Fanfiction Horrors

[Chandelier]

Alright, here's the fourth chapter of 'Coming Home', in which the catty-faggots now have to deal with upset Hispanic mothers (no sandals need apply).

Spoiler: Chapter 4

I guess the author has already forgotten that the entire reason Viktor left was because he sold their shared patent to Ambessa, without his consultation, and that Viktor got no recognition for his inventions. He has every right to be nasty. Of course, he needed to be tamed and humbled by reading Jayce's journal - because Jayce was totally apologetic and humble about it beforehand - and now we're getting some pining by the fourth chapter. Because dragging it out logically and making the relationship matter is too much work.

Naturally, this all started because of Cait's gaslighting. She blamed Viktor for holding bad feelings a chapter ago, telling him HE was in the wrong because HE made Jayce feel bad. She had no sympathy for Viktor and what he lost; she just pinned the blame on him for making Jayce despondent. Now, all that's left is the token Hispanic mom to play matchmaker.

> Says he cannot let this happen again
> It happens again
> Assumes that whatever was said to Viktor during lunch with Cait was humiliating to him, despite previously hoping for some kind of reconciliation
> His mood fluctuates like he cannot remember how to act
And. We. Still. Write. Like this. You're going to see a lot more of this.

> Zaunites aren't the best with small talk
That's literally how they operate, boo. If you can't say what you want in a few sentences, they aren't interested.

Also, Jayce having to convince Ekko not to take the job with an exploitative company is funny in hindsight, because Ekko would've never worked for them to begin with. He's adamantly against authority that way, and does things on his own terms. He wouldn't need convincing; he'd already know what the company was and what they were up to.

> Wants plausible deniability
> Everyone will immediately know it's him because he's the most notable professor on that roster employed by the company

Oh, and you are going to fucking hate this dialogue. You think it's cringe? It gets a helluva lot worse, believe me.

> Calls an invention that already exists 'scrubby', which is a name that also belongs to a brand of sponges
> Cannot use Google so he cannot get sued for already using an existing name
> Kek

Of course the Hispanic mom is screaming in delight at a former gay lover-not lover. You need a supportive mom, right bestie?

You should be fucking ashamed. You threw Viktor under the bus; that was established three chapters ago which the author conveniently forgot. Viktor should be a lot meaner than he is, and Jayce should absolutely feel humbled, not entitled. He's been an entitled faggot this entire time, who can't read the room and acts as if he's immune from accountability; ergo, he's your typical catty fag who thinks he's owed the world and acts shocked when it doesn't behave.

Yeah, he's. Coming to dinner. That your mother wanted? And invited him for? See. How annoying. I sound when typing like this?

And YES, JAYCE, YOU DID VIKTOR WRONG. YOU SOLD YOUR PATENT TO A WARLORD, A PATENT FOR AN INVENTION THAT DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING WORK. That's a plot hole that hasn't been addressed, btw.

Well, Jayce, you getting 'fucking fed up' is a consequence of your own actions.

> Calling Viktor a colleage feels about as right as referring to the sun as just another star. Technically true but devoid of any true significance

I bet she thought this was a banger line, when she could've kept the first half and it would've worked. The latter just invalidates it because all stars hold significance, and 'true significance' is redundant. Maybe it's my autism but this irked me for some reason.

Yeah, that's what happens when you refuse accountability: you have to tame your catty-faggot emotions because otherwise you're a terrible character. Give me Jackass Jayce over this, at least he's consistent.

Yes, she wanted a 'lol so funny' scene of Viktor getting caught under the desk, as a nod to the show where Viktor says, 'wait a minute this isn't my bedroom'. It just sound retarded in comparison. Mel would've known he was there and there are other people in the room that are watching them clean up. Funny how I caught this but the author didn't.

You're gonna be blown away by how Mel is retconned in the next paragraph.

That's right: the nigger bitch that got in the way of a True and Honest gay relationship is actually 'pretty nice' and wants to make change. I guess that would make Commie Viktor the token racist, eh? Being Eastern European and all. Not to mention Mel's 'incredibly kind side' wasn't seen during her presentation, nor any other scene she was in. Noted, that was from Viktor's perspective, but Viktor is clearly biased against her (no niggers in slash) in the opposite way Jayce is.

She's also kind and against their patent being sold, but Jayce can't trust her with the truth AND she manipulated him. So...not a nice person.

> Says he's always pitied Mel because of Ambessa
> Willingly sold his and Viktor's patent to Ambessa
> Wonders why Viktor hates the Medarda clan
> *confused face*

While I understand Viktor's anger, here he's being absolutely catty. He's angry at Jayce for having dinner with Mel, when it's obvious he holds no romantic inclination towards her. Viktor is being jealous for no reason - but hey, we need that drama, don't we?

Just say 'all niggers are like that', Viktor. I'd appreciate you a lot more.

Ah, of course all that arguing is going to Jayce's cock. That's the entire reason why we're here. Who cares about humiliation rituals when Viktor raising his voice acts like Viagra?

Huh. That was fast. Jayce likes being insulted and it turns him on. Guess Viktor is going to be topping from the bottom in this, eh? And in Chapter 4. Despite all the bitchiness he still wants to masturbate. Priorities.

This is the one time I like a background character more than the main character. Are we forgetting that Jayce is the one that instigated the entire fall of his and Viktor's relationship? He has no reason to act like the victim. I swear, this is a literal manchild going, 'BUT MOOOOOOOOOOOOM IT WASN'T MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I WASN'T AT FAAAAAAAAAUUULT'. Bitch, shut the fuck up. You caused this, you fix it.

> Jayce begs his mother not to bring anything up
> She still does, and ends up being the more wholesome person than this manchild and racist Czech
> Kek

So Viktor was collectively doing nothing for pittance and wasn't improving his lot. No wonder he disobeyed his principles and went for the better paycheck. So leftist, volunteering for...what, again?

Leave it to the Hispanic drama mama to try to smooth things over, by being nosy and angering her manchild son.

> Wants to yell at Viktor for not telling him personal details
> A sentence later realizes they were not on speaking terms, so he was not owed details
God, this retardation is grating. It's no longer cute and relatable.

See. What. I mean. About this. Sentence structure? You're going to want to punch your screen after this.

This. Fucking dialogue. Makes me want. To pour acid. Down my throat. WRITE THE DIALOGUE NORMALLY GODDAMIT

Stop. Fucking talking. LIKE THIS. I have no idea if this is beta'ed, but if it is, the beta reader needs a whip to the back just as much as this author. This dialogue is atrociously written. Everyone speaks as if they're autistic shut-ins who learned how to speak for the first time.

> I know you said you don't want to trust me again but also I don't know I want to show you you can't

What? Literally fucking what? Lemme try this in simple terms: I know you said you don't want to trust me, but I also don't know if I can prove otherwise

There. Still sounds dumb but I cleaned it up a little. This is Scott Pilgrim style dialogue and it makes me want to fight with a rabies-infected raccoon.

> Says he doesn't hate Jayce
> Loved seeing Jayce humiliated and shamed just a chapter earlier
> Is retconned because he read Jayce's journal
Wow I love character development.

Vi being that crude, over something that serious, is actually unlike her. Yeah, she's to the point and takes no quarter, but this kind of vulgar talk is uncalled for. I'd understand it if Jayce trauma dumped more, but not for this. But hey, Viktor topping for once? That's something else.

> Makes it pretty clear he pines over his former lover that he never admitted to loving to the point his own students gossip about it on social media
> Acts confused when people think they are a gay couple

> "I just mean. Get him something meaningful"
STOP FUCKING WRITING THE DIALOGUE LIKE THIS, HOLY SHIT

He's just...he's just...he's stuttering like Simple Jack, and it's just as stupid as reading people abuse that function, too.

> Viktor gives him so little to go on with his words
> Has acted like a complete cunt (some of it is justified, though) this whole fic, INCLUDING the 'I won't take this experimental treatment because if I do I support the capitalist system' line of his.

And yes, Jayce, you are a dumbass. Everyone is and I fucking hate all of them.

> It's like he doesn't even realize. God
I realize both of you need to eat pavement to spare me this atrocious dialogue.

