again. I decided to be a neighborhood nuisance and gave them water and some food. My dog was in the car so I couldn't stay long, but I sat with them for a bit. This time, even the old one asked to be pet. He even sat right by my car when I had to leave. :( I've been really torn up about it. I never know what to do in those scenarios. What is more morally correct. They seem like a bonded pair, and I feel like if I took them to a shelter they would be separated, either because only the young one gets adopted, or the old one gets put down.

I gotta fucking move. This area sucks. People dump dogs all the time, and I can't do anything about it. I don't even want to take my dog to the park today because I can't stand having to leave them there again. And I feel selfish for feeling that way.
 
Lately, whenever I've taken my dog to the park I see two dogs hanging around together. An older dog with a slight limp, and a younger dog. Husky mixes, I think? The young dog is very friendly. The older one is, too, but isn't super affectionate. I gave them water the first time I met them and went home because my dog is shy and was getting stressed out. Both of them, even the standoffish old one whined when I left. :( Went back another day and they were there again. I decided to be a neighborhood nuisance and gave them water and some food. My dog was in the car so I couldn't stay long, but I sat with them for a bit. This time, even the old one asked to be pet. He even sat right by my car when I had to leave. :( I've been really torn up about it. I never know what to do in those scenarios. What is more morally correct. They seem like a bonded pair, and I feel like if I took them to a shelter they would be separated, either because only the young one gets adopted, or the old one gets put down.

I gotta fucking move. This area sucks. People dump dogs all the time, and I can't do anything about it. I don't even want to take my dog to the park today because I can't stand having to leave them there again. And I feel selfish for feeling that way.
I would call a shelter if I were you. I don't know if shelters in your part of the world are different, but usually they'll let bonded dogs stay together where I'm from.
It's tough. You did them a kindness by giving them some food and water. Be proud that you have empathy even for stray dogs you don't know.
 
How I'm fuckin' doing???

"It's a hot night. The mind races.
You think about your knife.
The only friend who hasn't betrayed you.
The only friend who won't be dead by sunup."


Awaiting to get the call/email for a job offer. Passed all 5 interviews, got a call Friday saying they were all impressed and wanted to move forward to the offer stage. Got a rough salary range, asked about availability....but nothing's been signed yet. Said to wait to some time this week.

It's been a shit year and a half. So much gone wrong. I can't help but feel anxious.
 
I’m tired. Bone aching exhaustion that won’t lift. I can’t seem to shake it. I am SO tired. So so tired. How do people have energy to get through the day?
 
Lately, whenever I've taken my dog to the park I see two dogs hanging around together. An older dog with a slight limp, and a younger dog. Husky mixes, I think? The young dog is very friendly. The older one is, too, but isn't super affectionate. I gave them water the first time I met them and went home because my dog is shy and was getting stressed out. Both of them, even the standoffish old one whined when I left. :( Went back another day and they were there again. I decided to be a neighborhood nuisance and gave them water and some food. My dog was in the car so I couldn't stay long, but I sat with them for a bit. This time, even the old one asked to be pet. He even sat right by my car when I had to leave. :( I've been really torn up about it. I never know what to do in those scenarios. What is more morally correct. They seem like a bonded pair, and I feel like if I took them to a shelter they would be separated, either because only the young one gets adopted, or the old one gets put down.

I gotta fucking move. This area sucks. People dump dogs all the time, and I can't do anything about it. I don't even want to take my dog to the park today because I can't stand having to leave them there again. And I feel selfish for feeling that way.
Sounds like a canine family unit that got dumped, or was wild at birth but still had enough human contact to be friendly. I've seen it before, and its hard. Best thing you can do, honestly, is keep going there and being friendly with them to get them used to human contact since they seem to be accustomed to you, while working with others to find them a home.

Hint: If someone is willing to take them in, have them join you. Seeing them with you will add trust, as dogs will understand that if you trust them, they likely can as well which will make the transition easier. But that also means you will have to be a semi-regular visitor, as dogs have abandonment issues. So whomever takes them in will have to adjust to meetups once or twice a month so you can say hello and remind than they you are still their friend which will help them adjust mentally.
 
I'm like 80% sure he blocked me because one of his many friends overheard me and my friends talking about him lol! Anyways I'm way too busy with assignments to be upset about this, I just don't want him or his girlfriend coming up to me to talk about it... awkward.

