How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[WASR96]

I am beginning to understand why it's so hard to keep friends in your 30s and 40s.

Ain't that the truth. I've been very close friends with three people for 10+ years now. I consider them a second family, but damn would we never communicate if I wasn't always starting it. I have enough guests rooms for all of them but it's been a bitch trying to get them down. I get that we all have stuff going on, but the last time we all met in person was 6 years ago now. Definitely had more than enough time for them to invite me up or come see me.

But if I can't go through you, I will go around you, and I will make it happen despite you. And if someone asks, I will provide the facts, and you can answer for yourself.

This is the best way to do it. I don't let idiots hold up my work. If they want to get in the way, they get just enough rope to hang themselves so they can go explain why something isn't finished.

 

[Electric Mortar & Pestle]

but damn would we never communicate if I wasn't always starting it

What perplexes me is how universal of an issue this is, yet it remains pervasive. It's like the Bystander Effect for your social life. Boggles the mind.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

This is the best way to do it. I don't let idiots hold up my work. If they want to get in the way, they get just enough rope to hang themselves so they can go explain why something isn't finished.

It's so frustrating - and needless. I as a habit and intention go way out if my way to help make other people's jobs easier, smoother (and yes, that includes people whose success also makes me look effective, but also everyone - I do it just because it's the decent and right and kind thing to do, and if I can help, I will). I stay up late doing things other people didn't so we all look good and the output is what it should be. And other people go out of their way for me, too. (Hello, teamwork? Most people here are pretty good at it.) Nearly everyone I work with is good and helpful, within whatever are their bounds and abilities. I appreciate that, and I seriously cannot understand people who are lazy or obstructionist or just "yeah, can't do tgst/ not my problenlm" or "we will discuss this tomorrow" (let me put aside my reaction to the tone on that last one, bc no you are not in charge here) when tomorrow is too late and 10 people are compromised by your rigid, lazy attitude. And I certainly am not going to let some functionary dictate whether I deliver. Oh, no, that's not happening. (Lol, I may very well eat those words, and I will laugh at myself if so.)

The worst thing is this is someone on a team I have just moved to - I am no longer Random Sally asking a favor, but am now ON YOUR TEAM. We have the same boss. And guess what? My role/ work in the new year will have the ability to shape yours. If she had an ounce of sense - or common energy or decency - she'd have given this a harder think.

Ugh, I (obviously) needed to vent, but in the back of my mind I hear my grandma telling me, "don't be ugly," which is an astute and excellent reminder. (It's a Southernism meaning don't act like an ass in an unbecoming way.) I know I'm being "ugly" right now, but I am SO MAD. So I'm going to calm down, because I'm being very stupid to get so irritated. But I really can't wait until I get the workaround figured out. My work will be done flawlessly because I will find a way, and Missy Miss can moo.

And yeah, it's just work - and frankly, work for an organization that dgaf about me or anyone - but I put in a dozen hours on Sunday, and another dozen today, to make things happen. "Welp" isn't sitting well.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

That’s fair. Well, I guess it’s technically on topic (the topic being user’s feelings) so I’ll answer your question here then.

I guess it’s cause I don’t trust myself to know right from wrong. There’s a lot I thought was right, but then I came across Kiwifarms and I realize it’s wrong. And I never would’ve thought it was wrong unless KF scared me straight. KF made me realize there’s real consequences to being wrong, such as social ostracization and public mocking. KF gave me a sense of shame beyond morality. Before, I’d only feel shame whenever I did something I felt was morally wrong. Now, I feel it even if what I’m doing isn’t necessarily bad imo, but in KF’s opinion. It makes me feel uncool. Before I just wanted to be myself, now I want to be cool. And KF is the best guide to being cool.

Think about it, there’s no other site on the internet that will teach you the way KF does. Everywhere else, you sorta just find “likeminded individuals”, on KF there’s a certain mold you gotta fit into, and if you don’t, you get bullied out. I saw someone on here once say that bullying causes social cohesion, and they’re right. KF is how you achieve that mold, and maybe it makes me stressed or unhappy or whatever, but it’s “right”.

