We're still. Typing sentences. Like this. Because using commas. Is too fucking hard.
> Blubbering mess he sort of blacked out during
During what? Blacking out during what? An anxiety spell?
This Jayce has a fuckton of panic attacks. This is a 180 from the second chapter, where it was Viktor who had the panic attacks. Weird how that got conveniently forgotten.
Jayce is still in denial over his obvious feelings for Viktor - remember, he was the one who made his affections so obvious and clear that his own students gossiped about it - that he has to have gaslighter faghag Caitlyn tell him the facts. So when Jayce is acting le shocked at Viktor 'looking at him differently' it makes me roll my eyes. There's Idiots in Love and there's Retards in Denial. Jayce is the latter.
> Peaks
Lmao this bitch doesn't know the difference between peek and peak.
Oh, he did the meme! "I can take him." "In a fight right?" No, you fucking dumbass, you KNOW what she's referring to. It's pretty obvious Viktor is being somewhat affection towards Jayce at this point, but we have to remember that this 'reconciliation' only started because Caitlyn and Ximena forced Viktor to accept Jayce's groveling as an apology. This wasn't genuine from the get-go.
Jayce getting snippy at Caitlyn telling him the obvious even when it's been made clear that his internal monologues have all been about Viktor is a moot point. We, the audience, know Jayce feels something for him. Stop it with this pseudo-denial; it doesn't make him look cute. It makes him look retarded.
> Jayce wonders if he's worth a relationship with Viktor
> Has to ask Caitlyn what she means about her sexual innuendos
> Thinks about putting his hands on Viktor several paragraphs later
Ho hum. Loving the consistency here.
What did I say. About writing sentences. Like this. When commas. Are there. To bridge different subjects together.
Oh, and look at that. "I'm not gay. I have relationships with women, and sex with men" Jayce is being very touchy-feely with someone he doesn't think is affectionate towards him. Idiots in Love, amirite?
Yes, we know Viktor has beautiful eyes. Thank God he doesn't have a septum piercing and a forked tongue like he did in that one pooner fic. I'm still mad the served COORS LITE AT A RICH PERSON'S WEDDING
Yeah, it's a little weird that you're sharing a bed with your 60-something year old mother. There aren't any more spare rooms? Can't share a room with Viktor? You missed a perfectly good 'there was only one bed' scene.
> Jayce says he doesn't know what he's worth to Viktor and denies his feelings
> Makes his feelings pretty damn open paragraphs later
> Other people notice and mock him for it
Agreed, I also hate these people. They know it and you don't, and they're laughing at you.
Ah, we have the Ugly Christmas Sweater trope. This is how I feel about this fic: the author tried her damnedest to make a work of art, only to have it come out frayed, ugly, and a useless piece of shit. Viktor should not be wearing such a monstrosity, 'tis true. It definitely isn't fair, my dood.
> Jayce says how much he hates these people
> It's OK because it's ironic and he actually loves them
> Never forget that he sold them all out for Noxus because he ran out of money and has never faced consequences for his actions
But hey, Cait is there being a supportive fag hag, playing matchmaker for him and Viktor. We love a good faghag, don't we folks?
Agreed, it's fucking creepy to take pictures of people drunk on a couch without their consent. What, you gonna blackmail him or something? I bet if Jayce took pictures of Cait and Vi having a moment without their consent, it wouldn't be funny. Dial back that creep factor, bud. You're giving us the Ick.
I'm going to start using slurs when it eventually comes to the final review of this fic. This author absolutely deserves it for the shit she put me through.
Ah, so Jayce wants to top this time. We know he has a praise kink and Viktor loves imagining tugging Jayce's hair, so we'll see who really tops and bottoms when the smut comes around. Place your bets.
If you were a genius, you would've already graduated college at 15. Just saying. You wouldn't be begging Noxus for money; they'd be begging YOU.
Yeah uhhhh can't I get two number nines, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip...
Still weird to sleep in a bed with your mother when you're a grown man, and HALF NAKED to boot. You're not a Targaryen, stop that.
Reminder that Ximena has no idea what Jayce did to fuck Viktor over and assumed her son Dindu Nuffin. She basically told Viktor Jayce was oh-so-sorry and that he was guilt-ridden and whatever and Viktor just laid down and took it, because muh guilt. Reading his journal didn't help. How to fix betrayal? Listen to someone's mom and read their journal on how they feel bad. That'll fix it.
Also: Jayce never actually apologized to Viktor. He actually gets mad when he's forced to admit he was the guilty party. Of course it has to be his own mother to tell him this.
> Why are you depriving yourself
BECAUSE HE SOLD OUT THEIR PATENT TO A WARLORD AND FORCED VIKTOR TO SIGN AWAY HIS INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS. Guess we're forgetting that tidbit because the author downplays the gravity of that situation.
> Do you think he'd be so cruel to cut you out of his life
He had a whale of time seeing Jayce be humiliated in the first few chapters, so yeah. Funny how fast he turned on a dime once he read Jayce's pity party.
