Crazy Bronies

[Xanatos]

Then don't call yourself that, just say you're a fan of the show and don't contribute to the mass of fail they are defined by.

What, is it not enough to call yourself a fan of a girly show for little girls? People already are going to understand what you are. If you don't want to associate with them, then it might be best to actually *not associate with them*.

Exactly. In my opinion, even discounting the cloppers and shit, the worst thing about Bronies is the fact that they feel a desperate need to define themselves through this series and call themselves Bronies.

Here's the sad truth, Bronies: You aren't special (unless we're talking in the sense that many of you should have been aborted). You're not progressive. You're not part of a movement. You're not affecting change. You're not sensitive. You're not enlightened.

Here's what you are: You are a bunch of silly geese who watch a cartoon for little girls and want a pat on the head for it.

Now, watch Batman The Animated Series and SHUT UP!

 

[CatParty]

Then don't call yourself that, just say you're a fan of the show and don't contribute to the mass of fail they are defined by.

What, is it not enough to call yourself a fan of a girly show for little girls? People already are going to understand what you are. If you don't want to associate with them, then it might be best to actually *not associate with them*.

Exactly. In my opinion, even discounting the cloppers and shit, the worst thing about Bronies is the fact that they feel a desperate need to define themselves through this series and call themselves Bronies.

Here's the sad truth, Bronies: You aren't special (unless we're talking in the sense that many of you should have been aborted). You're not progressive. You're not part of a movement. You're not affecting change. You're not sensitive. You're not enlightened.

Here's what you are: You are a bunch of silly geese who watch a cartoon for little girls and want a pat on the head for it.

Now, watch Batman The Animated Series and SHUT UP!

"batties"?

 

[LM 697]

Now, watch Batman The Animated Series and SHUT UP!

And Beast Wars.

 

[spaps]

Yeah. Known for being nice.

 

[Xanatos]

In fact, I've never seen a more butthurt fandom in my life. If you want to piss off a Brony, be indifferent to MLP.

 

[A Random]

Or be a girl liking it.

 

[Bob's Fries]

OH FUCK!!! THEYRE HERE!!!

Its everyman for himself now. Im taking the board's flamethrower and supply of explosives and barricading myself in Spergatory. Anyone stupid enough to follow me gets a face full of napalm

Welp. I made my preparations.

But on the other hand, how much worse can the pony fandom be besides... this?

 

[Xanatos]

Or be a girl liking it.

This is another baffling thing. You'd thing boys and girls having a common interest would be a wonderful thing.

 

[Niachu]

Or be a girl liking it.

Does that seriously piss them off?

 

[A Random]

To be exact, the reminders that the intended audience is not them, but younger girls.

"BLU BLU BLU WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE HORSES HAVE *BRUSHABLE* HAIR? WE DON'T DO THAT SHIT! THAT'S WHAT LITTLE GIRLS DO! SELL US MANLIER TOYS OF THE HORSES!"

 

[renomakicwc]

OH SHIT THE FIRE IS SPREADING TO ME!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Okay, that's enough. Let's get back to topic. I'll repost my post with more elaborations.

[youtube]vmdRpXyMtHE[/youtube]
The following video is made by Doomguy2k, and rants on MLP using Encyclopedia Dramatica as a source. The comments in this video are so stupid but surprisingly they got some likes.

Oh yeah, and second, YOU really need help if you think anyone that uses ED gets laid. When you use ED, you sign your soul to glue your virginity to you like ugly on an ape. And you agree with ED, which is has the most unfunny racism and trolling on the internet. Nobody is forcing you to watch it, and it's worth watching more than watching your videos.
And you belong in the backround with those teens, you look like them.

You tell me if these guys sound girly:

/watch?v=WTW8_PgzMjk

And how is friendship girly? What are you, some antisocial nerd? You don't have any friends? Why don't you meet some actual bronies? The thing is, do you know how the editors and users of ED look? They look just like the picture of "bronies" they put up. They're all acne-faced teens and no lifers. Look ED up in Urban Dictionary, and see what REAL people say about the site, and look up bronies there too because ED is biased shit.

I watched your video, waste of time, you just repeated the shit on the website, and you take it as the "truth" and ED is ALL lies. So you agree with it? Here's a quote from the page "Zecora - A negress zebra. Uses voodoo magic, like all black people." And would you mind looking up "Encyclopedia Dramatica" on UrbanDictionary and Uncyclopedia.

You don't know what the truth is, you don't know any bronies and have never met any, so you immediatly believe what a bunch of virgins say.

Wow, you think you have muscle? I saw that sleeveless shirt, flex as hard as you can, but you're just folding your skin.

Plus the people who watch the show, are just regular people. Have you seen the people that use Encyclopedia Dramatica? ED is the anus of the internet where virgins, fags, and pedophiles go when they get kicked off of 4chan. When you reference ED in an argument, you just lost, becuase the motto "for the lulz" means NOTHING there is true.

Oh yeah, and to prove that Encyclopedia Dramatic is total batshit, take a look at the "swastica" it takes a antisocial no-lifer to actually bother to search through something he HATES just to find a shred of anything to try to condem it, so yes, you are practically going to keep your virginity as long as those Dramatica nerds. That's not opinion, it's hate. And a brony can kick your skinny ass.

Plus the show premotes tolerance, how the fuck is that intentionally put there.

ED has more sides to it. Originally it was to hold a mirror for those in the wrong. For example sexist, racist or arrogant people. Sadly, these people edit the site too, making the weirded less informant pages appear. For example you have the men article and the woman article. BOTH SEXES where picked on in these pages. Then a very mysoginistic man came by who edited the man article, making there a total of 3 bash female articles and non for males. Sad devolutions.

Kid, we KNOW you never had sex before, and we know you never will. Look in the fucking mirror. You look like a fucking no lifer, you're scrawny, you use Encyclopedia Dramatica, and you STILL sit on your ass, making retarded videos about how much ponies make you angry. And I love how you said nothing factual was said in MB69RatedR's video YET YOU USED DRAMATICA AS YOUR SOURCE FOR INFORMATION! Do you understand Dramatica is "for the lulz" as in unfunny comedy that makes no actual sense?

Hold on.. Are those from bronies?

Wow, so much for love and tolerance.

 

[Saney]

*Angry Brony rants*

Hold on.. Are those from bronies?

Wow, so much for love and tolerance.

