Fanfiction Horrors

[Chandelier]

Read the tags and knew I had to review this. It was just published and is currently updated.


Honestly surprised that Viktor isn't a pooner in this, but you take the wins when you can.

Spoiler

Ah, didn't expect a Jimmy Two-Times reference: 'We gotta stay professional, stay professional.'

Now, with the 'we hate capitalism tag in mind', you're going to find out how quickly the author contradicts herself without even knowing.

> Viktor is a leftist
> Entire work is focused on hating capitalism
> A university that's privately funded is funding their research and he has to rely on said university for said payroll and research projects
> It's not the government doing it
> Kek

Wait until you have to do inorganic chemistry along with organic chemistry for your work. Something tells me Viktor wouldn't have an issue with either.

> IS a leftist
> There is still a hierarchy
> He gets a private lab all to himself (no sharing!)
> OUR lab, comrade


Weird how the rest of the building gets renovated but not a dingy office. As a leftist, you should be happy you even get one. Anyways, it's funny that this is set in our world, and it's set in America no less, because he needs to get this job for insurance policies. You also have to wonder how the author plans to reconcile the fact that private, wealthy families are the ones funding the university and as such, innovation is based on the whims of a few rich people vs the government R&D department. This story would otherwise be of no concern had the author bothered to keep her politics out.

> Is a leftist
> Gets a whole wing to himself that he doesn't want to share, also hates communal work
Lol. Lmao, even. You also have to raise an eyebrow at the red tape thing - that's because of overregulation, a product of overt leftist policies. You're welcome.

So, in this universe, they are harnessing a bacterium that produces electricity or something. I doubt this will ever be expanded upon and was just put there to sound scientific. Arcane has the benefit of using, you know, the arcane, this is set in modern times, where even if you did find an alternative source of energy, chances are you need to strip mine for the resources needed to harness it.

They're also talking about 12 volt batteries here...that you can buy at Wal-mart. They literally just did a 9th grade experiment and declared it to be revolutionary in the field. Wake me up when you can safely harness Chernobyl.


But you have no problem taking a job at a private university, getting a private lab, and being seen as a worthwhile private, independent scientist that does not work for the government. Try sharing your work with us, comrade. Sell those patents. See how committed you are to the cuse.

The chapter ends with Jayce going GTA in a golf cart just so they can watch a meteor shower.

You fired up a 12 volt battery that you can buy at Wal-mart. Well done. With bacteria? OK, but that will just power a single battery. You still need that lithium and rare earth materials, homie!

Don't you mean OUR inventions, comrade? Why don't you sell that patent for the greater good? You're a leftist, aren't you?

Spoiler: Chapter 2

Imagine centering a story around leftism when you need funding from a bunch of corporations. Too on the nose.

It should also be mentioned that Jayce is being uncharacteristically a catty faggot. Now, LoL Jayce is a fucking asshole, but this is just pettiness for the sake of being a petty faggot. Wait until you find out why Jayce is such a catty faggot, too.

Viktor having shit taste in fashion? Naw, fam. Boy has drip. Stop making him look like an unwashed dog by the side of the road. But it is funny how the leftist is willing to share his backdoor...haha, get it? Free POZ LOADS for everyone.

> Agrees to be professional
> Seethes at every instance of Viktor's existence
> Is literally the Chud soyjack at this point

Spoiler: Jayce is angry that Viktor left their (failed) project because he was going to sell it to a warlord. Instead of understanding why Viktor would be opposed to that (and more so as this takes place in modern day and would be akin t selling weapons to, say, North Korea or Russia or the black market), he decides to have a faggot bitch fit and blame Viktor for daring to oppose him. He's already an unlikable character that grates on you real quick.

> Exists
> Piss off your ex-lover so much he becomes a literal 4chan chud meme ready to neck himself

The jokes really do write themselves, holy shit

> writes Jayce having a pencil
> Retcons him having a pen two sentences later
Also, call your beta. I should not be reading 'creak' as 'creek'.

Viktor: *hugs someone other than him*
Jayce: YOU BLIND MOTHERFUCKER HOW DARE YOU NOT HUG ME, BITCH ASS NIGGA I HOPE YOU GET FUCKED

How dare Caitlyn be professional to people, which Jayce clearly isn't. Despite agreeing to being professional during the first chapter. What a catty faggot.

Jayce is being unreasonable to the point that he is - again - a catty, bitch ass faggot. He should know that Viktor is upset at him for completely legitimate reasons, and while he may feel some lingering bitterness over that, this does not excuse THIS kind of behaviour. He willingly sold his patent and invention to a war lord, when Viktor wanted to use it to help people. That's a justified reason to leave any project and go on your own. I'd scratch out my own eyes if I had to deal with a self-righteous man child like this.

> Struggling arts school
Lmao, better not have a struggling artist with a funny mustache, then. Imagine what he could do.

So, they invented a bio-battery that uses organic material (bacteria, in this case) to generate electric charge. No discussion on where the bacteria comes from, how it allows for said electric charge, and how they're both suddenly microbiologists/bacteriologists in order to grow such bacterium. Or share this work with anyone else, comrade.

Viktor, the leftist, sucking up to wealthy university donors is also on the nose. It's akin to pro-Palestine protesters figuring out that wealthy Jewish donors can easily yank their funding if you criticize Israel too much. The irony.


> Puts the screwdriver in the drawer
> It magically reappears in his hands
Someone call their beta. This is a pretty obvious mistake.

So now we learn that Jayce did the not-so-innocent thing of selling his work to war criminals. Which would otherwise earn you a justified expulsion unless you work for the US military, because you're a civvie selling contraband. This apparently does not occur to Jayce (nor to the author) because it would create a bigger plot hole than already exists.

But it still involved selling your work to a third-party with militaristic intentions. Which, as a civvie, unless you're working for Uncle Sam, you will get every single Glowie on your ass at all times.

