/horror/ general megathread - Let's talk about movies and shit.

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I know you're shitposting but how about Dracula only it's a true to life examination of the real Vlad Tepes and he's depicted as a hero for keeping the Turks out of Romania and stopping the expansion of Islam?

There was Dracula Untold, it wasn't great. Although, to be fair, they downplayed the whole Muslim stuff (although it was there, just unspoken).

But otherwise, they need to keep making Nosferatu exactly the same until they fucking get it right. I do not accept Nicholas Hoult, Lily (Wooden)Rose Depp or any male nudity. Nice effort, but back to the drawing board. Start over.
 
With Nosferatu I will do what I usually do when I hear shit being spoken of well by sauces I don't entirely hold in contempt. Leave it a year or two, and if people are still tonguing the movie's balls with alacrity I will probably give it a watch. The only time I broke this rule was when I went to watch The Joker solely because of how much meme shit was going around about the movie, and in doing so I unleashed the Voodoo curse placed on my bloodline by an angry Witch Doctor which ensured the sequel would be a memetic trashfire.

I have cautious regard for Eggers because of how much I enjoyed The Lighthouse, and will probably watch VVVVitch and Norfman some time early this year.


Part of the reason I have always been an Orlok > Dracula nigga is because of how much contempt I have down to my bones for the "sexy vampire" schtick that poor ole Bela Lugosi unwittingly unleashed back in the day. It's not necessarily a dealbreaker, but seeing it entirely abandoned in favour of showing an ancient predatory monster as an ancient predatory monster is always a plus in my book.

As for my own take in how to spice up the generic Dracula story....I dunno, send him into space and have him fight sex slave androids maybe?
Drac 3k was fun
 
I initially thought the main characters in the Blumhouse Wolf Man were a dad and his two daughters, kind of like a reverse of the original where the parent is cursed instead of the child. I only recently learned the older actress' character is the wife.

Did anyone else think that or am I stupid for not keeping track of actors and actresses that look younger than they actually are?
 
Honestly had no problems with it outside of my minor gripe about the British Accents in fucking Germany.
I noticed that too. The book was set in England, so the fact that they stuck with Germany is another indication that it's meant to be a remake of the Murnau film, and not another re-adaptation of the novel.

Re: Nosferatu:

Here's a wild idea, okay? How about change up the fucking story if you're going to adapt it for the millionth fucking time? There's so many little changes that could be made to make it stand out and be something at least a little unique:

How about we skip all of the preamble with Johnathan Harker visiting the castle and Mina having visions and the travel to her? Dracula is just in town or she encounters Drac another way?

How about Jonathan Harker just fucking dies? He's a worthless character anyway and that's maybe the sole thing I give Dario Argento's Dracula 3D a sliver, the tiniest sliver of credit for doing by just killing the fucking character off. And Dracula 3D is the biggest shitbomb of Argento's career.
But Dracula has also been in a million movies that have nothing to do with the book. The ones that are actually adaptations of the book don't follow it very closely. Jonathan Harker dies in the Hammer version. In the Universal version, Renfield goes to the castle instead of Harker. (Coincidentally, in the movie Renfield, they deepfaked Nicholas Hoult-as-Renfield into the Universal versions castle scenes, which is funny in retrospect. Well shit, Renfield would be yet another version of Dracula that changed up the story.) The silent Nosferatu changes a bunch of stuff that carries over to the two remakes, although the Herzog one has a darker ending than the other two. Coppola included a bunch from the book that didn't make it into other versions, but then turned Vlad into a bodice-ripping antihero and Harker into the bad guy for standing in the way of his wife's dream of getting boned by Evil Incarnate for all eternity.

Just from the title "Nosferatu" you can guess that it's going to be basically a scene-for-scene remake of the silent version. Second one in over a century; it's been long enough imo. Most awkward/redundant thing is that Last Voyage of the Demeter came out last year and it borrowed a lot from Nosferatu, but it kinda sucked and I think everybody already forgot that exists so it's all good.

I think the Nosferatus showed the best judgement of what to adapt from the book and what to leave out (lots of Castle Dracula and the ship, not so much Van Helsing explaining things to skeptical people in the study). They should really do one where Quincey Morris is the hero and goes around Victorian England in a cowboy hat shooting vampires with a Colt 45 though.

With Nosferatu I will do what I usually do when I hear shit being spoken of well by sauces I don't entirely hold in contempt.
It's kind of you to say so.

Part of the reason I have always been an Orlok > Dracula nigga is because of how much contempt I have down to my bones for the "sexy vampire" schtick that poor ole Bela Lugosi unwittingly unleashed back in the day. It's not necessarily a dealbreaker, but seeing it entirely abandoned in favour of showing an ancient predatory monster as an ancient predatory monster is always a plus in my book.
Same. Nu-lok is still a repulsive parasite, but they go awfully literally with the "vampire feeding=sex" metaphors, as has become the habit. Mixed feelings.
 
