💬 Off-Topic Death Fat Death Pool - The Kentucky Fried Derby

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Death Fat Death Pool

  • Total voters
    341
I'm with my gorl Chantal too. Her physical decline over the last year has been rapid, noticeable, and has involved surgery. Her response to all this is to ramp up the gluttony that has caused this decline in the first place.

Amberlynn is just made from sturdier stock; she has some kind of moxy that Chantal lacks.

Jen is in awful condition too, but she is less prone to stress, and having a boyfriend (despite his own loserdom) probably adds to your longevity. Amy seems fairly healthy. The Slatons are a mess, but they also have the benefit of family nearby.

I'm not entirely convinced Chantal has a year left. I'm going with her. The cheese cemetery awaits her.
 
Simple Sara almost died a couple years ago from double pnemonia where she had to be put into a medically induced coma on an inversion bed to recover. The day she came back from that ordeal and started making new videos, she made "pie" that was just sugar and peanut butter jammed in a crust. Since that happened she's gained like 150 lbs. She's in her 40s. Unquestionably she's my vote.
 
I voted for Jen (I think she'll get coronavirus just as a bit of light cosmic humor) but Amy is the only one who lives with three walking petri dishes. I wouldn't be surprised if one of her kids passed along something that did Amy in...
 
10000 DOGE on Tammy Slaton

EDIT: any reaction is considered as an acceptance of the wager.
 
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Clown Baby said:
Simple Sara almost died a couple years ago from double pnemonia where she had to be put into a medically induced coma on an inversion bed to recover. The day she came back from that ordeal and started making new videos, she made "pie" that was just sugar and peanut butter jammed in a crust. Since that happened she's gained like 150 lbs. She's in her 40s. Unquestionably she's my vote.
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She could have died while you wrote your post, and I wouldn't have been suprised. She must be barely hanging on.
 
i feel like sara doesn't have much time left. she's almost the oldest out of everyone on the poll, and in my opinion, arguably has the worst eating habits. that bologna salad that included 3 pounds of mayo as an ingredient?? not even amber would eat that. (chantal, maybe)
 
Did Chantal's wound from her hysterectomy ever finish healing completely?

It was a toss up between her and Tammy Slaton, but since Chantal constantly leaves her house in search of fast food, my money is on Chantal.
 
Betting Sara. Almost died before, in no way learned her lesson, is older than the competition.

Chantal is a solid bet but she's got evil-tard luck. Same with ALR. For some reason these fat bastards are kept alive by the fact that they're worthless drains on society.

Sara on the other hand seems like a gentle kind idiot. Such kindness does not remain with us long.

Chinese Virus is a mulligan, they all have the same risk of catching it because I'm sure they're not taking precautions.
 
One thing Anna has going for her is that she lives in a large city and is probably only 10 minutes away from an emergency room. Plus I think her dad will spend whatever it takes to keep from losing another child, and be a competent and vocal medical advocate. She is definitely the best off when it comes to resources.

I agree that in addition to being one of the shakiest health wise, Sara is also the least annoying, and we all know that only the worst amongst us are gifted that cockroach trait of invincibility. So I also put my imaginary money on her.
 
tiggles said:
Is there an already-existing list that includes highest known and highest speculated weight for each death fat? Might as well add it to the OP too so we can admire the quarter-tonners all together. Otherwise I’ll slap it together by hand this weekend. I’m thinking [highest known/highest speculated/current weight]
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May I suggest a google doc spreadsheet? Could even have it be open for public to edit, or specific kiwis that you would like to share permissions with.
 
Consenticles said:
May I suggest a google doc spreadsheet? Could even have it be open for public to edit, or specific kiwis that you would like to share permissions with.
Click to expand...

Nobody smart makes a google sheet and links it on kf, especially not a publicly editable one

I am missing info on:
anna - she doesn't discuss her weight post diet era so it might not be known
sara - not sure she ever stated it
amy's highest claimed weight @StrawberryDouche do you have that recorded?
Also, if somebody can double check my numbers now in the OP, lmk if i blew it.