Jayce later admitting he is horrible, before going right back to his catty faggotry a paragraph later really seals the deal. I can't stand this motherfucker. Jump off a building already!

Yeah, and do you think Jayce endured any consequences for this? No. All that crap about changing the world and they...didn't change the world, because the tech was apparently good enough to sell as military weaponry but couldn't work on a mass-produced civilian level. C'mon, man! Yes, I'm aware of that's how the Internet started out, but it still had to work. These guys are working backwards, ffs.

BTW, you'll find the dialogue sounds the same regardless of which character is speaking. Very common among these autists.

Actual, in-character Viktor was the one who got Jayce into the lab to begin with, and was completely fine in the face of danger, including the risk of becoming atomized on the lab floor. The guy made a portable laser, for fuck's sake. So now you're telling me this guy has anxiety attacks all because of the author's projections? Fuck off. I'm really sick of authors doing this. Stop projecting your trauma. This is not a diary. And it makes these characters worse off than what they were before.

He apparently charmed enough people with his patents - that he wasn't willing to hand out freely, such a bad leftist you are, comrade.

Spoiler alert: it didn't change anything, because the tech was so bad a war criminal stopped using it after a month, and was not picked up by any other R&D division. Meanwhile, you have historical examples of guys building mini-nukes in their backyard. What's their excuse?

Oh, right. Being miserable, incompetent, anxious faggots. This is gonna be a shitshow. With leftism and muh ebil capitalism with shit takes you expect from an Internet leftist (vs stuff like 'Vulture Capitalism', which actually is a pertinent problem). Real deep, yo. A meme come to life.

It's also Kinktober. Degeneracy abounds.

 

[Chandelier]

There's been an update to the story posted above. As is typical, the progshit on anti depressives makes the token white guy hate the token black.

Spoiler: Coming home - chapter 3

You really have to love the irony of the token white, Eastern European guy hating the guts of an African woman all because she fucked his ex-lover and helped said lover sell their patent to a huge company. The fact he's also calling her a plastic bitch is the cherry on top, too. Progshits and racism, name a better duo.

> Blames the woman for getting in the way of his and Jayce's relationship
> has spent the last two chapters bitching and snarking over Jayce's own actions that destroyed the relationship
> spent the last two chapters reading these catty faggots go back and forth to the point you KNOW when they're going to stop and start fucking
> blasts billionaires and rich people, yet took the job at the university funded by billionaires because, and I quote, 'the insurance and pay was good'
> says he doesn't need warnings, yet needs them when he has anxiety attacks

I initially liked Viktor in this, but he's souring on me, too. I cannot fucking stand his catty-faggot attitude.

> Bitches about Jayce dating Mel
> Is upset Jayce broke up with him instead, over something Viktor previously blamed Jayce for
> Cannot decide whether he wants to return to that dick or not

LOL at him complaining about corporate greed when he took that job because of better insurance. Nice morals you have there, leftist.

> Complains about corporate greed
> Has students literally shopping on Temu during the lecture
> Calls Jayce narcissistic, later goes on about how upset he is that things soured as they did (he can't decide what to call Jayce), and how he's so guilty (why would a narcissist feel guilt?)
> the black woman is mad the white man did not SIT DOWN AND LISTEN
> Author cannot spell 'et cetera' right

Jinx acts as the author's self awareness in this fic. She rightly points out that they're all working for a company like Lockheed-Martin, and are a bunch of hypocrites for talking about saving the environment when they're a bunch of warlords. The irony. Poignant, really.

Jinx, you use homemade rockets. You're still using weapons of war, just on a civilian level.

You also have to love how she rightly points out that their 'eco friendly' cars, that operate on an unknown species of bacteria we don't know the name of or how it works - and can only produce 12 volts, and it's not just cars that produce pollution, you know - cost $100k, which only the rich can afford. Very economic, very friendly.

You know she's gonna be the token punk anarchist that points out how everyone else is wrong and incompetent and how they aren't fighting the system, maaaaaaaann. I bet she loves Rages Against the Machine.

> Meet a black boy
> Indirectly say his head is huge
> You're not on Stormfront

Not to mention that Ekko would never actually take Mel's offer, even if she is the same race as him. Ekko hates figures of authority, and hates what Piltover has done. He is a man of action and would rather help his people directly. Him being sweet-talked by Mel would never happen.

Indeed, so why did Viktor take the job there, again? Right, because the pay and insurance was better. Because rich people pay more for your inventions.

He later says that all Ekko would be doing is 'for profit' work, when he's doing the same thing. He hasn't sold his patents and we don't even know what he did in Zaun, exactly. He's definitely only an inventor in name, rather than action.

And no, once again, Ekko wouldn't be sweet-talked by Mel. That's not how he is.

Lmao, a rich university that isn't actually pro free speech? Quelle surprise. Oh, and need I mention that that university is the one paying for all that innovation, and for Viktor to say 'no innovation will speak for itself here', means he's directly a hypocrite. Waah waah, hate the rich, eat the rich, I'm a commie, but I support the university that sucks the cocks of rich people who fund my research. You could have turned down the job, but no.

Also, aren't you 32? How the fuck is that old?

Right, the dirty commie who works exclusively at a university funded by the insanely wealthy (and is friends with Caitlyn!) was responsible for the ending of the project, vs Jayce actively selling that patent to a war criminal, which WOULD BE A CRIME, YOU CAN'T DO THAT SHIT UNLESS YOU'RE IN THE MIC DIRECTLY.

And to be honest, the whole Jayvik angle is obvious. They make their feelings for each other clear; they aren't exactly subtle about it. Social media would do the talking.