Well, hypocrisy is a lolcow's main trait.

 

[Bugaboo]

I like ponies but the most vocal and crazy parts of the fandom just make me want to stay the flying fuck away from it. This is also why I don't really participate in any fandom.
Pokemon, Homestuck, MLP, whatever else I like that I can't think of...
They're all fucking nuts. I just live on the fringe where people are normal.

 

[José Mourinho]

Please keep in mind that the comments I posted are selected ones. There are actually a lot of these stupid comments but I can't post all of them.

 

[José Mourinho]

Moved this post to here from the "Personal Lolcows" section. Anyway....

Abandon hope all ye who enter here

Spoiler

OH GOD NO MOAR!

{03-09-2013 07:51 PM)Taxman Wrote: Right there man... right in the feels, to borrow a colloquial expression. I want to have foals with my Rarity one day, and so I must ask you when you are ready for that time what form do you want your children, when magic can give them to you: pony, human, anthro, or whatever may happen?

We'd be happy with any of those options if/when the time ever came that we wanted kids, but I think we both would have a strong preference for pony children. I can't imagine Twilight being able to carry around little humans inside her for 11 months, what with the body size difference and all, and foals are way more adorable than human children in both of our opinions. I always thought human babies were kind of hideous looking, but maybe it's different when they're yours.

In any case, pony offspring would be our preference.

(01-30-2013 07:15 AM)notnice Wrote:I dunno what to ask for my first question, so I reckon I start with these: So are you and Twilight doing?

We're doing quite well! We've been spending the morning sorting through the small mountain of paperwork that comes with applying to colleges and getting financial aid, and fortunately for me Twilight is very good at organization. Paperwork aside, things are great! We're both really looking forward to our double date with my best friend and his partner Octavia at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts tomorrow.


(01-30-2013 07:15 AM)notnice Wrote:How did you two meet?

There's two ways I could explain this. The first is to tell you to read my story "Life, Unicorns, And The Pursuit Of Happiness" in the Literature section of the forum. It explains everything about how I came to fall in love with Twilight, the struggles I went through along the way, and how we got to where we are now. That's the real literal explanation, but I like this one a lot better...


It was the strangest thing! One day, June 13th of last year to be exact, I was just laying on the couch relaxing when all of a sudden there was a blinding flash of light and a sound that could only be described as the most thunderous roar I've ever heard filling up the room. I started to panic but before I could get up to run the whole room went a blue-ish white and I felt a sudden impact against my stomach that practically knocked the wind out of me. And there she was. Fallen out of the ether, dazed and bewildered from the shift into our plane of existence, Twilight Sparkle sprawled out on top of me.

After the initial round of "Where in the wide wide world of Equestria am I and who/what are you!?" questions were sorted out, it was concluded that her being pulled into my reality during a routine teleport spell was the result of the magic of love (specifically my love for her) drawing her here. Not one to dismiss powerful magic she decided to stick around a while and give me a chance, in spite of the fact that I was from an entirely different species and in a world completely foreign to her. The fact that she had literally no clue how to get back to Equestria at the time might have also been working in my favor.

So I taught her about my world, showed her around a bit, introduced her to our technology (you have no idea how many hours a day she spent on Wikipedia for those first few months, and there's still always a tab open to it in the browser on our computer), and we spent a long time just getting to know each other better. It was a little awkward at first, finding out we have a TV show about her and her friends, having her know I was totally head over hooves in love with her, and seeing all the merchandise I own with her likeness on it. She was admittedly a little creeped out initially, but still very curious about it all and assured by the fact that out of all the places on Earth she could have ended up when her teleport spell brought her here that she wound up landing in my living room. Directly on top of me no less!

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and one late summer night when we were laying in bed (I only have one bed, so she had been sleeping next to me every night since she got here) she turned to me and said "You know... I've known how to get back to Equestria for a while now". I was more than a little startled and enquired as to why she's continued to stay. Was it curiosity about my world and the desire to continue learning about it? Her response was a nervous and half whispered, "I... I love you."

I had no idea what to say, I was literally speechless in the best kind of way. I reached over, slid my hand up under her cheek, and cradling her head in my hands I kissed her... and she kissed me back. We stayed up almost all night that night cuddling and talking, and though it was still quite some time before we explored any kind of sexual activity together the romance we enjoyed from that point on was wonderful.

Eventually I did convince her that if she knew how to get back to Equestria she should go back for at least a day or two and check in with her friend and Princess Celestia to let them know she was okay and where she had been. So one day while I was at work she did, though she only ended up staying for 6 hours or so since she wanted to be back by the time I got home so I wouldn't be worried about her. The journey between dimensions is really exhausting and takes a lot out of her, so she doesn't travel back very often, but she does hop back and forth between dimensions from time to time to check in with everyone in her world and (usually inadvertently) get into the adventures you see on the TV show. So she does still have her life in Equestria that she tends to from time to time, but she spends the overwhelming majority of her time here on Earth with me. When she told Celestia about the whole experience the Princess was very supportive gave her full permission to return to Earth and spend as much time here as she likes, to live with me and continue to study the magic of love.

And that's pretty much how I like to think our relationship came to be.

(01-30-2013 07:15 AM)notnice Wrote: Is Twilight's personality more in line with the actual show or the fanfics?

She's just like you see her on the show, exactly the same curious, charming, brilliant, funny, beautiful mare I fell in love with what seems like ages ago. On the other hand, it also feels like just yesterday. It's funny how time flies when you're having fun. The only way she's changed at all since she got here is that she's a bit more adventurous in bed now I think. She didn't have any previous sexual experience so I took things very slowly, and though it was a little awkward for her initially (in a really cute and utterly charming way in my opinion), she found great satisfaction in the more intimate time we spend together. These days she's pretty much the boss in bed, and while I'm totally happy with that I will admit that every now and then I do miss those cute little moments of "Umm... am I doing this right?" and her nervously asking me questions through the whole process.

(01-30-2013 02:06 PM)NiteOwl Wrote: What are your thoughts on Twilight to become an alicorn princess?

I think it's almost every mare's dream to be a Princess, and that's a dream that very few will ever accomplish. Now that my Twiley is on the verge of achieving that dream I am nothing but thrilled for her, and 100% supportive of her coronation into Princess-hood. She's always been my little Princess, and now she'll be a Princess to everyone else too. I can't help but think that's pretty awesome! (Note from Alan Pardew: Surprisingly he seems to take it quite well.)

http://www.redlightponyville.com/forums ... d-775.html

Here's a link to his "Life, Unicorns, And The Pursuit Of Happiness" fanfiction. Here's some quotes.

