Hey guys, how has everyone been?

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scratch my last post, i just got sicker and fell asleep over and over and had disgusting dreams.

i have an obligation today. i hope i can do it.
 
Spent 3 hrs tearing apart my apartment trying to find my wallet. I found it in a coat buried in my closet but I also found $110 I had stashed away and forgot about. In my defense, I don't open up my coin collection all that much anymore.
 
Today's been in the better days recently. The head of the transition program I went too is leaving to a other school. I went over there for the farewell party. Feels like a end of a era since being there for a few years myself once a student, but I'm happy about this.

Other then that, its been cold as heck.
 
errrrrrghhhh wellll, idk. i really don't know. i'm still a bit sick but now i'm used to it and not caring. i'm more concerned with the possibility of dealing with CRAZY PEOPLE for a few days. god i need patience. and alcohol. i plow through hard liquor so fast, it's...problematic, and so i just went without for yesterday and now i'm like screw it, i'mma get what i want.

actually my bro (who i don't get much time with) was pissed about missing the bus to a party, where he intended to get drunk and stoned, so i just sold him some booze at a profit and we watched a let's play of illbleed together. fun times.

assuming i go to...crazy person land, due to sensitive topics and shit i won't get into...i'll work something out. i can handle this.

other than that, the usual barrage of self-loathing/feeling i'm way behind (which i am), inadequacy, blah blah you know the drill.

so yeah.
 
I got my hair dyed pastel pink and for a while I liked it but now I am kinda regretting it? idk i want my dark brown hair back honestly.

Also been rewatching twin peaks, kinda just excited thinking about the new season coming out soon.
 
Took me a few weeks, but I managed to build a working rudimentary forum chatbot in Python for another chat on another forum (running on SMF instead of XenForo) with little programming knowledge. That's pretty cool.

My back hurts from factory work. Not complaining, just... I don't know what to do about it. I tried to exercise a bit and that seemed to help. I should be fine.

Life is good right now. I don't appreciate it enough.
 
One of my classes hadn't been able to meet for the past three weeks because of snow, but I couldn't really complain, since 1. I didn't want to take the class in the first place, it's just mandatory for my major and 2. It's a 4 hour-long evening class. Today's the first day we're actually meeting. What's worse is that I have another class 2 hours before it, and I'm really not in the mood in to stay at the college for that long. Mondays are going to be a huge pain in the ass. For today, at least, I'll be going back home after my first class for a break.
 
Starting to get the hang of a lesson in my statistics class, knowing about quartiles. Now I just need to have a better understanding of the bell curve. The kind that is "68%, 95%, 97.5%". I think it was called the evaluated rule. Still, I got some studying to do later for exams this week.
 
Every so often I need to vent about this particular subject and I think my husband is tired of hearing about it, haha. So I'll vent it here.

I've lived in Canada for three years now, and I moved here from America to be with my husband. But every now and then I go through waves where I feel intensely... not quite patriotic, but rather defensive about where I come from. and it's been one of those weeks. I hear people talk shit about America all the time and it makes me kind of sad. The weird part is I've never been a very patriotic person about any country. I don't deny that the USA has flaws. Hell, when I was younger I was right along with all the Americans that despised the country and extolled the virtues of Europe and Canada. But my opinion has softened over the years after getting more life experience, and it gets a little disheartening when people constantly call Americans stupid and fat and bad at everything and brag about how much better their own country is, and if I so much as suggest that it isn't that bad they roll their eyes and get really smug. Especially because, when it gets right down to it, my day-to-day life in Canada has been pretty much indistinguishable from what life was like in America.

I don't know, am I being silly? Am I being ignorant? Is it even okay to feel this way, because lord knows I don't find many other people who feel the way I do.
 
My cold is getting better but I'm having anxiety attacks and can't sleep. Also, a friend moved off recently and it's been difficult to muster up the desire to go outside more than necessity dictates. Other friends seem pretty annoyed about me becoming reclusive, and my case manager keeps warning me that my situation could regress if I continue on this path, so I'm trying to go out more. I've come a really long way in the last year and there's no way in hell I'm going back to the way things were.