Re: the $20k printer. That's a lot of money, even for rich people, but if it's NBD what's the big deal? You'll find out:

> Calls Jayce narcissistic and takes pleasure in humiliating him at every turn
> Thinks he also feels guilt
> Jayce throws him under the bus, but it's okay because it's ~drama~ and we need it for these gay boys to fuck


They hate you but not the black woman, lmao. Really sticking it to the "Eastern European is a commie" thing, when historically, Czechs, like Poles, hate communism.

Jayce calling Viktor and enabler is also true, because Viktor remains blind to how shitty and catty Jayce is even when the breakup was his fault. It's very hard to understand the chemistry here, if there is any.

> Be a leftist
> Form safety committees, the very committees that put out red tape and stop innovation and sold you out
> Kek
Him calling Jayce a whore while he himself wanted that insurance money and better paycheck says a lot. You are not that different, homie.

Of course, we have the classic 'I hate you but I want to fuck you' gay pining after arguments that feel so forced it feels like I got a stick up my ass. They go from being dead serious to this catty faggotry, and it is getting tiresome.

"He's not proud of the things he said," he says, while being proud of the things he said because the author just spent the last few paragraphs justifying his schadenfreude. He likes being cruel to Jayce because he feels he deserves it - and in a way, Jayce does - but this is getting to the point one has to roll their eyes and go, 'really?'

Oh, and the fact Viktor is friends with Caitlin while bitching about rich people and capitalism is not lost on me. He hates blacks but is fine with mixed race Asians...lmao.

So, Caitlin is playing the same manipulative gaslighting trick she did on Jayce, albeit Jayce's case was him being told he was being irrational. Viktor is being told HE is the one who caused the fallout and that it is all his fault. That HE should apologize. And instead of telling this rich bitch to fuck off, he takes her advice. Eat the rich, indeed.

Why? Viktor didn't do anything wrong, despite the author's attempts to retcon her own work. He wasn't the one who sold the patent and had his name written off of it. That was due to Jayce. The author is really trying to amp up the drama but all it's doing is creating conflicting events.

> He was a wreck when you left
And? He sold their tech to a warlord. Which Viktor had a right to be angry about because it wasn't his decision and he was deliberately written out of the negotiations. He has no need to apologize because he did nothing wrong, and this gaslighting to take his boyfriend back is pure bullshit. I don't care if my ex cries his eyes out, I didn't sell our work to Miss Idi Amin over here.

So? I don't care if there were tears involved. I didn't sell the patent to a warlord. And apparently, Caitlin doesn't seem to care, either. What a friend. She doesn't even try to understand where Viktor is coming from, or even asked what happened. Such detective skills.

> Healthy amount of humility
> Gaslights a man who was wronged by his ex it was really his fault
Miss me with that bullshit. And oh, I don't know if this was beta'ed or not, because you're going to see a fuckton of spelling mistakes, lack of capitalization, and weird sentence structures as this goes on.

Okay, and? Viktor never cared about Jayce's disappointment until now. It's extremely convenient for the plot's sake because you know this autistic bitch has no patience. Viktor is written as being an inventor, but curiously, doesn't actually do any inventing, which his actual character does. It's something a lot of authors forget about him.

Huh. Half a page ago, you were delighted to see Jayce humiliated. Oh, what's that? You got a mouthful of humble pie? How convenient.

BTW, this author hinges her plot on Jayce inventing a scrubber to clean industrial pollution. This takes place in modern times, and the author seems blissfully unaware that we already have those. If he's aiming to improve on those designs and make them more mobile, that'd be one thing. But he's inventing one from scratch - despite said designs being on the market longer than he's been alive. Research is your friend.

Cool! We already have those for industrial buildings, and have for the past 40 years! You'd think it wouldn't take him as long considering all those schematics are there and daddy government is there to help!

Ah, there's that classic pining. All those quips about how narcissistic and pathetic Jayce is, how arrogant he is, how much he enjoys his humiliation...he's just a sucker for the puppy dog eyes and he's DTF. Just throw out your personality and misgivings for cock. And in the third chapter!

Remember. What I said? About weird. Sentences? This is an example. She thinks it's witty and cute, but it just makes the characters look like autistic retards (which they are). And all for an invention that's already on the market, for a clunky machine that no one is going to buy. It's the Current Year. Oh, and they want to use SOLAR POWER for it, in HIGHLY POLLUTED AREAS THAT DON'T SEE SUNLIGHT.

You could like. Write normally. Like normal people do. And like, does Jayce does not. That static scrubbers already exist?

Really? It took a clunky, torn out AC for you to conclude that? Nice. I love how all the drama got settled in three chapters. Now, when's the fucking?

BTW, Jayce could've sped this up if he already knew static scrubbers existed, lmao.

Fun fact: we already have such tech for such disposal! If you wanted to be original, you could fine-tune the tech to be utilized over a greater range as well as portability, so it can be used anywhere, at any time. And yes, as I said before, they're using solar powered chargers in areas without sunlight, and Jayce also doesn't know we already have solar powered battery chargers. That you can buy in Wal-mart. Wew, lad.

Solar doesn't work in heavily clouded/polluted areas, you fuck. You'd need an alternate energy source, such as natural gas. If you're worried about natural gas pollution, invent a portable scrubber that can be put on cars. THAT is something Jayce and Viktor could and would do with ease.

> Jayce is onto something
Yeah, he sure is when that tech already exists.

There's also a trend on believing that the male prostitute Ambessa fucks in the third act was done to deliberately taunt Jayce as said prostitute looks like Viktor. Which would be a nice theory if Ambessa even knew Viktor existed. From Season 2, it's obvious she does not.

> The sense of overwhelm
I'd be overwhelmed too if I was dealing with such bullshit. Oh wait.

Cute, but you still need materials that need to be mined for those pumps. It's the filters that deal with exhaust that you have to worry about. Filters first, pump second. And we have the tech for that, btw. If you want it to be 'bioclean', well, you still need to mine for the raw materials. Odd they're not talking about that aspect, especially Viktor, who is the token socialist.