> His mom is making sense
She doesn't even know the extent of what he did, and why Viktor hated him. Literally a 'My Son Dindu Nuffin' mom, Hispanic style.
You would have quiet days if you a
ctually fucking apologized for what you did. But you're too stubborn to even do that.
> Something's changing, because he feels like he's about to burst
Ah, there's that sexual tension that the author wants Jayce to both deny and indulge him. 'He just doesn't know what he wants'. Bitch, please.
> Be Caitlyn
> You're rich as fuck
> Viktor, the leftist, magically doesn't hate you
> She gives you a shitty sweater that's probably fast fashion
> Viktor accepts it anyways
Wow, such a good leftist. That better be real wool.
> Jayce hates goodbyes, despises endings
Huh, maybe you shouldn't have sold your bacterial engine to Ambessa Medarda. Maybe Viktor should've done his research. Maybe this should have never made it past the publish stage, yet here we are.
Interesting. Viktor 'pours' over the date twice - in the same paragraph - and the anticipation kills Jayce twice in the same paragraph. Great job, beta!
> He wants. He wants. He wants this work
T-T-T-T-TODAY, JUNIOR
> What. What. Spit it out.
Is this a Ja Rule track?
Stop. Writing sentences. Like this. I am. Fucking begging you.
> I just. I just
T-T--T-T-TODAY, JUNIOR
> It fucking works. It works. it works
Yeah, because you're working off an existing technology. We only just find out here, in this chapter, it's a mobile robot. Nice little detail the author conveniently put in at the last minute.
> Oh wow. Oh wow
OH MAN OH GOD. OH MAN OH GOD
Four years, eh? Better get to work then, boys! More inventing, less fucking!
He's there because you wanted him to be there. Why are you acting shocked?
Ah, here's the twist. Jayce wants Viktor to have their mobile static scrubber, as atonement for fucking up their battery tech. Wanna see how Viktor takes it?
Funny, that. The tech Jayce 'invented' has already been in place for 40 years. His mobile tech would be the only 'new' thing about it, and he'd have to reference other inventors for it. Need I also mention Viktor willingly sold away his half of the battery patent, allowing it to go into the hands of corporate thugs? He has no room to complain about fraud.
It took until Chapter 8 for Jayce to finally swallow some humble juice (and later cum) and admit he was wrong. It would have been a more heartfelt confession had the issues been addressed earlier, because what he did was no simple thing. He threw Viktor under the bus, humiliated him and shamed him, and Viktor signed away his rights while ill because Jayce told him to. He ruined Viktor's life, but that's OK because they're crying and upset and they need to fuck now.
And. The confession. Sure doesn't sound. As genuine. When the sentences. Are structured. Like this.
> Too naive to see how horrible Noxus was
To be fair, so was Viktor. The worldly leftist had no idea what they were, who they were or what they were doing, and still signed away his rights. What a fucking retard. The Internet presumably exists, and yet I've never seen a single person using it. You can text message but you can't Google? Miss me with that shit.
> I felt like, I felt like
STOP WRITING LIKE THIS, GOD
Well, least Jayce admitted he was a hypocrite. But we have to admit, Viktor has been one too, especially with all the 'noble Leftist' shit.
> And he and he and he and he
Are you having an asthma attack?
>He rips gaze away astares
Fucking hell, this was not edited. "He rips his gaze away and stares."
> Because Viktor has no idea
Well, he's gotten all the hints that've hit him in the face, and he's still blind, so we'll call this Retards in Denial.
Finally, in Chapter 8, we have the much vaunted kiss scene. Next up, the smut.
> Oh god oh god oh god
Stop with this fucking writing already. Jesus Fucking Christ. First kiss scene and you're already pissing it away.
Viktor moves his hands away from Jayce's face twice, and puts them on his face twice. He does lots of things twice.
Here we go with the segmented sentences. "They stare at each other for a moment, in the intimate silence of their spot in the lab, Viktor's lips are split slick, cheeks a furious red and he's buzzing like a live wire." There. See how easier that is to read?
> As they take a moment to process. A quiet moment before the splitting of atoms. WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!
Viktor grabs Jayce's face twice - this makes it
the fourth time he's done that. Get another beta reader.
> He's so overcome. He never thought.
Never thought what? Don't leave us hanging.
Yes, because the man who fucked you over and made you move away and made you
enjoy his humiliation is retconned to being someone who would never leave him like he was a louse or some shit. Pathetic. What a way to downplay such betrayal.
> And he wants he wants he wants
I want want want want this to be over so I can skewer the smut, but whatever. We get there when we get there.
And here we are led to the eventual smut. Can't wait to read that.
For the record, I found the kissing scene to be not
that bad. It could have been written in a better context, had the drama actually been drawn out and plotted better. For example, if Jayce had more doubts and misgivings over what he did in internal monologues, the audience would feel that tension and wish for them to make up. He didn't do it until his mother (and Caitlyn) told him to, remember. He didn't do anything until two fag hags laid down the law. Pathetic.
Now, we wait for the smut. Let's see what it brings us.
