when I returned from the bathroom to be told by a friend that 'the conversation has got political', of course it was down that end of the table, being helmed by the red-faced smaller fat who had also initiated the I'm-so-attracted-to-women-I-can't-even-date-them contest. and the subject? how very, very extremely dangerous Jordan Peterson is and how he MUST be stopped at all costs.
now, I'm not a terf; I wouldn't even say I'm really a feminist. but I can observe the objective reality that females are oppressed/at certain risks on the basis of sex, and being female that pisses me off. still, I struggle to agree that Jordan Peterson is as much of a misogynist as the woke left claims. I certainly don't support censorship. the whole reason I was ever drawn to the left to begin with was because I despise injustice and authoritarianism, and believed the left despised these things also. my departure from the left was triggered by the observation the left was itself extremely authoritarian and devoted to perpetuating injustice. I consider myself 'unaligned' these days and am committed to the free exchange of ideas, civil discourse, a willingness to listen and understand others in their perspectives. it was in this spirit that I chose to contribute my belief that censorship doesn't help anyone and that if you are secure in your convictions, values and beliefs, that simply listening to what someone else has to say shouldn't scare or threaten you.
well, this went down about as well as you can expect for the red-faced SJW. she immediately became obviously activated, sitting up in her chair, leaning forward over the table, getting redder, her voice shrill and hostile as she lectured me on how people become dangerously radicalised by Jordan Peterson, that if we don't stop him from speaking then people will definitely die from terrorism enacted by his supporters, that only bigots and the privileged can look the other way. her hysteria-tinged aggression took me quite aback, but I was mostly struck by her clear assumption I had never heard the same spiel before. I have, a million times. hell, I even used to buy into it. but clearly, from her perspective, I was just an ignorant privileged bigot who didn't know better and had to be Educated. it was outside her comprehension I could've heard it all before, and still disagreed.
I stated my opinion that I would still rather know who the bad guys were - that I didn't really mind hearing assholes saying asshole things outloud, because it instructed me on who to avoid. that I preferred people showing their true colours, that censorship only drives radicalism underground. she hit back with something nonsensical about Kanye West and how that wasn't true because Kanye had just become emboldened. I replied that Kanye had always been mask off - I talked about Runaway (a song I honestly love and think is pretty brilliant) and that he never hid the fact he was a rampant misogynist and the left had still embraced him because of his status as an 'oppressed black man'. that the left had turned against him because of his anti-semitism (despite the left being stridently anti-semitic as par for the course) because of how the cultural climate had shifted but had always been happy to look the other way when he was just abusing women. and that he was a mentally ill man who was not 'radicalised' but had been enabled by the yes men craving his money and power to the point he thought he was untouchable - only to lose basically everything when he went full public with that.
I could tell that this woman was used to dominating these kinds of subjects for the aforementioned reason that most of the peers she's surrounded with are just nice normie women who don't know that much about it all but who want to be kind and keep the peace. she was obviously worked up and dismayed I did not defer to her as the others had, and even more so when the others were as equally receptive and easy going to what I had to say as they were to her. because they wanted to keep the peace - and I did too, so I diverted the conversation onto other subjects then, but I overheard her reassure the other fat woman that she had come with 'don't worry, I'm not going to go on a big rant today'. I was surprised she had any sense of reservation at all, but was grateful for it.
later on in the conversation we were talking about the challenges that come with an image-obsessed society and how hard it is to be at ease with one's body. she of course had to chime in that if it was hard for US, a group of white, cis, normie sized women, how much harder it must be for anyone else outside of that. now. two women in the party that day were visibly not white. and while, with the exception of the red faced SJW and her friend, everyone was a non-fat - only me and one other woman would count as indisputably slim. and even STILL, if you are female you KNOW intimately how very hard it is to have a female body and be constantly anxious about being beautiful and attractive, which the vast majority of females very much ARE.