> Sulfur dioxide
This author has done no research. Sulfur dioxide was dealt with 40 years ago, when the industry needed to respond to industrial pollution causing acid rain. There's plenty of research on it. Maybe he can try Google?

Viktor realizes he was an irrational, catty faggot all because he read a journal. Nice. That's all it takes to smooth over such betrayals. Rip up that burn book, yo.

Lol get it? It's really a double entendre - you know what, forget it.

1. We already have the tech for trickier gases, your role would be to make it more efficient on an industrial and commercial scale
2. Writes that Viktor is confident in his abilities towards people's intentions, yet got utterly sideswiped by Heimerdinger and Jayce's decisions
3. Says he is the unreasonable one in the end, despite being rightfully angry that their tech was weaponized and sold to a warlord (what for, for such a clunky piece of tech that's never been tested, cannot be said)
4. Says Jayce is easily manipulated, when both of them have been catty faggots the entire time whose fight was smoothed over by reading a journal
5. Blames himself and calls Jayce a fucktard for being a naïve geek, when he admits he was too much of a pussy to get on stage (the socialist is a coward, go figure)
6. Is a faggot and owns cats. Go figure.

Here he is again, blaming himself for things out of his control. I get the author wants to nail his internal monologue and shame over being useless, but she is quick to make him intolerable. Here, she writes that he wants to make a change in the world and wants to spend more years on it. Later, she retcons this and makes him an emotionally driven asshole.
> Nonsensical carbon filters
> It's one of the most common ways to filter water in an industrial, commercial and domestic setting
Yes, the bitch is dumb. Viktor would know carbon filters are very common and useful, BECAUSE IT'S WIDELY AVAILABLE AND CHEAP.

Viktor needing to be 'sheltered' when the author wrote he was good at reading people is hilarious. Him also needing Caitlin to 'tell him how it is' when in the show he knew he was dying is an insult at best. Viktor simultaneously has no agency and exists to be the most miserable person in existence. God, how the author neutered him.

> Cliche
Oh honey you have no idea what you're getting into.

I'm also glad that Viktor has night vision, counting Jayce's dark eyelashes when his back is to the moonlight.

So, the author writes Viktor as being upset he couldn't save himself and that's why he's angry at Jayce going above and beyond to save him. Few problems with this: one being that Viktor didn't actually do anything to save himself, but lived in Jayce's house and withered away, and the second that he doesn't even try to do the former. He just...sat there and wallowed in his misery, when the actual Viktor wanted to do something to save his life.

Him getting angry at Mel cutting corners to save him leaves a sour taste in his mouth. He hates her because she's rich and a businesswoman, and the daughter of a warlord, but can't think long-term that if she saves his life, he can actually live to spite her and prove her wrong.

Not to mention: this is an experimental procedure. It's literally first come first serve.

I don't blame Jayce for getting angry. The author wants Viktor's internal monologue to make sense, but all it sounds like is ungrateful self-pity. Jayce is doing everything for him and he still hates him.

> Says he doesn't want to be treated as incapable
> Has acted incapable this entire time, he literally live in his 'best friend's' house to 'recuperate'
> Says he doesn't want to 'contribute to a broken system'
> Previously wailed about how he wants to live and help others, not realizing that if he's dead none of that will happen
> It's okay, he's actually afraid and he's taking it out on the one person moving earth and moon to help him, it's drama guys

Good. Be upset. You caused that all because the author can't decide if you're a victim or not. Viktor is honestly pathetic. He 'can't fathom' showing parts of himself that vulnerable and terrible to anyone, yet he's doing just that literally dying in Jayce's home. Yeah. That complicates things a little.

Not to mention that Viktor totally loves Jayce, and Jayce is too oblivious to it, not that Viktor ever dropped hints but that Viktor is, in this fic, a deeply unserious and unfeeling person. If I were Jayce, I'd tell him to fuck off, too.

No, you were a selfish, irrational, pathetic ass that railed against the man trying to help you because you won't be a capitalist dog? Then fucking go to Korea or something for the treatment. Or, and if you were actually written properly, you'd be an inventor and try to improve yourself because that's part of Viktor's character. He relies on others to take care of him and has the nerve to pull the 'but I'm a socialist!' card as if him being dead is going to help Zaunites. What a fucking asshole. Drop him from the nearest helicopter.

You're right, Viktor. You don't deserve ANY of it. You're a fucking asshole. Take that stick out of your ass and 'relaxesd' because the author is switching antidepressants and I gotta read through her volatile moods. That's what this is, btw: she's projecing said volatility onto Viktor, because he wouldn't act like this. Don't you love it when authors do this?

---

It's Kinktober. Might as well post a few examples of what sexytimes are like this years. Here is our first contender.

Spoiler

Thankfully, these chapters are short so they will go by quickly. Here is Chapter 1:


> It's written as 'clear as day' on his face
> Jayce knows he's not in a good mood
Wow it's almost as if two sentences were redundant

Couldn't miss the opportunity to drop an 'O3O what's this?' reference eh?

Well, at least the author doesn't use 'front hole'. There's that at least. One has to wonder why they're using any lubricant - oh, wait. I know why.

Wow, he made him ejaculate quicker than I can get water to boil. Amazing! Imagine getting fucked by fingers so good you end up foggy - well, I certainly wouldn't if the dialogue sounded like shit in someone's mouth. 'Cum f'me' sounds like a Welsh insult.

It's finger lickin' good.

From Chapter 2:

Yes, the dialogue is that bad. And yes, they're using vibrators like lesbians - which is what they are. But they're REAL DOODS, get it?

Anytime I see 'ngh' in sex, I think that person is having a heart attack. Don't write it.

The author also uses a lot of redundancies. "He could see how wet he was/folds already slicked with arousal". You already wrote that once, don't write it twice.

OK, make that three times.