I have to laugh at the scientific subplot, though. They realize, with more research, that their prototype is irrelevant and doesn't work...when they couldn't learn that by realizing that the tech is sold at your local Wal-mart. A proper goal would be to mobilize, modify and make it so that more irritants, pollutants and chemical spills can be cleaned up quickly, swiftly, and can be mass produced for industrial, commercial, and domestic use. But no. This is written as 'brand new' technology. No, you're just modifying it...and poorly at that.

Cue 'It was me, Barry!' meme. As if Ekko would ever need convincing.

Lmao Jayce wanting second chances when the author flip-flops between what these characters are feeling, from schadenfreude to pining to guilt to not-guilty to smug to whatever the fuck the mood is that day, is rich.

> The battery is complicated
No shit, because it doesn't work. It's a type of bacterium that generates the electric charge, a discovery in of itself that would revolutionize the entire industry (breeding electric bacteria would be a helluva game-changer) in exchange for a 12 volt battery that cannot retain said electric charge despite it being an 'eco friendly' device.

Viktor giving Jayce all signatory power was a stupid move, knowing that in canon he only let Jayce take the stage because he wanted to focus on work vs having to bitch to rich people (his LoL version was absolutely fucked over by someone stealing his work, so he absolutely would never do this). In a way, this takes away some of the blame from Jayce, but everyone here is making stupid decisions. Eugh.

> Viktor hated Noxus
Eastern European hates niggers, news at 11

> Struggling with funding
If your tech worked the money would be flowing in. Electric-producing bacteria would, again, be an absolute game-changer but the author is too retarded to lean into that angle. Jayce and Viktor took a risk with Hextech, but it WORKED, and the money flowed in; they're creating things that do not work, and they are a fiscal risk. But hey, Jayce still sold the shitty battery to a warlord so I guess it worked anyways LMAO

Eh, this was pretty cute. This could be absolutely fine as a stand-alone fic.


And I hate this plot. Stick to snow ball fights. I'm doing you a favour by giving this advice.

I don't get pooner self insert fics. I mean if you're going to write fiction that's already not in the realm of reality why not write yourself as the man you presumably wanted to be?

Because it's about rubbing the fact that they're trans in your face. Their philosophy is, 'your favourite artist/author is making your favourite character trans and there's nothing you can do about it. It's as much a struggle session as it is a flexing of their colonization of fandom.

Wait, the pooner character is a cyborg? lol that just reminds me how it was a whole trend to give Raiden from MGS a robot pussy after he gets turned into a cyborg. This wasn't for gender reasons, by the way. As far as I saw, he was always still considered a man (as in wasnt being billed as genderfluid or whatever) and had had a legit penis in his original body. Givving him a pussy was literally done for horny reasons and nobody was pretending otherwise. Honestly pretty refreshing.
But yeah makes 0 sense for a cyborg tranny not to give themselves a robo version of their preferred genitals. Or for that matter, in universes where cyborgs are normal/common, you'd think that regular trannies would/could just get "prosthetic" genitals that basically function like real ones.

Close. LoL Viktor is human but he's largely modified by augmentations. Like Raiden, his face and his right hand (left in the Arcane show) remains flesh (with the exception of S2 as all of Viktor aside from his face is augmented) but everything else is machine. Despite this tech, many FTM authors still write him with a vagina because he's also magically on testosterone still, because they synthesize that but not a cure for his disease which led to said augmentations. Like I said, I've only read one smut fic where the author actually gave him a robo-dick and it actually worked; you could completely dismiss that he was a pooner and pretend he was actually male.

They don't go for this option because this would 'invalidate' them, even though that's a fantasy/sci fi element that would give them everything they wanted. It's as much as rubbing it in your face as it is them trying to control the dialogue.

 

[Ruined by the Rain]

Because it's about rubbing the fact that they're trans in your face. Their philosophy is, 'your favourite artist/author is making your favourite character trans and there's nothing you can do about it. It's as much a struggle session as it is a flexing of their colonization of fandom.

Cringe. They should just make them either men or cuntboys if the author is into men with pussy.

I think the only AU I genuinely can't stand see those flower shop/barista AUs because it is never fitting. That motherfucker would NOT work at a Starbucks or sell flowers. Which motherfucker? Any of them. Literally any character that's not from some pozzed tumblr VN.

It all depends on the execution tbh I have read one with character who definitely wouldn't work in one but the author write it well so it works. That or my standards are low.

 

[Chandelier]

In yet another instance of not reading the room, seahorse dad Mr. Ratwife has written a fic for the ArcaneFans4Gaza gift drive, the abysmal fundraiser that barely rose $2k. All fics related to that can be found here. As an added bonus, they have to beg for artists and writers. Goes to show you all those progshits don't care about sandniggers. Anyways, the fic can be found here, archive here. RatWife's co-author wrote the smut; let's see how well she did.

Spoiler

> Just stay put (for long stretches of time). Call your beta, you have incomplete sentences.

Huh, the pooner gets humiliated when she is forced to take off her vest, even when it's done in front of her loving boyfriend. Subtle dysphoria, or projection? You decide.

> A warm pair of drinks
Huh, never heard it described that way before.

> Thoughts of getting to keep his partner stationary and at his disposal looped in his head
Wow, the 'cis' male wants to keep his pooner boyfriend stationary so he can use him as a fuck toy. Totally progressive! It's not abusive when a trans man writes it, you know. Besides, it's what they really want, anyways.

Let it be known that the light in this room is described as 'dark', or darker than it normally is. I have to assume they all have night vision or are wearing night vision goggles Splinter Cell style.

It's also interesting Viktor still has hang-ups over showing his chest to Jayce, despite them being an established pairing. Guess the wrath of Dr. Yeet Teets lingers on, even in fiction.

Yes, I too love seeing a warped body doubly destroyed by exogeneous testosterone and mastectomy scars. Hot.

> Slight plushness of his thighs
Ah, there's that subtle clocking. Viktor's thighs are thin due to his condition. You'll see a little mention of 'birthing hips' too.

> Touch-deprived pervert
You're allegedly a loving, devoted couple that explores each others wants and kinks without violating boundaries (allegedly). Why the need for this comment? Yes, make the token Hispanic a pervert, that'll go over VERY well.

Velcro straps? Yeah I bet it fucking hurts, that shit is gonna chafe. Viktor's brace is almost entirely made of metal, btw. And they're all doing this in near complete darkness.

See what I mean about subtle clocking? All pooners do this, be it describing the pooner character as being smaller and frailer than the actual male, or through descriptions like these. After a while you become an expert at spotting them, and the pooner author won't even notice what they wrote.

So how are you able to see all these facial expressions, sheen of sweat and frowns and whatever when there's next to no light? Do you have Riddick vision? Are you actual cats? One minor detail can throw off the entire scene, and this is one of them. Helps to have the right kind of autism.

> Be a true and honest dood
> Still get compared to a princess
> Still have to be coddled and cared for like a princess
> Kek

Of course the actual man tops the pooner, because this is literally straight sex with different tags. Pooners will tell you until their ribs give out that what they write is authentic gay male sex, and will get angry when you tell them that it is not.

> Staring contest
> The lab is almost completely dark
> Be in an allegedly trusting relationship
> Still have uncertainty and trust issues regarding sex
> Just Pooner Things

Now, time for the sex that Ratwife's co-author wrote.

Ah, there's that McDonald's choking sound again. I will never take smut scenes seriously when they do this.

> Hood of Viktor's small cock
And that will never conjure an image of true gay porn, either. It just makes me laugh, imagining that itty bitty 1-2 inch roid clit masquerading as a dick. I've seen erasers that have been bigger.

And as is typical for fics like these, despite years of being on T, these pooners are wetter than Niagara Falls.

> Cock
> Little nub (which would actually suffice, but pooners hate any mention of female genitalia so they always use male genitalia)
> Pooner admits she wants more girth, because the roid clit isn't enough (very TERFy and male centric!)
> Hole (no matter how many fucking times trans men use this, it will NEVER be sexy. We get it, you fucking hate your vaginas, and you want to be men so badly you think your clits are cocks, but they are not. Hole only works for anal sex because that's the one aside from the mouth they use.)
> Squelching between his fingers (glad that testosterone hasn't dried anything up yet)

Lmao, 'woofing' in surprise. Is he a dog now? Bark.

Males have a longer refractory period than females. Women can orgasm in succession; men need time to power back up. Another candid way of clocking Viktor as female.