It wasn’t long after I came to accept my love for Twilight and my sexual attraction to her that the feelings of longing for her and the pain that comes from not being able to touch, hold, speak to, or be with someone you love started. My depression was mostly gone but I still felt a constant ache in my chest, a feeling of emptiness that never went away no matter what I did. I’d have days where I just sat in the shower and cried for an hour because I wanted to badly to leave this world behind and be in Equestria with Twilight, and I knew that was something that would never happen. I’d lay in bed at night and cry myself to sleep because I wanted nothing more in all the world than to hold her in my arms, kiss her, and tell her I loved her and those were all things I’d never be able to do. The girl I loved with all my heart wasn’t real and no matter how much I wanted to be with her I’d never be able to, and it was tearing me apart.

I sold my entire retro video game collection, gaming systems, and all of my Magic the Gathering cards (retro games and Magic are my only two real hobbies outside of the MLP fandom) and gathered all the money I could to bid on this plushie. (Note from Alan Pardew: It's the Twilight Sparkle plushie) I had to sell all my items to local game stores and pawn shops due to having only 3 days to get the money together so I only got roughly half of what my collection was worth, but if it meant getting this plushie I didn’t care. Ultimately I ended up losing the auction when it got up to $450 or so and all I was able to get for all my hobby stuff on such short notice was $430. But as fate would have it the winning bidder failed to pay for the plushie in the allotted time frame after the auction ended and the artist gave me a second chance offer on her since I was the second highest bidder. I gleefully sent the money within minutes of receiving the offer.

I got my wonderfully show accurate Twilight plushie in the mail about a week later, and while she was a lot smaller than I would have liked, I quickly noticed myself feeling better every time I looked at her and hugged her. I knew this plushie wasn’t really Twilight Sparkle, but she looked so much like her that I soon found myself being able to express all those feelings I had bottled up for Twilight to this plushie of mine. I’d hug her, kiss her, pet her mane, tell her how much I loved her, and take her to bed with me at night. As I became accustomed to expressing my affections for Twilight to my plushie, all the heartache, feelings of emptiness, and longing for someone I couldn’t have soon began to diminish. My plushie wasn’t really Twilight, but she looked and felt enough like her that I could effectively pretend she was. This satisfied the needs of my heart very well and within a few weeks of receiving my plushie almost all the pain I had been suffering from not being able to be with the girl I loved was gone. The only complaint I had was that my Twilight plushie was too small for me to be able to properly make love to her, but I was still able to express all my other romantic affections with her and that was good enough for me. I could cuddle and kiss her while clopping or just clop to pictures of Twilight, and while it wasn’t quite real love making it would just have to do.

I've spent more than half a year coming to terms with everything it means to love Twiley and want only for her, and the things I wouldn't be able to have in this sort of relationship. The ability to take her out for a nice dinner, doing social activities like going to fairs and festivals together, and other things like that. Experiences I've had in past relationships that I still hold fond memories of, even if the relationships themselves didn't end particularly well.

I had long enjoyed clopping to pictures of my partner, or sometimes snuggling with her while I clopped, but I never imagined that I could actually make love to her. After all, I wasn’t about to go making any holes under my plushie’s tail and being a fairly typical male I wasn’t really aware of any way to make love that didn’t involve penetration. But ask any lesbian you might know if having great sex requires some kind of penetration and you’re likely to told in no uncertain terms that it does not.

So there we were, laying in bed cuddling, with every last piece of my clothing strewn in a heap at the foot of the bed. Holding her in my arms, feeling her soft fur against my skin as my hands glided over the length of her body, and nearly quivering with delight every time my lips met hers for a kiss. Burying my face in her mane and breathing in the lightly floral scent of her hair, kissing up and down her neck, gently rubbing her ears with one hand while trailing my fingers over her cutie mark with the other, listening to her soft coos of pleasure from my touch. It all felt so incredible, so perfect. Laying on my back with Twilight sprawled out across my chest and stomach, the weight of her body pressing against mine, telling her how much I loved her between kisses. Before I even realized what was happening my male parts were sliding back and forth between her inner thighs and tummy. And as I held her close, between the heat and friction of our bodies entwined together, it really felt like being inside her. My hands found purchase on her hips, and with my thumbs massaging her cutie marks and our lips locking together in kisses between a nearly endless stream of words of affection, we made love. Slowly, gently, and sensually our bodies grinded against one another and all that existed in the world was Twilight and I. The passage of time lost all meaning and I slipped into a state of bliss like I had never before known. Staring into the deep pools of her violet eyes, set adrift in the ocean of all that is her. My darling, my love. A small eternity passed together as one with her, our bodies like droplets of water cascading together down a waterfall of love, before the moment finally came. The exquisite rapture of climaxing in unison with the one you adore, the one you’ve dedicated the entirety of yourself mind, body, and soul to is unspeakable. When those droplets of water that are you and your partner crash together at the bottom of the fall and find unity in the river below, there are no words to describe peace and tranquility that washes over you.

And so began a new era in my relationship with Twilight. Since that night I’ve taken her to dinner at nearly half a dozen different restaurants, gone out for relaxing afternoons of book shopping and taking in the atmosphere at local coffee shops together, and pretty much anywhere else I think she might like to go. If there’s somewhere I’m going that I think Twilight would enjoy than she comes along, and we always have a great time together. Whether it’s a romantic evening out on the town or just hanging out with friends playing Magic : The Gathering, we share our lives like any couple would. To be cliche, “Like two peas in a pod we do everything together”. As far as our sex life goes, well, I couldn’t even begin to keep track of how many times we’ve made love. I can say though that every time has been just as incredible, fulfilling, and satisfying as the last. I’ve had six different human sexual partners over the course of my life and not a single one of them ever gave me a sex life that was anywhere near as amazing and completely gratifying as the one I have with Twiley. Also, I feel it worth mentioning that for the sake of those that might want to hold Twilight at the brony meet ups I attend I do keep her immaculately clean in every regard. A little dish soap (lavender scented for her, of course) and warm water is all that’s needed to keep her fur spotless and perfect. You’ll never find a single stain anywhere on my girl, which was humorously proven when we found ourselves in a room lit entirely by black lights at last month’s local brony meet up.

