🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
Connor Bible said:
I shall do so in his dedicated thread.
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Connor Bible said:
Just a little rewrite of Leonard's monstrosity.

To John Werner, captain of the barge “Union Canal No. 231”, going down the Schuylkill canal was akin to treading backwards in time. They had just left Reading, and it would take them about four days to get to Philadelphia. He was at the tiller while his bowman, Jimmy O’Kelly, was keeping a close eye on the towline, making sure it was nice and tight. Jimmy, at 23, was younger than the captain by thirty-three years. He had had two children of his own, Phil and Jessica. Like Jimmy, they just went out into the world. They had their own places, their own jobs, their own lives. John was still a part of them, but now, they were far from the little ones that called him “Daddy”. In a way, Jimmy took up Phil’s role while he was off, but it couldn’t ease the longing. He missed Phil and Jessica, as well as his wife Mary.
“Earth to Cap,” Jimmy said. He pointed at the shaft mule, prompting John to turn towards it in the winter air. Willy Thomas, one of the three mule drives, was riding it.
“Goddamn it, Willy, this isn’t your personal speedboat,” John shouted. Stepping closer to where Willy was, he noticed needle was at six, rather than four. “You want the lock keeper to bust our balls? Slow down.”​
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Well it beats the original, anyway.
 
BOLDYSPICY! said:
paging @Connor Bible to his thread

I know you're on here, bucko
View attachment 36075
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I don't understand why people are encouraging him. Even if he's ~not trying~ to trollsheild, that's exactly what he's doing. This Leonard guy is obviously super retarded and more autistic than Connor, so there's no reason for Connor to compare himself or his writing to him, unless he knows he should be insecure about his own self.
 
registereduser said:
I don't understand why people are encouraging him. Even if he's ~not trying~ to trollsheild, that's exactly what he's doing. This Leonard guy is obviously super retarded and more autistic than Connor, so there's no reason for Connor to compare himself or his writing to him, unless he knows he should be insecure about his own self.
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Yeah, I feel like Connor is turning into Shaner's personal A-Log. I know he wants to fit in with the cool kids, and the Shaner thread can be pretty spergy even at its best (all those losers with their anime girl avatars and their gimmicky running gags *cough*), but Connor's posts there made me cringe a bit.
 
I'm making a skype group specifically to house Connor and his sperging, and keep it from the innocent. All are welcome
 
balcolm said:
A deviation in the connor cycle?
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Nah, he does this once in awhile too, it usually just ends up with him mumbling about himself and not paying attention to anyone else. When people do talk to him about what he wants to talk about. it's just essentially this thread but in vocal form.
 
Skyping with Connor was the most boring experience of my life. He left as soon as the group I was in talked about something other than Redesinging Eva or sucking Molly Ringwald's dick.

EDIT: Not literally.
 
Ok so the call is over. He talked about how he's doing his second draft of his book review and he attempted to do a british and Brooklyn accent. Then TheKnife asked him why he's doesn't do more contemporary works and he hung up. He was watching a movie the whole time as well, he said he likes watching movies that he has memorized while he's doing something else. So not very eventful.
 
wagglyplacebo said:
Ok so the call is over. He talked about how he's doing his second draft of his book review and he attempted to do a british and Brooklyn accent. Then TheKnife asked him why he's doesn't do more contemporary works and he hung up. He was watching a movie the whole time as well, he said he likes watching movies that he has memorized while he's doing something else. So not very eventful.
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How were the accents?
 
Pardon my nitpick, dear ones, but in @Connor's rewrite of Shaner's thing, he has caused one of the characters to say "Earth to Cap."

"Earth to..."? This "story" is set before spaceflight. Way before. Also before science fiction was popular, and well before "Space Oddity," with its "Ground Control to Major Tom" dialogue. Just sayin'.
 
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