💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

[ChuckSlaughter]

All I'm saying is that anybody could sign up and post what the poster in question did and say they couldn't show the movie to us even though they had it because it would go against their personal ethics. I don't think that's unreasonable.

The man is just barely mixing his work life with whatever this is so I can understand his hesitation.

The majority of the actors don't look even remotely suited to the supposed fantasy environment they're acting in. Speaking as a (sad but true) ex-LARPer, I've seen better costumery and acting from re-enacters and Larp players, which is saying a lot given some of it was pretty damn borderline autism.

From the sound of things he papa cut every corner. To be honest moviebro has a good point, this shit is super expensive, I didn't know about fantasy being especially so but it makes sense. It's impressive gunter was able to figure it out and finish at all.

I know we consider the man a con artist but he probably is just someone who goes from point a to point b and finishes no matter what, even if it means getting shady, it actually explains gloria's behavior quite well too. Maybe she tries to have x number of instagram updates a week and x number of gigs and she wants to be a pro model by date X.
Gotta have a movie by date X.
Need X number of pages for book 2.

It seems like she's failing but she's probably meeting some sort of goals that she has set and is just going to keep faking it till she makes it. She's not really getting amazing modeling gigs but she is modeling at actual art/fashion shows, she's in an advertisement. I mean that's something. He rap career exists enough that she could make friends with someone moderately famous and end up featured in their content in some way. It's feasible that someone gives up money for another book and she just has interns fix someone she's already been working on... now she's got a normal fantasy novel someone might publish. She's slowly climbing up the ladder of legitimacy but it's hilarious to watch.

The movie is just really bad I don't know faking your movies until you make it is just way too expensive. I think that gunter had to really get shady and put it all on the table his house and everything just to finish, he really bit off way more than he could chew here.

 

[Mahimahi]

Anyone who gets that butthurt about skepticism that is natural and inevitable should probably do something else than try to be Deep Throat.

I think you're mischaracterising things in a couple of ways. People don't necessarily want to be Deep Throat; they might just want to share an experience and learn more about the weirdo in question. Also, they needn't be "butthurt" about getting a hostile reception here; it just might not be worth it to them to waste their time trying to prove themselves to a bunch of spergs on a website about exceptional individuals. In fact, that would probably be the default attitude of most sane people. But whatevs.

 

[bobbob]

LMAO after a busy weekend away! I think it's natural to have some skepticism and don't take it personally at all.

First, I have zero knowledge about the actual budget of the film and I'm not the one who met Gunther: I'm only reporting what Gunther told my brother-in-law, who had a distribution room at AFM. It's very common for people to lie - in both directions - about their budgets. I'm not in distribution myself, but yes, it would be bad for my career to get caught uploading a DVD. It would also be an abuse of my brother-in-law's trust. Finally, even if there was zero chance it could get traced back to me, I wouldn't do it because I think when people put time and money into a movie or music, they have the right to try recouping that money and making a profit. Even douchebags.

In terms of people dying to see the movie, the experience is no different than seeing the cheesy and grandiose online trailer: it's just longer, more of the same. I haven't read her "writing" at all, but my sense from what I've seen described here is that the same things that make the books so awful apply to the filmmaking. You know how some bad movies are bad in a way that's fun to watch, but others are just irritating time sucks? For most people, this will be the latter. Only the most dedicated fans of whatever delusional madness fuels this train wreck will find all the WTF choices worth 102 minutes of their lives.

The most interesting thing in all of this to me is that my brother-in-law felt terrible for Gunther after checking out the movie: he thought Gunther was this poor, desperate guy who was wasting his time and was about to have a horrible disappointment. After I saw the DVD and then googled Gloria and saw Gunther portrayed as a liar and con man, I told my brother-in-law about it so he wouldn't feel so bad, but his attitude didn't change. Why not? I'm guessing he was viscerally hit hard by the intensity of Gunther's desperation, which was no doubt genuine. For people like Gunther and Gloria, the end game is seldom pretty.

Andre Agassi has turned into an amazingly insightful and compassionate man. As a kid and into his early 20s, he was kind of a monster. Why? His dad was a monster in the way he pushed Andre to become a champion. Even after Andre broke free, it was a long, hard journey to become the best version of himself. How that applies here is I don't think anyone could be normal raised/brainwashed by Gunther. Gloria is young, and I'm not aware from what I've seen here that she's ever been consciously cruel to others. Maybe some day she'll have an epiphany about all this and a normal, decent person will try to emerge, but then she'll have to deal with the anger toward her dad and embarrassment about her past. As fun as it is to snark about delusional people, I hope we also have the compassion to wish that in the end they might manage to break free and join the real world and find some version of happiness.

 

[Muscle Bra]

the most dedicated fans of whatever delusional madness fuels this train wreck...