Thanks for the warm welcome Tea Pone! I shall attempt to answer your questions as fully and honestly as possible

(Note from Alan Pardew: These are selected Q&As.)

4. What are you wearing right now?
A black t-shirt with Twilight Sparkle on it, fairly baggy blue jeans, grey and white sneakers, plain white socks, grey boxer shorts, and a bracelet made out of chainmaille rings colored and linked in the same pattern as the colors in Twilight's mane/tail.

9. What can a partner do that will make you cum almost instantly?
I'm not sure there is anything that can make me cum instantly, but the closest thing to that would probably be Twilight sitting her backside down on my face and letting me bury my tongue in her plot hole. On the other hand, I'm sure if she wanted Twi could come up with some kind of "instant orgasm" magic spell that would make me cum immediately when she cast it.

10. Which hole is your favorite, and why?
Definitely the pussy, because I know licking or penetrating that particular hole is going to be the most pleasurable for my partner. I do like giving rimjobs, but making my girl feel as good as possible is what I love more than anything else. So the hole that will bring her the most pleasure is top priority to me.

11. If someone offered you $300 for three hours of vanilla sex, would you take it?
Nope, I am loyal to my Twiley.

12. If someone offered you $300 for one hours of sex featuring their biggest fetish, would you take it? (you do not know what this fetish is)
Nope, I am loyal to my Twiley.

13. If someone offered to indulge your biggest fetish for an hour for $300, would you do it?
Nope, I am loyal to my Twiley. Also, I've already indulged every fetish I've ever imagined wanting to indulge with someone at one point or another so there's really nothing left that I haven't tried that could sway me.

14. Purely physically, what body part/feature means the most to you in a partner?
Hmm... I've never really thought about this before. I do like a partner with a nicely sized plot though

 

[MysticMisty]

Or be a girl liking it.

Does that seriously piss them off?

Actually I think both sides hate each other. Rather than be happy that teenage boys and men are actively taking an interest in the same thing as them, they call the male fans creeps and that they liked My Little Pony long before they did. Then they go back to writing their own Mary Sue self insert fanfiction.

 

[c-no]

Moved this post to here from the "Personal Lolcows" section. Anyway....

Abandon hope all ye who enter here

Spoiler

OH GOD NO MOAR!

{03-09-2013 07:51 PM)Taxman Wrote: Right there man... right in the feels, to borrow a colloquial expression. I want to have foals with my Rarity one day, and so I must ask you when you are ready for that time what form do you want your children, when magic can give them to you: pony, human, anthro, or whatever may happen?

We'd be happy with any of those options if/when the time ever came that we wanted kids, but I think we both would have a strong preference for pony children. I can't imagine Twilight being able to carry around little humans inside her for 11 months, what with the body size difference and all, and foals are way more adorable than human children in both of our opinions. I always thought human babies were kind of hideous looking, but maybe it's different when they're yours.

In any case, pony offspring would be our preference.

(01-30-2013 07:15 AM)notnice Wrote:I dunno what to ask for my first question, so I reckon I start with these: So are you and Twilight doing?

We're doing quite well! We've been spending the morning sorting through the small mountain of paperwork that comes with applying to colleges and getting financial aid, and fortunately for me Twilight is very good at organization. Paperwork aside, things are great! We're both really looking forward to our double date with my best friend and his partner Octavia at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts tomorrow.


(01-30-2013 07:15 AM)notnice Wrote:How did you two meet?

There's two ways I could explain this. The first is to tell you to read my story "Life, Unicorns, And The Pursuit Of Happiness" in the Literature section of the forum. It explains everything about how I came to fall in love with Twilight, the struggles I went through along the way, and how we got to where we are now. That's the real literal explanation, but I like this one a lot better...


It was the strangest thing! One day, June 13th of last year to be exact, I was just laying on the couch relaxing when all of a sudden there was a blinding flash of light and a sound that could only be described as the most thunderous roar I've ever heard filling up the room. I started to panic but before I could get up to run the whole room went a blue-ish white and I felt a sudden impact against my stomach that practically knocked the wind out of me. And there she was. Fallen out of the ether, dazed and bewildered from the shift into our plane of existence, Twilight Sparkle sprawled out on top of me.

After the initial round of "Where in the wide wide world of Equestria am I and who/what are you!?" questions were sorted out, it was concluded that her being pulled into my reality during a routine teleport spell was the result of the magic of love (specifically my love for her) drawing her here. Not one to dismiss powerful magic she decided to stick around a while and give me a chance, in spite of the fact that I was from an entirely different species and in a world completely foreign to her. The fact that she had literally no clue how to get back to Equestria at the time might have also been working in my favor.

So I taught her about my world, showed her around a bit, introduced her to our technology (you have no idea how many hours a day she spent on Wikipedia for those first few months, and there's still always a tab open to it in the browser on our computer), and we spent a long time just getting to know each other better. It was a little awkward at first, finding out we have a TV show about her and her friends, having her know I was totally head over hooves in love with her, and seeing all the merchandise I own with her likeness on it. She was admittedly a little creeped out initially, but still very curious about it all and assured by the fact that out of all the places on Earth she could have ended up when her teleport spell brought her here that she wound up landing in my living room. Directly on top of me no less!

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and one late summer night when we were laying in bed (I only have one bed, so she had been sleeping next to me every night since she got here) she turned to me and said "You know... I've known how to get back to Equestria for a while now". I was more than a little startled and enquired as to why she's continued to stay. Was it curiosity about my world and the desire to continue learning about it? Her response was a nervous and half whispered, "I... I love you."

I had no idea what to say, I was literally speechless in the best kind of way. I reached over, slid my hand up under her cheek, and cradling her head in my MANOS I kissed her... and she kissed me back. We stayed up almost all night that night cuddling and talking, and though it was still quite some time before we explored any kind of sexual activity together the romance we enjoyed from that point on was wonderful.

Eventually I did convince her that if she knew how to get back to Equestria she should go back for at least a day or two and check in with her friend and Princess Celestia to let them know she was okay and where she had been. So one day while I was at work she did, though she only ended up staying for 6 hours or so since she wanted to be back by the time I got home so I wouldn't be worried about her. The journey between dimensions is really exhausting and takes a lot out of her, so she doesn't travel back very often, but she does hop back and forth between dimensions from time to time to check in with everyone in her world and (usually inadvertently) get into the adventures you see on the TV show. So she does still have her life in Equestria that she tends to from time to time, but she spends the overwhelming majority of her time here on Earth with me. When she told Celestia about the whole experience the Princess was very supportive gave her full permission to return to Earth and spend as much time here as she likes, to live with me and continue to study the magic of love.