Bored with the porn? Found it underwhelming? That's how it is most of the time. This author can't write a plot to save her life; what makes you think smutty one-shots or PWPs will help her?

Fucking cringe. Now eat an Israeli rocket. Imagine starving in Gaza and discovering that a meagre 2k was raised by a bunch of obese women LARPing as men writing bad porn - that has to be begged to be written - and being expected to feel grateful for it. I'm sure the people losing their homes are wild about being spoon fed porn from white women going by the same MO as Israelis trying to demoralize them with porn. Sounds...eh, what's the word? Like colonization.

---

This next author was almost innocuous to me...until I found her catalogue.

That's right: she's writing underage trans porn of the most notable black character from the series. I'm sure PeeOhCees are overjoyed at this shit written by an obvious white woman. Her entire roster is filled with this shit.


So, I'll be reviewing the one that has actual adults in it. Archive here.

Spoiler

Well, I guess the author did capture some aspects of male sexuality, even though this is a pooner: the habit of fucking anything with an orifice. You also have to laugh at the Prometheus reference - and yes, it's almost a carbon copy of the octopus thing fucking the Engineer with its mouth.

Why are you embarrassed? You took the thing out of its enclosure to fuck it. I'd say FAFO but it's 'fuck around and get fucked'.

> Wet feeling on his holes (eh, whatever, I'll give it a pass just this once)

And of course there's cervix penetration. Ouch. There isn't even enough build-up for that to even be remotely believable, and yes I have read fucked up shit that even managed to draw out this shit. The cervix won't budge under normal circumstances. These really must be magical tentacles.

> Swollen belly, filled with tentacle eggs and cum from a creature he wanted to fuck (and then got surprised it fucked him)
> it's not that bad
Trust me sweaty, it's bad

Might I suggest some Lysol? It wasn't just used for cleaning bathrooms, you know.

Yeah. I won't be touching this author's underage shit. Leave it to pooners to be more degenerate than Vaush.

 

[Chandelier]

'Coming Home' arrives with Chapter 5, complete with the author's stalwart criticism of the military industrial complex. She promises 'juicy bits' in later chapters, which basically means porn. If it's as bloated as the plot itself, you can expect the porn to be, too.

The author is also so quirky she 'doesn't care to learn more' about subjects she knows nothing about.

Oh wow, can't wait to see how this retard decides to write about politics!

Spoiler: Chapter 5

> Doesn't like to dwell and strengths and weaknesses
> Dwells on how much he was emotionally destroyed by Jayce's betrayal and how 'under control' his emotions are

And of course the 'leftist' is going to rant about 'price gouging' and 'gentrification' as if he's not in the richest city on that fucking continent. I bet you this fat bitch does the same when she goes into a dirt poor neighbourhood and complains that crime rates are down and Lowry's seasoned salt isn't used in the food.

And yes, this. Dialogue. And. Sentence structure. Is still used. In this piece of shit. I doubt this girl has a beta because they haven't once pointed out how jarring said sentence structure is.

> It tastes like jet fuel
Too bad you can't spontaneously combust with all that cringe.

Plus, said jarring sentence structure could be fixed with commas, something this author seems deathly allergic to. "This is better, being more (well) known." See? Much better.

Of course, everyone has to gaslight Viktor into fixing their relationship - which Viktor denies was ever really gay or romantic, because Reasons - while complaining about betrayed trust...while going right back to him because the need to suck cock is too strong. Man, I can't even imagine what the smut is going to be like.

> Repulsed by the power others have when he cares about them
Yet he'll casually throw aside such moral convictions when it comes to sucking dick. Amazing how that works.

So, Viktor has been fucking a side piece while Jayce is pining over Goldeneye over here, and it's oh-so-coincidental that Grindr Greg the hot physicist also happens to look exactly like Jayce. And he's doing this while they're supposed to be on a meet-cute/date, because Jayce can't read the room and Viktor is too bitter/not bitter/catty to admit to Jayce he has feelings for him. It's obvious Jayce is jealous, and Viktor knows it, but the author wants to gaslight her audience to think this is no big deal.

See what I mean about the Jayce skin-walking? That's not a coincidence. Viktor has a type. He refuses to 'read too much into this' because he knows that if he admits he's fucking men who look like Jayce it gives the game away. For a story about redemption and pining, there isn't much pining. There's a lot of bitchiness, though.

> They don't fall for people like Viktor
But you'll have casual sex because you need to scratch that itch, and can't see Jayce was in love with Viktor - to the point OTHER CHARACTERS like Jayce's own mom and Caitlin are aware that they have chemistry. It's just a case of the so-called cutesy 'they're so dumb they can't see they're in love!' trope.

Stop. Fucking. Talking like. This. It's a cross between Valley Girl, Gen Z, and fag talk. Like just, really? Talk normally for once. See? I just did.

The fact Jayce can't see that Gregory is just a carbon copy of him is indicative that the author does not understand these characters or remembers what she wrote. In the previous chapters these two were at each other's throats; you had students gossip over whether they were a gay couple, and generally act like an old divorced couple and the author INSISTS that Viktor fucking a random stranger is just him passing the ball to someone else. I get this trope, I do, but it's downright insulting at this point. Everything is so obvious you might as well cut to the fucking.

> Doesn't want Jayce to act judgmental over his sex life
> has sex with strangers who curiously look like the man you actually want to fuck
> is upset the man he wants doesn't kiss him, when just a few chapters earlier Viktor wanted to see Jayce humiliated
Make it make fucking sense.

Ah, and here Jayce admit he has a praise kink. Bet you're gonna see a lot of that in the smut scene.

Call your beta, because you can't even spell 'disdain' correctly.

She was like. Into you. And please. Stop fucking. Writing like this.

Jayce is finally figuring out Viktor has a complex, because we're just now figuring out they were totally gay for each other. I knew right from the first chapter that this was not a basic fallout between friends - that was a gay divorce. You might as well stick with it.

Amazing how all these feelings came to the surface after reading Jayce's journal. Funny how that works.

Yeah, weird how he looks like Greg, the guy you fucked on a no-strings-attached deal? Ain't that something?

LMAO. So, let's get this straight. Viktor is a leftist, but:
- goes to work at private universities, because the pay is better
- complains about gentrification, while working at a university that is funded by the wealthiest families in Piltover and is absolutely not public
- says he'll turn down the offer on principle, while taking the job he already has because the pay and insurance was better
- is basically a Czech Hasan Piker


Yes, Viktor is absolutely hypocritical - because the author doesn't understand that doing one thing and saying another makes you a hypocrite. She might think this is a character flaw, when in reality it's a flaw to the plot. You aren't fighting capitalism by sucking off billionaires and blue-bloods, you know.

LMAO. Leave it to the token nigress to hate the Central European commie. Really on the nose, that.

Can you umm. Write normally. Didn't think there'd be this much drama over the fucking flu.

"And I could feed your cats for you, maybe?" There. I just fixed it by making them sound like normal human men. Jesus fuck, anyone who talks like this in real life deserves a smack.

So, we discover that not only were Jayce and Viktor's battery "stolen", it's being used for eco-friendly cars that Viktor also hates - despite the fact that he sold away his control of the patent in the first place. Actions have consequences.

Not only does this author not capitalize names, she also capitalizes verbs and nouns that don't deserve to be capitalized. Either her beta sucks or she doesn't have one - or doesn't have the wherewithal to check her own work.

"A nervous Jayce" - what? I think she meant to post another sentence here, but left it incomplete - after the editing process. In the business we call that being a lazy fuck.

"Jayce hesitates, surprised by the offer. And then he does; it's a strange thing." Again, a quick, simple fix that cleans up the writing.

Jayce's Hispanic mama drama continues even here, despite her best efforts to look after her son and try to set up a relationship between him and Viktor - a relationship that neither of them can see is romantic despite it being blatantly obvious. Though, to be fair, there really isn't that much chemistry between them. They're volatile half the time and annoying the other half, so it's OK if they're blind to each other's feelings. It simply gets aggravating after a while.

Why is 'couch' capitalized? Why is 'The Traitor' a sentence without a period? Get that beta on the job, ffs.