Amberlynn Reid - Age 29 - DOB Dec 27, 1990
  • Highest Claimed Weight: 572 lbs
  • Highest Suspected Weight: possibly 600+ lbs in 2019
  • Current Claimed Weight: 503 lbs (March 2020)
  • Amberlynn has acanthosis nigricans (beetus knuckles), frequent UTIs but never finishes her meds, and at one point was very near or possibly broke 600 lbs.
Chantal Sarault / Foodie Beauty - Age 35 - DOB March 28th 1984
  • Highest Claimed Weight: 370 lbs (Suspected Weight: 420-460 lbs)
  • Current Claimed Weight: 370 lbs lmao
  • Current Suspected Weight: 420-460 lbs
  • Flobby bobby is so damaged on the inside that she had her galbladder and uterus removed on separate occasions, and also has suffered from blood clots.
Amy Ramadan / Amy's Life Journey - Age 38 - DOB August 27, 1981
  • Highest Claimed Weight: 535 lbs
  • Current Claimed Weight: 480 lbs (March 2020)
  • Current Suspected Weight: 500+ lbs
  • Amy is filthy, huge, and has “light” beetus in addition to 3 young pitri dishes living in her care and shitting in her van.
Jen Armstrong / Life by Jen - Age 44 - DOB October 26, 1975
  • Highest Weight: 700+ lbs
  • Current Weight: 540 lbs (March 2020)
  • Jen lives in assisted living with her new alcoholic enabler, and hit 700+ lbs at one point while under the care of her previous enabler, her mother.
Tammy Slaton / The (fatter) Slaton Sister - Age 31 - DOB July 27, 1988
  • Highest Weight: 605 lbs
  • Current Weight 560 lbs (March 2020)
  • Tammy was previously hospitalized and nearly died from pneumonia.
Anna O'Brien / Glitter and Lazers - Age 35 - DOB October 29, 1984
  • Suspected weight: 400+ lbs
  • Anna's mother and sister both died tragically young from fat-related things. Anna also travels frequently and doesn't wash her hands before picking at her face as evidenced by the nasty sores that never heal.
Sara Potter / Simply Sara - Age 40 - DOB July 02 1979
  • Suspected Weight: 500 lbs
  • Sara was also previously hospitalized and nearly died from pneumonia; she can barely breathe anyway, you can hear her gasping for air every three words.

I will only update the OP for 20+ lb fluctuations, anything less is just an afternoon shit.
 
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In order of probability: Sara, Tammy, Jen. It's a shame that they're the most boring deathfat cows (:_(
 
ADHD said:
Did Chantal's wound from her hysterectomy ever finish healing completely?
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She said in the latest video that she'll talk about the wound in the next video, so if it has healed it has probably happened in the last few days.

I voted Chantal seeing her recent health problems, but I honestly hope she lives for many more glorious years because she's my favourite cow.
 
Location matters, too. I went with Amy because it’s all over Oregon, including her county, her hygiene is abysmal, and she likes her trips to Costco and Wommart. Sadly, I hope it’s not her, because although she is most deserving, karma-wise, she is also the most entertaining.

Sara and Jen would be excellent choices, for their ages and previous health problems (Sara) and weight (Jen) but WV was the last hit and Jen never leaves the apartment.

I never thought I would bet on anyone to outlive Tam Tam, but I think she’s been in self-isolation for years. If any of her family members/carers/food deliverers get it though, she’s done in that filth hovel.

Let’s face it, they probably all are.
 
tiggles said:
Nobody smart makes a google sheet and links it on kf, especially not a publicly editable one

I am missing info on:
anna - she doesn't discuss her weight post diet era so it might not be known
sara - not sure she ever stated it
amy's highest claimed weight @StrawberryDouche do you have that recorded?
Also, if somebody can double check my numbers now in the OP, lmk if i blew it.

Amberlynn Reid - Age 29 - DOB Dec 27, 1990
Highest Claimed Weight: 572 lbs(Highest Suspected Weight: possibly 600+ lbs in 2019)
Current Claimed Weight: 503 lbs (March 2020)
Amberlynn has acanthosis nigricans (beetus knuckles), frequent UTIs but never finishes her meds, and at one point was very near or possibly broke 600 lbs.

Chantal Sarault / Foodie Beauty - Age 35 - DOB March 28th 1984
Highest Claimed Weight: 370 lbs (Highest/current Suspected Weight: 420-460 lbs)
Current Claimed Weight: 370 lbs
Flobby bobby is so damaged on the inside that she had her galbladder and uterus removed on separate occasions, and also has suffered from blood clots.

Amy Ramadan / Amy's Life Journey - Age 38 - DOB August 27, 1981
Highest Claimed Weight: 500+?
Current Claimed Weight: 480 lbs (March 2020)
Amy is filthy, huge, and has “light” beetus in addition to 3 young pitri dishes living in her care and shitting in her van.

Jen Armstrong / Life by Jen - Age 44 - DOB October 26, 1975
Highest Claimed Weight: 700+ lbs
Current Claimed Weight: 540 lbs (March 2020)
Jen lives in assisted living with her new alcoholic enabler, and hit 700+ lbs at one point while under the care of her previous enabler, her mother.