And that's pretty much how I like to think our relationship came to be.

(01-30-2013 07:15 AM)notnice Wrote: Is Twilight's personality more in line with the actual show or the fanfics?

She's just like you see her on the show, exactly the same curious, charming, brilliant, funny, beautiful mare I fell in love with what seems like ages ago. On the other hand, it also feels like just yesterday. It's funny how time flies when you're having fun. The only way she's changed at all since she got here is that she's a bit more adventurous in bed now I think. She didn't have any previous sexual experience so I took things very slowly, and though it was a little awkward for her initially (in a really cute and utterly charming way in my opinion), she found great satisfaction in the more intimate time we spend together. These days she's pretty much the boss in bed, and while I'm totally happy with that I will admit that every now and then I do miss those cute little moments of "Umm... am I doing this right?" and her nervously asking me questions through the whole process.

(01-30-2013 02:06 PM)NiteOwl Wrote: What are your thoughts on Twilight to become an alicorn princess?

I think it's almost every mare's dream to be a Princess, and that's a dream that very few will ever accomplish. Now that my Twiley is on the verge of achieving that dream I am nothing but thrilled for her, and 100% supportive of her coronation into Princess-hood. She's always been my little Princess, and now she'll be a Princess to everyone else too. I can't help but think that's pretty awesome! (Note from Alan Pardew: Surprisingly he seems to take it quite well.)

http://www.redlightponyville.com/forums ... d-775.html

Here's a link to his "Life, Unicorns, And The Pursuit Of Happiness" fanfiction. Here's some quotes.

It wasn’t long after I came to accept my love for Twilight and my sexual attraction to her that the feelings of longing for her and the pain that comes from not being able to touch, hold, speak to, or be with someone you love started. My depression was mostly gone but I still felt a constant ache in my chest, a feeling of emptiness that never went away no matter what I did. I’d have days where I just sat in the shower and cried for an hour because I wanted to badly to leave this world behind and be in Equestria with Twilight, and I knew that was something that would never happen. I’d lay in bed at night and cry myself to sleep because I wanted nothing more in all the world than to hold her in my arms, kiss her, and tell her I loved her and those were all things I’d never be able to do. The girl I loved with all my heart wasn’t real and no matter how much I wanted to be with her I’d never be able to, and it was tearing me apart.

I sold my entire retro video game collection, gaming systems, and all of my Magic the Gathering cards (retro games and Magic are my only two real hobbies outside of the MLP fandom) and gathered all the money I could to bid on this plushie. (Note from Alan Pardew: It's the Twilight Sparkle plushie) I had to sell all my items to local game stores and pawn shops due to having only 3 days to get the money together so I only got roughly half of what my collection was worth, but if it meant getting this plushie I didn’t care. Ultimately I ended up losing the auction when it got up to $450 or so and all I was able to get for all my hobby stuff on such short notice was $430. But as fate would have it the winning bidder failed to pay for the plushie in the allotted time frame after the auction ended and the artist gave me a second chance offer on her since I was the second highest bidder. I gleefully sent the money within minutes of receiving the offer.

I got my wonderfully show accurate Twilight plushie in the mail about a week later, and while she was a lot smaller than I would have liked, I quickly noticed myself feeling better every time I looked at her and hugged her. I knew this plushie wasn’t really Twilight Sparkle, but she looked so much like her that I soon found myself being able to express all those feelings I had bottled up for Twilight to this plushie of mine. I’d hug her, kiss her, pet her mane, tell her how much I loved her, and take her to bed with me at night. As I became accustomed to expressing my affections for Twilight to my plushie, all the heartache, feelings of emptiness, and longing for someone I couldn’t have soon began to diminish. My plushie wasn’t really Twilight, but she looked and felt enough like her that I could effectively pretend she was. This satisfied the needs of my heart very well and within a few weeks of receiving my plushie almost all the pain I had been suffering from not being able to be with the girl I loved was gone. The only complaint I had was that my Twilight plushie was too small for me to be able to properly make love to her, but I was still able to express all my other romantic affections with her and that was good enough for me. I could cuddle and kiss her while clopping or just clop to pictures of Twilight, and while it wasn’t quite real love making it would just have to do.

I've spent more than half a year coming to terms with everything it means to love Twiley and want only for her, and the things I wouldn't be able to have in this sort of relationship. The ability to take her out for a nice dinner, doing social activities like going to fairs and festivals together, and other things like that. Experiences I've had in past relationships that I still hold fond memories of, even if the relationships themselves didn't end particularly well.

I had long enjoyed clopping to pictures of my partner, or sometimes snuggling with her while I clopped, but I never imagined that I could actually make love to her. After all, I wasn’t about to go making any holes under my plushie’s tail and being a fairly typical male I wasn’t really aware of any way to make love that didn’t involve penetration. But ask any lesbian you might know if having great sex requires some kind of penetration and you’re likely to told in no uncertain terms that it does not.

So there we were, laying in bed cuddling, with every last piece of my clothing strewn in a heap at the foot of the bed. Holding her in my arms, feeling her soft fur against my skin as my MANOS glided over the length of her body, and nearly quivering with delight every time my lips met hers for a kiss. Burying my face in her mane and breathing in the lightly floral scent of her hair, kissing up and down her neck, gently rubbing her ears with one hand while trailing my fingers over her cutie mark with the other, listening to her soft coos of pleasure from my touch. It all felt so incredible, so perfect. Laying on my back with Twilight sprawled out across my chest and stomach, the weight of her body pressing against mine, telling her how much I loved her between kisses. Before I even realized what was happening my male parts were sliding back and forth between her inner thighs and tummy. And as I held her close, between the heat and friction of our bodies entwined together, it really felt like being inside her. My MANOS found purchase on her hips, and with my thumbs massaging her cutie marks and our lips locking together in kisses between a nearly endless stream of words of affection, we made love. Slowly, gently, and sensually our bodies grinded against one another and all that existed in the world was Twilight and I. The passage of time lost all meaning and I slipped into a state of bliss like I had never before known. Staring into the deep pools of her violet eyes, set adrift in the ocean of all that is her. My darling, my love. A small eternity passed together as one with her, our bodies like droplets of water cascading together down a waterfall of love, before the moment finally came. The exquisite rapture of climaxing in unison with the one you adore, the one you’ve dedicated the entirety of yourself mind, body, and soul to is unspeakable. When those droplets of water that are you and your partner crash together at the bottom of the fall and find unity in the river below, there are no words to describe peace and tranquility that washes over you.