"So wet f'me" - are you selling me sex or falafels? C'mon, do better than that. And you can't shoot blanks if you don't have a dick.

Oh, Jayce having a gap in his frontal teeth, written like this, reminds me of Squidbillies. Now I can't unsee him like that, making retarded noises holding a Coor's Lite in a tentacle.

Because nothing is sexier than grumbling 'I'm gonna come' like you're Kamala Harris. Nice that their 'coil snapped' so quickly and without any 'oomph' to the smut. I've experienced more excitement and anticipation cooking bacon and dodging the sparking grease.

Kinktober isn't sending their best.

 

[Petrusha the White]

I like how half the shit in that fic would have been pretty much completely unremarkable if the author hadn't insisted on identifying themselves as a socialist

 

[Digital Thunder]

Good god I can't stand the "coil/band snap" metaphor (and others like it, but that's the most frequent that comes to mind) for orgasm. It's esoteric to the point of meaning basically nothing and 100% only persists in fanfiction because of the never-ending telephone game of ideas that results from fandom participants copying ideas from one another instead of thinking of anything on their own. Same shit that makes the "SJW art style" so ubiquitous, no matter how that style manifests.

 

[soft breathing]

Kinktober is the worst, don't even try to change my mind. Who even releases the list? Can we have a wholesome Kinktober next year?

I don't want to read something that sounds innocent and interesting at first only to be hit with piss-fetish garbage or worse.
Though, piss seems to be super popular in the fandoms I'm in right now for whatever reason.

Make it stop.

 

[Troon Whisperer]

Though, piss seems to be super popular in the fandoms I'm in right now for whatever reason.

For some reason I keep seeing a lot of "Omorashi" (Piss in weeb speak because it's fancier) fics recently, in a lot of different fandoms. I used to not have to filter them out but now the tag is on my perma block list. What the fuck is behind the increase? Trannies getting incontinence problems after mangling their bodies and turning it into a fetish to cope?

 

[KADZ92]

What I hate is real person fiction. Instead of just shipping fictional characters, some fanfic writers resort to writing fanfiction about celebrities and public figures in general. WHY does this exist? It's creepy. I have seen this on Wattpad and AO3. IIRC, real person fiction is not allowed on FF.net. I am an ARMY (BTS fan) and I tried reading one fanfiction about them, but I can't finish it. I can't go through with it.

 

[Petrusha the White]

Piss kink somehow became a meme, which embolded the actual piss kink havers to start posting more/posting more openly about it under the guise of irony.
I say this, but I assume by default that anyone who ever participated in the piss kink meme was actually someone legit into piss. Like I think the meme was 100% driven by them and there were 0 people who were joking about piss without actually being for real into it.

Lol, someone got arrested over real person fiction once. Granted, it was because it was a rape/gore fic, so it was considered a death threat. Girls Scream Aloud. Don't actually remember what he got charged with or if charges were dropped since he had no feasible way to carry through on his "threats" (iirc he lived on a different continent from the girl band he was writing about).

 

[Elwood P. Dowd]

What I hate is real person fiction. Instead of just shipping fictional characters, some fanfic writers resort to writing fanfiction about celebrities and public figures in general. WHY does this exist? It's creepy. I have seen this on Wattpad and AO3. IIRC, real person fiction is not allowed on FF.net. I am an ARMY (BTS fan) and I tried reading one fanfiction about them, but I can't finish it. I can't go through with it.

Don't they just do something like have a thinly disguised Harry Styles or whoever the kids are obsessing over this week? To a degree everyone knows without saying it.

PS: Non-Korean Kpop fans are degenerates who all need to spend time in a re-education camp in best Korea. (I'd probably read that fan-fic, come to think of it.)

 

[AnOminous]

Don't actually remember what he got charged with or if charges were dropped since he had no feasible way to carry through on his "threats" (iirc he lived on a different continent from the girl band he was writing about).

Even nuts like this can do something like send a mail bomb, like Ricardo Lopez.

 

[The Fair Lady]

What I hate is real person fiction. Instead of just shipping fictional characters, some fanfic writers resort to writing fanfiction about celebrities and public figures in general. WHY does this exist? It's creepy. I have seen this on Wattpad and AO3. IIRC, real person fiction is not allowed on FF.net. I am an ARMY (BTS fan) and I tried reading one fanfiction about them, but I can't finish it. I can't go through with it.

This shit never ceases to disturb me. It makes me physically cringe and says a lot about these types of "fans."

 

[Verdun_Salient]

I am not sure if this is related, but reading the AO3 user statistics makes me curious about how other fanfic sites like SpaceBattles or SufficientVelocity differ since those sites have a much different culture than AO3. In the gender ratio, my personal guess is about 60:40 men to women on SB and 50:50 on SufficientVelocity with a 10% margin of error to account for the inevitable transgender population these kinds of things attract.

 

[isalaide]

Things I absolutely loathe in fandom: anything being "crossed over" with some kind of fucking anime.

Anime is like furry shit: keep that shit ghettoised and out of sight. Keep it out of the non-anime tags.

 

[Chandelier]

Good god I can't stand the "coil/band snap" metaphor (and others like it, but that's the most frequent that comes to mind) for orgasm. It's esoteric to the point of meaning basically nothing and 100% only persists in fanfiction because of the never-ending telephone game of ideas that results from fandom participants copying ideas from one another instead of thinking of anything on their own. Same shit that makes the "SJW art style" so ubiquitous, no matter how that style manifests.

I'll be honest: I don't mind it, same as I don't mind "to the hilt" or other descriptions. It does the job when needed. However, it only works if there's sufficient build up for it. That example I posted was just so quick and so underwhelming it's a useless descriptor.

say this, but I assume by default that anyone who ever participated in the piss kink meme was actually someone legit into piss. Like I think the meme was 100% driven by them and there were 0 people who were joking about piss without actually being for real into it.