And on that note, I have less than two days to study AAAHHG.
Sorry kween. You'll find your king someday
Lately, whenever I've taken my dog to the park I see two dogs hanging around together. An older dog with a slight limp, and a younger dog. Husky mixes, I think? The young dog is very friendly. The older one is, too, but isn't super affectionate. I gave them water the first time I met them and went home because my dog is shy and was getting stressed out. Both of them, even the standoffish old one whined when I left. :( Went back another day and they were there again. I decided to be a neighborhood nuisance and gave them water and some food. My dog was in the car so I couldn't stay long, but I sat with them for a bit. This time, even the old one asked to be pet. He even sat right by my car when I had to leave. :( I've been really torn up about it. I never know what to do in those scenarios. What is more morally correct. They seem like a bonded pair, and I feel like if I took them to a shelter they would be separated, either because only the young one gets adopted, or the old one gets put down.

I gotta fucking move. This area sucks. People dump dogs all the time, and I can't do anything about it. I don't even want to take my dog to the park today because I can't stand having to leave them there again. And I feel selfish for feeling that way.
Befriend the dogs
Take in the dogs
Take in more animals you befriend
Become a recluse that speaks to animals
 
These past three days have really kicked me in the balls, moreso when I was down.

Back on Sunday, the coach whom I called out of work from the day prior, was so butt-hurt about it that he actually came in to the store and dragged me to a one on one meeting. And I remember stating ahead of time that anything and all things I wanted to say, actually weren't meant for him, but for the store manager I've yet to talk to about my concerns of the store overall.

While he insisted that it was okay to talk about them, I wasted my breath the entire time because every point I've made, was over his head. Meanwhile he's going on and on about how my performance suffers and that I should be a team player and that the success of the store is of importance. I'm rebutting as many of his stupid arguments as possible, all in all, what a waste of time over butt-hurt feelings from this fag.

And that entire meeting really plummeted any morale I had, I stress ate during my entire time off, I had an existential crisis issue come up again, people around me such as neighboring tenants were being retarded and I couldn't even enjoy a trip out to get things without people being retarded. It was like some chain effect of stupid, radiated off from that meeting and affected everything I tried to do.

What was worse is that the numbers I saw both this recent pay and the next pay, weren't aligning with what I expected, even accounting for the time I took off. So it was like, not only am I dealing with the possibility of losing a job over this fucknut, but I could lose everything I sustain.

Nothing felt or went right these entire past three days. Now I gotta go in tomorrow night and just see what else happens. I expect the store manager to pull me any minute now, not because of what I intend to talk with her about, but thanks to whatever this fucktard's influence has so now this meeting I'll soon have will probably be more or less the decider of things to come.

Oh and I got a disciplinary action write up over it which I'm contesting. Motherfucker, grow some balls, seriously. You manage all of these fucking niggers and you had to go single me out.
 
My mother isn't responding at all. I guess I gotta walk to their place and I better do it before it gets dark. It's not like I have anything better to do on a Wednesday evening at the ass-end of March, anyway.
ETA: It seems like my mother has been ill for two days and my father thought the extra phone was her old one. He just arrived and gave it back to me, I didn't even have to walk after all.
 
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I’m tired. Bone aching exhaustion that won’t lift. I can’t seem to shake it. I am SO tired. So so tired. How do people have energy to get through the day?
Do you need a sleep study? If you think so I highly recommend you get one.

That's what I want to post about. If you get shitty sleep I can't implore you enough to investigate why. I've been getting awful sleep for years. If I could get 5.5 hours in a night I was very lucky.

I assumed it was because of my moderate TBI I sustained years ago, which is when this seemed to begin. Then I thought I may be apneic because I was overweight. I got lean and jacked and still the terrible sleep persisted. My wife pushed me repeatedly to go get a sleep study done but I refused.

To do all I want to these days I'm now so much busier than I ever have been. At the end of a week I'm fucking wiped out and it seemed to me that being this fatigued was going to fuck with my plans sooner rather than later. I'd developed an unhealthy caffeine dependence, too.

I finally got the sleep study done and yes, I'm fucking apneic. I ask how that can be since isn't it primarily fat people that have OSA? Nope, turns out it can happen to all sorts. My thick neck from lifting heavy for years (which I'm never giving up) and being anatomically "unlucky" means sleep sucks for me now without assistance. I got a CPAP machine and goddamn, folks...I can't even put into words how much better it is. I fucking lived like this for almost a decade?!

A good analogy is only having a handheld candle for light in your house and then getting modern lighting installed.

Learn from my bad example, people. Take care of your bodies and your health. Be active all the time, eat well, stay hydrated, doing mobility/stretching stuff regularly, and for fuck's sake prioritize your sleep appropriately.
 
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