And so began a new era in my relationship with Twilight. Since that night I’ve taken her to dinner at nearly half a dozen different restaurants, gone out for relaxing afternoons of book shopping and taking in the atmosphere at local coffee shops together, and pretty much anywhere else I think she might like to go. If there’s somewhere I’m going that I think Twilight would enjoy than she comes along, and we always have a great time together. Whether it’s a romantic evening out on the town or just hanging out with friends playing Magic : The Gathering, we share our lives like any couple would. To be cliche, “Like two peas in a pod we do everything together”. As far as our sex life goes, well, I couldn’t even begin to keep track of how many times we’ve made love. I can say though that every time has been just as incredible, fulfilling, and satisfying as the last. I’ve had six different human sexual partners over the course of my life and not a single one of them ever gave me a sex life that was anywhere near as amazing and completely gratifying as the one I have with Twiley. Also, I feel it worth mentioning that for the sake of those that might want to hold Twilight at the brony meet ups I attend I do keep her immaculately clean in every regard. A little dish soap (lavender scented for her, of course) and warm water is all that’s needed to keep her fur spotless and perfect. You’ll never find a single stain anywhere on my girl, which was humorously proven when we found ourselves in a room lit entirely by black lights at last month’s local brony meet up.

Thanks for the warm welcome Tea Pone! I shall attempt to answer your questions as fully and honestly as possible

(Note from Alan Pardew: These are selected Q&As.)

4. What are you wearing right now?
A black t-shirt with Twilight Sparkle on it, fairly baggy blue jeans, grey and white sneakers, plain white socks, grey boxer shorts, and a bracelet made out of chainmaille rings colored and linked in the same pattern as the colors in Twilight's mane/tail.

9. What can a partner do that will make you cum almost instantly?
I'm not sure there is anything that can make me cum instantly, but the closest thing to that would probably be Twilight sitting her backside down on my face and letting me bury my tongue in her plot hole. On the other hand, I'm sure if she wanted Twi could come up with some kind of "instant orgasm" magic spell that would make me cum immediately when she cast it.

10. Which hole is your favorite, and why?
Definitely the pussy, because I know licking or penetrating that particular hole is going to be the most pleasurable for my partner. I do like giving rimjobs, but making my girl feel as good as possible is what I love more than anything else. So the hole that will bring her the most pleasure is top priority to me.

11. If someone offered you $300 for three hours of vanilla sex, would you take it?
Nope, I am loyal to my Twiley.

12. If someone offered you $300 for one hours of sex featuring their biggest fetish, would you take it? (you do not know what this fetish is)
Nope, I am loyal to my Twiley.

13. If someone offered to indulge your biggest fetish for an hour for $300, would you do it?
Nope, I am loyal to my Twiley. Also, I've already indulged every fetish I've ever imagined wanting to indulge with someone at one point or another so there's really nothing left that I haven't tried that could sway me.

14. Purely physically, what body part/feature means the most to you in a partner?
Hmm... I've never really thought about this before. I do like a partner with a nicely sized plot though

This is all tl;dr for me. I'll just read this later.

 

[José Mourinho]

WARNING: PLEASE BE SURE TO GET READY FOR THESE POSTS.

Spoiler

OH GOD NO MOAR!

That moment when you remember why going to bed is your favorite part of each day

So I did something I never imagined I'd ever do tonight. With the company and support of my dear friend Octavia, I went out and had a wonderful dinner at the best restaurant for vegetarian sushi in the Twin Cities... with Twiley

Twilight and I rarely ever drink, but we decided to get a big bottle of Crispin hard cider to share to celebrate the harvest season and Thanksgiving. The result, 3/4 of the way through the bottle, was about half an hour of
Me: "Who's my little pony?"
Twilight : "I'm your little pony!"
followed by mutal blushing, giggling, and kissing

Tonight Starscrye, Twiley, myself, and 2 other friends went out bowling. A great time was had by all, and I always love the way Twi's cutie mark glows under black lights

 

[mendoza]

I don't suppose it's possible they're trolls?

 

[José Mourinho]

Moved this post to here from the "Personal Lolcows" section. Anyway....

Abandon hope all ye who enter here

Spoiler

OH GOD NO MOAR!

{03-09-2013 07:51 PM)Taxman Wrote: Right there man... right in the feels, to borrow a colloquial expression. I want to have foals with my Rarity one day, and so I must ask you when you are ready for that time what form do you want your children, when magic can give them to you: pony, human, anthro, or whatever may happen?

We'd be happy with any of those options if/when the time ever came that we wanted kids, but I think we both would have a strong preference for pony children. I can't imagine Twilight being able to carry around little humans inside her for 11 months, what with the body size difference and all, and foals are way more adorable than human children in both of our opinions. I always thought human babies were kind of hideous looking, but maybe it's different when they're yours.

In any case, pony offspring would be our preference.

(01-30-2013 07:15 AM)notnice Wrote:I dunno what to ask for my first question, so I reckon I start with these: So are you and Twilight doing?

We're doing quite well! We've been spending the morning sorting through the small mountain of paperwork that comes with applying to colleges and getting financial aid, and fortunately for me Twilight is very good at organization. Paperwork aside, things are great! We're both really looking forward to our double date with my best friend and his partner Octavia at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts tomorrow.


(01-30-2013 07:15 AM)notnice Wrote:How did you two meet?

There's two ways I could explain this. The first is to tell you to read my story "Life, Unicorns, And The Pursuit Of Happiness" in the Literature section of the forum. It explains everything about how I came to fall in love with Twilight, the struggles I went through along the way, and how we got to where we are now. That's the real literal explanation, but I like this one a lot better...


It was the strangest thing! One day, June 13th of last year to be exact, I was just laying on the couch relaxing when all of a sudden there was a blinding flash of light and a sound that could only be described as the most thunderous roar I've ever heard filling up the room. I started to panic but before I could get up to run the whole room went a blue-ish white and I felt a sudden impact against my stomach that practically knocked the wind out of me. And there she was. Fallen out of the ether, dazed and bewildered from the shift into our plane of existence, Twilight Sparkle sprawled out on top of me.