Seeking permission to do something from KF is probably the best thing you could do for yourself, it’s not that far off from like podcasts or anything. You’ll live a boring life, but a righteous life.

There’s some that may want to contest what I am saying, there’s some that’ll say I need to learn to decide things for myself. But what about the people that “decide things for themselves” and decide to be furries? Or trans? Or some other bad thing? These people would benefit from scrolling the farms as much as I do. Checking my phone’s screentime, it’s the third most used application on my phone. Can you imagine all of the wrong decisions I have avoided?

Besides, where else would I get permission?

I’m kinda confused as to why people are rating this as “winner”

 

[Fields Of Rye]

I’m kinda confused as to why people are rating this as “winner”

Because we are all to a degree, buffered by a cloud of polite assumed non judgement that isn’t actually real. The judgement is very real, it’s just cushioned by politeness.

I have shown a man the men hate thread on 3 separate occasions. If those woman grabbed men and shook them and screamed exactly how they felt the world would make a whole lot sense for a whole lot of people.

it’s cringy as fuck to get your sense of the world from a wobsite but unless you are autistic, schizoidal, or ODD you do actually care. And poor bastards who were served highly curated slop with these niggling feelings that something was wrong had to wander in the dark until finding a place where you could say the word nigger.

Remember that the average person has had to tell themselves that nothing is wrong with trans women for almost two decades now. A place with an actually consistent rules set to follow is a sign of relief.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

Because we are all to a degree, buffered by a cloud of polite assumed non judgement that isn’t actually real. The judgement is very real, it’s just cushioned by politeness.

I have shown a man the men hate thread on 3 separate occasions. If those woman grabbed men and shook them and screamed exactly how they felt the world would make a whole lot sense for a whole lot of people.

it’s cringy as fuck to get your sense of the world from a wobsite but unless you are autistic, schizoidal, or ODD you do actually care. And poor bastards who were served highly curated slop with these niggling feelings that something was wrong had to wander in the dark until finding a place where you could say the word nigger.

Remember that the average person has had to tell themselves that nothing is wrong with trans women for almost two decades now. A place with an actually consistent rules set to follow is a sign of relief.

I think maybe people misunderstood my post then, cause this wasn’t what I was saying at all. Dare I say, this is actually the opposite of what I was saying.

 

[DavidS877]

I think maybe people misunderstood my post then, cause this wasn’t what I was saying at all.

It's important to remember.... Stickers mean nothing.
Winner can be "Winner" or "Sarcastic Winner" or anything else.

 

[Banquet Meal]

my issues pale in comparison to a lot of you guys on here... but im not doing well at all...i get depressed pretty easily anyway, but lately? i dont know. its like i just dont care anymore. i feel so jaded by everything.
im trying to not isolate myself as much, but i just dont care. it seems like every facet of my life right now has serious problems, and im just sick of it all.
i spend a lot of time in my room, listening to music..reading, and just tuning out life in general.
*yes i know i sound like a whiny bitch nigger, but honestly i feel like a whiny bitch nigger lately*

 

[Banquet Meal]

Fuck this shit, man. When I make new friends, they fucking suck too. Fuck people. Fuck everyone.

im sorry....but i know exactly what you are talking about, and it does fucking suck.

 

[Tanuki Mixed Nuts]

Waiting on furnace installers to call and schedule an install time. Can't do any renovations with the place so consistently cold. Its also killed my motivation to go from cold house to cold outside to exercise and then back with no real warm place, meaning I'm just feeling like a fat piece of shit lately.

Also got passed up for a promotion, so probably just going to reinvest the time I would've put towards that to projects instead.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

It's important to remember.... Stickers mean nothing.
Winner can be "Winner" or "Sarcastic Winner" or anything else.

