93-94 (Hot Food and History Class):
Continuation of my previous posts (
Part 1 /
Part 2 /
Part 3)
This one will likely be a bit shorter because... well... nothing really happens here. I was in serious danger of falling asleep during this part, and honestly have trouble calling to most of the events that happened.
Anyway, we pick up after the first dungeon and make our way to the village of the goblins. We arrive and find the elector rather swiftly. The goblins tell us that they contract goldsmiths to work for them to help produce fine metalcrafts for the capital. In exchange for working with the goblins, all of their needs like food and shelter are taken care of. The problem is that after the recent series of storms, they just can’t seem to figure out why goldsmiths keep leaving. So this time our challenge is to find a new goldsmith to replenish their number, and to figure out why goldsmiths won’t stay at the village.
We go back to the capital and convince the guy we
LITERALLY JUST GOT A JOB at Whatchu Makey Makey to come work for the goblins. We also discover that the reason goldsmiths are unhappy is because there’s no air conditioning and their food is equivalent to freshly microwaved Hot-Pockets.
Okay, commentary time. The goblins are usually presented as a little bit retarded, so I don’t have a problem with them being this dumb. The problem is that the substance of the quest amounts to a short side quest chain at best, but they waste valuable MSQ time with yet more rote goblin retardation. This whole challenge is a major snoozefest, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is where people start to check out. It’s now abundantly clear these challenges will have zero substance to them.
Back to the MSQ. We get our gemstone and we’re off to see the googly eye’d giants. On our way however, Tiger Princess is called over by someone back at goblin town and we (in a moment of retardation probably even bigger than when we used Nidhogg's eyes as a shot put ball) just decide to let her go off on her own...
I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING OVER AND GUARDING TIGER PRINCESS! The writers have now crossed a line with me. Not only have they written the WOL completely out of the story, but have changed us into a horribly incompetent buffoon.
This goes about as well as you’d expect, and Wuk gets kidnapped... by
NORMAL-ASS ROADSIDE BANDITS. Koana invites himself into our party to assist in retrieving the princess, and after many shenanigans (as well as another terrible “stealth” mission), we find out that this was all set up by ya boi Bakool Ja Ja. A mini confrontation ensues (in a cutscene, because god forbid we fight him in-game). Wuk has one of her gemstones stolen, and Bakool Ja Ja escapes. We rest for the night with Koana, and he does his best to hide his big brother instinct, but everyone sees right through him.
The next morning we FINALLY are on our way to the googly eye’d giants properly. We arrive at the next town and... look I’m gonna be honest, I barely remember this part. We get a generic history lesson on the Giants, and learn that they don’t believe someone is truly dead as long as they’re remembered. They tell us to climb the big tall mountain and punch the dood at the top. At the base of the mountain, Wuk uses the power of “but we
MUST come together and be fweinds!” to stop a hostile group of giants from trying to whack us. Time for dungeon 2.
... This is the most unmemorable dungeon in the game, even more so than dungeon 1. The dood we need to punch is at the end of the dungeon. The history lesson we already wasted MSQ time learning is reiterated, and we get our gemstone. Suddenly though, we hear a commotion back at town. Bakool Ja Ja has just released Mexican Trogdor!
Next post we’ll see how our smooth-brained idiot deals with the Quetzalcoatl-lookin’ burninator in our first trial of the expansion.
Have a great day all
