This story has been filled with so many incomplete sentences it has given me an aneurysm. This bitch does not not how commas or semicolons work and if she has a beta, they're the laziest fucks on earth not to catch the shit she has written. How fucking hard is it to connect two sentences together? Apparently it's the Poincare theorem for this retard.
EUGHHHHH
> "The smell of Viktor's hair, so fresh like hay, or a spring breeze." HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO DO THIS?!
> Lured by the feeling of this
Feeling of what?
> But wow, wow
This fic in a nutshell.
I've said this ad nauseum but I fucking despise the dialogue. They talk like 15 year old teenagers - and the funny thing is, Viktor has a line like that disparaging Jayce for acting like one. Real lack of self awareness there.
> "He can see himself there and it looks like he belongs"
There, that's all it takes. Literally an 'and' or a comma.
Again with this dialogue. I'm about to go OJ Simpson on it.
Nothing like telling the faghag who told you to guilt trip your 'beloved' into falling in love with you all because he read your journal and found out what a depressive fuck you were without him. I hate everyone in this without exception.
It's OK, she can totally smell sex like she's a bloodhound. In any case, the chemical spill excuse was stupid; Ximena would of course be worried and send Cait after him. All he had to do was say he had to work late on a project. It would have dismissed her concerns and be a valid enough lie. The best lies are the simplest ones, after all.
I should mention that Jayce, aside from being a big baby in this, also acts like a demented rape ape in some scenes where he wants to smash things and punch people - the type of autist that would tackle you for taking away his Nintendo Switch. I don't think the author is aware of this inconsistency nor does she care.
> With Viktor. A date. With Viktor
Put this in ONE fucking sentence, please. I should feel like I need to choke reading your goddamn fic.
"Yeah I guess I know I guess hmmm I guess yeah I dunno"
Newsflash: you do not make your characters sound quirky and relatable doing this. It makes them sound like they're retarded and are just figuring out human speech for the first time.
"Right so like. Like? I mean like? It's so important that we like? Do this and like?"
The absolute fucking irony of Viktor saying they aren't fifteen despite Jayce talking like a 15-year-old. Absolutely pathetic.
> "The amusement is back, but it's such a kind amusement he wants to live in it"
Still a terrible sentence but I tried to make it better. This bitch really needs to proofread her work.
> This isn't the 1950s
No, it's supposed to be a modern fic but Viktor, the worldly leftist, had no idea who the Noxians were and willingly sold away his half of the patent all because Jayce convinced him to do it while he was d
eathly ill. The author has conveniently forgotten about this aspect of the plot.
> I don't want the school to know
The student body has been gossiping about JayVik since chapter fucking two, and these two idiots had no idea about said gossip DESPITE ENGAGING IN SAID GOSSIP THEMSELVES. They're worried about the students being insufferable when they've been doing that for the better part of a year.
Then, when Viktor said he wants to keep things private as he is a private person, Jayce 'deflates' because he wants to announce to everyone that they're an item - d
espite knowing that Viktor would not like that. This 'nice boyfriend' already wants to fuck Viktor over and ignore his wishes because of an ego boost. Are we dealing with LoL Jayce after all? Sure seems like it.
Recap: Jayce wants Viktor to take over his scrubber and own the patent, but to do that he has to confront Mel over it - despite working on said project in secret. The horses have long since escaped from the barn, friendo.
Lmao, Viktor was going to leave his ass on the curb. I had a good chuckle at that.
You're right. It IS ridiculous. Who the fuck talks like this?
"Uh yeah uh good uh yeah ummm huh uuuuhh"
Oh God PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY
Ah, there's that Leftist Viktor again, ranting about food prices when this same fuck had no idea who the fuck the Noxians were or what their dealings were in his city. Do not forget that this 'man of the people' left behind his people to get a cushy job with better pay and insurance.
> Taking a bite of his mushroom dish (incomplete sentence). Jayce gets distracted
To: "Jayce gets distracted by the way Viktor's lips close around the fork as he takes a bite out of his mushroom dish." How hard is that?
This pissed me off a little. Jayce virgin shames Viktor for daring to kiss someone at 24, and then we get a casual remark that he must've fucked his professors because he's a twink slut. Jayce says he wants to punch something and that he wishes he did more...despite not doing anything of the sort, and never stood up for Viktor in that way. This is also modern times and they're mocking Viktor for having a cane? Hello discrimination suit.
