🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
Connor Bible said:
Sometimes, I get the feeling that you people are right, and that I should just give up any aspirations of writing and get a job as a wage-slave. I have nothing to contribute to society. My family (excluding my grandmother) see me as a burden, and my real-world friends barely talk to me. To confess something wicked, every day I wake up, I try to come up with some flimsy reason to get out of bed.
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Hoo boy. Connor, it's not a "confession" if it's been "confessed" several dozen times already.
Connor Bible said:
She and I are like peas and carrots. She's probably the only member of my family that isn't fucked up on some level.
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& yet I've only ever seen you complain about her.
Connor Bible said:
Just got back from yet another shopping run with my grandmother. I'm starting to get the feeling life is kicking me in the balls.
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Connor Bible said:
leaving me to deal with my grandmother, who's probably senile. I guess I'm supposed to grin and bear it.
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Connor Bible said:
My grandmother's vocabulary seems to be decreasing, as well as her control over her bodily functions. I've actually had to help her get adult diapers. Her memory also seems to be fading. She needs help doing simple stuff, and keeps asking me the same questions that I've already answered.
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Connor Bible said:
But that's my point. All this time, I've been convinced I was Mozart. In reality, I'm Salieri. I'll probably take up alcoholism and drink myself into an early grave, if I don't put a bullet in my head first.
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It's a pity party, & the whole thread's invited!
JustSomeFella said:
I probably wouldn't be friends with someone who archived every embarrassing post I made across multiple websites and who made fun of me, but I guess Connor is a more forgiving man than I...
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Shhhh.
 
yawning sneasel said:
Connor, seriously. I would like to give you some tips here. Your book will suck, but it might be a learning experience if you let it be. I think you are capable of plenty and with time, you won't be such a lolcow. You'll always be a bit of a lolcow, but you will learn how to hide it much better. That said, what I think you need to do is design the structure for your project before just diving in. Do you know your destination? How will you get there? What devices will be most useful in supporting the saliency of your story. I think these are things that you need to consider in order for you to be more efficient and effective. You need to have "checkpoints" to borrow terminology you are more familiar with. Set up a point in time when a section of your work should be done. Have a rubric that you can apply to measure your performance. You can do this Connor, it will take time, but you will produce a sub-par book eventually.

No one will want to read it, probably not even the next one, but this is common for writers. You might be able to get a couple people to thumb through a few books and if you can get someone to read any cover-to-cover (other than for the purpose of laughing at you), it will be a great accomplishment. This isn't meant to be an insult, but people with YEARS of training on writing, who have studied literature and who are truly brilliant minds will write many books and never be published.If you love writing though, this is what you accept going in. No one will care about your labor, and those who do will look at it as an opportunity to laugh at you. So if writing and completing your book is truly important and not a fleet of fancy, be prepared.
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Shit, now you're really depressing me.
 
Oh, God. I missed that one. Yes, Connor, losing control of personal functions; needing help with simple tasks; and asking questions repeatedly are all, in fact, symptoms of dementia conditions common in the elderly. Yes, you are in fact supposed to grin and bear it, because that's what loving relatives fucking do. Your parents took care of you when you repeatedly... I mean, not that you've stopped asking dumb questions repeatedly... oh fook it. Get tae fook wi ye, bawheid.
 
Connor Bible said:
So I'm just destined to be a loser, aren't I?
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No one said that.

But if you continue to bitch, moan, refuse helpful advice (did you completely ignore the parts of @yawning sneasel 's post that offered encouragement?), & generally shit yourself & do nothing, then yes. Yes, you will be.

& we will be here, watching.
 
Seeing as you're bent on "drinking yourself to death," why don't you atleast start developing a taste for drinking? I don't doubt that most of us want to know if you're an angry, sad, or happy drunk.
 
I don't. What I said was Scots for "Please depart in a rapid manner, person whose head resembles a ball."
 
Connor Bible said:
Just say it. Do you want me to kill myself?
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For fuck's sake, no. But I think you'd secretly love it if we said yes. Because it'll give you something you can use to demonize us. Seriously, you do this every time.
 
Connor Bible said:
So I'm just destined to be a loser, aren't I?
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That depends on how you categorize "loser". If "loser" means you aren't an NYT best seller, then yeah, you'll probably be a loser. Don't worry about accomplishments. Worry about doing what you enjoy. Trophies don't make you feel happy when the audience disappears. Doing what you love until you pass out and then waking up to prepare yourself to do it again all day is happiness. Enjoy your writing, if that's what you like to do, most people would only categorize you as a loser if you can't stand on your own and take care of yourself as a man when the time comes to be a man and don't make excuses. Winners don't make excuses, they make things happen.
 
Connor Bible said:
@NobleGreyHorse agreed with my post. And all @yawning sneasel said was that I'd never have even a modicum of success as a writer, even if I put forth the effort.
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Don't put words into Yawning's mouth. They said your first book would suck - which it likely will.

You're not going to release a perfect book on your first run, or even a good one.

Like all things, it's something which must be repeated and improved upon.
 
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