🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
Connor said:
5/11/2015
12:00 PM-4:00 PM
Wake up. Time to write.
Click to expand...

Connor said:
Sorry guys, but I wasn't able to get any writing done the past couple of days. I'm at my grandmother's, and every time I turn around, she's got something she need help with. Life doesn't stop and start at the whims of my fiction, y'know.

By the way, I saw the trailer for Jem and the Holograms last night. It looks terrible, and Madam Ringwald just looks... bored. I'm tempted to think that, given the fact she hasn't mentioned the movie much in her recent interviews, it was one of those "take the paycheck and run" deals. One day, I actually hope to write a script for Mrs. Ringwald, something a bit more... European. Think Nicholas Winding Refn.
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Connor said:
My ideal Ringwald film in a nutshell.
050815-molly-ringwald-lead.jpg

*stares blankly at someone for half a minute*
https://youtube.com/watch?v=8pFpKTfyHko
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I come back from laughing at crazy psycho trannies to find. . .absolutely nothing has changed. Sperg on, you crazy diamond.

EDIT: How'd you do on your final?
 
WARNING
The following, rambling post is related to Juno. Viewer discretion is advised.​

So, we all know the nasty things I've said about Juno and its ending, but today, something hit me. Maybe I've been inserting my own cynicism and fears of abandonment into a movie I don't know much of. Maybe my cynicism is what's preventing me from watching the movie and seeing the brighter side of it. I was in a BI-LO today, and noticed the movie was in a bargain bin, and I was half-tempted to buy it. I actually kind of regret not doing so. I've done some more reading into the film's story and its themes, and perhaps I was wrong this whole time.

Allow me to formulate a best case scenario, with some slight exaggeration and Bibleisms. Turn down the lights, cue Wang Chung's "A Fool and his Money".
cera460a.jpg

Let's hit the fast forward button on the VHS player of time and hit "play" at about, let's say, chapter fifteen-ish of the kid's life. To the observer, he's got it made. His adoptive mom's got a bitchin' job that rakes in the green. He's got video game consoles, HDTVs, a 7.1 stereo system, an outdoor pool, and a driver's permit for a Ferrari. He frequents a gym, keeping himself in shape and keeping a close eye on what he eats. He wears designer clothes, always keeps himself clean-shaven and wears the best cologne he can get his hands. At school, he's sought after by girls and envied by the boys who are lower on the social ladder. At nights, he goes to the parties.

Despite all of this, he feels empty. He probably inherited his birth mother's cynicism. He comes off as grumpy, self-centered, and a bit of a slacker. Vanessa loves him, but is plagued by the fear she's failed him as a mother because of his attitude and her frequent absences in his childhood. His friends are beginning to think he's a dick. The girl's see him as a spoiled, sexist pig. Soon, the kid realizes that it's not the circumstances of his upbringing and surroundings that made him so pessimistic and Scrooge-like.

It was him all along.

From that point on, he breaks free. He comes out of his shell, and actually starts accepting people for who and what they are rather than looking down on them.
 
Connor said:
WARNING
The following, rambling post is related to Juno. Viewer discretion is advised.​

So, we all know the nasty things I've said about Juno and its ending, but today, something hit me. Maybe I've been inserting my own cynicism and fears of abandonment into a movie I don't know much of. Maybe my cynicism is what's preventing me from watching the movie and seeing the brighter side of it. I was in a BI-LO today, and noticed the movie was in a bargain bin, and I was half-tempted to buy it. I actually kind of regret not doing so. I've done some more reading into the film's story and its themes, and perhaps I was wrong this whole time.
Click to expand...

We've been telling you this for months.

If you aren't going to see Juno, I would suggest just don't talk about it. I personally couldn't care any goddamn less about this movie where some girl gets inpregnated by Michael Cera, but all I know is whenever you talk about it it always leads to some kind of adoption sperging and I don't think you really want to be in that position. Why are you obsessed with a film you haven't seen and probably aren't going to?
 
Last edited:
Connor said:
WARNING
The following, rambling post is related to Juno. Viewer discretion is advised.​

So, we all know the nasty things I've said about Juno and its ending, but today, something hit me. Maybe I've been inserting my own cynicism and fears of abandonment into a movie I don't know much of. Maybe my cynicism is what's preventing me from watching the movie and seeing the brighter side of it. I was in a BI-LO today, and noticed the movie was in a bargain bin, and I was half-tempted to buy it. I actually kind of regret not doing so. I've done some more reading into the film's story and its themes, and perhaps I was wrong this whole time.

Allow me to formulate a best case scenario, with some slight exaggeration and Bibleisms. Turn down the lights, cue Wang Chung's "A Fool and his Money".
https://youtube.com/watch?v=mP6wYuoqSdQ
cera460a.jpg

Let's hit the fast forward button on the VHS player of time and hit "play" at about, let's say, chapter fifteen-ish of the kid's life. To the observer, he's got it made. His adoptive mom's got a bitchin' job that rakes in the green. He's got video game consoles, HDTVs, a 7.1 stereo system, an outdoor pool, and a driver's permit for a Ferrari. He frequents a gym, keeping himself in shape and keeping a close eye on what he eats. He wears designer clothes, always keeps himself clean-shaven and wears the best cologne he can get his hands. At school, he's sought after by girls and envied by the boys who are lower on the social ladder. At nights, he goes to the parties.

Despite all of this, he feels empty. He probably inherited his birth mother's cynicism. He comes off as grumpy, self-centered, and a bit of a slacker. Vanessa loves him, but is plagued by the fear she's failed him as a mother because of his attitude and her frequent absences in his childhood. His friends are beginning to think he's a dick. The girl's see him as a spoiled, sexist pig. Soon, the kid realizes that it's not the circumstances of his upbringing and surroundings that made him so pessimistic and Scrooge-like.

It was him all along.

From that point on, he breaks free. He comes out of his shell, and actually starts accepting people for who and what they are rather than looking down on them.
Click to expand...

Now there's the Conner we know and love. All anti adoption n shit!
 

you didn't though

"Almost" means shit. One day you're going to wake up as an old man and ask "What if...?"

What if I watched Juno? What if I took more courses in college? What if I got a job earlier? What if I didn't spend so much of my life living with my parents? What if I did something with my life while I could?
 
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