"Virginity is an antiquated concept, no?" - Ironic coming from the guy who fucks random dudes like Greg and wanted to fuck him again to piss off Jayce.
"Kissing felt like the small talk of sex" - Yeah, because it's meant to be an intimate act. Thanks for stating the obvious, Mr. World Leftist.
What did I say about this fucking dialogue.
Jesus fucking Christ. This dialogue makes me want to shove these people into a mobile crematorium. S
top talking like you are goddamn teenagers. You are 30-year-old adults!
Glad to see the faghags celebrating and having this conversation in what would be an intimate, personal conversation in an attempt to make a serious scene funny. It isn't. It's clear Viktor doesn't like having these things aired and instead of respecting his wishes, the token lesbians just goad for details and humiliate him. Remember that Cait told Jayce to pressure Viktor into forgiving him because he was oh so sad after he left - all due to Jayce's actions, btw.
They're doing this in a restaurant, btw. Oh, and the waiter comes by with the check twice.
Here's the smut scene. You ready this time?
You know, I am surprised Viktor tops this time around, as usually he's written as the bottom. However, for a smut scene, I don't feel any of the usual spice smut scenes usually have. It's not cold enough to be clinical, or too ridiculous to be laughed at...but as with the rest of this fic, the broken sentence structure ends any attempt at making it read nicely.
> "He's never felt more desperate, more strung out. He needs, needs,
needs to be touched.
There, I fixed it.
> "His fingers are close to Jayce's mouth in his delirium, in his need to please."
Now, how hard is it to use a comma?
> "He teases him with gentle touches, almost ticklish, and Jayce keens into it until he's practically drooling into the pillow."
There. Much better.
> "He feels Viktor tense and bite into his shoulder."
Even forehead kisses feel so cold in this. Yeesh.
Annnnd that's it. Much more emphasis was placed on Jayce penetrating Viktor; I sincerely wonder why.
Right. Jayce was aware of all of THESE rumours, but never the ones involving him and Viktor being in a relationship. Sounds like selective memory. You would think he and Viktor would at least be somewhat aware of each other's feelings based on gossip alone; and the fact that such crude comments were being made in the open would at least confirm to Jayce that Viktor was gay. Remember, in an earlier chapter, Viktor acted surprised that Sky was into him despite him being gay, and Jayce was 'relieved' to hear it.
What was that about these adults acting like teenagers?
He doesn't like drama or gossip, despite engaging in gossip with Viktor earlier in the fic, and has to content with such a rumour mill despite casually ignoring what it said about him throughout the entire fic. Gotta love this internal logic.
You would think Viktor would be much more guarded about people talking about him and his preferences if they're going around saying he's fucking TAs back to back.
> "Dimitri, respectfully: shut the fuck up." Not that hard, now is it?
Of course, Viktor responds to this by acting like a total bitch, echoing what he did in earlier chapters by complaining to Jayce that he doesn't treat him with agency. Yet Viktor makes no effort to stand up for himself or defend himself in any way, so it's pathetic to see him complain when someone else does. He did this during the PhD thesis meeting, remember: he got angry at Jayce for speaking up for him while Viktor sat there completely quiet. Talk about the need to choke on some humble pie.
So, it takes until Chapter 10 to finally discuss in detail what the batteries are, and the author completely forgets what she wrote earlier. The battery was delayed due to dangerous chemical components - a valid concern as Jayce is not an accomplished engineer yet and cannot be trusted around such chemicals - and that it hasn't even been stabilized yet. What does he do? Bitch and cry about it like a baby.
I cannot possibly see why he'd hate a manchild like you. Such a mystery.
Yeah, you privileged Cuban fuck. Think of the poor white guy!
Now this is interesting. In Chapter 10, this author writes that Jayce was using algae as the source for his battery...while in the earlier chapters, she used
bacteria. These are two separate kingdoms of lifeforms she is mixing up here. This is just pure laziness; an author has to remember what they wrote or else you'll get embarrassing moments like this.
> Instead, there was interest there
This bitch is allergic to commas and it shows.
Yeah, and then he forces Viktor to sign away his rights -
under duress, so not total consent - and that's perfectly fine because he gets over it because his Leftist mentality gets sidelined provided he gets a good dicking down by a brown man. Gotta love how his principles were thrown out the window all because he read a bunch of sob stories from Jayce's journal. Absolutely PATHETIC.
It's gonna get worse from here on out, I assure you. Get ready for the deluge.
