Dove Reviews - Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?

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http://www.dove.org/review/9421-huckleberry-finn/
Language: “Lord, Sweet Jesus”-1, N*gger-2
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It came so close to being recommended "For Ages 12 and Over". I bet it was "Lord, Sweet Jesus" that bumped the language rating from 2 to 3.


http://www.dove.org/review/11503-shirley-temple-storybook-collection-pippi-longstockings/
Drugs: Talk about taking a smart pill
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Tommy said:
Don't you go to school?
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Pippi Longstocking said:
No, I take smart pills.
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Annika said:
What are they?
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Pippi Longstocking said:
They're chocolate covered with marshmallow centers. You take one if you wanna be smart. You take two if you wanna be very smart.
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http://www.dove.org/review/11504-shirley-temple-storybook-collection-the-land-of-oz/
Language: Man's name is Nikidik
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Yet they don't warn you that a certain honey loving bear is named Pooh in any of the reviews for his movies.


http://www.dove.org/review/2484-pitch-black/
There is a positive portrayal of a Muslim. This character prays for others and has a strong faith in God, and he is one of the few to survive. But, Heaven forbid, there should be a Christian on board.
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LOL BUTTHURT


>no Häxan review
>no silent movie section
shit site/10
 
SamTheEagle said:
I think they're referring to a blooper left in the film. When Lex screams at the T. rex and Grant covers her mouth and tells her to hold still, Sam Neill accidentally puts his hand on Ariana Richards's chest for a split second before covering her mouth. It's clearly unintentional, despite what CAP suggests (unfortunately it's one of those things that if you see it once, you'll never not notice it afterward).
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I wasn't aware of that and was really wondering where the hell he came up with that one, so thanks.
SamTheEagle said:
No idea where they're getting the "no excuse to show so much of a preteen's breast" thing, though. Then again, they're complaining about Laura Dern's shorts, so a preteen in a tank top probably makes them clutch their pearls.
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The worst part is he must've been staring at her chest in every scene to come to that conclusion. :c
 
Oh fuck, these people....

My parents were fundies and they were absolutely obsessed with this shit when I was a kid. Even as a ten year old I realized it was dumb and embarassing. I remember my dad freaking out and calling some company and cancelling my subscription because they said "oh my god" in this kid's computer magazine I got.

My grandpa would always buy the "bad" movies like Jurassic Park (too much EVILution and swearing) and we'd watch them at his house because he was awesome.
 
My heart goes out to any child raised by really crazy fundies because they almost always end up weird or fucked up, religion isn't inherently bad but when you take it to the extreme bad things happen
 
Bugaboo said:
My heart goes out to any child raised by really crazy fundies because they almost always end up weird or fucked up, religion isn't inherently bad but when you take it to the extreme bad things happen
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I think generally they end up just rebelling and going too far the other direction.
 
neverendingmidi said:
I think generally they end up just rebelling and going too far the other direction.
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It's about 50/50. Almost none of the people I knew who grew up in that community came out normal.

Quite a few of them ended up on heroine actually. Then there's the ones who are still weird virgins who live with their parents and never did anything with their lives.

Almost none of them went to college, a lot of the girls married older dudes and started shitting out babies before they were 20.
 
sgetti said:
Show of hands: Who here is surprised they love Joshua and the Promised Land?

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Link

Also this is the first time I've seen the box art for this movie and wow.
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Wait, "in the tradition of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkein"? Sure, because when I think of classic fantasy stories, I think of Narnia, Lord of the Rings and Joshua and the Promised Land. Also it says that the movie took over 4 years to complete. Did one person do that all by themselves?
 
http://www.dove.org/review/7251-godspell/

This is a G-rated retelling of Jesus' life. What exactly caused this to be 'not recommended for families' is crazy.

One of these is when Jesus (Victor Garber) speaks of turning the other cheek, and one of his followers starts to say “Oh J.C.” in a curse until a woman slaps a hand over his mouth before he completes the last name of Jesus.
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So...a character is punished for using his name in vain? That's what makes it more appropriate to take children to see the grimdark deathfest that is Mockingjay: Part 2?
 
Rihanna Ikari said:
So...a character is punished for using his name in vain? That's what makes it more appropriate to take children to see the grimdark deathfest that is Mockingjay: Part 2?
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Some people legit believe that "Jesus Christ" and "God dammit" (and all variations) should automatically make a movie R rated, no exceptions. I encountered such a woman once as a teenage volunteer for a teenage/young 20-something special ed summer day camp. Once a week we'd put in a movie and everybody would sit down and watch it. Anybody could recommend a movie, but only the woman in charge could decide if the campers could vote to see it. So naturally I wrote a master list of all my favorite movies when I was a kid. Back to the Future was at the top of that list because I love that movie and I didn't think any of them were too young mentally for it to be an inappropriate choice. Especially considering I was watching it before kindergarten.

The woman in charge however instantly shot it down, considering it highly inappropriate. Why? Because Marty exclaims "Jesus Christ!" and later says "God dammit". She went off on how they were equally as vulgar as "fuck" and should therefore be forbidden in all non-R movies (she didn't actually say any of those aloud, by the by). Same with cigarettes. Naturally I disagreed and she was really unhappy with that. I'm pretty sure she held it against me all summer long.

Incidentally she turned down everything I suggested. The Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, An American Tail, and The Land Before Time were all too violent and scary. I don't know if she really believed it or if it was just out of spite for not licking her asshole. Somehow though the first Spider-Man movie was approved, and so was Return of the Jedi. The original theatrical release of Return of the Jedi. With the unedited nip slip (in addition to Jabba's slave girls, Luke and Vader's faceoff, and the second Death Star battle).
 
Huh I never expected them to actually have a review for Team America World Police.
 
D-Log said:
http://www.dove.org/review/2484-pitch-black/

LOL BUTTHURT

shit site/10
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What the? Did they even watch the movie? The "Muslims" in the film are meant to be a combination of Christianity, Judaism and Islam. They pray like Muslims and refer to God as Allah but show aspects of the other religions too. Also I'm sure Riddick was kind of a Christian. He says he believes in God but hates him, so I don't know what to call him.
 
Ruin said:
Huh I never expected them to actually have a review for Team America World Police.
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I looked to see if they had a review for the South Park movie, and supposedly then don't..

But, could you imagine a fundie sitting through that movie and counting all the "swear words"?
 
Considering how rabid Digimon fans were in the early 2000s (an anime review site had to actually remove their original opinion of Digimon with this note - "We have never received such profanity-laden, vehemently stated criticism from any other review than the original review of Digimon."), I'm really surprised Dove never got any angry letters over this review.

After becoming a popular TV series among two-to five-year-olds
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They didn't even get the target demographic right. Of course this movie's too violent for toddlers.
 
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