There's an author here I think I posted, MrsLittleTall, who openly admitting to having a piss fetish. She was also German, so it kinda makes sense when you think on it. She had dozens - and I mean dozens - of piss fetish fics in the Dark Souls fandom, and her pfps for her account looked like it was drawn by a child. And resembled a child. She's a thirty something year old woman.


Oh, and for the real person fic thing:


"Gendered terminology for body parts" - wow, wonder why you need that when you're writing about hockey players fucking.

When you try to emulate Grindr talk and it fails:

Wow, 75 people. Even Keffals at his lowest pulled 200. Gotta pump those numbers up.

A longfic about pooner Wolverine:

This is why I left the Transformers fandom:

---

I've previously mentioned the author lemonmangosorbet, the fat genderspecial who threatened to hunt down transphobes with a knife. She sometimes get gift fics, and this was one that was recently published. An archive can be found here. And yes, it is another T4T fic, because this comes from that specific clique. The author would like you to know this is for Gaza.

Spoiler

Hope you didn't buy that at PetSmart.

You're probably wondering why there's a 'creampie' tag when both of these (male) characters are actually women. Don't worry, you'll get your answer very soon.

So nice to have all the safe words and boundaries. Least Jayce wasn't written as a rapist.

Interesting simile there. Hope it's not the kind of artwork that gets soup thrown on it by JustStopOil activists. Or the ones where they're literally a toilet. Gotta be more specific than that, homie.

That's right: the 'creampie' tag is for a dildo that has a cum tube attached to it. Neither of these characters have actual dicks. If you're wondering, 'why, shouldn't it be a F/F tag?' yes, it should - but these are True and Honest Men, and lube cum is real cum, dammit!

"My cock" - it's a toy. It's not the real thing, and it's just as cringe as when these pooners call their clits a 'cock'. The statement the toy feels 'nothing like the real thing' sounds a lot like these individuals crave cock but won't admit it. Nothing like something cold and lifeless to get the blood pumping because True and Honest men lack the plumbing for the real thing.

(Just realized I copied the same paragraph). Hmm. There's an admission there the author probably doesn't want to make. Silicone isn't comparable to the real thing? You don't say. Well, on the bright side, it isn't a Frankendong, because I have yet to see one of those.

Also:
> be a pooner
> your only redeeming quality is sucking cock
Guess they're really aiming for the Grindr cosplay, eh?

And is it a 'small amount' if it makes such a mess?

How long was he sucking it? I get this is short one shot, but I've read much better smut that managed to get the down n dirty quick while leaving no one wanting. It's almost...clinical, but emotionally distant at the same time. I'm reading smut, yes, but not feeling it. It's almost like you're trying to simulate sex with dolls: lifeless and entirely plastic.

> A rhythm he wished was faster?
Wdym by that? Are you implying women can't go fast enough? Do you wish you had the actual genitalia of a male? Why isn't Viktor already setting that pace? Is it a Freudian slip? Who knows. If a toy isn't enough, maybe try a special vibrator? You've got the money. Buy one.

Come inside with what? It isn't sperm, but special lube. You can call it a creampie the same way you can call processed food food: yeah it might have the title, but it definitely isn't the same deep down.

Also, we need to talk about this sex dialogue. Viktor being the dom is a treat when you find it, but most of the time it's hampered by shitty dialogue. 'Mmhf, fuck' sounds like you're choking on a Big Mac than writhing in pleasure. Do you need help ma'am - erm, sir?

It's just lube, bro.

Again with the bad dialogue. Are you choking at McDonald's, or what? Do better.

Annnnnnnnd that's it. We've got:
- dialogue that makes you cringe
- an actual lesbian relationship the author wants to be M/M
- tries to make it an authentic M/M but has little slips on how a dildo 'isn't like the real thing'
- wishes said dildo would 'set a better pace' like a real penis
- says the 'cold silicone' is nothing like the warmth of actual genitalia
- based?
- it's for Gaza, and you know those kids being blown to bits love to learn that their suffering is being alleviated by women on testosterone fucking each other in dog collars pretending to be men.

The only thing I can give credit for this mediocre writer is that she did not use 'front hole'. I crack a tooth every time I see it.

 

[Paper Machete]

M

Good god I can't stand the "coil/band snap" metaphor (and others like it, but that's the most frequent that comes to mind) for orgasm. It's esoteric to the point of meaning basically nothing and 100% only persists in fanfiction because of the never-ending telephone game of ideas that results from fandom participants copying ideas from one another instead of thinking of anything on their own. Same shit that makes the "SJW art style" so ubiquitous, no matter how that style manifests.

The coil thing and warmth pooling are old school metaphors for female orgasm used by romance authors who had to be more coy back in the day. Which just adds another layer of funny to it when it's people writing about male characters. Everything about it is so fembrained and female coded, which isn't a bad thing when that's the purpose and the conceit, but it is amusing when it's total doods writing about doods doing the manly sex. It's just another way they show how naive, inexperienced, and gorl they are.

In reference to another post the ratio of female to male users on Ao3 is most certainly higher than 60:40. The bulk of the porn being written is by females too. It's really, really obvious in its own way when man hands write erotica. Most guys interested in pornographic content go straight for visual: regular porn vids or NSFW fanart. They only use the written word for stuff that can't really be made because it's so extreme, odd, and niche that the only way to really scratch the itch is the ol' mighty pen. That and telling stories about sex events that totally happened on Reddit.

 

[Petrusha the White]

I think warmth pooling works. It does pretty accurately describe the sensation of increased bloodflow to a certain body part. Then again, I'm a woman. I don't know if men experience this bloodflow as warmth. Then again then again, I'm not pretending to be a man while writing yaoi, nor do I actually view my pooner readers as male, so I don't actually give a shit if my fic is super female coded. My slashfic is written by women for women, and I can do whatever I want with my Barbie Ken dolls.