There was Dracula Untold, it wasn't great. Although, to be fair, they downplayed the whole Muslim stuff (although it was there, just unspoken).

But otherwise, they need to keep making Nosferatu exactly the same until they fucking get it right. I do not accept Nicholas Hoult, Lily (Wooden)Rose Depp or any male nudity. Nice effort, but back to the drawing board. Start over.
My problem is Willem Defoe sounding exactly like he did in The Lighthouse, but with a vague German/Dutch twang. And now, I keep hearing, "Why'd ya spill yer beans, Ellen?" in me head. Oh, yeah...

Vampires-Twist-A-Look-Back-at-Shadow-of-the-Vampire.jpeg

This image is from Shadow of the Vampire. The film explores the idea that reclusive, talented weirdo, Max Schreck, might have been a genuine vampire, and F.W. Murnau's Nosferatu ended up becoming a snuff.

@Judge Holden I'm not too arsed about the bald Count Orlok look, however, I do like it in Salem's Lot:

1fa5934c3c433a8018bc1922306db7b9.jpg

1979.

Kurt_Barlow_%282024%29_05.jpg

2024.

sddefault.jpg

Yes, this is the odd one out. This one, from the 2004 miniseries, is supposed to be more faithful to Kurt Barlow in the book. I'm not an avid Stephen King reader, but I've been told this by actual avid readers of his.

@Calandrino They also did the addiction thing in BBC's Being Human. They don't necessarily "need" the blood to live, but as they presumably have virtual eternal life, the urge will always be waiting in the wings. Dunno if the same applies in the American/Canadian version. Never invested time in watching that tripe.

This is Mr Snow, from the OG Being Human, who became a vampire 3000 years before the series. His pale face, visible veins, and gross teeth, are implied to be what happens to vampires who live for ages, and ages. It's not stated if they can, or will actually eventually die, though:

Mr_Snow.gif


@Doctor of Autism I never could shake the cheesiness of Ted being angry and posh:

BLOODY WOLVES CHASING ME THROUGH SOME BLUE INFERNO!

 
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Last Voyage of the Demeter came out last year and it borrowed a lot from Nosferatu, but it kinda sucked and I think everybody already forgot that exists so it's all good.
I unfortunately remember that travesty, its funny how that movie tried to get a sequel by bringing a new character who is arch enemies with Dracula, and it was some black guy OC the people behind the film made

I noticed that too. The book was set in England, so the fact that they stuck with Germany is another indication that it's meant to be a remake of the Murnau film, and not another re-adaptation of the novel.
Yeah like the most egregious is on Nicholas Hoult's and Taylor Johnson's families, like they had good performances but the British accents just felt weird at first, but then I got used to it.
 
But Dracula has also been in a million movies that have nothing to do with the book. The ones that are actually adaptations of the book don't follow it very closely. Jonathan Harker dies in the Hammer version. In the Universal version, Renfield goes to the castle instead of Harker. (Coincidentally, in the movie Renfield, they deepfaked Nicholas Hoult-as-Renfield into the Universal versions castle scenes, which is funny in retrospect. Well shit, Renfield would be yet another version of Dracula that changed up the story.) The silent Nosferatu changes a bunch of stuff that carries over to the two remakes, although the Herzog one has a darker ending than the other two. Coppola included a bunch from the book that didn't make it into other versions, but then turned Vlad into a bodice-ripping antihero and Harker into the bad guy for standing in the way of his wife's dream of getting boned by Evil Incarnate for all eternity.

Just from the title "Nosferatu" you can guess that it's going to be basically a scene-for-scene remake of the silent version. Second one in over a century; it's been long enough imo. Most awkward/redundant thing is that Last Voyage of the Demeter came out last year and it borrowed a lot from Nosferatu, but it kinda sucked and I think everybody already forgot that exists so it's all good.

I think the Nosferatus showed the best judgement of what to adapt from the book and what to leave out (lots of Castle Dracula and the ship, not so much Van Helsing explaining things to skeptical people in the study). They should really do one where Quincey Morris is the hero and goes around Victorian England in a cowboy hat shooting vampires with a Colt 45 though.
My problem with it is that it doesn't do enough to separate itself form the other ones. Aside from the stylings of Robert Eggers, it's not any different from the Herzog remake which focused on many of the same themes. It's kind of like the 1990 Night of the Living Dead remake in that it's a fine film but it's not different enough but even in that there are some changes like the ending and the characterization of Barbara that was at least something.

I think that's going to be the legacy of this remake.
 