After the initial round of "Where in the wide wide world of Equestria am I and who/what are you!?" questions were sorted out, it was concluded that her being pulled into my reality during a routine teleport spell was the result of the magic of love (specifically my love for her) drawing her here. Not one to dismiss powerful magic she decided to stick around a while and give me a chance, in spite of the fact that I was from an entirely different species and in a world completely foreign to her. The fact that she had literally no clue how to get back to Equestria at the time might have also been working in my favor.

So I taught her about my world, showed her around a bit, introduced her to our technology (you have no idea how many hours a day she spent on Wikipedia for those first few months, and there's still always a tab open to it in the browser on our computer), and we spent a long time just getting to know each other better. It was a little awkward at first, finding out we have a TV show about her and her friends, having her know I was totally head over hooves in love with her, and seeing all the merchandise I own with her likeness on it. She was admittedly a little creeped out initially, but still very curious about it all and assured by the fact that out of all the places on Earth she could have ended up when her teleport spell brought her here that she wound up landing in my living room. Directly on top of me no less!

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and one late summer night when we were laying in bed (I only have one bed, so she had been sleeping next to me every night since she got here) she turned to me and said "You know... I've known how to get back to Equestria for a while now". I was more than a little startled and enquired as to why she's continued to stay. Was it curiosity about my world and the desire to continue learning about it? Her response was a nervous and half whispered, "I... I love you."

I had no idea what to say, I was literally speechless in the best kind of way. I reached over, slid my hand up under her cheek, and cradling her head in my MANOS I kissed her... and she kissed me back. We stayed up almost all night that night cuddling and talking, and though it was still quite some time before we explored any kind of sexual activity together the romance we enjoyed from that point on was wonderful.

Eventually I did convince her that if she knew how to get back to Equestria she should go back for at least a day or two and check in with her friend and Princess Celestia to let them know she was okay and where she had been. So one day while I was at work she did, though she only ended up staying for 6 hours or so since she wanted to be back by the time I got home so I wouldn't be worried about her. The journey between dimensions is really exhausting and takes a lot out of her, so she doesn't travel back very often, but she does hop back and forth between dimensions from time to time to check in with everyone in her world and (usually inadvertently) get into the adventures you see on the TV show. So she does still have her life in Equestria that she tends to from time to time, but she spends the overwhelming majority of her time here on Earth with me. When she told Celestia about the whole experience the Princess was very supportive gave her full permission to return to Earth and spend as much time here as she likes, to live with me and continue to study the magic of love.

And that's pretty much how I like to think our relationship came to be.

(01-30-2013 07:15 AM)notnice Wrote: Is Twilight's personality more in line with the actual show or the fanfics?

She's just like you see her on the show, exactly the same curious, charming, brilliant, funny, beautiful mare I fell in love with what seems like ages ago. On the other hand, it also feels like just yesterday. It's funny how time flies when you're having fun. The only way she's changed at all since she got here is that she's a bit more adventurous in bed now I think. She didn't have any previous sexual experience so I took things very slowly, and though it was a little awkward for her initially (in a really cute and utterly charming way in my opinion), she found great satisfaction in the more intimate time we spend together. These days she's pretty much the boss in bed, and while I'm totally happy with that I will admit that every now and then I do miss those cute little moments of "Umm... am I doing this right?" and her nervously asking me questions through the whole process.

(01-30-2013 02:06 PM)NiteOwl Wrote: What are your thoughts on Twilight to become an alicorn princess?

I think it's almost every mare's dream to be a Princess, and that's a dream that very few will ever accomplish. Now that my Twiley is on the verge of achieving that dream I am nothing but thrilled for her, and 100% supportive of her coronation into Princess-hood. She's always been my little Princess, and now she'll be a Princess to everyone else too. I can't help but think that's pretty awesome! (Note from Alan Pardew: Surprisingly he seems to take it quite well.)

http://www.redlightponyville.com/forums ... d-775.html

Here's a link to his "Life, Unicorns, And The Pursuit Of Happiness" fanfiction. Here's some quotes.

It wasn’t long after I came to accept my love for Twilight and my sexual attraction to her that the feelings of longing for her and the pain that comes from not being able to touch, hold, speak to, or be with someone you love started. My depression was mostly gone but I still felt a constant ache in my chest, a feeling of emptiness that never went away no matter what I did. I’d have days where I just sat in the shower and cried for an hour because I wanted to badly to leave this world behind and be in Equestria with Twilight, and I knew that was something that would never happen. I’d lay in bed at night and cry myself to sleep because I wanted nothing more in all the world than to hold her in my arms, kiss her, and tell her I loved her and those were all things I’d never be able to do. The girl I loved with all my heart wasn’t real and no matter how much I wanted to be with her I’d never be able to, and it was tearing me apart.

I sold my entire retro video game collection, gaming systems, and all of my Magic the Gathering cards (retro games and Magic are my only two real hobbies outside of the MLP fandom) and gathered all the money I could to bid on this plushie. (Note from Alan Pardew: It's the Twilight Sparkle plushie) I had to sell all my items to local game stores and pawn shops due to having only 3 days to get the money together so I only got roughly half of what my collection was worth, but if it meant getting this plushie I didn’t care. Ultimately I ended up losing the auction when it got up to $450 or so and all I was able to get for all my hobby stuff on such short notice was $430. But as fate would have it the winning bidder failed to pay for the plushie in the allotted time frame after the auction ended and the artist gave me a second chance offer on her since I was the second highest bidder. I gleefully sent the money within minutes of receiving the offer.

I got my wonderfully show accurate Twilight plushie in the mail about a week later, and while she was a lot smaller than I would have liked, I quickly noticed myself feeling better every time I looked at her and hugged her. I knew this plushie wasn’t really Twilight Sparkle, but she looked so much like her that I soon found myself being able to express all those feelings I had bottled up for Twilight to this plushie of mine. I’d hug her, kiss her, pet her mane, tell her how much I loved her, and take her to bed with me at night. As I became accustomed to expressing my affections for Twilight to my plushie, all the heartache, feelings of emptiness, and longing for someone I couldn’t have soon began to diminish. My plushie wasn’t really Twilight, but she looked and felt enough like her that I could effectively pretend she was. This satisfied the needs of my heart very well and within a few weeks of receiving my plushie almost all the pain I had been suffering from not being able to be with the girl I loved was gone. The only complaint I had was that my Twilight plushie was too small for me to be able to properly make love to her, but I was still able to express all my other romantic affections with her and that was good enough for me. I could cuddle and kiss her while clopping or just clop to pictures of Twilight, and while it wasn’t quite real love making it would just have to do.