> His desires are getting too strong because this shouldn't be desirable
Even the characters gaslight themselves into denying their basic feelings. A few chapters ago, Viktor was delighted that Jayce was getting his comeuppance; now he feels bad because he wants to fuck him - all because he read his journal and took Caitlin's 'advice' to be nicer to Jayce. Le sigh. How trite.

Viktor has been emotional this entire time: he's been catty, bratty, and overall illogical when it comes to who did what, and why. We later find out in this chapter the exact reasons why the two broke up, and rather than remain consistent, the author would have you believe it was No Big Deal.

> We're not buddies
No, you're fuck buddies in denial.

> Ugh. Not his problem
Shut the fuck up.

>You wanna. You wanna come in?
T-t-t-t-tODAY, JUNIOR!

Thinking of your 'best friend' and lover-not-lover sucking your cock while he has a 103 degree fever is something else. I'd laugh if the plot were not so fucking stupid.

Yeah, it is deranged. He's got a fever that can send someone into shock, and you're too busy thinking about him sucking you off. Just Gay Men things.

> Which, ugh, not helping
Again, shut the fuck up.

>Is a naturally curious person
> Didn't know what the Noxus company was or what their business dealings were
Believe me, it gets worse.

> Doesn't know what conclusions can be drawn from this
Pretty fucking obvious what it is and what it means: the guy who took control of your shared invention still has lingering feelings for you and you're too dumb too see it. Gotta love the continued gaslighting of him feeling guilty over something Jayce did to fuck him over - and to be fair, Viktor also had a hand in his own downfall. Everyone is at fault here.


> Naturally curious person
> Doesn't understand the context of photos of him everywhere in Jayce's room
> Finally admits there's affection there

I don't know how many times it needs to be said: Viktor's fingers are not that much smaller than Jayce's. They're a little bit shorter, but they are long. Jayce is just naturally big because he, you know, works in a fucking forge.

> Meets the criteria for being in love
> Has been petty and bitchy this entire time
> Loves Jayce, but never made it openly known
> Says he's a man of science and reason, yet willingly sold his side of the patent to an exploitative company because he didn't fucking know what the company did because Google is too fucking hard
>says the Academy didn't prepare them for the reality of inventing, because they figured out they need investors for their product, a product they never actually tested or made prototypes for
Fucking hell, this is bad.

> Gets angry Jayce is sucking up to rich people
> Willingly took a job and was invited into an Academy that only brilliant people can get into (it's not public, btw)
> Sold his patent to the same wealth hoarders he's criticizing
> says he gets spoken over and was never listened to, yet still fell hopelessly in love with the man the author can't decide is a total asshole or a goof ball
> complains his work belongs to Noxus, and need I remind you, he fucking SOLD HIS SIDE OF THE PATENT AND SIGNED AWAY HIS RIGHTS.
> despite this, STILL TRUSTS JAYCE WITH FULL EXECUTIVE CONTROL
This isn't a man in love. This is an idiot who signed away his life to a man who didn't even listen to him half the time. Such love, such compassion. So glad this was laid out in Chapter 5.

> Wants Viktor to see reason
> Sold away their patent to a military company for extra money, for prototypes they didn't even develop or test
> complains about being underpaid, which means their inventions did not have a good ROI (I'm not even a business person and I know what that term means)

Glad to see Viktor turns around twice. Nice little slip there.

Wow, Mel is being actually reasonable here. She is right: Viktor sold away his half of the patent; he has absolutely no room to complain or be angry. In the business we call that FAFO.

> He simply didn't understand
Buddy, the Internet fucking exists. You either lived in ignorance the entire time - despite being a worldly leftist - or just did it because of misguided love (and the need to suck cock).

Their bacteria powered battery could potentially power tanks, you say? Huh, weird how the MIC didn't approach them with that first; they always love picking out civvies to work for them. Also note the author addressed this tidbit when Viktor was researching the bacteria - after already establishing they made the battery with the bacteria. Dumb bitch can't remember what she wrote.

Shocker. The man you signed away your rights to sold your designs to a bloodthirsty company equivalent to the MIC. Poor you. That must hurt knowing your past and still fucking doing it because you needed money, all because your inventions didn't even fucking work. Speaking of: despite saying their battery went to shit...they have electric cars running off it. This bitch ret-cons her own work without knowing it.

You know you can get sued for that, right? BECAUSE YOU SOLD YOUR PATENTS. YOU NO LONGER HAVE ANY RIGHT TO YOUR OWN DESIGNS, AND IF YOU FUCK SHIT UP, YOU ARE HELD LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE.

Oh, and we kinda do have eco-friendly bombs! We call them hydrogen bombs!

> Tries to tell Viktor it isn't so bad
> First thing he does is design weapons for a company neither of them thought would take advantage of them
> The company is the largest and most notorious in Piltover
> ????
Now, time to fix this dialogue again.

"Don't be like that, Viktor. I was talking about before. Not after fucking tonight! I asked you to come and you didn't show up. These events are exhausting. These fucking negotiations, the stupid fucking board -"

See how much better that is? Bitch should hire me as a beta.

> Says the board is fucking stupid a sentence ago
> Says it has its perks a sentence later
These characters have the working memory of Joe Biden, holy shit

Jayce railing against Viktor for not knowing how investing works is an accurate statement. He should absolutely know - as a leftist no doubt - that these things cost money. if their invention worked, the investors would be pouring in (as they did with Hextech in the show) but the author can't remember if it works or not.

Jayce telling Viktor he's judgmental and robotic is also an accurate observation. I can't stand his character. He just hates everyone for existing - and for being non leftist - he manages to sound like a bitchier, gayer Hasan.

You go at him, Jayce. And he is again right: Viktor has impossible standards. Were it not for the 'Viktor is totes a leftist' tag, this would just be an accurate evaluation. It's made doubly more accurate because he doesn't want to contribute to 'The System' while signing away his rights so his work can be sold - FOR A PROFIT! - for that same system. Note he never shared his work with anyone else, btw. Such a good leftist.

I'm fixing the dialogue again:

"For a horrifying moment, he felt like he might cry. 'You have broken my trust.'"
Could use an additional sentence or two, but whatever.


> Be Viktor
> Say you're a good leftist who hates the system
> Meet a semi-rich, blue blood fuck who you fall in love with and dream about sucking his dick
> Work with him on projects
> discover a new form of bacteria that can generate energy
> Do not share this discovery with anyone else or publish any papers on it
> Use tech that already exists (scrubbers, car engines) and make it somehow worse
> Your new tech doesn't work, but gets sold anyways
> You willingly sell away your rights because you don't want to be in the public's eye, not knowing you no longer have any intellectual property rights
> Could have sold the patent to the public instead
> Be a leftist and hate the system
> Get angry when your meet-cute not-yet fuck toy takes advantage of you and sells the patent to a company you're aware/not aware of its ruthless practices
> say you're a worldly leftist and engaged in politics, not knowing what the fuck the Noxian company does
> Be Viktor
> You're supposedly a genius
> You get what you fucking deserve

See points above. Such a good leftist he is just there for the money and research...that doesn't actually improve people's lives. He also hates Pilties but thinks Piltover is his home? What?

Eugh. Get to the fucking porn already. I wanna see the shitty dialogue and who tops who. Maybe it'll save this piece of shit.

Some people think this modern AU is 'enchanting'.

If you make designs and purposefully sabotage them, you can absolutely get sued because the investors are getting cheated. And since you sold your patent...you no longer have any fucking rights to them. Show Jayce had the mercy of not knowing how bad Noxus was; this is a modern AU with the Internet. There is no way in Hell neither of them know what the fuck that company is. It's like not knowing what the MIC, Pfizer, or Blackrock is. It's shitty worldbuilding because the author admitting she doesn't want to do her own fucking research.

Some fanfics have a bibliography because they did research. What the fuck is this dumb bitch's excuse?

 

[Weirder Feet]

And yes, this. Dialogue. And. Sentence structure. Is still used. In this piece of shit.

It feels like I'm constantly slamming the brakes and choking on my seatbelt.

