/horror/ general megathread - Let's talk about movies and shit.

[Vampirella]

The prequel YOU demanded

You know I actually looked it up and I didn't see this because it's in the background in the original but you do see him drive there too.

But wait there's more, according to the novelization of the first movie, Michael learned to drive by watching Dr. Loomis as they traveled to hearings. @BullfrogBill was right. Still don't know how he learned to drive in the Rob Zombie one.

 

[BullfrogBill]

But wait there's more, according to the novelization of the first movie, Michael learned to drive by watching Dr. Loomis as they traveled to hearings. @BullfrogBill was right.

The book also adds the important information that Micheal Myers has a boner the entire time. Just about every scene in the book with Micheal in it mentions his "throbbing member". I think that's really unnecessary to add extra lore to Micheal Myers' penis but what do I know, I've never published a book. I assume they thought mostly women were going to read the book.

 

[Vampirella]

The book also adds the important information that Micheal Myers has a boner the entire time. Just about every scene in the book with Micheal in it mentions his "throbbing member". I think that's really unnecessary to add extra lore to Micheal Myers' penis but what do I know, I've never published a book. I assume they thought mostly women were going to read the book.

I'm torn between rating this horrifying and informative or lunacy. I'm going to tell my self you're joking so I don't have to think about that.

 

[Commander X]

Nitpicking films because they're not following real world logic needs to die. I don't care how the younger copy got an ID, I don't care how she got a job, I don't care how Jason lived in the woods for years with his mom's head and grew in to a giant man when he drowned as a kid, I don't care that Freddy's burns don't look real, I don't care that Darkman shouldn't be able to talk without lips, if the movie sets up it's rules well and that's that I DON'T CARE ABOUT HOW THIS WOULD WORK IN THE REAL WORLD!!

Husband and I have been watching older movies and TV shows for our nightly TV time and it's just so much more enjoyable. I don't need to see every move a character makes, that gets in the way of the story. Are these window lickers so dumb that they can't put two and two together and think "HMMMM.... Maybe she got a fake ID, HMMM... Maybe he's just an ugly dream demon that want's to kill our kids", but no these fucking brain rotted troglodytes need EVERY LITTLE THING spelled out for them because they never grew out of the faze where they're still amazed by a game of Peek a Boo.

OMG WE SAW HIM DRIVING BUT WE DIDN'T SEE HIM PARK!! HOW DID HE GET IN TO THE BUILDING!! I MUST KNOW FOR THE WIKI!!!

I'm reminded of a line from a horror novel I was reading recently, Project Vampire Killer by Jonathan Raab, about the making of a lurid, Hammer/Amicus/Tigon/etc. era-style Gothic horror film in an abandoned castle deep in the woods of the Finger Lakes region of New York - as the producer tells the protagonist, the recently hired head of security for the shoot

“ Atmosphere is all that matters, tone and color. Vibe over verisimilitude[...]What we’re trying to do is produce an extended mood piece punctuated by thrilling, decadent explosions of color, fog, practical effects and blood. Plot is for brain-dead YouTube film critics pointing out logical inconsistencies in works that operate beyond logic.”

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

The prequel YOU demanded

Driver's License Episode is gold
DBZ, Voyager, Taxi
Gold.

 

[Calandrino]

You know I actually looked it up and I didn't see this because it's in the background in the original but you do see him drive there too.

Download.mp4
But wait there's more, according to the novelization of the first movie, Michael learned to drive by watching Dr. Loomis as they traveled to hearings. @BullfrogBill was right. Still don't know how he learned to drive in the Rob Zombie one.

That seems consistent with the rest of the movie. Obviously he didn't leadfoot it to Haddonfield and ignore all the posted signs, or the cops would've been after him already.

Jason doesn't seem like the type of guy to move the kettle off a burner tho:

 

[Dragged Into Sunlight]

Just watched the American remake of Speak No Evil and it really just cements how Blumhouse horror has absolutely no balls.

First hour where it followed the original was great but of course they completely puss out on the ending, which was the entire fucking point of the movie.

 

[Vampirella]

Blumhouse

Blumhouse is gay.

