Future of the House

[Little Pigboy]

Imagine how ripe his clothes are going to be after marinating in his essences for nearly two years.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

Since we're on the topic of prized possessions. Can anyone confirm Chris' medallion is in prison holding for personal belongings? I doubt he'd be able to bring it with him, and by not having it. Do you think he's replaced it with a rosary or paper version?

Back on topic. I'm hard pressed on either the commodore since it's his physical manifestation as a couple goddess, or his comics as if they are lost. Through Chris' eyes, they would all die (hence why there is no reboot outside of laziness).

I haven't heard anything about a replacement medallion. Chris could probably make something out of toilet paper and other stuff but from what I hear toilet paper is in short supply in a lot of jails, and that sort of thing could get confiscated. Like if you had a small shiv it could be easily concealed in a medallion, think like a knife in a sheath. He also only has blue and black pens to color with, but maybe he could dye it with Fanta or something.

If Chris ends up in an actual prison or mental facility, he might be able to get more art supplies.

 

[Ophelia]

iirc, inmates are allowed religious jewelry (provided they can’t use it as a weapon or hang themselves with it). Chris could try to argue that his medallion is part of his religious beliefs. It might even work.

 

[I Love Beef]

Can't wait for the 12 part Netflix drama that touches on these themes!

I was thinking how in some alternate reality, there's a black humor satire Family Guy/Beavis and Butthead/It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia styled show about the Chandlers.

 

[A Grey Cat]

Play those to be weens su

Imagine how ripe his clothes are going to be after marinating in his essences for nearly two years.

Prison has laundry services for obvious reasons but what about jail? Is laundry service common in what is supposed to be short term inceration.

 

[Jon Osterman]

iirc, inmates are allowed religious jewelry (provided they can’t use it as a weapon or hang themselves with it). Chris could try to argue that his medallion is part of his religious beliefs. It might even work.

The medallion is made out of non-toxic ceramic made for kids, and it's clearly sharp because people were concerned Chris would shred his ass during the Bluespike incident. The guards would be dumb to let him have it.
I have no evidence for this, but by now he's probably made a bunch of random replacement objects out of whatever he can find, namely a paper medallion. Hell maybe he found a nice looking rock when outside and has restarted his magic stone collection.

 

[Cybertonia]

If someone was going to rape you, would you rather be alive or dead?

Random.txt candidate

 

[GypsyBard]

The bank that owns the mortgage will simply foreclose on it since I doubt any family member is going to take up the mortgage payments. Which means they'll hire somebody to sweep through the house making sure it's in a sellable state and then auction it off to the highest bidder. It's not unusual during these kinds of sellings for somebody to get a house with a bunch of shit from the previous owner still in it.

I use to work cleaning out houses after death or sale and I can tell you 1 simple way to preserve christory
Check the dumpster
If they do hire someone to clean it out there will be a dumpster
And also you won't find much of Chris's toys thrown out
When they hire people to clean out a house they don't care about it's contents as long as they are gone
So it was extremely common for us to grab anything of value and put it in our trucks to resell
"But what does Chris have that's worth money" I hear you ask
Video games
Retro toys -they are worth a surprising amount especially the transformers-
Appliances -flippers just throw them out anyway so we use to take them for scrap or resell on Craigslist-

Look for the dumpster
If you see the dumpster you know it has begun

 

[Manly_Brony]

The medallion is made out of non-toxic ceramic made for kids, and it's clearly sharp because people were concerned Chris would shred his ass during the Bluespike incident. The guards would be dumb to let him have it.
I have no evidence for this, but by now he's probably made a bunch of random replacement objects out of whatever he can find, namely a paper medallion. Hell maybe he found a nice looking rock when outside and has restarted his magic stone collection.

"He is not the real Christian Weston Chandler because his medallion is made of paper!!!"

Full circle, lads. Full circle.

 

[AnOminous]

It's not unusual during these kinds of sellings for somebody to get a house with a bunch of shit from the previous owner still in it.

I'd count on it. A couple bags of junk getting taken out every week or so is not going to clear that shit out before Barb croaks.

Look for the dumpster
If you see the dumpster you know it has begun

And most likely one of those hoard clearing businesses would get called to clear the place out enough to be legal, and that's when they'd find out how much damage in addition to just being full of barbage happened. Animals in a hoard house often have some preferred place to urinate and defecate and that could result in structural damage after months or years of it.

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Null should buy the house and then change the address of lolcow and lolcow LLC to it’s true and honest address

 

[Debbie Macomber]

There’s a running joke on the forums which goes like this: “What [evil piece of shit person] did is nothing compared to Chris.”

When A-Log himself first said "What Saddam Hussein did is small potatoes compared to Chris Chan!" it was during the classic era when the worst he'd done was Julay, but these days, someone could honestly say "Even Saddam Hussein wouldn't FUCK HIS OWN MOTHER!"