 

[Petrusha the White]

I will actually contribute to the thread (in a way besides sperging/commentary) for once by bringing this batshit fic from 2003 that makes me genuinely worry about the author in real life. Star Trek TOS, Kirk/Spock, seems run of the mill at first glance but as you read it it gets slowly more horrifying. To sum it up, everyone is horrifically OOC. Spock is randomly abusive beacuse Vulcan culture (for non Star Trek fans, the author is basing this off of literally nothing), and Kirk is a complete doormat who lets it all happen because "Spock is worth it". How exactly Spock is supposed to be "worth it" in this fic is unclear. It's kind of presented that this is some kind of pon farr-adjacent phase that Spock is going through that Kirk just has to endure until it's over and Spock goes back to normal, but by the end of the fic there is 0 indication that anything is going to appreciably change. He's just a permanent asshole for no apparent reason. By the way, at one point, he whores Kirk out to some random other guy. Kirk doesn't even try to talk him out of it even though it's specifically pointed out that he feels raped by it? It's really weird.

I say it makes me worry about the author IRL because it's so obviously an abusive relationship but the author is presenting it as normal and even romantic. Which makes me think someone hurt this author. Like come on girl. Writing an abusive relationship is one thing (even if it's for a ship that has basically 0 toxic traits in canon) but acting like it's just relationship growing pains is... well, worrying.
The commenters seem pretty oblivious too (though they wouldn't be the original commenters, AO3 wasn't around in 2003 and this is a reupload), talking about how this is sexy and romantic and whatever. There was ONE commenter who actually pointed out that it's abusive, but the author - replying in 2021! - only acknowledged it so far as to add "not real BDSM" and "not a guide to BDSM" tags. Like the only problem with the fic was not using safewords right instead of literally everything else. Girl??? Do you need to call the battered women's shelter??????

Anyway, 0/10 fic. I get that it can be surprisingly hard to characterize Kirk and/or Spock and a lot of fic writers get them wrong, but this is just egregious. Where the fuck do you get doormat from James T. Kirk

 

[Chandelier]

Looking for a magical getaway? A classic tale of knightly chivalry and courtly love? Wait no further: this T4T tale that uses plants as dildos has it all for you! Written as a 2023 Christmas gift, it has been resurrected for your viewing pleasure. Sit back, and watch these lesbians masquerading as men have hot gay male sex. Link to fic. Archive.

I might post more of this particular author later, as she has similar content, and is part of the trans!Viktor clique on AO3.

Spoiler

No shit. When you're wealthy, you want to show that wealth through clothes. You'll notice a lot of redundant statements in this fic because the author - who writes a lot of trans Viktor content - doesn't actually know how to write a plot.

> He chose to join the guard, not the army, or join his father's forge, because he wanted to look good
Cool, but even royal guards still have to get down and dirty, especially in a fantasy setting. If you can't fight, you're fucked.

> Already perfect figure
Wait until you find out how this linebacker pooner is described. It's something else, I tell ya.

Aww, he's got butterflies! Add on some little floating hearts and candies and you got the female-brained, totally gay T4T story. Just Real Doods fucking.

No shit. That's pretty much what royal guards do. I bet she thought this was a banger line when this is just stating the obvious.

In terms of plot and worldbuilding, this is one of those 'don't think too hard' things, because one has to wonder how a kingdom allows their daughters socially transition can still be taking seriously if they don't actually have any male heirs. Or how they managed to get a bilateral mastectomy. Or testosterone. Magical plants? Who fucking knows. But they're Real Men, dammit!


> He is a good soldier
> First paragraph has him saying he became a royal guard so he wouldn't become a soldier
> Author doesn't remember because she just wanted to write porn
> Lots of fluttering eyelashes and being coy
> Guys, it's gay sex, for reals



At first, I thought Jayce was wearing a binder. Turns out, that's not the case - and you'll find out why in the next screenshot.

> Strong neck
Lmao. Pooners usually get clocked for their smaller necks, because even on T their shoulders give them away. Does he have a vocal fry, I wonder?


That's right: he's wearing purple lingerie, embroidered with flowers (very manly!) underneath his soldier-not-a-soldier attire. And he's got full pecs WITH mastectomy scars under it...despite the author saying he didn't want to work in a forge. Where did he get that muscle to get those pecs? He's a royal guard, and he didn't want to be a soldier...what hard labour was he doing?

> Emphasizes his hips and legs
This clocks him more than the author intends. Especially the waist bit. If you wanted to accentuate legs, you'd be emphasis on the stockings showing his calf muscles. The flare at the bottom is an added, feminine bonus; something F1NN5TER would unironically wear to show off his 'femininity'. Imagine trying to pass off your T4T pairing as gay male sex when all you did was emphasize the fact that both are female.

> He might be a noble but he never truly learned court
Right, then he's retarded. Even lower noble houses had some idea. This doesn't translate well to this AU at all.

Also, you will note the author fluctuates between using 'fat cock' and 'clit'. Thankfully, 'front hole' is not used here - at least in this fic. I've yet to read the others.

I've heard roid clits are extra sensitive and hard, so reading them get pinched sounds like it hurt. An L for all the trans doods out there. You want a cock so badly, you can't even get the extra tendons and flexibility of a real one.

> Large hands
You are not fooling anyone, missy.

You'll also note the author never spells 'pollen' right. Not once. Clearly her beta missed out on cleaning up her mess.

> His cock pushes so hard
> Swollen clit
Pick one. And please don't pull a George Floyd here, I don't want to see another city get torched.

So: Jayce has had the double mastectomy, but Viktor has not. He still has small breasts, and that doesn't bring him dysphoria because...well, just don't think about that, chud. Think about this totally gay porn!

I will never understand why these pooners don't trim. Yes, I get that body hair is natural. But after reading the CoD Rapunzel pubes fic, I cannot help but notice that every single one has an overflowing bush. Do they keep it that long to hide their female genitalia, or what? A question for the philosophers.

> Short cock
Yeah, it's 1-2 inches, so I can see why it's that short, lmao

This is where the magic plant dildo comes in, because even pooners need toys to fulfill their fantasy of having the real thing. Gotta love the Breadtuber bisexual lighting going on in the room, too.

> Broad shoulders
Boy couldn't even make it as a soldier, lmao. He probably would break trying to open a box of Lunchables.

Lots of plump clits here. Oh, and an obscene amount of female ejaculate:

So the plants produce cum, eh? Interesting. You need a semi-sentient plant connected via telekinetic pathways just to give you the sensation of a real dick, because despite saying you are True and Honest Men, you still need an approximation of a real penis.

The amount of female ejaculate is ridiculous. Spraying both himself and Viktor in a shower of cum? That's shit I saw poorly acted out on the Hub years ago. It's way too much for a normal human to produce, and makes me think of a fire hydrant. No different from that ABO fic that turned trans Jayce's uterus into a water balloon. It goes from being sexy, to obscene to downright hilarious. Makes me want to go in there with an industrial powered hose and OxiClean. I will admit, the concept of a telekinetic plant turning into a dick is rather interesting, and suits the monsterfucker concept, but the author is too retarded to explore that concept. If she did, it'd be just as bland as this.

>Fucking his smiling face
Interesting description there. Definitely something the beta missed, as well as the 'scared eyebrow'. I would be, too, if I had that much cum to clean up. Hope you pay your laundress on time.

You'll never believe who showed up in the comments: the fat British pig who threatened people with a knife is there slobbering all over this. She's also a member of the trans!Viktor clique, and yes, her writing is just as shit as the rest.

Obligatory OMG SO GOOOD comment:

---

We continue Kinktober with another instance of your favourite male character becoming a pooner. This time, it includes fuck machines and a mysterious pregnancy (!). Link to fic. Archive.

Spoiler

> Be a pooner
> Your only purpose is to get fucked
> Try to pass it off as liberating
> You still get fucked by your own weaknesses
Weird how this always happens.

> Before leaving the room, Viktor could have sworn he heard Jayce leave
He just kissed you and left, which means you watched him leave. did you fall asleep immediately after that? What a retarded sentence.

Damn, Jayce has stamina, and an unlimited source of cum that real men dream of having (yet can't perform well enough to do it). All that ejaculate inside Viktor is going to smell after a while, and shockingly, Viktor is worried he's going to get pregnant, because this Viktor has never been established that he's on T. Pooners acting shocked that penis in vagina sex lead to pregnancy, news at 11.

The 'smaller man' just walked into a sex dungeon. Weird how this always happens to pooners. If it's not subtle rape, it's ABO sex or weird fetishistic sex.

Didn't know Jayce turned into P. Diddy. Do you think he brought the baby oil?