 

[Product Placement]

Just watched the American remake of Speak No Evil and it really just cements how Blumhouse horror has absolutely no balls.

First hour where it followed the original was great but of course they completely puss out on the ending, which was the entire fucking point of the movie.

That remake made no sense to me, 95% of the original was in English anyway.

 

[Commander X]

Tubi browsing led to to seeing that Magic Cop (1990) is there. Starring the veteran martial artist/stuntman/actor Lam Ching-ying as a modern day practitioner of Taoist magic going up against a drug ring run by a Japanese sorceress (played by 80s-90s HK action film player/bodybuilder and powerlifting champ Michiko Nishiwaki) who uses zombies as mules. This came after a string of movies, usually period pieces, with a couple set in the modern day, where Lam played masters of Taosist supernatural arts going up against jiangshi, the so-called Chinese hopping vampires (though in the original folklore they were capable of running and in some cases flying).

 

[BrunoMattei]

Tubi browsing led to to seeing that Magic Cop (1990) is there. Starring the veteran martial artist/stuntman/actor Lam Ching-ying as a modern day practitioner of Taoist magic going up against a drug ring run by a Japanese sorceress (played by 80s-90s HK action film player/bodybuilder and powerlifting champ Michiko Nishiwaki) who uses zombies as mules. This came after a string of movies, usually period pieces, with a couple set in the modern day, where Lam played masters of Taosist supernatural arts going up against jiangshi, the so-called Chinese hopping vampires (though in the original folklore they were capable of running and in some cases flying).

Tubi is the best streaming service but they need a better algorithm or some kind of curation going on.

 

[Dragged Into Sunlight]

Rewatching The Poughkeepsie Tapes. Bizarre that this is always on people's lists of scariest horror movies because it's one of the cheesiest fucking movies ever. It's the horror equivalent of a bunch of 12 year olds sitting around and thinking of the most overpowered super hero OC.

"HE'S SUPER MEGA HITLER AND IS ALL THE KINDS OF SERIAL KILLER AT THE SAME TIME AND HAS THOUSANDS OF HOURS OF TAPES AND DOES EVERYTHING"

So silly.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

Tubi browsing led to to seeing that Magic Cop (1990) is there. Starring the veteran martial artist/stuntman/actor Lam Ching-ying as a modern day practitioner of Taoist magic going up against a drug ring run by a Japanese sorceress (played by 80s-90s HK action film player/bodybuilder and powerlifting champ Michiko Nishiwaki) who uses zombies as mules. This came after a string of movies, usually period pieces, with a couple set in the modern day, where Lam played masters of Taosist supernatural arts going up against jiangshi, the so-called Chinese hopping vampires (though in the original folklore they were capable of running and in some cases flying).

there's also The Haunted Cop Shop and a sequel or two, it doesn't have one-eyebrow priest but it has Police Academy vs Spoopy

 

[Tor Lugosi]

Rewatching The Poughkeepsie Tapes. Bizarre that this is always on people's lists of scariest horror movies because it's one of the cheesiest fucking movies ever. It's the horror equivalent of a bunch of 12 year olds sitting around and thinking of the most overpowered super hero OC.

"HE'S SUPER MEGA HITLER AND IS ALL THE KINDS OF SERIAL KILLER AT THE SAME TIME AND HAS THOUSANDS OF HOURS OF TAPES AND DOES EVERYTHING"

So silly.

Yeah, the Poughkeepsie Tapes always felt like it was made by a group of Redditors going, "If I were a serial killer, this is what I'd do! (because I'm a super smart genius)"

 

[Doctor of Autism]

I saw some new public domain trash, Popeye the Slayer Man, and it is well what you'd expect. The only things I can give credit to is that they actually try since Popeye does look like Popeye if he was real and the kills/gore were at least somewhat entertaining.

But as usual with these movies, its just a bunch of boring teens going into a place to be picked off one by one by the killer where one of the people has a history and she is Popeye's daughter. It's weirdly like Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D where it sort of tries to make the murderous slasher into a good tragic guy that the main character is fine with them killing their friends by blaming the spinach which is contaminated with nuclear waste.

