Dove Reviews - Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?

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Rihanna Ikari said:
(15+ for Homestar Runner? Really?).
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I particularly like this one, apparently the general consensus puts Homestar on the same level as South Park:
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Tbh maybe if you want to decide if something is ok for your kid to watch you could like, watch it youself? But that takes effort holy shit
 
Common Sense Media are the same jokers who gave a positive review to The Emoji Movie.
 
CAP Alert did a review of South Park. And it's hilarious:
South Park is an incredibly dangerous movie for those who do not understand or are developing an understanding of the Gospel ....... INCREDIBLY dangerous! Some of the scenes in South Park reminded me so much of the image of demons screeching and dancing around a boiling cauldron as Satan gleefully looks on from the background as the demons pitch soul after soul after soul into the burning cauldron.
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LOL


m0rnutz said:
Who has a Bible? Go for a trip in Leviticus and Songs of Solomon for porn. The latter especially talks about drinking of a woman's supple bosom and of her nectar.
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Or better yet, Ezekiel 23:20.
 
Mrs Paul said:
CAP Alert did a review of South Park. And it's hilarious:
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These are but a very few of the examples of ignominy in this sinematic cyanide. And the kids in the audience loved it, almost as much as the adults with them. Many of the children seemed to be laughing because their fathers expected them to laugh, looking up at their fathers, laughing nervously and loudly just so dad would know they were laughing along with him, not likely knowing at what it was they were laughing half the time. As long as dad was laughing. That was reason enough. May God have mercy on us. [Luke 17:2]
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This guy is way too angry about kids having a good time with their dads watching the South Park movie. I'm sure these kids look back on these memories now fondly, completely unaware of the lunatic who was in the audience silently judging them and jotting down notes about every curse word in the movie.
 
This thread just reminded me that Cap Alert is/was a thing. ❤

Also I just clicked on a random movie on Cap Alert and one of the examples of sexual content was a scene where a little kid lays her head in her mom's lap. This shit is gold.
 
I've missed this thread and decided to look up a few recent movies for funny content.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
unethical treatment of dinosaurs
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Won't somebody think of the children CGI dinosaurs?!

Detective Pikachu
Sex: Hugging
Drugs: caffeine addiction
Nudity: experimentation of creatures
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Mewtwo needs to put on a shirt.

Moana
Nudity: Animated shirtless men and babies.
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Their disgust of men without shirts makes me think of Chris. Men, cover up!

Lion King 2019
Sex: Simba and Nala, childhood friends, fall in love as young adults and nuzzle together.
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Moms cover your children's eyes, those CGI lions nuzzle.
 
Frozen
Sex: Kissing in a few scenes.
Language: Butt-1; What the...? (Not finished)-2
Violence: A snowman's head is kicked off; ice goes through a snowman's mid-section and he jokes he has been impaled; a snowman falls off cliff; a character throws a few characters out of his store; woman hits bad man; a snowman chases a few characters.
Drugs: A drink is seen at a special occasion.
Nudity: None
Other: Betrayal and deceit; death; a young girl has magic powers which are not explained and she can freeze things.
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Into the Woods
Sex: Kissing by a few couples; prince has an affair with the baker's wife but they break it off and she returns to the baker, sorry for what has happened.
Language: OMG-1; Fool-1.
Violence: Young man is hit on the head by his mother several times and it is played for laughs; young man is grabbed by the ear a couple of times; it is not shown but supposedly two women have their toes and heels cut off to fit into Cinderella's slippers; girl brandishes knife for protection; giant woman is hit in the head with a stone from a slingshot and she falls over and dies.
Drugs: None
Nudity: There are several scenes which feature cleavage.
Other: A witch uses spell to become young again; it is said a curse was placed by a witch but she gets hers in the end; spell brings dead cow back to life; snakes are seen in the water; tension between characters.
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High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Sex: A couple kiss; A young man kisses girl on cheek; there is a brief close up on a girl's rear who really puts something into her walk and a teen boy sighs.
Language: None
Violence: None
Drugs: None
Nudity: Some dancers are dressed like the Rockettes; a girl wears a short dress; mild cleavage; shirtless young men.
Other: A few high schoolers pull tricks on each other including some guys who hide their teammates clothes and they run through the girl's gym wearing towels in search of their clothes.
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Senor Cardgage Mortgage said:
Anyone remember those animated movies that had those Dove approved logos on the front?

Notice how none of them were actually good movies?
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You've got cause and effect backward. The movies which have "Dove approved" logos on the front are bad because they feel the need to advertize themselves that way. They Shall Not Grow Old, The Mandalorian, Into the Spider-verse, and Frozen 2 are approved.
 
Safir said:
You've got cause and effect backward. The movies which have "Dove approved" logos on the front are bad because they feel the need to advertize themselves that way. They Shall Not Grow Old, The Mandalorian, Into the Spider-verse, and Frozen 2 are approved.
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I just wanted an excuse to bump the thread
 
Their description of Cats was a bit disappointing, until the last line hit me like a freight train.
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The Boy In The Striped Pajamas shows some kind of odd priorities:
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Nazi war crimes, Nazi war crimes, A BOY DISOBEYS HIS PARENTS, Nazi war crimes, Nazi war crimes, A MAN'S WIFE DISAGREES WITH HIM, Nazi war crimes, SMOKING.
 
Piga Dgrifm said:
Nazi war crimes, Nazi war crimes, A BOY DISOBEYS HIS PARENTS, Nazi war crimes, Nazi war crimes, A MAN'S WIFE DISAGREES WITH HIM, Nazi war crimes, SMOKING.
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The wife disagrees about killing Jews no less. But no, that's not a good enough reason to not faithfully agree with what her husband says and does at all times.
 
MysticMisty said:
The wife disagrees about killing Jews no less. But no, that's not a good enough reason to not faithfully agree with what her husband says and does at all times.
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My wife's such a nag. Won't even let me crack open a cold one and commit a bit of genocide with the boys.

Joker:
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Dude being shirtless is on the same level of appropriateness as violent murders. We truly do live in a society.
 
Piga Dgrifm said:
Considering that Dove has an "approved for 18+" sticker, I'm thinking that some adults are checking if it's okay for them.
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They are. Grew up around the types of people who would put child blocking software on their computer just for themselves. Wouldn't be surprised if they frequently read these reviews.

Plugged In is another fun one if anyone needs more fundie reviews to laugh at. They are one of the more moderate ones, but still worth a look. The On My Teeth review is pretty amusing. Most of it is complaining about fuck being in the lyrics. https://archive.ph/kpzp2

Here's an archive of their DMC5 "review": https://archive.ph/ngAQR
The review for DMC4 is a lot less of a frustrated rant. https://archive.ph/ljKC6
 
The removal of literally one "biblical swear" is the difference between unacceptable and acceptable.

Also I was hoping they'd have reviews of them freaking out over Deep Impact and Armageddon, but unfortunately there aren't. I guess the subject matter was too intense for them to even attempt to watch through them.
 
Piga Dgrifm said:
Their description of Cats was a bit disappointing, until the last line hit me like a freight train.
View attachment 1122771
The Boy In The Striped Pajamas shows some kind of odd priorities:
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Nazi war crimes, Nazi war crimes, A BOY DISOBEYS HIS PARENTS, Nazi war crimes, Nazi war crimes, A MAN'S WIFE DISAGREES WITH HIM, Nazi war crimes, SMOKING.
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don't forget: "praying in Jesus's name"

what's that sinner? you want to repent and say you're in need of a savior? that savior's name is JESUS CHRIST
 
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