> Be a pooner
> Be constantly written in ways that make the most misogynistic man look like a saint in comparison
> Be written by progshits as weak, sickly, or disabled
> If character is disabled they are fetishized and fucked relentlessly
> It's OK because you are a progshit

Don't worry, Viktor. You'll get those POZ P. Diddy loads soon.

I'll say. Your boyfriend could fit in well on Epstein's island. All that trust and affection thrown out the window because a normal, healthy male wants to fuck a disabled female. It's OK, because it's progressive

And that cum is going to be kinda stale if it's been up there for a few days. IIRC, sperm can live inside a vagina for five days. Gonna be like Red Lobster up in here. Pack that Febreeze, homie.

---

Guys, is it gay to have vaginal sex? Apparently it is, provided you're a male vagina owner. Archive here.

Spoiler

Plot wise, this is dumb. It was Jayce, not Viktor, who underwent a trial for his work in Hextech. Viktor was brought on afterwards. Having them get angry after they already sponsored and invested in the tech is moot.

But don't think too hard, chud. Just get horny and wank.

Yes, we need to talk about why he's angry over a plot that was already solved in the show. If this was about application of Hextech, I'd get it. Not this.


Love how the collar has more detail than anything else. Is it from Prada?

Not gonna lie, the magic dildo is pretty interesting. You've got that concept in game, use it. You don't have to be a traditional pooner - go all out. It'll still be heterosexual sex with fancy dildos, but it'll make pretending easier.

> the dynamic is obviously hierarchal
Huh. If it was a straight pairing, people would have complaints. But it's progressive so it's okay.

The fact they still need trust exercises despite being together for years is something. Just make Viktor a dom and have him act like it. No beating around the bush with subtle dysphoria here.

That's right: it's totally gay sex to have penis in vagina sex and potentially impregnate your partner. It's gay because the trans man said so, dammit!

Huh, that's interesting. It's almost as if...you're not actually a man and don't have a penis, while wishing you had a penis because you innately know that would make you a whole man. Not even the dildo can help you.

Yes, the author does *this* instead of bolding or italicizing. Because it's UWU cute!

Did you actually pass out? It was barely a flicker. I've seen more dramatic fainting during Black Friday fights.

Stay hydrated, folks, or else you'll be so thirsty you'll think this is True and Honest gay sex.

---

Honourable mentions I found while scrolling.

Outright pedophilia:

Screenshot name was my exact reaction:

Might be a troll fic, but who knows. It's a multi-chapter fic, btw.

That summary, though:


Can't forget classic Kinktober kinks:

---

It feels like I'm constantly slamming the brakes and choking on my seatbelt.

Yeah, same. I don't think it's meant to be stuttering, but quirky dialogue that comes off as if the characters are NPCs with malfunctioning code. Can't wait for the smut and how bad the sex dialogue will be.

I say it makes me worry about the author IRL because it's so obviously an abusive relationship but the author is presenting it as normal and even romantic. Which makes me think someone hurt this author. Like come on girl. Writing an abusive relationship is one thing (even if it's for a ship that has basically 0 toxic traits in canon) but acting like it's just relationship growing pains is... well, worrying.

Just saw that it won an award. Damn. Are most Star Trek fics like this, or is this an outlier?

 

[Petrusha the White]

@Chandelier dunno why I can't quote your post but to give a lame non-answer, it really depents. This particular fic is definitely an outlier (like I said, it can be hard to character Kirk and Spock well, but this fic gets them particularly wrong), so the only reason why I can think of for why it would have gotten an award was if it didn't have much competition in its particular category in 2003. That said, I think a lot of older fics are actually... pretty bad. Star Trek fic is so old that a lot of otherwise mediocre fic gets grandfathered in as "good" simply because it's been around for so long. I actually do like vintage fic but a lot of it is just survivorship bias - the forgettable stuff has already been forgotten/not archived/not reposted anywhere more accessible. All that remains is the particularly good and the particularly bad, but a lot of people conflate them. (This is completely leaving officially licensed novels out of the equation; they are literally just sanctioned fanfiction, and tend to be all over the place in terms of quality. Some are excellent, some are so bad that I wanted to burn my copy, some are just ???, and some authors have books in all three categories. Most of them are just okay, solid reads but nothing remarkable.)
Overall, I don't think I'd say that characterization has improved in more recent fic, but it tends to be less egregiously OOC. "Kirk drift" is a very real thing (though the fic I posted kinda drifted in the opposite direction), but you don't see much fic anymore that treats him like Zapp Brannigan.

 

[Aunt Carol]

"Kirk drift" is a very real thing (though the fic I posted kinda drifted in the opposite direction), but you don't see much fic anymore that treats him like Zapp Brannigan.

Star Trek being around since the '60s, and being one of the venerable fandoms that birthed modern fanfic, means that there's a lot more canon and a lot more fanon. When there's that much to draw from the character almost public-domains itself and becomes a cultural character; people who've never seen Star Trek "know" what Captain Kirk is like.

At this point, with 60 years of history, I'm sure pretty much everything has existed in Trek fandom. I've been running across a lot of less-horny and/or super weird stories taking place in ST:TNG or DS9 recently. I wonder if anyone's studied how having older TV shows available on streaming has affected their fandom "share." Something that's in theaters or still having episodes come out gets attention from everyone, especially the hot-burning hyperfixated young people, but something old but large that can be accessed with a button-press still has weird self-motivated older fans chipping away at their personal vision.

I saw something similar in the Man from U.N.C.L.E. fandom. I don't know if the fanfic authors date to the '60s or saw it in reruns or on ancient VHS, but there was a slow, thoughtful, palpably autistic, extremely hurt-comfort focused fandom for Man from U.N.C.L.E. that got absolutely blown away by newcomers when the 2015 movie came out. Still being a smaller fandom, there hasn't been a lot of fighting, but the tags are about 2/3 lady autists writing closeted traumatized Cold War operative love confessions, and 1/3 people who extrapolate the movie out and flanderize the characters due to scant source material.

The old ladies frequently headcanon that NCIS' Dr. "Ducky" Mallard is a pseudonymous Illya Kuryakin, based on the physics law of Conservation of David McCallum. They aren't super-serious about it, though. Sometimes the people writing in the movie canon add details from the series canon the same way the geneticists in Jurassic Park used frog DNA when they had big gaps in dinosaur DNA, or the way a modern translator will pull from a later manuscript when there are lacunae in an ancient text.

It's fascinating, and I think it's happened to other old properties that suffered a reboot after a decades-long gap. Sometimes old fans embrace the new thing and the fans that come from it, sometimes they spurn them; it'd be interesting to compare. Maybe Tron? But I think that had the animated series before the new movie.

 

[Petrusha the White]

@Aunt Carol (I still can't quote, idk) Personally, I grew up with Star Trek (I'm in my mid/late twenties right now) but only TOS (especially the movies) and a little bit of TNG. I didn't watch TNG all the way through, or watch the Animated Series, until high school, and DS9 or Enterprise until college, and I only finished Voyager recently. (I also enjoyed Lower Decks and Prodigy but I don't acknowledge Picard, Discovery, Strange New Worlds, or the 2009 reboot movies as canon. Alex Kurtzman can bite me.) So consequently I wasn't personally active in ST fandom until relatively recently, but I was exposed to it peripherially since my childhood (I was introduced to fanfiction at a comically young age) and I have spent a lot of time reading old fics and fan discussion threads when I find them (ETA: Also, my personal fandom clique is heavily comprised of older people who have been in the fandom for decades.). Star Trek fandom is kind of interesting re: what you said about old fandoms getting new - but not necessarily positive - life with a reboot/new content, since the reboots and new shows are fairly effectively segregated from the older shows. SNW fans don't necessarily go back and watch TOS, so there wasn't really a noticeable bump in fanworks when SNW came out - on the other hand, after the 2009 movie came out there was a big resurgance, but it also kinda fucking sucked because it was carried mostly by people who assumed that TOS and the reboot universe worked the same way. Kirk in the 2009 movies is Kirk drift writ canon ("canon"), so if anything the Zapp Branniganification of the character actually got worse -- I just didn't count it in my last post because it's basically a different fandom completely. Most of what you're seeing is actually people writing 2009verse fic and tagging it with TOS, even though the characters are basically completely different, because they don't know enough about TOS to understand that it's completely different. TOS fic itself seems to have just continued on its decades-long reversion to the mean; you're not going to find a lot of bad fics or amazing fics, it's almost entirely just solid but otherwise unremarkable fics. A lot of the writers seem to be older than me, while 2009verse writers seem to be younger or around my age (making them tweens or young teens when the first movie came out).