Tammy Slaton / The (fatter) Slaton Sister - Age 31 - DOB July 27, 1988
Highest Weight: 605 lbs
Current Weight 560 lbs (March 2020)
Tammy was previously hospitalized and nearly died from pneumonia.

Anna O'Brien / Glitter and Lazers - Age 35 - DOB October 29, 1984
Suspected weight: 400+ lbs
Anna's mother and sister both died tragically young from fat-related things.


Sara Potter / Simply Sara - Age 40 - DOB July 02 1979
Suspected Weight: 500 lbs
Sara was also previously hospitalized and nearly died from pneumonia, can barely breathe anyway

I will only update the OP for 20+ lb fluctuations, anything less is just an afternoon shit.
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For Anna,you may need to go by clothing size. She makes a lot of clothing reviews where she does reveal the sizes of the garments. The problem is that she often doesn't fit in these sizes (and blames the clothing makers of course). It will be approximate at best.
Oh! It might be fun to compare her to objects in her proximity (in her thread, of course) as another quarantine game.
 
Punkinsplice said:
Oh! It might be fun to compare her to objects in her proximity (in her thread, of course) as another quarantine game.
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We could play How many Caskets Does She Weigh.

We'll go with a standard wooden casket which weighs approximately 150 pounds, but we'll go with 200 for a larger one.

Anna is (probably) 2.12 caskets

Amy- 2.4

TamTam- 3.02 caskets!

And so on

@tiggles
Amy has *claimed* she was 535 at one point. Amy has *claimed* she was 423 at one point. Amy *claims* she is currently 477. Amy lies about literally everything, and has been caught red hoofed both recycling scale shots and not fully stepping on it, so you could just round her to 500 which would be close to accurate for our purposes. I'm not willing to give her the benefit of an average.
 
As much as I'd love to see Fat Amy bite the dust, I'd put a wager on either Tammy Slaton or Chantal in the next year or two.

Chantal more likely, as while she weighs less than the other deathfats in the deadpool, her insides are fucked up beyond repair and could lead to some nasty repercussions later on down the line. I predict her heart will give out at random one day, and Peetz will find her bloated corpse, being feasted upon by Sham and Bebejunes.

Tammy has been in the hospital twice now, though, and third time may not be the charm for her. That said, she's also away from the Slaton Doublewide, so that increases her survival rate by 0.05%.
 
Chantal, for the following reasons:

--she is beyond filthy, including not washing her hands after shitting
--she licks her hands and nails constantly
--she lives and drives in filth - that goddamn car tray needs to be melted, encased in concrete and dumped into the ocean for the good of mankind
--she's recently had abdominal surgery that did not heal well and was on antibiotics and likely is weaker as a result
--she has the lung capacity of a seventy-year-old man who worked his life in a coal mine
--she's recently had clots in her lungs, and has some sort of spot in her lungs currently
--she's recently spent hours in urgent care and in an ER, as little a two weeks ago, and probably already has Covid but is so unwell all the time she doesn't realize it yet
--she seeks emergency heath treatment when she needs attention and is so unstable she might try it during a pandemic
--she is an absolute slave to her food cravings and will risk life and limb to satisfy them, lacking a thumb butler or a Gin-Genie to do it for her
--fat distribution is so awful she's lucky she doesn't suffocate every time she goes to sleep - she will be the last person a beleaguered ER doc intubates
--she's aggressively stupid while thinking she is intelligent and will do what she wants in defiance of all common sense and medical advice
--her medical issues are more dire - clots in lungs versus Amberlynn's UTI, for example - and if she gets sick during the middle of the pandemic, she will die
--if even fast food places shut down, she will lose her mind in a way so awful none of us can really predict, so she may die running her car through the front of an empty Arby's or burn herself to death by breaking into McDonald's and trying to figure out how to use the fryers

Only Tammy comes close in terms of sheer stupidity, filth and poor health. Sara is sick but she's also clean and can follow instructions without a pointless need to rebel and can make her own food. All of them but Sara are hygienically challenge but the rest have enablers who will likely keep them safely in food so they don't expose their already taxed bodies to the virus. Chantal seems the clear winner with her filth, gross habits, lack of support system, rampant stupidity, conditions that can become terminal very quickly, horrible fat distribution, and already extremely poor health.

I hope she lives to provide us with lulz in the future but if any of them go, my money is on Miss Farm Gorl, farting and licking her fingernails as she ascends to the Pearly Gates.
 
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