This is a tad off topic to the current discussion, but since it's a Blair Witch parody that I am bringing up, has anyone seen/have a copy of the movie The Tony Blair Witch Project?

I saw it always mentioned during the imdb bottom 100 days, but very few have actually seen it, and those who have seen it nowadays have mainly seen incomplete copies due to the torrent the movie was distributed on no longer having seeders.

Here is the trailer for the movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsQbQYBgWl8

And here is a partially complete version that someone uploaded: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=la5Dt504deg

There was someone who apparently had the movie but refused to share it due to thinking the director wanted to do a re edit of it. Which I doubt.
 
This image is from Shadow of the Vampire. The film explores the idea that reclusive, talented weirdo, Max Schreck, might have been a genuine vampire, and F.W. Murnau's Nosferatu ended up becoming a snuff.
It occurred to me they could do a remake of Shadow of the Vampire about the Herzog/Kinski version that's just a nonfiction making-of documentary consisting of actual behind-the-scenes footage. "Fetch some more girls from the village... Klaus must feed again"

@Judge Holden I'm not too arsed about the bald Count Orlok look, however, I do like it in Salem's Lot:
I thought I would watch some other Nosferatu type of movie before I watched the new Eggers one. I have seen the original 47 million times so I decided I would try one that's new to me, and I did something very ill-advised and watched Return to Salem's Lot. Everyone hates it, but hey, it's directed by Larry Cohen, stars Michael Moriarty, and features indie director Sam Fuller in an acting role, so I figure hmmm, maybe it's got something entertaining going on? It's got this Silent Night Deadly Night 3 vibe, i.e. some very talented people probably had fun making this movie, but they had no money, and I don't think they had a ton of fucks to give about the thing they were supposed to be making a sequel to. Well, it's no SNDN3, I must say.

Our Orlok knock-off is looking pretty sad:

static-assets-upload8778943516824691133.webp

Also, possibly the most depressing TMI-about-the-author vampire movie wish fulfillment sexual subtext ever: divorced 40-something Michael Moriarty reconnects with his long-lost high school crush, only, get this, she's a vampire, still looks the same, and now she's dtf. Like bro go write that in your journal or something, I do not need to hear this.

It has a couple of pretty cool parts, like when they killed the final boss vampire by driving an American flag through his heart, but I probably coulda skipped it.
 
I've never really subscribed to the hatred of Keanu Reeve's performance as Jonathan Harker. He may overdo the accent a little bit, but I think he's perfectly alright for the role. It's evident that I'm in the minority in holding this opinion, though! :-)
Every time I watch Coppola's Dracula I legitimacy forget that Keanu is in the movie and he's playing the character this is our narrator. Like it gets to the part where Jonathan and Mina are getting married with his powered hair that I don't know if it's meant to make it look like his hair's gone white or if it's just powdered., and I'm like "Oh yeah Jonathan's in this." And I've also read Dracula like 3 times.
 
It occurred to me they could do a remake of Shadow of the Vampire about the Herzog/Kinski version that's just a nonfiction making-of documentary consisting of actual behind-the-scenes footage. "Fetch some more girls from the village... Klaus must feed again"

Hell yeah, this is a great idea. I'd like to see it for all kinds of vampire movies, including Dracula: Dead and Loving It, where you could make it a very dark comedy, where Leslie Nielsen and Mel Brooks and hell even Amy Yasbeck were disguising their feeding with a comedy production. Like Leslie doesn't have too much of a problem with it, because he gets to play the straight man, but Mel, who has to come up with all the jokes and slapstick starts to feel bad because it doesn't mesh up with all the killing he has to do. And on top of that, they know that the whole thing's not worth it because they're just making like a shitty disposable comedy instead of even attempting a cinematic masterpiece.

Or you could redeem Near Dark, where Katherine Bigelow basically gets her film career jump-started by providing younger and younger food for Lance Henriksen (hell I think the chubby kid actor DID die soon after - no I checked, he didn't, but his career did). But then it turns out that they can't write an ending for the movie, and Lance gets injured on set, and they give him a blood transfusion before he comes to, which cures his vampirism, but reduces him from film mogul leading man to just a regular sci-fi character actor (and provides the powerful and totally satisfying ending to the movie they are working on).

EDIT -

Also if anyone wants to go even one step further back from Dracula/Nosferatu, The Boys from County Hell (2020) is a pretty good Irish horror about the legend that Bram Stoker possibly (probably) based a lot of Dracula on. It's a Louisa Harland topless scene from being a great movie, but still very well worth the watch. It's a horror with a lot of funny parts as opposed to a comedy horror.
 
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Anyone else think this movie was fuckin terrible?