*the reboot movies do explicitly take place in an alternate timeline, but are technically part of the larger Star Trek canon, so anything that happened before the timeline split is supposed to be considered canon to the main universe as well. However, this includes stupid shit like the Romulan sun randomly exploding, so I just pretend I don't see it.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Long posts blank out the "quote" and "reply" button because Null hates people quoting an entire novel to write "lol fat" underneath. If you highlight a segment of a long post, the "quote/reply" option pops up.

Most of what you're seeing is actually people writing 2009verse fic and tagging it with TOS, even though the characters are basically completely different, because they don't know enough about TOS to understand that it's completely different.

This is the kind of thing I was seeing in Man from U.N.C.L.E fandom when its movie came out, too. Someone joked that from now on they were going to add a line in every first paragraph referencing Napoleon and Illya's height difference, to confuse the movie fans. (In the movie, they are both tall men but Illya is played by the disturbingly large aspirational cannibal Armie Hammer. In the show, Illya is shorter.)

Trek fans not knowing the historical Kirk is like Christians who haven't actually read the Bible. No, I'm not exaggerating; back off. But it is the same kind of phenomenon, culturally.

 

[Thiletonomics]

As if fics such as Let It All Out, Kirumi Fucking Quits, and Kokichi's Day At The Zoo weren't depraved enough, the Danganronpa community continues to push out horrifying gems like this:

View attachment 3198239

Quoting myself here, as apparently the writer of this fic found out that KF was a thing, and posted this added note at the end of the fic:

And the Fruit Farmers have done it again!

Link / Archive

And with the recent wake of Pokémon leaks that happened, it will inevitably lead to more degenerate art and fanfics, like this one:

Link / Archive

 

[Chandelier]

Chapter 6 of Coming Home comes barreling in, with no survivors. Author is concerned about her tech sounding 'too sci-fi' but reassures us that 'it is (my) story, I can do what I want'.

Spoiler

It's pretty obvious what you did wrong, Jayce. You threw Viktor under the bus, pretended you were the victim, and had to be convinced (while Viktor was gaslighted) that you were the real victim by Caitlyn and your own mother. He gets angry Viktor won't apologize, when he's really done nothing to earn that forgiveness in the first place.

Jayce talks about Viktor being a collaborator on his project, but Viktor's name isn't on it nor does it seem that Jayce plans to put his name on that patent, either (forget the fact this tech already exists because the author didn't do her research). Expect another stab in the back and a Dr. Phil 'What I'd do?!' reaction.

Yeah. Because. You still think you're the victim. Despite selling your tech to a bunch of warlords. Because that could've been. Avoided. Had you done. Your research. And sought. Different investors. Or. Sold the patent. To the public.

> Hard to apologize to the love of your life for betraying him
You haven't made the effort, fuck off. Any attempt is disingenuous and comes off as fake. All this back-and-forth with emotional baggage gets old real fucking quick.

> Do you, is it okay -
T-T-T-T-TODAY, JUNIOR

So, it takes Chapter 6 for Jayce to admit he's never been subtle about his love for Viktor. Everyone else, including their students, gossip about them being a couple, but Viktor seems blind to it. Remember the snow ball fight chapter? That ironically had more chemistry than the 'serious' chapters trying to lay out their relationship. I get the 'Idiots in Love' trope, I do, but that includes some self awareness. Jayce makes it clear he is in love with Viktor, and Viktor, despite all the signs right in his face - and being gay - cannot take the hint. He doesn't have the benefit of total isolation as he does in the show; he'd hear the rumours and pick up on Jayce's open hints. It's just insulting at this point.

And lmao at the fact they have to have a safety office to see through the red tape and approve their designs - the very thing leftists brought in. Sucks to be hoisted by your own petard, eh?

So let me get this straight: Viktor and Jayce had a fallout over a brand new battery being retrofitted for military purposes. Now, they're united over a master's student...designing lethal weaponry. It's OK though because it's gonna blow up guns...despite needing explosives and being designed for an offensive purpose. Holy fucking shit, the author did NOT think this through.

> Far beyond the abilities of most engineers on Earth
Huh, Ekko's Hovertech seems fine even though we don't have functional jetpacks yet. Otherwise this is just an untrue statement.

Jayce wants to get his totally New and Original Scrubby out via the legal channels when if he wanted to make a difference he could just make it and deploy it there anyways. Or just go into the Zaunite version of Wal-Mart and find his groundbreaking tech there for over $20.

Interesting to see Viktor act totally chill with lethal firearms around Jinx when he had a massive meltdown the previous chapter with Jayce. Man is a hypocrite to the core, as is typical for Leftists.

> He has to be realistic
LMFAOOOOO

He's remarkably calm about it despite freaking the fuck out when Jayce did it a chapter earlier. I guess it's just one of those things the author wants the audience to forget (and to be fair, most of her readership won't catch that because they're just there for the gay sex).

Look at Jayce getting jealous Viktor is doing his job. I wonder why Viktor doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and would rather fuck Grindr Greg the physicist TA instead?

And we're. Still. Writing sentences. Like this. Someone call a fucking beta.

> Complains about red tape
> Red tape is only there because of administrative work, usually due to the work of leftists
> suffer the consequences of your own politics
> Be Viktor

Jayce complaining that 25 year olds don't know how to write a paragraph is fucking hilarious, because the author doesn't know how to write complete sentences, use commas, or write proper dialogue. Projection, much?

Wow, Viktor the leftist looking at a bigger, better paycheck at a better university turns it down? Such principles! What a great man, I'm sure he'll stick to them consistently, eh?

You're miserable because you put yourself there. Reminder that no one wanted Jayce to actually apologize, not even his own mother. They just gaslit Viktor into accepting Jayce because Jayce was 'devastated' by his departure. I'm honestly tired of this stupid drama that could be solved with one conversation.

The leftist throwing people aside to enrich themselves? Say it ain't so. That totally doesn't happen at all!

> But what if it's this
I'm about to eat a brick with these fucking sentences, Jesus Christ

ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING STUTTERING, JUNIOR

I love how non-serious these grown men act when the author desperately wants me to see this as two estranged lovers getting back together. I just hate them more and want to hit them with a fire hose.

Viktor also getting high and mighty over the Ekko/Jinx thing is funny. He's trying to project his own feelings for Jayce on something else, and it's failing.

> Never wanted to hurt Viktor
> Did so repeatedly and on purpose
> Threw him under the bus to make extra money
> Viktor willingly sold away his rights and is asshurt over a decision he made
> Everyone is retarded

I wouldn't let Jayce apologize because nothing out of his mouth is genuine. But hey, it'll be fine when they start fucking. All the feelings will come out there.

Jayce was convinced by his mother to invite Viktor. Viktor otherwise wouldn't have known and wouldn't have attended. Ximena and Caitlyn are trying to play matchmaker even though both don't understand the extent of what was done or what Viktor's feelings on the matter are. It's amazing how little agency he has in this.

> Half of them still think they're exes
And Viktor is blind to that, because Reasons, even though there would be no way he wouldn't hear the gossip. Modern AU Viktor would absolutely know, and be coy with it. He's not that stupid.

> It'll be okay
Buddy, read the room. It's not going to be okay because you're still in denial that you did anything wrong.

NPR, of course. It wouldn't be things like the Grayzone that actually publishes real journalism, oh no.

>Says a simple
Loving this incomplete sentences that drop off into the ether.

> Complains about red tape
> That red tape is only there because of increased administrative presence
> Does not wonder why or how said administrative overreach came into power
> Complains about trade and safety commissions, the very commissions they put into power
> Kek

Singed turned Viktor into a ma with trust issues? Can't say he didn't do a worse job than Jayce, who got him to sign over his intellectual property rights because he didn't want to be the public voice behind it.

Loving this dialogue. It's so lively, so fresh and full of life. They almost sound like real people.

