E3 2017 - your thoughts and predictions

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Literally Hitler

Literally Hitler

IRL i'm actually just figuratively Hitler
kiwifarms.net
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Mar 4, 2017
Its that time of year again E3

Personally I'm looking forward to having some Far Cry 5 Gameplay, as well as some information on Death Stranding. There's also a rumor that the next Assassin's creed will take place in Egypt, if that's true I await the inevitable footage of an assassin climbing the pyramids.

Is there anything that's got you excited or hopeful?
 
I'm anticipating the righteous indignation levied at Todd Howard after he fails to even mention progress on the Elder Scrolls single player series yet again...instead possibly hyping Skyrim in space. The Fallout 4 announcement in 2015 was surprising, but we all knew it was coming days ahead of the conference. They just might be waiting for the next console generation.
 
I can see nothing I want to buy being in this and instead will be on the Tokyo Game Show.
 
At this point I only start getting interested in AAA shit once it's actually out, but I'm looking forward to corporations embarassing themselves and tards getting salty over nothing.
 
The Microsoft conference will focus on "Scorpio" and I reckon they'll essentially treat it as a soft reboot of this current gen for them. They've been damn quiet for months now, so I feel that they've pretty much saved it all up to give Scorpio a bigger impact. They'll also talk about their Netflix style subscription service (the name escapes me) that, in all fairness, actually looks pretty decent. Crackdown 3 will probably be their flagship game. (edit) If there's any mention at all of Cyberpunk 2077 I wouldn't be surprised if it turns up at Microsofts thing.

Sony will probably follow last years blueprint and just show lots of game footage. They'll go all in with the new God of War, Days Gone, GT Sport, that Spiderman game, the Uncharted expansion and we'll probably see dlc for Horizon: Zero Dawn too. Their partnership with Activision is still a thing so expect of lot of Destiny 2. If Red Dead Redemption 2 is at E3 (I'm dubious) rumours suggest It'll be at Sony's show. Death Stranding trailer, possibly gameplay, but I doubt it, lip service towards FFVII remake and maybe footage of Shenmue 3. At least one announcement regarding a dormant franchise.
They will say "Best place to play" 17 billion times.

Bethesda will talk about VR enabled versions of older games and at least one new franchise will be announced. Evil Within 2 ( hopefully) next Wolfenstein. No mention of a new single player Elder Scrolls.

Ubisoft: HEY, LOOK AT US KIDS, AREN'T WE TOTALLY COOL AND HIP AND HAPPENING!!!

Nintendo will talk about how the Switch is selling like hotcakes and make a series of headscratching announcements that will still go on to net them a shit ton of cash.
 
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I hope that Microsoft shows something related to Fable or one of Rare's classic IPs.

Hey, I'm an optimist, sue me.
 
I predict Sony will include Media Molecule's Dreams. At this point I don't think it's an actual game to be released, just something they show every E3 to make the crowd go "Oooo".

I'd love to see some Red Dead 2 gameplay but a friend said Rockstar don't usually bother with E3. I can still hope though!

I also predict I'm going to be fucking knackered because a couple of them are on during the early hours of the morning.
 

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No matter what happens, i'm expecting to see a bunch of salt on the internet over what did/did not get announced for the next month or so, that's my guarantee.
 
First of all, it you all want to hang out while watching the streams, the Movie Night room will be open and I'll try to have the streams available through there. Link is: http://lolcow.tv/r/autism

As for my predictions... TEXT WALL GO.

Sony - Sony will continue to suck their own dick for 90 minutes and game journalists will fall over themselves to explain why everything Sony shits out is lined with gold. Most games shown will be either either niche Japanese titles, or Grimy 3rd Person Zombie Adventure #2034. They'll also wheel out Kojima who at this point can spin on his ass on stage for 30 seconds and most gamers will think its the Second Coming of Christ.

Microsoft - Massive production to explain why the Scorpio is the bestest, Phil Spencer will continue to look like a lost child in a department store. Most games will be either indie games or games they'll say will making this holiday season the best holiday season and cancel half of them. Cuphead will also make an appearance, making it's 4th annual appearance at E3.

EA - Satan will once again take the stage, make a couple of hand gestures, talk about the importance of video gaming, open up with CoD footage, go into a 30-minute block about sports games in which most people will go and make pizza rolls, call their parole officers, etc. They'll probably also do the same "we liek da indies too" thing and either announce Unravel 2 - The Pursuit for More Vapid Feels, or find some other twitchy Euro developer to show off a game you will invariably forget about before the week is out.

Ubisoft - Aisha Tyler continues to make the same fucking jokes she was making back in 2012. People will quietly wonder why she still has his job, while not wanting to admit Yves just fantasizes about being dominated by a giant black woman twice his size (seriously the guy is like Hobbit-sized). Anyway, hyping up about Assassin's Creed: Gumping With King Tut, and Far Cry 5: Bob Chipman's Fantasy Edition. Probably also inexplicably try to drum up interest n the Division and that one car game people know about but no one really plays.

Nintendo - 60-80 minutes of Nintendo flitting around and trying to make their already paltry game selection sound like a regular gaming buffet. Enjoy Splatoon 2, your glorified Dynasty Warriors reskin, Super Mario Big Fat Fun game, and the promise of another half dozen games which you'll never get to play until mid 2018 at the earliest.

Bethesda - They'll announce Evil Within 2, Wolfenstein: New Colossus (honestly the only game I'm interested in this year), and blather on about Quake Legends, ESO, and that one Elder Scrolls card game which people already forgot about. They'll announce some Free To Play game, gamers will lose their shit, but their fanboy rage will be quelled when they reveal they are working on Elder Scrolls 6: Motherfuckin' Aldmeri Dominion Rollin' In Yo' Shit. Also - if we've all been good boys and girls - they'll announce a sequel to New Vegas, but I doubt they will because y'all jerk off too much to Overwatch porn and made da Baby Jesus cry.

Devolver Digital - Devolver apparently has a conference this year. You're as surprised about it as I am. Here's to hoping they announce Hotline Miami 3: We're sorry about Hotline Miami 2. Maybe Enter the Gungeon 2: The Re-Gungeoning. Otherwise I got nothing.

PC Gaming Show - No one watches this shit. You're too busy jerking off to Overwatch porn, you sinner.
 
Gonna be the shittiest E3 in years. New AC that's already been leaked, big deal. New FC5 gameplay that looks 99% identical to FC4. No Red Dead 2 or other R* stuff. New Wolfenstein is cool I guess. Actually, the game I'm most interested in seeing more is Super Mario Odyssey, and I don't even own a Switch.
 
My only hope is Devolver reveals something about the rumored remastered version of Metal Wolf Chaos.
 
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