Went and saw it in theaters, the ending was so damn awful. I was in disbelief.

how are you alive for centuries but get tricked into staying the night at some mid Victorian woman's place and get burnt up in the sun. Orlac literally should have an internal clock in his head where he knows the sun will be coming up in a few hours before it even happens.
I refuse to watch the new Nosferatu because it's just a massive insult to me that Eggers thinks he can make a better Nosferatu than the og. The og is one of my all time favorite movies and it's one of VERY few movies that actually creep me out, it's a masterpiece in every way and a special experience to watch. That's why it's survived for over a hundred years. It takes a massive delusional ego for someone to think they can make the same movie but better because their name is attached to it.

If I ever want to watch Nosferatu, I'm sure as fuck not going to watch a 2024 remake.
 
I refuse to watch the new Nosferatu because it's just a massive insult to me that Eggers thinks he can make a better Nosferatu than the og. The og is one of my all time favorite movies and it's one of VERY few movies that actually creep me out, it's a masterpiece in every way and a special experience to watch. That's why it's survived for over a hundred years. It takes a massive delusional ego for someone to think they can make the same movie but better because their name is attached to it.

If I ever want to watch Nosferatu, I'm sure as fuck not going to watch a 2024 remake.
Im not opposed to remakes and think they can be better than the OG.

But this remake wasn't it, first horror I've seen in theaters for years.

I live in a small city, so it's something special watching movies in a theater bc they are dead empty Erie and creepy, gives me end of an era vibes.

I would have rather watched mufasa in iMax if I'm being honest.
 
I've never really subscribed to the hatred of Keanu Reeve's performance as Jonathan Harker. He may overdo the accent a little bit, but I think he's perfectly alright for the role. It's evident that I'm in the minority in holding this opinion, though! :-)
I don't hate him in Dracula, either, I just find certain traits of his Jonathan Harker a bit cheesy. Cheesy can be fun, though.

@Calandrino Yes. YES. Shadow of the Vampire definitely deserves a remake, but then again, I believe An American Werewolf in London deserves a remake, so there's the risk of both of 'em being rubbish, or on the lackluster side. Speaking of cheesiness in the above paragraph, I'm down for watching Return to Salem's Lot.

Mentioning American Werewolf again, I've always had this movie idea (IS there a forum on the Farms that discusses movie ideas?): have a transatlantic spin on An American Werewolf in London, have it be a sort of stealth sequel, or have it line up with the mythos, and call it An English Werewolf in New York. Have it take place partly in Upstate New York.

Slightly off topic in regards to my point above, but I've never watched An American Werewolf in Paris. The CGI is off-putting, and that's a damn shame, because other than that, it smells like gravy: Seraphine, the werewolf that attacks Andy(?) and curses him, is David and Alex's daughter from the previous film, and she was born a werewolf. Long story short, they team up, and discover a cult of werewolves, based in Paris' nightclubs, and search for a cure.

@Your Starter for 10 I've yet to see Near Dark, and Boys From County Hell. They're on my mental list.

@Vindeo The Thing, and Rabid spring to mind for me. @BullfrogBill Ha, didn't see your comment until after I commented about The Thing. Never watched either of the Flys', or Flies, and I dunno if I can be arsed. The sequel to the Jeff Goldblum one, where it focuses on Brundlefly's son, seems like it'd be engaging, so I may check that out.
 
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Im not opposed to remakes and think they can be better than the OG.
I think "reimagine" is a better word for the ones that work. Things like Carpenter's The Thing for example or Cronenberg's The Fly. I love the originals more personally, but the reimaginings brought something new to the movies that make them actually distinct from the originals in exciting ways that are worth watching multiple times.
 
I'm not sure there's much to do with a remake of Shadow unless you go off in some directly like Current Thing or, ooh, might be a good hook that it's the filming of the 79 remake, and it turns out to be the OG vampire from the first movie back because Herzog found out about the whole vampire thing and did evil rituals to bring him back for extra authenticity
 
I think "reimagine" is a better word for the ones that work. Things like Carpenter's The Thing for example or Cronenberg's The Fly. I love the originals more personally, but the reimaginings brought something new to the movies that make them actually distinct from the originals in exciting ways that are worth watching multiple times.
The Blob is another one for me. It follows the same beats of the original but it adds a lot. The first death with the boyfriend getting eaten still gets me. They did those FXs a little too well. If I remember right that scene was one of the last ones worked on so they put everything they had learned in to it.

 
The Blob is another one for me. It follows the same beats of the original but it adds a lot. The first death with the boyfriend getting eaten still gets me. They did those FXs a little too well. If I remember right that scene was one of the last ones worked on so they put everything they had learned in to it.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ISQo-TLBZsU:156
I like the change that the Blob is the result of a government experiment. The ending with the deformed priest was excellent as well.
 
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