> Jayce discovers what the AU alternative to Chicago is, immediately doesn't like it

> Writes that Jayce isn't an idiot
> He has fumbled everything he's touched so far, including a relationship with Viktor, despite being open about his feelings
> Doesn't understand safety committees
> Complains about red tape

So it takes CHAPTER 6 for the author to write about their prototype and how it needs to go for testing, even when in earlier chapters Jayce said the battery ended up failing in the end - of course, until that was retconned when Noxus turned it into a Tesla battery. Loving the consistency.

> He was. So brilliant. And witty.
Honestly, GTA cat theft would be a great standalone. Better than all this other shit, for sure.


Jayce has a lot of assumptions about a man he totally loves, doesn't he? And yes, certain animals can understand human speech, better than I can understand this sentence structure, ffs.

The dialogue manages to sound like a parody of Tropic Thunder and Mean Girls while also being completely emotionless at the same time. It's so fucking bad I Literally Can't Even.

You know you can fuse those two separate sentences into one and it would make it better, right? "You've been so patient and kind, helping me get her up here." See? Not that hard.

> Viktor looked so touched. Ugh
I'm about to 'ugh' you with a high-pressure hose, bitch. Enough with your stupid shit.

> A litter box and a little basket of toys Jayce brought
See? Not that hard. But it's still part of an incomplete sentence, so...whatever.

It's clear that Jayce was close to his dad, because he modeled his Mercury Hammer after his father's tools. Distant, sure. But not cruel. And his father gave him some sage advice regarding people and dreams, which is the opposite of a man with high expectations.

Target on the back of what? Go find a beta, this is ridiculous. Or if you do have one, get a better one.

> Rubbing his thumb there
It's blatantly obvious Jayce is being affectionate with Viktor here, rubbing his thumb on his knee, and Viktor doesn't notice (or he does in his POV, but doesn't act on it). The author relies on the fact that he was ignorant to Sky's affections that he was suddenly ignorant to Jayce's. It's clear he wasn't - canonically and logically. Jayce isn't being subtle about what he wants or thinks. The hints are literally slamming Viktor in the face. The author really wants to push Idiots in Love, but with great emphasis on the 'idiots' part. Just get to the fucking point.

> Jayce has quite a temper
Oh that's not going to bite him in the ass, is it? It's OK because he gets puppy eyes and has mental breakdowns because of choices he made and YOU should feel bad because HE LOVES YOU and - anything else I missed?

> Aurora
You mean the aurora borealis?

All this intimacy makes me think these two had a relationship beforehand, or should have, but Viktor was never open about his feelings because Reasons. It's OK, he'll confess when they fuck.

> hasn't seen Star Wars
Even if you haven't seen the movies, you've heard of it. Most popular and longest running merchandise to exist. Memes everywhere. Big star at conventions. Darth Vader an iconic villain. Really living under a rock, eh?

> And wow, oh wow
SHE DID IT, SHE DID THE THING

> look at him with all that joy and light and just said: 'America can be defined in a single word: ashfkghajhghahghghr'

> Jayce's Hispanic drama mama says he has so much love to give
> Willingly threw Viktor under the bus for cash, while he was ill, getting him to sign away his IP rights
> Still does not understand what he did wrong

"So taken with the man in front of him with his gentle spirit." Not much better because it's an incomplete sentence, but this author has a fuckton of those. If this is beta read, the beta also deserves to get whipped. Having a beta-reader will not save your story if it is as functionally bad as this. It may not be pooner trash but holy fuck is it close.

---

Daily dose of honourable mentions.

Didn't know 'fattytober' was a thing.

Soldiers need ADHD meds now:

Token 'straight guy discovers he's gay and loves anal sex' story:

 

[RA-5C Vigilante]

Where is this cottage industry of Call of Duty Yaoi coming from, I am genuinely curious.

 

[Gorillion others]

Where is this cottage industry of Call of Duty Yaoi coming from, I am genuinely curious.

Hoboken?

 

[Aunt Carol]

Where is this cottage industry of Call of Duty Yaoi coming from, I am genuinely curious.

Someone could go back in individual authors' lists of works and see what fandoms they were in before CoD. (Or their Tumblrs or Xitters.)

It felt like a lot of them moved from Resident Evil to CoD en masse, but that might not be accurate. It does make sense that groups of fans would migrate together, since the nature of fandom is to make friends within it, and then your friend shows you something they know you'll like since you've already squee'd at them about your current shared fandom.

 

[Petrusha the White]

It felt like a lot of them moved from Resident Evil to CoD en masse, but that might not be accurate. It does make sense that groups of fans would migrate together, since the nature of fandom is to make friends within it, and then your friend shows you something they know you'll like since you've already squee'd at them about your current shared fandom.

This is what I mean when I refer to the "locust crowd". There are large groups of people on certain social media sites, namely twitter nowdays but the older members of the crowd are tumblr porn ban expats, who are all 2-3 degrees of separation from each other. This giant extended "friend group" will have random properties trend within them and they'll all descend on a particular fanbase like locusts, bringing woke discourse, OOC yaoi, "fixed" character designs, comical ignorance of canon, and sometimes harrassment towards prominent fans in the established fanbase or even the people who worked on the IP. A lot of times this is preceded by something like a manga getting an anime adaption (coughs Dungeon Meshi) but at other times it can feel extremely random. I'm pretty convinced that most of the people in this locust crowd never actually get around to watching/reading/playing the source material and churn out fanwork based entirely off of other fanworks. Then, after a few months, their interest dries up just as suddenly as it appeared, and they move on to something else.
There are almost certainly multiple indepdendent locust crowds, and you're just seeing one that hopped onto Resident Evil then hopped off in favor of COD. Depending on how long people have been posting pooner shit, they either might shut up again soon, or you're just left with the dregs of the crowd who got genuinely attached to COD (or rather the version of it they made up in their own heads). There's always a handful who actually stick around, annoyingly enough.

 

[Vecr]

I'm pretty convinced that most of the people in this locust crowd never actually get around to watching/reading/playing the source material and churn out fanwork based entirely off of other fanworks. Then, after a few months, their interest dries up just as suddenly as it appeared, and they move on to something else.

Semi off-topic, but I've heard rumors that quite a few famous fan fictions were written by people who hadn't engaged with the standard recommended subset of the source material of their fandom. A fiction writer's job is to make things up, but in many cases readers would be surprised by how much guesswork and secret Q&A sessions went into the final result.

 

[Troon Whisperer]

Semi off-topic, but I've heard rumors that quite a few famous fan fictions were written by people who hadn't engaged with the standard recommended subset of the source material of their fandom. A fiction writer's job is to make things up, but in many cases readers would be surprised by how much guesswork and secret Q&A sessions went into the final result.

That's not surprising at all, there's a significant chunk of certain fandoms now that crow about never touching the source material. A lot of the newer HP authors are like this because TERF Queen bad, ect. But RWBY is another that gets a lot of "Never saw the show, just read a lot of fics" in the authors notes or tags.

 

[Petrusha the White]

That's not surprising at all, there's a significant chunk of certain fandoms now that crow about never touching the source material. A lot of the newer HP authors are like this because TERF Queen bad, ect. But RWBY is another that gets a lot of "Never saw the show, just read a lot of fics" in the authors notes or tags.

I find it difficult to believe that these fics are all that good, though. They can be well-written peices of fiction taken by themselves, if the author is technically skilled, but good fanfiction engages with canon in a way that requires actual knowledge of it. Setting, characterization, lore, etc. is already established, and needs to be taken into account - even if you're making an AU, that's no excuse for everyone to be OOC. It'd be extremely difficult to pull this off if you never engage with the source material. If you're basing it off of other fanworks, all you're doing is playing a game of telephone, and it's going to show at some point.

I know of exactly one (1) fic that successfully pulls itself off despite the author being ignorant of the source material. And even then, the author has seen a few episodes of the show - though not episodes the central character is in - and, more critically, is part of an active fandom discord server which frequently has very in-depth, technical discussion of canon. And even then, the only reason why she's able to actually translate her secondhand knowledge into fic is because the fic itself is a crackfic. (It's also not finished, because she only writes it when she's stoned. Goddammit I want her to finish it. It's really funny.) (ETA: This is also a Star Trek fic, and the author has watched some of the other series all the way through, so she does have firsthand knowledge of a lot of the worldbuilding + the general vibe.)