grump said:
has anyone asked phil why he shaved his goatee off half way and just left it there?
(I posted this in the general thread as a reply but just in case it isn't moved here im pasting it with a little P.S.)
I haven't been over to the Pigroach All-Purpose Hair/Patchy Beard Minutiae thread in a while, but I will now as I, too, was taken aback at just how pathetic his goutee looked lately. It looks like he was the first one to pass out at a party where someone shaved half his beard and he waddled hungover to his ahffice and turned the camera on before looking in the mirror.
Like everything, he goes back and forth on this topic, either taking a nonchalant stance of "dood, I'm getting older - muh hair's thinning, muh beard is going grey but muh mahm-uh wife, *thumb to the door* likes it so I'm happy with it as I have no say and take no pride in muh personal appearance."
Or
"Itsnoneofanyonesbusiness!!! 'OH! Phil's losing his hair, oh Phil's goatee is patchy', uh NO!" *stands up and carefully separates a few hairs but never, ever parts or messes up the careful greased back combover, and keeps the cam in 144p while pointing at his mustache/soul patch cahmbo with a little outline under his Oliver Hardy chin and patch of stubble on one half of it* SEE?! It's white hairs! I'm just evahlving!"
What he fails to understand or plays dumb about, is the fact that he used to actually let the hair grow out beyond stubble to a "robust" (as he would say) level that it had some form of shape and style, whether the goutee or the "Jahn Rambo"-esque chin-strap. It's not normal to keep some odd in-between mess like he has and this is what people mean when they ask about it.
I'll take this to the DSP This Is How You DON'T Groom" thread for more lol. Like so many things about this dude, it's just a baffling trait and the Pigroach must be studied now as its lineage will (thank God) undoubtedly end with P.P. Burnellio.
P.S. - That pic in post #634 by Heyyy Bubba was the one that genuinely shahcked me. Didn't Khet get this fool an expensive razor for Christmas a couple years ago? He obviously knew how to use one in the past, so what happened? You can go to nearly any drug store, or place that sells cosmetic items, and get a decent beard groomer that comes with attachments/guards so even a nudnik can't screw up and chop half of their beard off. There's a Philips-Norelco multi-groomer for *twenty bucks* (THREE Skittles!) that works fine, has like 15 different length guards and attachments for beard, mustache, nostrils, even some specifically made for giving yourself a haircut! Why is it this dude can't either let that abomination grow out, *then* trim it all evenly or ffs let his barber do it for him, or just shave it and start over? As for why he won't grow a full beard? He's made tons of ridiculous excuses but I'd bet its something ad stupid and petty as Wings having one (though off and on and moreso a neckbeard.)
TL;DR: Dave is weird and so is his beard. There is absolutely no excuse for looking the way he does but his pride/ego won't let him go clean-shaven for a week to start over and/or dye it so he ends up looking 10x worse so the trolls don't win some imaginary stand-off in his giant head because his entire life is a petulant childish breath-holding contest.