Either way it's standard 3/10 trash which at least gets points for putting more effort compared to the worst of the public domain horror films like the first Blood and Honey alongside The Mouse Trap (which I was way too kind to on my first impression of that.)

 

[Chin of Campbell]

Rewatching The Poughkeepsie Tapes. Bizarre that this is always on people's lists of scariest horror movies because it's one of the cheesiest fucking movies ever. It's the horror equivalent of a bunch of 12 year olds sitting around and thinking of the most overpowered super hero OC.

"HE'S SUPER MEGA HITLER AND IS ALL THE KINDS OF SERIAL KILLER AT THE SAME TIME AND HAS THOUSANDS OF HOURS OF TAPES AND DOES EVERYTHING"

So silly.

Okay, people who watched this movie, I don't know if it was just the version I watched or if this is in every version, but TPT was fucking FULL of these super obnoxiously loud cuts to VHS static when I watched it. I couldn't even finish it because it annoyed the fuck out of me. Is that normal or did I watch some kind of fucked up rip?

 

[Dragged Into Sunlight]

Okay, people who watched this movie, I don't know if it was just the version I watched or if this is in every version, but TPT was fucking FULL of these super obnoxiously loud cuts to VHS static when I watched it. I couldn't even finish it because it annoyed the fuck out of me. Is that normal or did I watch some kind of fucked up rip?

The movie was made in 2007 but wasn't actually released until 2012 but some bootleg rough version of it was put on the internet between then so you were probably watching that.

 

[I was a Teenage “JA”-man]

Nitpicking films because they're not following real world logic needs to die. I don't care how the younger copy got an ID, I don't care how she got a job, I don't care how Jason lived in the woods for years with his mom's head and grew in to a giant man when he drowned as a kid, I don't care that Freddy's burns don't look real, I don't care that Darkman shouldn't be able to talk without lips, if the movie sets up it's rules well and that's that I DON'T CARE ABOUT HOW THIS WOULD WORK IN THE REAL WORLD!!

Husband and I have been watching older movies and TV shows for our nightly TV time and it's just so much more enjoyable. I don't need to see every move a character makes, that gets in the way of the story. Are these window lickers so dumb that they can't put two and two together and think "HMMMM.... Maybe she got a fake ID, HMMM... Maybe he's just an ugly dream demon that want's to kill our kids", but no these fucking brain rotted troglodytes need EVERY LITTLE THING spelled out for them because they never grew out of the faze where they're still amazed by a game of Peek a Boo.

OMG WE SAW HIM DRIVING BUT WE DIDN'T SEE HIM PARK!! HOW DID HE GET IN TO THE BUILDING!! I MUST KNOW FOR THE WIKI!!!

I blame Neil Degrasse Tyson, I know he's not the only one, but he was loud about it.

Here have something straight out of the science cult reddit
simple joke about how xenos drool alot

nerd DESTROYS alien with FACTS and LOGIC
someone calls him out on his stupidity
nerd flips out rants about dragons

leaf joins in

“hello fellow redditor I will shill you something“

“I’m not talking about godzilla ey”
the autistic thunderdome is nothing compared to the grand scheme of the internet.
its like HP lovecraft was comparing kiwi autism to Reddit autism in call of cthulhu, that’s real cosmic horror!

 

[Shek$il]

Rewatching The Poughkeepsie Tapes. Bizarre that this is always on people's lists of scariest horror movies because it's one of the cheesiest fucking movies ever. It's the horror equivalent of a bunch of 12 year olds sitting around and thinking of the most overpowered super hero OC.

"HE'S SUPER MEGA HITLER AND IS ALL THE KINDS OF SERIAL KILLER AT THE SAME TIME AND HAS THOUSANDS OF HOURS OF TAPES AND DOES EVERYTHING"

So silly.

Do you have an alternative for horror mockumentaries? I like the Poughkeepsie Tapes but I kind of agree with this.

Also please no Lake Mungo; that movie took forever to go nowhere. The good reviews were a complete circle jerk of "it's SAD HORROR", or "it filled me with DREAD!!". Boring!

 

[Fig Kommandant]

Do you have an alternative for horror mockumentaries?

The Bay is pretty good.