 

[Chandelier]

'Coming Home' has gotten another update, but I plan on taking a short detour. This author, yet another Trans!Viktor author, published a one-short earlier today. Before I go into that one, I'm going to look into the T4T fic this author wrote. Link to fic here. Archive.

Spoiler: Chapter 1

Yes, the biggest problem this Jayce has is struggling out of his binder. Both of them are trans in this fic, so it is again a lesbian fic at its core, but there are plenty of logical inconsistencies with this barring the porn. First, the author writes that Viktor 'doesn't have the same insecurities as him', when it's later revealed he doesn't like vaginal penetration, only anal.

Second, the bit about Jayce 'not liking hearing himself speak' is a lie, on both of his character iterations. Jayce LOVES to talk. He is actually pretty smooth and innovative when it comes to presenting things.

Third, Viktor is written as being more 'well received' by the student body, only for it to be ret-conned a mere paragraph later:

> Suffers from anxiety to the point the sight of his own chest makes him go mad
> Is egotististical
Pick one. Or I could say you're a BPD nut and then everything applies to you.

That's funny to hear coming from a True and Honest Dood who can't even come to terms with their own body. BTW, Jayce has money. He could absolutely afford to get 'top surgery' but he doesn't; ironically, Viktor is the one who keeps his breasts and is happy to have them.

> Say you are a true and honest man
> Be forced into a relationship you don't want out of obligation and is fearful of breaking up
> Later breaks up because that is retarded logic
If you think this is female coded - you are absolutely correct. No one should feel obligated to stay in a relationship - and the fact the token pooner feels as if she has to stay says a fucking lot.

Jayce is that much of a virgin he has never masturbated - of course, this is later retconned as Jayce in fact masturbated and has used toys, but never brought himself to orgasm. Why is the sensation 'something different'? You should know what that is.

Viktor also admits he's a virgin - and that's also retconned a few paragraphs later as it's shown he has done anal play. Can't even get consistency in porn, ffs.

Again, so female coded. Gay men would already have set the stage and went right in. All the safe space, the consent talk, making sure no one is hurt - while that may be sweet, it's also very telling when it's a pooner writing it. It's the reflection of the female desire for a man to be nice to her during sex. Men simply don't give a shit, and you can absolutely tell the difference in writing.

> Be egotistical in one paragraph
> Suffer shame and embarrassment because of your breasts, which probably look like you tanked grapeshot and lived to tell the tale
> No mention of necrotizing nipples from said binder
> Mention of roid clits that are still called cocks because we love male genitalia around here, don't we folks?

Interesting how Jayce has dysphoria over his chest while Viktor does not. Jayce is also the more muscular character; you'd think those small breasts would fit nicely as pecs. Unless they headcanon him as fat, as they are wont to do? Who knows. These two have apparently also had sex but the author cannot decide if they are virgins or not.

Viktor hates his female genitalia, but LOVES using strap-ons, because it makes him feel powerful and in control. Anyone wanna call Freud? Something's going on here that I can't put my finger on.

Spoiler: Chapter 2

> Makes an implication neither of them have had sex
> Retcon it by saying they have, meaning both have had interactions with each other's vaginas and said orgasm
> Write this being the first and best orgasm they've ever had
> ???

> Author writes you as egotistical
> Retcons it in the next chapter as him being too autistic to flesh out conversations
> Be 'too scared to voice' things he wants, absolutely pooner-coded, holy shit

And in a library no less.


Worse things have happened on college campuses. You carrying a dildo in your backpack would not be the worst thing. Just a Normal Dood doing Dood things, y'know?


So, these two are supposed to have a deep degree of trust and a healthy experience of sex, yet Jayce still has dysphoria over his chest. The 'egotistical', arrogant 'man' is an utter mess when it comes to those necrotized pancake tits, go figure. And if you so much as STARE at that chest, our real dood is gonna threaten to 41%. Man I love reading about these people.

They have been together for months and STILL have trust issues. Viktor hates his vagina so much he wears the strap over his underwear, and Jayce hates his chest to where he will refuse to take off his shirt. Despite these deep-seated issues, in this fic, the author never has Viktor say his vagina is a 'man's pussy' or imply as such; you know she associates vaginas with women. Interesting way of being a TERF.

> Author writes that the strap-on has had 'plenty of use'
> This is the first time Jayce is using it on Viktor
> Jayce pulls a reverse-Uno and becomes a virgin again because the strap was magically never used on him despite being used on him

Ah yes, gotta love that 1-2 inch roid clit 'throbbing'. Sexy.


>Write Viktor as always being the dominant one who voices what he wants
> Retcon it by saying he's skittish about anal play
> Jayce acts shocked that Viktor uses lube because he suddenly forgot the toy has been used on him before
> The toy has and has not seen 'it's fair share of use'
> ???
Here comes the smut scene proper.

> Cock
> It's 1-2 inches
> Literal microdick
I do love it when pooners try to sell big-dicked smut when someone who actually knows how HRT works will know the truth.



Yes, that wee roid clit is 'throbbing' like a real penis does, and to make up for the shame of not having one, you need to use the strap. Which Viktor has used on Jayce (despite the author writing otherwise) and which Jayce does not know how to use because he's never watched him put it on. Amazin'.

Yeah, because it's a thing made of silicone that resembles male genitalia - which you don't have - giving you a streak of machismo - which you also don't have - to justify your 'manliness' which is based on nothing at all. This is just lesbian sex with a blue M/M sticker.

The fact that Viktor, a True and Honest Dood, has to feel pressured to perform a certain way and feels humiliated having anal sex is, again, very female coded. If he were a true gay man, he would have no doubts about what he wanted. Can't even shed those pooner insecurities, lmao.

> Straining cock
> Can feel his boyfriend around him
Well, here's the thing: you can't. It's silicone. If it were a real dick you could. All you can do is watch and think about how nice it must feel. Still better than a Frankendong, though.