Ya, I’m not sure what that guy was talking about though. My post wasn’t about how Kiwifarms opens you up to the real world, it was sorta the opposite, not even trying to dunk on the site.

What I was getting at was that unlike the real world, KF is a place that has a certain mold you have to fulfill, whilst irl you usually just find groups like yourself to hang around. I’ll be completely honest, Kiwifarms has been gasoline on my hobbies, making me (Well not making me, no one on the site is forcing me) reject things that made me happy just because I know this site wouldn’t like it. But it’s just so tempting to change myself to fit this mold, it’s almost like a high that’s enhanced by how miserable it makes me.

 

[DavidS877]

Kiwifarms has been gasoline on my hobbies, making me (Well not making me, no one on the site is forcing me) reject things that made me happy just because I know this site wouldn’t like it. But it’s just so tempting to change myself to fit this mold, it’s almost like a high that’s enhanced by how miserable it makes me.

Let me give you a little hint that people don't seem to understand these days.
You don't have to tell everyone on the Internet everything about you.

If you enjoy doing stuff that KF may not approve of.... like owning an electric car. Just, you know, don't talk about it on here. I can come here and dunk on trannies and then go to my secret EV Car forum and talk about how much I love destroying the earth with Lithium mining.

 

[The Feline Solution 2]

Encouraging! I haven't started yet. And I am cranky about it.

Uh, you do know what date it is tomorrow, right?

I got a stack of cute Christmas cards which i already bought in November and no presents to go with them this year Can't even repurpose them as birthday cards so i got to wait for next Christmas to use them.

Spoiler: Huge image

I don't know how to flip the image or why it is flipped.

Edit:

Winner can be "Winner" or "Sarcastic Winner" or anything else.

People give out Winner in a sarcastic way? My KF worldview is kind of shaken now. I think the only ratings i don't use in their literal sense are thunk-provoking and, of course, political sperging.

Waiting on furnace installers to call and schedule an install time. Can't do any renovations with the place so consistently cold. Its also killed my motivation to go from cold house to cold outside to exercise and then back with no real warm place, meaning I'm just feeling like a fat piece of shit lately.

Also got passed up for a promotion, so probably just going to reinvest the time I would've put towards that to projects instead.

Man, cold house in cold season fucking sucks. Had that for a couple of years in my adolescence and will never forget it. Fuck those 45s showers in winter and then spending the day in my winter jacket in my room, just terrible all around.

 

[Nick Bockwinkel's Belt]

you do know what date it is tomorrow, right?

For several years now I've made it clear that I won't be buying any Christmas presents, and I don't expect anyone to give me any presents either. I still celebrate Christmas; I just don't participate in the gift exchange. In my adult life I have never been witness to any adult I have ever known being given a gift by another adult that they've actually liked. Gifts received get a perfunctory thank you, and then they're put in a cabinet or closet or basement to gather dust for several decades until they're either thrown away or donated to goodwill to continue gathering dust in a warehouse or on a store shelf for several more decades. Christmas shopping for anyone other than one's own kids is a waste of time, a waste of money, and a source of unnecessary stress.

But that's just my opinion. Being old and alone increases my scrooge factor exponentially as the years go by, I guess.

 

[The Feline Solution 2]

Christmas shopping for anyone other than one's own kids is a waste of time, a waste of money, and a source of unnecessary stress.

I agree on the stress part but not on the rest, i like giving gifts and receiving them no matter what their monetary or other value may be, i am a pure proponent of the "It's the thought that counts" notion. I mostly do get presents for the kids in my family and social circle these days/years, though, can't really say why but i feel like every kid deserves a "proper" Christmas (which doesn't mean absolutely burying them in gifts like some people do). I genuinely get sad when people tell me they never had a nice Christmas in their life, guess i'm just a homo like that. It's my favourite holiday and time of the year bar none.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Have you ever considered joining a cooking class? It's one of those things I think could be fun and I'd learn a lot, plus having to focus on something where I am somewhat in my comfort zone makes it easier to deal with the fact I'd be in a room with X amount of people.