while I fully recognise that certain intersections like race or visible disability can further complicate the experience of being female in significant ways, it is an utter myth that looking any type of way leaves the average female fully confident and secure in her appearance. to be anything above a size 10 (equivalent to a US size 6) is to be uncomfortably chubby, which women wearing size 12 and up are always aware of. and even when you are a size 10 or smaller, you still spend an incredible amount of time worrying about being fat. and when you're already worrying about how pretty you are, how big your tits are, if you have a good ass, if you have beautiful hair, if your teeth are straight enough, if you're short enough to be daintily feminine the way a man desires a woman to be etc etc etc - being slim often feels like the one thing a woman can actually reliably control about her appearance without spending thousands of dollars. and it's always in a state of uncertainty because maybe you're really a fat fuck without knowing it. if you ever stop thinking about it for a second you definitely will be. and even if you are conventionally attractive with the symmetrical features, nice straight teeth and the good rack - you constantly question it. constantly. as a female, never being entirely sure that you really are attractive is inherent to the experience. it doesn't matter how "privileged" you are, you are never ever truly sure. and I'm really sick of this reality being undermined by the woke crowd that just wants a politically correct reason to vent their resentment and jealousy towards women they recognise as higher on the totem pole of hotness than they are.
and apart from anything else - being "cis", white, skinny and pretty does not magically protect a female person from being molested, assaulted, abused, raped, harassed, stalked and discriminated against on the basis of sex, by both males and other females. it's such an outrageously offensive lie that I just don't indulge it anymore. pretty privilege is nonsense; it doesn't exist. even if you reap certain benefits like more male attention, getting served first, free shit you didn't ask for, people generally being nicer to you - none of that comes with no strings attached. people are motivated by their own self interest, the belief they'll get something for themselves through association with you. yeah we can all laugh at Brad Pitt writing a think piece about what a burden it is to be beautiful; but he's not even wrong. hell, the proof is right there in the spectacular train wrecks the lives of professionally beautiful people often end up being. they're surrounded by unrepentant vampires sucking them dry for their own sense of affirmation. being beautiful does not make life automatically easier for a woman; there is just a different set of associated challenges to overcome, including people's sense of entitlement to your beauty. I am 100% done with any discourse that even skirts the concept of pretty privilege, and VERY done with well-meaning 'cis white' women being manipulated into undermining how goddamn hard it is to be female and their own traumatic experiences tied to this in order to make everyone else more comfortable with their "privilege". I knew sitting there I wasn't the only one who'd experienced some female-specific horrors in my life, no matter how "privileged" I was and I just felt really damn sad watching these other very nice, kind women race to diminish themselves and the reality of being female in order to prove how aware they are of how good they have it, and therefore what good people they are. I stayed silent, and was very much aware the whole time of how the red faced SJW was watching me very closely to gauge my reaction. it really drove home to me how many assumptions she'd made about me based on my appearance whilst knowing exactly nothing about my life or history. something that is supposedly verboten on the left.
the final clash came when the conversation (inevitably, I guess) moved onto vibrators. I was very into the history and culture of sex for a while so I ended up sharing an anecdote about the origin of vibrators - that doctors of the 19th century were developing RSI providing hysteria relieving 'massages' to a never ending tide of pent up middle-upper class women and needed something to make the job easier and quicker (although apparently this is not entirely accurate). women are always entertained by this story and I told it lightly and with an emphasis on humour. the red faced SJW of course made sure to butt in to remind me that I was 'sanitising' history by failing to mention that women were also forcibly institutionalised a lot by controlling men during this period for 'hysteria'. I'm sure she thought she was rocking my world with new information. that I could be intentionally keeping the subject light for the enjoyment of everyone out to a casual social breakfast seemed to not occur to her; she had to Educate me again. I smiled at her and gently replied that I was merely focusing on the vibrator's specific origin in context with discussing vibrators generally, communicating with my tone that she was taking it too seriously, and she backed off.
she was included in plans for a beach visit coming up; so we'll see what happens next time I'm forced to spend time with her. I'm not interested in contributing to conflict or strife so my strategy will be to avoid her as much as possible as she clearly has a need to politicise every subject that comes up and I just. do not fucking care. also I am interested in further developing my friendships with the other women and am not going to do anything to jeopardise those. I'm 100% sure she has decided I'm Very Problematic and will probably try and challenge me in the future; so the only solution seems to be to just steer well clear of any potentially charged conversations. next time I return to find the conversation has 'got political' I'll just keep my mouth shut. it is just not worth it.