 

[Ophelia]

these days, someone could honestly say "Even Saddam Hussein wouldn't FUCK HIS OWN MOTHER!"

Are we sure of that?

 

[Professor Iris]

Plot twist: Barb dies, and when the house gets seized by the bank, Liquid Chris rises from the ashes, buys the house and moves in, thus cementing himself as the one true Christian Weston Chandler, and not the imposter in the black and white stripes who can only make Sonichu medallions out of paper.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Look for the dumpster
If you see the dumpster you know it has begun

But how will we recognize the dumpster? It's 14BC, the place was already a dumpster, then turned into a dumpster fire, then simply went back to being a dumpster.

I'd count on it. A couple bags of junk getting taken out every week or so is not going to clear that shit out before Barb croaks.

And most likely one of those hoard clearing businesses would get called to clear the place out enough to be legal, and that's when they'd find out how much damage in addition to just being full of barbage happened. Animals in a hoard house often have some preferred place to urinate and defecate and that could result in structural damage after months or years of it.

I was going to say I didn't think that the damage would still be a substantial problem, but at the same time it's actually kind of mind boggling to think the house fire was almost ten years ago.

Plenty of time for there to be new damage racking up all over the place.

Plot twist: Barb dies, and when the house gets seized by the bank, Liquid Chris rises from the ashes, buys the house and moves in, thus cementing himself as the one true Christian Weston Chandler, and not the imposter in the black and white stripes who can only make Sonichu medallions out of paper.

If this was Golden Age Chris, this would be a coup de grace like none other.

With modern Chris, I'm not sure he even cares. Sure he wanted Barb dead so he could get the house back (not that he was, of course), but the 'Sonchu Temple' may simply now be treated much the same way as Chris's other 'artifact of power' from yore.

Where he just makes bullshit up that invalidates everything he said before and comes up with some new solution on the fly that suits his needs. All he would need to do is latch onto the phrase 'where I lay my head is home' and boom - anywhere he lives becomes the Sonchu Temple. 14BC, the Prison Cell he's currently in, the group home he's almost certainly destined for. It's just more coping mechanism to deal with his losses while simultaneously remaining true to his 'religion' as it were.

 

[I_Am_Honor_Roll]

Are we sure of that?

Considering how passionate some people in America, especially those in power at the time, were to invade Iraq on otherwise flimsy pretenses, if there was even a CRUMB of proof that Hussein fucked his mother, you'd better believe it would have been splashed across every newspaper and broadcast news chyron.

"Ecce homo! The Murderous Motherfucker! What further justification do we need? Enlist Now! Buy War Bonds! Us or Them! Suck My Dick! 9/11 9/11 9/11!!!!"

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

while another Screw made Chris squat, hold his ass cheeks open, and cough

He will likely need to be toilet trained again. He's said he's using a bidet in jail in one of the early letters so he's clearly doing something weird, well weird in that regard anyway.

 

[FinnSven]

I haven't heard anything about a replacement medallion. Chris could probably make something out of toilet paper and other stuff but from what I hear toilet paper is in short supply in a lot of jails, and that sort of thing could get confiscated. Like if you had a small shiv it could be easily concealed in a medallion, think like a knife in a sheath. He also only has blue and black pens to color with, but maybe he could dye it with Fanta or something.

If Chris ends up in an actual prison or mental facility, he might be able to get more art supplies.

Maybe if he gets out the first thing he does will be having a medallion tattooed around his neck

 

[GypsyBard]

And most likely one of those hoard clearing businesses would get called to clear the place out enough to be legal, and that's when they'd find out how much damage in addition to just being full of barbage happened. Animals in a hoard house often have some preferred place to urinate and defecate and that could result in structural damage after months or years of it.

I use to work on houses
(I am working class so I worked at a lot of places it's the only way to make a good living)

Anyway believe it or not I seen far worse places
The house most likely will not be torn down because mathematically it will most likely be cheaper to replace the holes and floors
The only way I could see it being torn down is if it has foundation damage or water damage
It also depends how dirty the hoard is
If a hoarder buys stuff and just sort of stacks it then the clean up and repair go a lot easier than if the hoarder stacks piss bottles and diapers around the house

I seen both kinds

If the hoarder is filthy then it is a biohazard and the whole house will have to be gutted

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

It also depends how dirty the hoard is
If a hoarder buys stuff and just sort of stacks it then the clean up and repair go a lot easier than if the hoarder stacks piss bottles and diapers around the house

From what we know since the fire it's mostly clean apart from some spots of the old horde that where still water logged as a few years ago, but the majority of it is dry and clean outside of whatever damage has been done and left like dog / cat urine / Chris's piss in at least one room.

Barbs stuff is mostly dry stuff like cloaths, books, and nicknacks or household goods like pans, fire guards and alike.