That's right: Viktor feels humiliation at anal play, yet prefers it to vaginal sex, something he also hates. Don't know why he needs to say that when you can't cum via a strap on, anyways.

Ah yes, that 1-2 inch roid clit is 'straining upwards' like a real dick. Men, stand back and watch a Real Dood get erect. It's just like yours, bigot.

Every time you write cock, I'm going '1-2 inches'. Microdick alert!

That's right: after all that, Viktor squirts for the first time and acts utterly confused...despite it being written Viktor has used the strap before, they have had sex before, and apparently know what to do with their bodies. This despite the author writing that they don't really have experience. What's the point of emphasizing a dildo and lube if neither know what sex is? They clearly do, and it says a lot when Jayce, a woman in this, can't make another woman squirt. Guess you got that part of a man right, hehe.

---

Here is this author's newest fic. This time around, Jayce is the actual male, and Viktor is still the pooner. Archive here.

Spoiler

Machine Herald should be capitalized as it's a title. Anyways, Piltovans and Zaunites know who Viktor is. They know where he lives and they know his reputation. They'd be idiots not to. He also wore a trench coat (lmao) to sneak into Jayce's apartments as if those Piltovan Karens wouldn't know that's a cheap coat.

And yes, this entire story is based on petty jealousy because Jayce posed with a random woman. Viktor, feeling a complex - he's a TRUE AND HONEST MAN, DAMMIT, why you picking basic pussy?

Imagine being that fucking petty over a socialite you KNOW is just there for the dick. Be rational for once, my dood. This isn't Mean Girls. Or maybe it is, just with more 'I'm a better fuck than that bitch!' in-between the lines.

"How fucking dare you pose with this random woman. Can't you see my T-addled, mechanized pussy is better?"

> is agitated Jayce can read him
> Is not wearing his mask and is being painfully obvious that he's jealous of paparazzi photos
> Refuses to let his partner read him 'humiliatingly easily'
> See point 2.


Ah yes, there's that 2 inch roid clit again. Viktor is almost fully mechanized at this point and can give himself a fully functional robo-cock. I've only read ONE fic where the author actually does this. The fact he kept his vagina, and it magically hasn't atrophied really is a form of pooner plot armour.

> Swollen dick (two inches)
> Drenched hole (you can just use entrance if you're so triggered by 'vagina'
> Enjoy that 2 inch roid clit in your mouth, Jayce. Hope it manages to get past your palate.

> Is visibly aroused and pleased at what Jayce is doing, and is gasping
> Doesn't want to let Jayce know he's aroused
Buddy, that horse has already left the stable. You are not exactly being subtle.

LMAO. BIOLOGICAL NEED. Hoo boy, that's awfully fucking TERFy if I ever read it. You have to love how the female pretending to be a man (and in a cyborg body no less) is a slave to the need to reproduce. Guess he didn't fry that part of human irrationality, eh?

Normally, I like a good face-sitting scene. This wouldn't be so bad if it was actually advertised as straight sex (which it is) or just make it fully gay by giving Viktor a proper robotic penis. The man did it to his lungs and heart. You can go the full shebang, here. But pooners want it both ways: they want you to see them as men, and worship that pussy.

I do like Viktor being a sassy dom, so you can forget he's a pooner in just that moment.

Yes, the man who prioritizes logic and reason wanted a hate-fuck because of a paparazzi photo, and felt the need to show that his pooner pussy is way better than cis pussy. "Fuck those het bitches, my roid clit is better. Have some super gay sex with my vagina, bro. I'm totally not aroused despite my body and facial expressions saying otherwise!"

If they were an actual gay couple - meaning Viktor was a man - Viktor would just mock Jayce for his tastes and then tease him for it, rather than actually get jealous because he knows Jayce's tastes intimately. He would not be bothered by petty gossip rags. They'd just fuck and get it over with. But since this is Mean Girls complete with a fuzzy pink Burn Book, you have to read about 'holes' and erect roid clits and pretend that's a real penis. Just like the first story, it's so female-coded as to be ridiculous. Gay men's jealousy involves slashed tires and flying fists. These two would likely fight and then fuck if you wanted them to be actually gay. Not 'OHMYGOD I SAW YOU POSE IN THIS PHOTOGRAPH WITH THIS SLUT, HOW DARE YOU' shit that reads like it's from Instagram.

Shame. Like I said, the oral sex scene would be good if done to a real woman - oh wait, nevermind.

 

[Ruined by the Rain]

I don't get pooner self insert fics. I mean if you're going to write fiction that's already not in the realm of reality why not write yourself as the man you presumably wanted to be?

 

[Petrusha the White]

Wait, the pooner character is a cyborg? lol that just reminds me how it was a whole trend to give Raiden from MGS a robot pussy after he gets turned into a cyborg. This wasn't for gender reasons, by the way. As far as I saw, he was always still considered a man (as in wasnt being billed as genderfluid or whatever) and had had a legit penis in his original body. Givving him a pussy was literally done for horny reasons and nobody was pretending otherwise. Honestly pretty refreshing.
But yeah makes 0 sense for a cyborg tranny not to give themselves a robo version of their preferred genitals. Or for that matter, in universes where cyborgs are normal/common, you'd think that regular trannies would/could just get "prosthetic" genitals that basically function like real ones.

 

[JED]

WRT Modern AU rant since I can't reply: I honestly do really enjoy them if done well, though that means that there's a total of three I like across every fandom.

It's really interesting to see how people interpret things and how they'd place these characters in certain situations, but most of the time it's just to be a lazy fuck.

I think the only AU I genuinely can't stand see those flower shop/barista AUs because it is never fitting. That motherfucker would NOT work at a Starbucks or sell flowers. Which motherfucker? Any of them. Literally any character that's not from some pozzed tumblr VN.