Thank you for returning. Your insights into Maradonia and the Tesch family are most appreciated but I really feel the need to compliment you on your one-liner -- I have never before seen such a succinct and colorful description of pretty much the entirety of Kiwi Farms.

 

[bobbob]

I've always relied on films like "Grey Gardens" or "Mondo Elvis" or "Overnight" to sate my own amused fascination with grandiosity and delusion, but I feel like finding Kiwi Farms has opened up a thousand square mile Disneyland of this genre, so looking forward to exploring further despite being daunted on where to start. The perceptiveness and humor of most of the commenters adds greatly to the experience, so thanks to everyone.

 

[FatNero]

This would fit in with the possible timing of the LA trip. They went to AFM tried to offload whatever they had and everyone said no. If you can't at least hit asylum level you're not going to get picked up there. He'd've been better off doing the old "rent a hotel room and throw up a poster" routine that so many people try to work out.

 

[January Cyst]

I wonder if this finally breaks Gunther.
It is likely that he won't find someone to publish this thing and pay him a big bag of c-quarters
The only 2 things that he could do would be

1. Release the movie through a pay-per-view online site
2. Release the movie on DVD/BR and self-distribute it through a website or amazon

Option 2 seems more likely given his ego, but that means forking out even more cash.
Ordering 2000 DVDs with cases costs approx $2500 up front. source

 

[Muscle Bra]

Option 2 seems more likely given his ego, but that means forking out even more cash.

I'm almost certain this is what Daddy Tesch will do. I don't know how much it costs to vanity publish a book (as opposed to the print-to-order of Lulu) but I'm pretty sure that Herr Tesch has already sunk more than that into producing hard copies of the Maradonia books. And, besides, regardless of the actual amount of the budget for the Maradonia movie, 2500 bucks is a small price to pay for Glo-Glo to be able to claim that not only is she a model/actress/rapper/author/director but also a movie distributor and producer.

 

[millais]

Here's a thought: what if Gunther is sinking so much dedicated effort into the movie in order to distract himself from the stress of his divorce/legal troubles/foreclosures? Maybe at this point the marketing and distribution of the movie is his little escapist hobby that gives him a fleeting chance to jet set around the country and rub shoulders with the industry insiders and pretend like he is in the same league as them while the money lasts. It's easier for him to focus on the more feasible short term goals of distributing and marketing Gloria's movie than deal with the absolute nightmare of sorting out his legal and financial troubles.

 

[AnimuGinger]

LMAO after a busy weekend away! I think it's natural to have some skepticism and don't take it personally at all.

First, I have zero knowledge about the actual budget of the film and I'm not the one who met Gunther: I'm only reporting what Gunther told my brother-in-law, who had a distribution room at AFM. It's very common for people to lie - in both directions - about their budgets. I'm not in distribution myself, but yes, it would be bad for my career to get caught uploading a DVD. It would also be an abuse of my brother-in-law's trust. Finally, even if there was zero chance it could get traced back to me, I wouldn't do it because I think when people put time and money into a movie or music, they have the right to try recouping that money and making a profit. Even douchebags.

In terms of people dying to see the movie, the experience is no different than seeing the cheesy and grandiose online trailer: it's just longer, more of the same. I haven't read her "writing" at all, but my sense from what I've seen described here is that the same things that make the books so awful apply to the filmmaking. You know how some bad movies are bad in a way that's fun to watch, but others are just irritating time sucks? For most people, this will be the latter. Only the most dedicated fans of whatever delusional madness fuels this train wreck will find all the WTF choices worth 102 minutes of their lives.

The most interesting thing in all of this to me is that my brother-in-law felt terrible for Gunther after checking out the movie: he thought Gunther was this poor, desperate guy who was wasting his time and was about to have a horrible disappointment. After I saw the DVD and then googled Gloria and saw Gunther portrayed as a liar and con man, I told my brother-in-law about it so he wouldn't feel so bad, but his attitude didn't change. Why not? I'm guessing he was viscerally hit hard by the intensity of Gunther's desperation, which was no doubt genuine. For people like Gunther and Gloria, the end game is seldom pretty.

Andre Agassi has turned into an amazingly insightful and compassionate man. As a kid and into his early 20s, he was kind of a monster. Why? His dad was a monster in the way he pushed Andre to become a champion. Even after Andre broke free, it was a long, hard journey to become the best version of himself. How that applies here is I don't think anyone could be normal raised/brainwashed by Gunther. Gloria is young, and I'm not aware from what I've seen here that she's ever been consciously cruel to others. Maybe some day she'll have an epiphany about all this and a normal, decent person will try to emerge, but then she'll have to deal with the anger toward her dad and embarrassment about her past. As fun as it is to snark about delusional people, I hope we also have the compassion to wish that in the end they might manage to break free and join the real world and find some version of happiness.

