FemaleGoodra / slugfucker - the Pokemon lolcow to end all lolcows

[Cosmos]

Once again, I would appreciate any help archiving slugfucker's insanity! Just Google Cache his blog using this search. He had like 1,500 posts before he locked/deleted his blog, if I recall. I dunno how long Google Cache keeps stuff once it's been removed from the web, though...

Anyway, I came across a post where he mentioned his job again:

He really is a rarity among lolcows; he's actually employed. However, judging from several of his posts, he lets his Goodra obsession get in the way of his work. He gets so upset over people making fun of his Goodra obsession that he can't even calm down at work.

 

[The Jumping Dwarf]

Cripes. I hope he doesn't work in somewhere like an aquarium where he has easy access to gooey animals.

 

[Lalala]

He was snarling.
Snarling.
About a website making fun of a fictional goo dragon thing.
While I'm job hunting, this guy is employed while snarling at work about his gooey fuck mommy slug dragon.
I hate everything.

 

[Grimmleal]

From my recollection, he was an 'accountant' but who knows how much he said about himself was real.

 

[Koba]

Cripes. I hope he doesn't work in somewhere like an aquarium where he has easy access to gooey animals.

Or in a French restaurant that servers Escargot for that matter...

 

[Sharktopus]

where he mentioned his job again

I can't stop thinking about Mapdark crying to his "fellow female employee" at work every time a lolcow mentions their job now.

Also, I got my Goodra!

Spoiler: Shiny Swole Slug

Please forgive potato camera.

 

[c-no]

See those hands? They're not really hands, they're penises. That's why they're dripping goo like that. Same goes for his head, also a penis. Those "motherly antennae" are probably penises too.

That really makes one think of this:

With that said, one cannot deny what all of Goodra resembles. That said, its feet must also be penises.

 

[Saney]

Cripes. I hope he doesn't work in somewhere like an aquarium where he has easy access to gooey animals.

I bet he does, just so he can get to the blue dragon sea slugs.

 

[Cosmos]

From my recollection, he was an 'accountant' but who knows how much he said about himself was real.

Yep, I literally just stumbled that piece of info. Using "accountant" as a keyword, I came across some very interesting information...

Here's the first mention of being an accountant I found (that doesn't mean it's chronological, it's just the first one I happened to find). According to slugfucker, he doesn't act crazy IRL. Given how he apparently spends time shitposting at work, though, I find that to be doubtful.

Spoiler: Who WOULDN'T want to hire a slugfucker as an accountant amirite

According to slugfucker, he makes $36 an hour at his accounting job.

Spoiler: Do your coworkers know how much of your salary goes into maintaining your shitposting?

Holy shit. According to slugfucker, he's awake for 20 hours most days, leaving only 4 hours to sleep. And what does he do in his sparetime? Nonstop shitposting, of course! He also admits that sometimes he spams /vp/ while he's working.

Spoiler: This is legitimately unhealthy

Slugfucker has spent thousands of dollars to maintain his shitposting (by buying VPNs and servers) by his own admission. He rationalizes that, because he's an accountant, it's no big deal to spend that much. He also says that he spends $500 a month to spread the Word of Goodra.

Spoiler: Worst fucking accountant EVER

He then goes on to contradict himself, saying that he merely spends "hundreds" on his shitposting habit. However, as we all know, he just said "thousands." Anyway, he views his shitposting as a righteous crusade and well-worth the hundreds/thousands of dollars he's sunken into it.

Spoiler: GET SOME HELP

And as a random note to end on, apparently Goodra gave slugfucker the motivation to live and as such he sees her as God (again, Pokemon XY was only released in October 2013 so I have no fucking idea what this guy was doing before this).

Spoiler: Read the first Commandment again, slugfucker

 

[Sharktopus]

Sooooo...I'm digging through slugfucker's Tumblr nd I just found these two posts that just...you'll see.

This one in which we discussing fucking Goodra.

Spoiler: Goo/Goos/Gooself

So...he believes he's a Goodra himself...Goodrakin?
Meaning, by his own logic, that he is a female.

And...this second one where we discuss fucking Goodra in detail.

Spoiler: *schlick schlick*

 

[c-no]

Sooooo...I'm digging through slugfucker's Tumblr nd I just found these two posts that just...you'll see.

This one in which we discussing fucking Goodra.

Spoiler: Goo/Goos/Gooself

View attachment 16647So...he believes he's a Goodra himself...Goodrakin?
Meaning, by his own logic, that he is a female.

And...this second one where he discuss fucking Goodra in detail.

Spoiler: *schlick schlick*

View attachment 16648

The second one may as well confirm, Goodra has a phallic instrument, no matter how much he wants to deny it. Either way, this may as well creep out anyone that likes Goodra in a non-creepy way.

 

[Yog-Spergoth]

From my recollection, he was an 'accountant' but who knows how much he said about himself was real.

No accounting for untreated autism, amirite?

 

[Cosmos]

So apparently, despite being a slugfucker, FemaleGoodra wouldn't fuck a Gastrodon. And why is this? Because Gastrodon can be male and don't look as ~*feminine*~ as Goodra. Slugfucker has standards, get the fuck away from him with that gay homo shit.

And this is Gastrodon, btw (they come in two different forms)

 

[Assorted Nuts]

Holy fucking shit! Not only does he think he's a Goodra, but his roommate(who is totally a real person) is also a Goodra and they have gooey sex. And he also sees Goodra as his goddess and guardian "goongel". Fucking hell.

 

[DocScuttleButt]

I got a shiny masculine goodra from @Philly Cheese Steak

Spoiler: shitty webcam picture ahoy

The fact that its name is butch just makes me want to draw it as a gijinka looking like a 50's greaser/TUNNEL SNAKE.

TUNNEL GOOS RULE

 

[Avocado]

So apparently, despite being a slugfucker, FemaleGoodra wouldn't fuck a Gastrodon. And why is this? Because Gastrodon can be male and don't look as ~*feminine*~ as Goodra. Slugfucker has standards, get the fuck away from him with that gay homo shit.

Well at least this way he won't sperg all over two of my favorite Pokemon.

The insane denial of the fact that 50% of Goodras are male continues to astound me.

 

[Silver]

How did he even come up with the idea that male Goodra just Don't Exist and game data and Bulbapedia and everyone who owns a male Goodra is just wrong about life anyway?

 

[Segue]

How did he even come up with the idea that male Goodra just Don't Exist and game data and Bulbapedia and everyone who owns a male Goodra is just wrong about life anyway?

My guess is that he's so desperate to validate that he's not gay he even tries to deny the very possibility of his gooey waifu's own species being male.

I wonder if he'd have a Jace-like meltdown if he saw Goodra compared being to a dick...

 

[Cosmos]

How did he even come up with the idea that male Goodra just Don't Exist and game data and Bulbapedia and everyone who owns a male Goodra is just wrong about life anyway?

He thinks he knows Pokemon better than Game Freak and Nintendo and that they made a horrible mistake. He's also convinced that the gender ratio will be "fixed" via a patch or a retcon in Gen VII.

I also came across this graphic from him:

Don't bother asking where these new numbers came from, because they were pulled out of slugfucker's ass. So we go from 50% male/50% female to 5.1% male/94.9% female. Somehow.

However, later on, slugfucker starts insisting that all Goodra are "biologically female" and that male Goodra are just confused transgender wrecks who are being tortured by their trainers. Just look at how many results came up when I searched "biologically female."

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww........