💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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Don't mind me, just getting on my fucking private jet

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People making movies in Africa have far better work ethic and vision in moviemaking in general than this lazy bitch and anyone who dare associate with her. Dear Christ... I'm sorry, but I can't take this anymore. When is she going to make this stupid movie of hers already is what I'm asking more than anything.
 
Dear Christ... I'm sorry, but I can't take this anymore. When is she going to make this stupid movie of hers already is what I'm asking more than anything.

She probably had to cut three or four characters to pay for the jet so that ought to speed up production.
 
She probably had to cut three or four characters to pay for the jet so that ought to speed up production.

So - from the pace of evolution to the pace of dying of old age. Got it - despite that even that sounds a little too fast for Tesch here, IMHO.
 
Guys, we're talking about a girl who claimed she had legions of fans and made a video interviewing these supposed fans. I don't trust anything she posts.
 
Fuck that shit. I actually want to see this. This has the making of the next "The Room" in terms of bad movies.

Having now watched the trailer (Good God that was long!) I have to say the use of stock battle images was hilarious, as was the overacting, the crap CGI, the theme that can rival the national anthem of Robonia and the awful, awful inconsistencies in light and sound.

I do have to ask 'why did they put an out take in the trailer?' though, that bit where the guy put the snake's head in his mouth can't be real. And seriously Tesch? A 9/11 reference and quoting The Bible whilst 'crying'? You're making this too easy for us.
 
OH GOD DID YOU WATCH THE PREVIEW? Holy shit it's so wonderfully incoherent and awful! They even got a tiny black dwarf!

 
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Having now watched the trailer (Good God that was long!) I have to say the use of stock battle images was hilarious, as was the overacting, the crap CGI, the theme that can rival the national anthem of Robonia and the awful, awful inconsistencies in light and sound.

Sergei Eisenstein gave his senile dog a camera and this is what came out.

I will be watching this. Multiple times.

EDIT: Since this movie has undisguised references to Christianity, I fully expect a detailed write-up on "synchronisms" discovered by one @Brad Watson_Miami
 
That flame effect with the Black Native American Druid Wizard and his invocation to Gary at 6:00 made me lose it.
And the crazy eyes/bad delivery at 6:35.
And at 6:42 when Grandpa remembers how to emote.
The whole thing is golden, but that magical minute just sells it.
 
OH GOD DID YOU WATCH THE PREVIEW? Holy shit it's so wonderfully incoherent and awful! They even got a tiny black dwarf!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=2-ZOOPwwHMY

Asylum monster movies have better production values than this. Hell, Birdemic looked better, and yes, I'm including the fucked up bird effects. I'm so excited you guys. The fact that her dad directed the film just makes it even better. Seriously, no wonder Gloria is the way she is. She comes from a family of lolcows.

Also, judging by the actors' performances, the entire cast was paid in weed.
 
>private jet
I was aware she was wealthy (or at least in a wealthy family), but not that wealthy.

>inb4 Kengle tells a riveting tale of his experience with planes (or lack thereof) from his childhood

Could be that Daddy has a NetJets account or something similar. Either way I'm guessing the Teschs can charter flights occasionally, but owning one, probably not.
 
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