This is pretty off topic, but I want to just say you have a lot of integrity, and I respect that.

 

[DrJonesHat]

Oh I think he actually thought a big name distributor would buy his movie. My theory about the whole Maradonia fiasco is that it's Poppa Tesch's doing. Gloria brought home a story that she wrote for class at the same time Gunther was looking for his next scam, and he thought Gloria could pump out the next Harry Potter or Hunger Games. Gloria was forced to churn out shitty books, and make the awful movie, and since Daddy has a documented history of domestic violence, I think Gloria went along out of fear for her own safety as opposed to any delusions of fame. She knows the books are crap, and the movie's shit, but she plays the role of the aspiring author/filmmaker because she fears the consequences if she doesn't do what she's told. Of course, she really could be a wanna-be diva and believes she's this young genius, but I think she's playing a role, and knows that the whole is a pile of steaming bullshit.

 

[ChuckSlaughter]

Oh I think he actually thought a big name distributor would buy his movie. My theory about the whole Maradonia fiasco is that it's Poppa Tesch's doing. Gloria brought home a story that she wrote for class at the same time Gunther was looking for his next scam, and he thought Gloria could pump out the next Harry Potter or Hunger Games. Gloria was forced to churn out shitty books, and make the awful movie, and since Daddy has a documented history of domestic violence, I think Gloria went along out of fear for her own safety as opposed to any delusions of fame. She knows the books are crap, and the movie's shit, but she plays the role of the aspiring author/filmmaker because she fears the consequences if she doesn't do what she's told. Of course, she really could be a wanna-be diva and believes she's this young genius, but I think she's playing a role, and knows that the whole is a pile of steaming bullshit.

Most of the underhanded behavior from the tesches wouldn't be that bad from a person if they didn't do it all the time. Like if someone told me they just barely scraped by on this project and had to use a stalling tactic to keep their bank from foreclosing I'd think it was kinda cool. I know that lots of people do lots of smooth talk to get their movie funded and distributed, gloria's fake modeling pictures, well I dunno if you're raised by gunter maybe that sort of underhandedness just seems normal. A lot of brand promoters are incredibly shady.

 

[Bungleboy]

Are we sure this thing isn't a really fucking elaborate money laundering scheme

 

[Karen Riley]

This is pretty off topic, but I want to just say you have a lot of integrity, and I respect that.

This, it makes me feel awful for assuming not wanting to release the movie automatically means it has to be a ruse. Thank you so much for coming back and giving us even more information.

Are we sure this thing isn't a really fucking elaborate money laundering scheme

I can't be sure, I mean while Gunther seems to be running out of luck it seems like a lot of his cons were quite intricate so he's clearly no idiot. Unless he allowed himself to become blinded by this project so much that he believed he really did have a billion pound franchise just waiting to take off. Some of the details about the film are so unclear that it's hard to tell what exactly is going on right now. There's a lot of unanswered questions like whether a lot of the crew were promised money they'll never see or just how much all the stock footage and special effects cost that it's hard to judge though over time things will become clearer.

 

[January Cyst]

Are we sure this thing isn't a really fucking elaborate money laundering scheme

Oddly enough that would make a lot of sense.
The whole Gloria persona could be a ruse to wash some of his old dirty money.
While the whole "IP" makes some money (photo shoots, music), it is small enough to fly under the radar of government agencies.
If this is, what the whole thing is about, touche Gunther.
Grooming your daughter into a front is pretty spectacular.

 

[AnOminous]

Are we sure this thing isn't a really fucking elaborate money laundering scheme

It's not really a great money laundering scheme to flush money down a toilet with no possibility of getting it back in a highly public way. This isn't The Producers.

For something like $800,000 you'd just want to start a couple small businesses that mainly get cash receipts and spread it out over a few years.

 

[ActualKiwi]

Yeah, there's much simpler schemes to get rich than dumping nearly a mill on a full-blown movie about a fantasy universe that no-one is actually interested in enough to want to distribute (or watch for that matter, beyond horrified fascination)

 

[ActualKiwi]

Confirmed, DJ Pezz Dispenser is the new boy toy and he was generous enough to not be self aware enough to not realize that this was a clip better left off the internet:
[MEDIA=instagram]9cJKACoF3A[/MEDIA]
For that, we should all thank him.
I can't wait for this music video. I feel like it's going to be a lot of Gloria awkwardly buffing her poor-man's Porsche with her ass.

The photographer must be like "I wish I had a soul, so she could suck it.."

 

[goiter]

she just reused her dress from the goldilocks vid. but that's ok glo

 

[Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt]

Maradonia would have been better if daddy had hired a professional cartoonist or two and did this as a comic. Giving the benefit of the doubt, there is a niche for collectors of low-grade movies.