💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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bradsternum said:
She claims to be "The World's Youngest Author," even though she self-published everything.
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That and the worlds youngest author is...four, I think?
 
Saney said:
bradsternum said:
She claims to be "The World's Youngest Author," even though she self-published everything.
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That and the worlds youngest author is...four, I think?
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The argument is kind of academic because "the youngest novelist" means actually being published by a legitimate house.

Liberty's Book Press has only published Maradonia books.
 
There have been several children younger than her who have been published. I mean, actually published by a company, not vanity publishing.
 
DrChristianTroy said:
Can't do too much research on Gloria Tesch since I'm at work. From what I've gathered she's a shit writer with rich parents and an ego. Am I missing anything?
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Her books are supposed to be long enough to rival most of the Harry Potter novels. However her books by default are large print, and I think with extra large spacing too. They're really bad Narnia ripoffs, and are considerably more religious apparently. The main characters are sadistic (at one point it's said the brother nearly drowns his sister, but it's played off as just sibling fun) while the so-called villains are much more sympathetic (the whole really religious and conservative thing again).

Even if the movie is finished, I don't see how they could possibly come up with enough money to convince a studio to distribute it theatrically, even in limited release.
 
MysticMisty said:
Even if the movie is finished, I don't see how they could possibly come up with enough money to convince a studio to distribute it theatrically, even in limited release.
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Unfortunately, unlike Tommy Wiseau, I think the Tesches have too much face to save (and possibly less money to throw around) to launch a film tour that'll be exclusively attended by smartasses.
 
Henry Bemis said:
MysticMisty said:
Even if the movie is finished, I don't see how they could possibly come up with enough money to convince a studio to distribute it theatrically, even in limited release.
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Unfortunately, unlike Tommy Wiseau, I think the Tesches have too much face to save (and possibly less money to throw around) to launch a film tour that'll be exclusively attended by smartasses.
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This. The Teches would look at the inevitable failure as just that. Tommy Wiseau saw the snarky audiences and embraced them. I read the massive sporking of one of her books...the first book alone contained over 2000 errors within the 800+ pages...meaning there are two mistakes per page on average.

Also: I checked her twitter and yup, green screen hell.
 
Henry Bemis said:
God said:
There have been several children younger than her who have been published. I mean, actually published by a company, not vanity publishing.
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But those don't count because they're not eight-hundred-plus-page epic doorstops, says Team Tesch.
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Probably still better written than maradonia however.
 
800 pages is 200,000 words. If she formatted the awful things properly, I'd guess each book would be about 120 pages, or 30,000 words, maybe a little more or less.
 
captkrisma said:
the first book alone contained over 2000 errors within the 800+ pages...meaning there are two mistakes per page on average.

Also: I checked her twitter and yup, green screen hell.
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Fuckin A. THAT gets published by my story about Jesus taking on the Yakuza doesn't.
 
bradsternum said:
800 pages is 200,000 words. If she formatted the awful things properly, I'd guess each book would be about 120 pages, or 30,000 words, maybe a little more or less.
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Pretty much that is what I've heard. She'd have to combine everything she's written to get those 800 pages, but god forbid she actually release less than a fuckton of books in her life.

And yeah, it's pretty well known that they try to delete everything about her books that isn't sockpuppet asspats and praise. They'd go berserk if the movie came about and everybody trashed it (with good reason). Shit, maybe a theatrical release would be great if only for the lawsuits they'd file against every critic who reviewed the damn thing.
 
DrChristianTroy said:
captkrisma said:
the first book alone contained over 2000 errors within the 800+ pages...meaning there are two mistakes per page on average.

Also: I checked her twitter and yup, green screen hell.
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Fuckin A. THAT gets published by my story about Jesus taking on the Yakuza doesn't.
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It was self-published. No self-respecting publishing house would publish maradonia. It's bloody awful.
 
God said:
bradsternum said:
800 pages is 200,000 words. If she formatted the awful things properly, I'd guess each book would be about 120 pages, or 30,000 words, maybe a little more or less.
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I think I read that they, or at least the first, are about 60,000 words.

I weep for the trees.
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Jesus...it's like she took a NaNoWriMo project and just sharted out the first draft. :briefs:
 
bradsternum said:
800 pages is 200,000 words. If she formatted the awful things properly, I'd guess each book would be about 120 pages, or 30,000 words, maybe a little more or less.
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800 pages?! How did a teenage girl manage to write crappy books which are way too long?!


MysticMisty said:
bradsternum said:
800 pages is 200,000 words. If she formatted the awful things properly, I'd guess each book would be about 120 pages, or 30,000 words, maybe a little more or less.
Click to expand...

Pretty much that is what I've heard. She'd have to combine everything she's written to get those 800 pages, but god forbid she actually release less than a fuckton of books in her life.

And yeah, it's pretty well known that they try to delete everything about her books that isn't sockpuppet asspats and praise. They'd go berserk if the movie came about and everybody trashed it (with good reason). Shit, maybe a theatrical release would be great if only for the lawsuits they'd file against every critic who reviewed the damn thing.
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The first search result for Gloria Tesch is ED's article about her. It'll be hilarious if she tries to take that article down.

Anyway, here's a funny quote.

Q: What made you want to write a full-length novel at such a young age?
A: Well, anything can suggest a story to me. If I hear just one sentence, that would be all I need to create a whole story. I see real pictures and I write them down. Also, my love for fiction and fantasy played a role to inspire me. I love reading lots of books, sometimes up to five different books per week.
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Naw, she's only recently written over 800 pages or so of shitty Narnia ripoff. Her books are printed in extra large text size and spacing so they come out to over 800 pages. If you put them in what's standard formatting for genuine publishers then you get between 100-150 pages. That is standard length for beginner chapter books.
 
MysticMisty said:
Naw, she's only recently written over 800 pages or so of shitty Narnia ripoff. Her books are printed in extra large text size and spacing so they come out to over 800 pages. If you put them in what's standard formatting for genuine publishers then you get between 100-150 pages. That is standard length for beginner chapter books.
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I wonder how a typical page looks like.......
 
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