I do miss my friend though. A lot.
 
Every so often I need to vent about this particular subject and I think my husband is tired of hearing about it, haha. So I'll vent it here.

I've lived in Canada for three years now, and I moved here from America to be with my husband. But every now and then I go through waves where I feel intensely... not quite patriotic, but rather defensive about where I come from. and it's been one of those weeks. I hear people talk shit about America all the time and it makes me kind of sad. The weird part is I've never been a very patriotic person about any country. I don't deny that the USA has flaws. Hell, when I was younger I was right along with all the Americans that despised the country and extolled the virtues of Europe and Canada. But my opinion has softened over the years after getting more life experience, and it gets a little disheartening when people constantly call Americans stupid and fat and bad at everything and brag about how much better their own country is, and if I so much as suggest that it isn't that bad they roll their eyes and get really smug. Especially because, when it gets right down to it, my day-to-day life in Canada has been pretty much indistinguishable from what life was like in America.

I don't know, am I being silly? Am I being ignorant? Is it even okay to feel this way, because lord knows I don't find many other people who feel the way I do.

I feel the same. I'm US born but traveled extensively. I think the people who spout "X COUNTRY SUPERIOR!" really look in from a grass-is-greener kind of perspective. Like people I know who just wish they could up and move to another country because everything is so great, socialized medicine, happy people... which these places do have! But they fail to actually see problems or just don't realize that they may not be marginalized in said society.

Years ago when I was in Austria and got to talking with a waiter about travel. He'd been to a lot of different places too but what always impressed him with America is that you can be considered American or at the very least, American-(insert your place of origin here) by quite a lot of people. In Europe, he told me, your family could emigrate to another country but you will always be from your place of origin even if you weren't born in said place of origin.

Makes me roll my eyes so hard I can check out my brain. It drives me insane when people take up the cause and think of a place as a wonderful utopia without really actually being there.
 
I feel the same. I'm US born but traveled extensively. I think the people who spout "X COUNTRY SUPERIOR!" really look in from a grass-is-greener kind of perspective. Like people I know who just wish they could up and move to another country because everything is so great, socialized medicine, happy people... which these places do have! But they fail to actually see problems or just don't realize that they may not be marginalized in said society.

Years ago when I was in Austria and got to talking with a waiter about travel. He'd been to a lot of different places too but what always impressed him with America is that you can be considered American or at the very least, American-(insert your place of origin here) by quite a lot of people. In Europe, he told me, your family could emigrate to another country but you will always be from your place of origin even if you weren't born in said place of origin.

Makes me roll my eyes so hard I can check out my brain. It drives me insane when people take up the cause and think of a place as a wonderful utopia without really actually being there.

A lot of the supposedly wonderful and progressive European countries are REALLY racist, and not in the usual "white vs. POC" battle you see touted on the internet. The US and Canada have the distinction of being made practically from the ground up of immigrants, natives, and conquerors and not even being 300 years old. Obviously racism is still rampant, but it's completely normal in most regions to see various skin tones and cultures mixing.

Europe, on the other hand, is more homogeneously pale and has a long history of established national identities that people will try to trace back over a thousand years. They've also got a history dating back many thousands of years of warfare with the other nations, plus the relatively recent rise of nationalism. We all saw how bad that shit goes with the two world wars, but its effects are still present and related to the general history of the Old World. This means that you're likely to suffer bigotry even if you're just as "white" as the guy next to you purely because you're from a different country. Where do you think the "dumb Polak" jokes came from?

The whole Old World in general, including Asia, has this to at least some extent. Koreans are notoriously prejudiced against in the rest of Asia, and it's not unusual to see anti-Korean sentiment publicly espoused in Japan (which has its own major issues to deal with regarding racism). In general, much of the world is really racist in ways that a Tumblr blogger wouldn't really notice.
 
I've come to the conclusion that I'm a severely disturbed individual who somehow has authority.
 
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