🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961

I'm not advocating piracy or anything.

But if this is a movie you've struggled to buy for years, why not just torrent it? They've already not gotten your money for a decade, it won't be hurting them any more at this point.
 
Smutley said:
I'm not advocating piracy or anything.

But if this is a movie you've struggled to buy for years, why not just torrent it? They've already not gotten your money for a decade, it won't be hurting them any more at this point.
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Smut,
I'm willing to shell money out. So sue me.
 
Connor said:
WARNING
The following, rambling post is related to Juno. Viewer discretion is advised.​

So, we all know the nasty things I've said about Juno and its ending, but today, something hit me. Maybe I've been inserting my own cynicism and fears of abandonment into a movie I don't know much of. Maybe my cynicism is what's preventing me from watching the movie and seeing the brighter side of it. I was in a BI-LO today, and noticed the movie was in a bargain bin, and I was half-tempted to buy it. I actually kind of regret not doing so. I've done some more reading into the film's story and its themes, and perhaps I was wrong this whole time.

Allow me to formulate a best case scenario, with some slight exaggeration and Bibleisms. Turn down the lights, cue Wang Chung's "A Fool and his Money".
https://youtube.com/watch?v=mP6wYuoqSdQ
cera460a.jpg

Let's hit the fast forward button on the VHS player of time and hit "play" at about, let's say, chapter fifteen-ish of the kid's life. To the observer, he's got it made. His adoptive mom's got a bitchin' job that rakes in the green. He's got video game consoles, HDTVs, a 7.1 stereo system, an outdoor pool, and a driver's permit for a Ferrari. He frequents a gym, keeping himself in shape and keeping a close eye on what he eats. He wears designer clothes, always keeps himself clean-shaven and wears the best cologne he can get his hands. At school, he's sought after by girls and envied by the boys who are lower on the social ladder. At nights, he goes to the parties.

Despite all of this, he feels empty. He probably inherited his birth mother's cynicism. He comes off as grumpy, self-centered, and a bit of a slacker. Vanessa loves him, but is plagued by the fear she's failed him as a mother because of his attitude and her frequent absences in his childhood. His friends are beginning to think he's a dick. The girl's see him as a spoiled, sexist pig. Soon, the kid realizes that it's not the circumstances of his upbringing and surroundings that made him so pessimistic and Scrooge-like.

It was him all along.

From that point on, he breaks free. He comes out of his shell, and actually starts accepting people for who and what they are rather than looking down on them.
Click to expand...

Just watch the movie.
 
Connor said:
WARNING
The following, rambling post is related to Juno. Viewer discretion is advised.​

So, we all know the nasty things I've said about Juno and its ending, but today, something hit me. Maybe I've been inserting my own cynicism and fears of abandonment into a movie I don't know much of. Maybe my cynicism is what's preventing me from watching the movie and seeing the brighter side of it. I was in a BI-LO today, and noticed the movie was in a bargain bin, and I was half-tempted to buy it. I actually kind of regret not doing so. I've done some more reading into the film's story and its themes, and perhaps I was wrong this whole time.

Allow me to formulate a best case scenario, with some slight exaggeration and Bibleisms. Turn down the lights, cue Wang Chung's "A Fool and his Money".
https://youtube.com/watch?v=mP6wYuoqSdQ
cera460a.jpg

Let's hit the fast forward button on the VHS player of time and hit "play" at about, let's say, chapter fifteen-ish of the kid's life. To the observer, he's got it made. His adoptive mom's got a bitchin' job that rakes in the green. He's got video game consoles, HDTVs, a 7.1 stereo system, an outdoor pool, and a driver's permit for a Ferrari. He frequents a gym, keeping himself in shape and keeping a close eye on what he eats. He wears designer clothes, always keeps himself clean-shaven and wears the best cologne he can get his hands. At school, he's sought after by girls and envied by the boys who are lower on the social ladder. At nights, he goes to the parties.

Despite all of this, he feels empty. He probably inherited his birth mother's cynicism. He comes off as grumpy, self-centered, and a bit of a slacker. Vanessa loves him, but is plagued by the fear she's failed him as a mother because of his attitude and her frequent absences in his childhood. His friends are beginning to think he's a dick. The girl's see him as a spoiled, sexist pig. Soon, the kid realizes that it's not the circumstances of his upbringing and surroundings that made him so pessimistic and Scrooge-like.

It was him all along.

From that point on, he breaks free. He comes out of his shell, and actually starts accepting people for who and what they are rather than looking down on them.
Click to expand...

Connor, the extreme emotional reaction that this movie, which you have never watched all the way through, is alarming and quite frankly, I think it's masking some larger issue. What that issue is, I'm not sure. Is it that you hate your parents? I don't get it. You get worked up over Juno the way I do about the Star Wars prequels. Except in my case, I'm at least in good company with like a million other smelly nerds. You're kind of on your own on this one.

This fixation is super worrying. I feel like you need to either stop talking about the movie altogether, or just sit down and watch the whole thing in one sitting. No breaks. All the way through.

Shit or get off the pot.
 
Meowthkip said:
Connor, the extreme emotional reaction that this movie, which you have never watched all the way through, is alarming and quite frankly, I think it's masking some larger issue. What that issue is, I'm not sure. Is it that you hate your parents? I don't get it. You get worked up over Juno the way I do about the Star Wars prequels. Except in my case, I'm at least in good company with like a million other smelly nerds. You're kind of on your own on this one.

This fixation is super worrying. I feel like you need to either stop talking about the movie altogether, or just sit down and watch the whole thing in one sitting. No breaks. All the way through.

Shit or get off the pot.
Click to expand...
I suggest the former, since the latter would only result in empty promises to "totally watch Juno this weekend you guys, for real," only to have @Connor pussy out when he can't actually muster the testicular fortitude to watch 90 minutes of fiction and ends up blaming all of his failings on his grandmother.
 
BriarHeart said:
I suggest the former, since the latter would only result in empty promises to "totally watch Juno this weekend you guys, for real," only to have @Connor pussy out when he can't actually muster the testicular fortitude to watch 90 minutes of fiction and ends up blaming all of his failings on his grandmother.
Click to expand...

I'm gonna go to his house and strap him to a chair and keep his eyeballs pried open A Clockwork Orange style if he doesn't shut the fuck up about this stupid movie. Rip the proverbial Band-Aid off.

I just want it to end.
 
Let's change the subject, since everyone's getting riled up.

So, to those of you who weren't here earlier today, I hope to write a script for Madam Ringwald in the near future. Something European.
 
Connor said:
Let's change the subject, since everyone's getting riled up.

So, to those of you who weren't here earlier today, I hope to write a script for Madam Ringwald in the near future. Something European.
Click to expand...
What happened to Aplhaboy, then the Juno sequel, then Alphaboy again, then draft #2 of Redesigning Eva, then Alphaboy again?
 
Hat said:
What ever happened to writing scripts to your close friend/b-movie director?
Click to expand...
His multiple sclerosis is affecting him to the point that he may have to call it quits, sadly. We mutually agreed that I wouldn't write anything for him because of that.

Chipmunk's Bounty said:
What happened to Aplhaboy, then the Juno sequel, then Alphaboy again, then draft #2 of Redesigning Eva, then Alphaboy again?
Click to expand...
I jump between multiple projects at lightspeed in my mind.
 
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