I don't have these here, just a full-on cooking education that I won't be able to combine with me working. Also, if they teach stuff like how to split whites and yolks, I would just say "yeah, bye" and leave.

 

[TotalNematodeDeath]

My social skills have begun a weird inverse reaction as I get into my young adult life. When I first started working I wanted to be friends and talk to coworkers but now I despise it. My pickiness about people I talk to has shot through the roof as my social anxiety has plummeted which has been a weird feeling. Sure I do still have a good handful of people to talk to but I rarely if ever meet new people I have an interest in. My partner calls me an egotist and I don't disagree per say but the rare time I meet someone who is interesting I still do try to pick their brain. It just so happens that its mostly older people who have all the lived experience, not young people my age. I wish on some level I could turn that part of me off and just vibe but I also don't wanna fill my life up with boring people.

 

[Lee Hoon]

my issues pale in comparison to a lot of you guys on here... but im not doing well at all...i get depressed pretty easily anyway, but lately? i dont know. its like i just dont care anymore. i feel so jaded by everything.
im trying to not isolate myself as much, but i just dont care. it seems like every facet of my life right now has serious problems, and im just sick of it all.
i spend a lot of time in my room, listening to music..reading, and just tuning out life in general.

The world just feels more angrier than usual lately. People have gotten more hostile and you just can't enjoy shit that you usually can do. I basically feel the same way and I've spent a lot of my time just rotting in my room because the things I just want to do and spend time learning, helping, and sharing with others just doesn't feel the same anymore. It's just very depressing.

 

[long waters]

My fatal flaw is not liking travel. It seems like there's no woman alive that doesn't want to be taken to every corner of the planet.

Wtf, I don't remember having this alt account... When did I post this? Nah but for real, this is too relatable. Ironically, I hate traveling but I love driving.

Yes, if you (a general "you") absolutely refuse to get on a plane, then a person who wants to touch three other continents every year might present some friction in a forever bliss.

This is also too relatable...

But "normies all bore me" or "no one who ever/ never lived in a big city" or "she must like my fish photos" or "not one man with a tattoo" is just people setting themselves up never to connect.

As someone guilty of this, I think it's also because when you're scared of change you subconsciously act in a way to self-sabotage. At least that's how it is for me. I'm too comfortable in my current state and too scared of the thought of not being alone that I consciously or subconsciously act in ways to prevent this from ever changing; even if I bitch and moan about wanting to not be alone. Even when you are aware of doing it, it's something that's hard to control...
Funnily enough, tattoos and piercing are very very high on my list of things to avoid at all cost. I just don't like em. Only things that I dislike more are smoking and being promiscuous.

I've been very close friends with three people for 10+ years now. I consider them a second family, but damn would we never communicate if I wasn't always starting it.

I feel the same about a lot of my online friends. I could probably count on one hand the amount of people who ever initiate conversations with me.
In more recent years, I have started to think that perhaps I'm the problem. I definitely have my oddities, and I tend to yap too much when I talk to someone. Maybe people are just annoyed with me.

I’m kinda confused as to why people are rating this as “winner”

Same, I agree with some of the things you say there hence my like react, but it's more of a 50:50 agree and completely disagree.

Let me give you a little hint that people don't seem to understand these days.
You don't have to tell everyone on the Internet everything about you.

I would say that this is good advice for irl too. If people didn't mask certain things in certain contexts, no one would ever get along and we'd waste countless hours bickering about meaningless things.

 

[Imam Shamil]

Kiwifarms has been gasoline on my hobbies, making me (Well not making me, no one on the site is forcing me) reject things that made me happy just because I know this site wouldn’t like it.

You're going to kill yourself if you keep using kf. Leave kf, you insane person. Enjoy whatever gay faggot hobbies you have before you are left with nothing but the word "nigger" echoing in your head.