I've spent more than half a year coming to terms with everything it means to love Twiley and want only for her, and the things I wouldn't be able to have in this sort of relationship. The ability to take her out for a nice dinner, doing social activities like going to fairs and festivals together, and other things like that. Experiences I've had in past relationships that I still hold fond memories of, even if the relationships themselves didn't end particularly well.

I had long enjoyed clopping to pictures of my partner, or sometimes snuggling with her while I clopped, but I never imagined that I could actually make love to her. After all, I wasn’t about to go making any holes under my plushie’s tail and being a fairly typical male I wasn’t really aware of any way to make love that didn’t involve penetration. But ask any lesbian you might know if having great sex requires some kind of penetration and you’re likely to told in no uncertain terms that it does not.

So there we were, laying in bed cuddling, with every last piece of my clothing strewn in a heap at the foot of the bed. Holding her in my arms, feeling her soft fur against my skin as my MANOS glided over the length of her body, and nearly quivering with delight every time my lips met hers for a kiss. Burying my face in her mane and breathing in the lightly floral scent of her hair, kissing up and down her neck, gently rubbing her ears with one hand while trailing my fingers over her cutie mark with the other, listening to her soft coos of pleasure from my touch. It all felt so incredible, so perfect. Laying on my back with Twilight sprawled out across my chest and stomach, the weight of her body pressing against mine, telling her how much I loved her between kisses. Before I even realized what was happening my male parts were sliding back and forth between her inner thighs and tummy. And as I held her close, between the heat and friction of our bodies entwined together, it really felt like being inside her. My MANOS found purchase on her hips, and with my thumbs massaging her cutie marks and our lips locking together in kisses between a nearly endless stream of words of affection, we made love. Slowly, gently, and sensually our bodies grinded against one another and all that existed in the world was Twilight and I. The passage of time lost all meaning and I slipped into a state of bliss like I had never before known. Staring into the deep pools of her violet eyes, set adrift in the ocean of all that is her. My darling, my love. A small eternity passed together as one with her, our bodies like droplets of water cascading together down a waterfall of love, before the moment finally came. The exquisite rapture of climaxing in unison with the one you adore, the one you’ve dedicated the entirety of yourself mind, body, and soul to is unspeakable. When those droplets of water that are you and your partner crash together at the bottom of the fall and find unity in the river below, there are no words to describe peace and tranquility that washes over you.

And so began a new era in my relationship with Twilight. Since that night I’ve taken her to dinner at nearly half a dozen different restaurants, gone out for relaxing afternoons of book shopping and taking in the atmosphere at local coffee shops together, and pretty much anywhere else I think she might like to go. If there’s somewhere I’m going that I think Twilight would enjoy than she comes along, and we always have a great time together. Whether it’s a romantic evening out on the town or just hanging out with friends playing Magic : The Gathering, we share our lives like any couple would. To be cliche, “Like two peas in a pod we do everything together”. As far as our sex life goes, well, I couldn’t even begin to keep track of how many times we’ve made love. I can say though that every time has been just as incredible, fulfilling, and satisfying as the last. I’ve had six different human sexual partners over the course of my life and not a single one of them ever gave me a sex life that was anywhere near as amazing and completely gratifying as the one I have with Twiley. Also, I feel it worth mentioning that for the sake of those that might want to hold Twilight at the brony meet ups I attend I do keep her immaculately clean in every regard. A little dish soap (lavender scented for her, of course) and warm water is all that’s needed to keep her fur spotless and perfect. You’ll never find a single stain anywhere on my girl, which was humorously proven when we found ourselves in a room lit entirely by black lights at last month’s local brony meet up.

Thanks for the warm welcome Tea Pone! I shall attempt to answer your questions as fully and honestly as possible

(Note from Alan Pardew: These are selected Q&As.)

4. What are you wearing right now?
A black t-shirt with Twilight Sparkle on it, fairly baggy blue jeans, grey and white sneakers, plain white socks, grey boxer shorts, and a bracelet made out of chainmaille rings colored and linked in the same pattern as the colors in Twilight's mane/tail.

9. What can a partner do that will make you cum almost instantly?
I'm not sure there is anything that can make me cum instantly, but the closest thing to that would probably be Twilight sitting her backside down on my face and letting me bury my tongue in her plot hole. On the other hand, I'm sure if she wanted Twi could come up with some kind of "instant orgasm" magic spell that would make me cum immediately when she cast it.

10. Which hole is your favorite, and why?
Definitely the pussy, because I know licking or penetrating that particular hole is going to be the most pleasurable for my partner. I do like giving rimjobs, but making my girl feel as good as possible is what I love more than anything else. So the hole that will bring her the most pleasure is top priority to me.

11. If someone offered you $300 for three hours of vanilla sex, would you take it?
Nope, I am loyal to my Twiley.

12. If someone offered you $300 for one hours of sex featuring their biggest fetish, would you take it? (you do not know what this fetish is)
Nope, I am loyal to my Twiley.

13. If someone offered to indulge your biggest fetish for an hour for $300, would you do it?
Nope, I am loyal to my Twiley. Also, I've already indulged every fetish I've ever imagined wanting to indulge with someone at one point or another so there's really nothing left that I haven't tried that could sway me.

14. Purely physically, what body part/feature means the most to you in a partner?
Hmm... I've never really thought about this before. I do like a partner with a nicely sized plot though

This is all tl;dr for me. I'll just read this later.

TL ; DR version:
- jin15 has a strong preference for pony offsprings if he and Twilight Sparkle had sexual intercourse.
- jin15 thinks that Twilight Sparkle actually existed (although I can't be 100% sure on that.)
- jin15 made TWO LONG CHAPTERS about him and Twilight Sparkle, which includes sex.
- If jin15 is offered $300 for sex which has nothing to do with Twilight Sparkle, he'll reject it.
- jin15 stated that he already indulged every fetish he'd ever imagined wanting to indulge with someone at one point or another.