🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%
  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%
  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%
  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%

  • Total voters
    961
He doesn't want his opening tied to the plot because he still hasn't figured out that part yet. Connor just doesn't have enough time to think of silly things like the plot to his own story when he has to spend so much time helping grandma and teenage!Molly's bellybutton.
 
Target word count: 50,000
@BOLDYSPICY! can I get one of your rainbows here
Hey don't be too hard on him, he'll have his novel done by 2023! He just has to take it easy and pace himself.
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Apologies for this being like, a month old. I wouldn't think that Connor did any NaNo forum posting this year (considering how little writing he did), but I checked out of curiosity and there were these two from when he was still talking about the James Bond story.

That synopsis is unspeakably bland & uninteresting, even for Connor. The weird emphasis on the specificity of Bond's method of transport (I'm not entirely sure if a "newly modified Aston Martin DB5" is supposed to be a car or plane) & his weapon ("a Walther PPK") makes the whole thing sound particularly autistic. You can just say "plane" or "gun," Connor. Nobody cares what kind it is.
Really the only thing that jumped out at me was the fact that he misspelled Crayton's name as "Crayon"---twice---which made me giggle like an exceptional individual for a good minute.

EDIT: it's a car, I suck cocks.
EDIT X2 COMBO: Turns out the AMDB5 & the Walther PPK are iconic Bond things. Derp.
 
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EDIT X2 COMBO: Turns out the AMDB5 & the Walther PPK are iconic Bond things. Derp.

Thats so Connor though. Fuck making an attempt at characterisation, or building any kind of compelling story or doing any real research, or even slightly trying. All he needs is a quick glance at the wikipedia page and he gets to show the world what a well read expert in Bond he is. Surely nobody will notice that all the obvious details he chose come from the movies rather than the novels.

I also particularly liked his "critique" of the other guys synopsis. It reeks of "yeah, yeah, fuck you, nobody cares. Now listen to the pointless little thing that I have to say"
 
That synopsis is unspeakably bland & uninteresting, even for Connor. The weird emphasis on the specificity of Bond's method of transport (I'm not entirely sure if a "newly modified Aston Martin DB5" is supposed to be a car or plane) & his weapon ("a Walther PPK") makes the whole thing sound particularly autistic. You can just say "plane" or "gun," Connor. Nobody cares what kind it is.
Really the only thing that jumped out at me was the fact that he misspelled Crayton's name as "Crayon"---twice---which made me giggle like an exceptional individual for a good minute.

Bond falls into the same trap as Indiana Jones, where without his iconic accessories (tux, Walther PPK, Aston Martin; jacket, hat, whip) he's just a generic actionman. In the case of Bond it works because they just throw a new guy in the suit and say run with it.

This also helps explains why Connor is suddenly so in love with Bond - his synopsis is filled with every bond cliche his autistic mind can think of. It's concrete and he gets that it's cool, so anything you write with those props is instantly cool by default.
 
They're buddies. He pays attention to Connor, and Connor briefly allied with him and Vordrak after we lured him here like the impressionable young man he is.
@Ass Manager 3000 , do you still have that morphing Connor/Kengle GIF?

Surely nobody will notice that all the obvious details he chose come from the movies rather than the novels.
That's part of what's so infuriating about Connor. He writes like he's directing a movie. He watches ten movies for every one book he skims through. I think I've read more posts about him describing the ideal cast to play his characters in an RE/Alphaboy movie than posts of him actually developing these characters. @Smutley & I have told him point-blank that he would be far better off writing screenplays but he won't budge from his "dream" of being a fiction novelist because :autism: .

I also particularly liked his "critique" of the other guys synopsis. It reeks of "yeah, yeah, fuck you, nobody cares. Now listen to the pointless little thing that I have to say"
That was my favorite part. & of course it reminds him of a Molly Ringwald movie. At first I thought that maybe the other person's story took place in a school or something, or contained an ensemble of characters (as opposed to one protagonist), & that's why Connor came up with The Breakfast Club. A stretch, but not entirely unreasonable. However, knowing Connor, the synopsis probably had nothing to do with anything & The Breakfast Club thing makes sense only to him.

Bond falls into the same trap as Indiana Jones, where without his iconic accessories (tux, Walther PPK, Aston Martin; jacket, hat, whip) he's just a generic actionman. In the case of Bond it works because they just throw a new guy in the suit and say run with it.

This also helps explains why Connor is suddenly so in love with Bond - his synopsis is filled with every bond cliche his autistic mind can think of. It's concrete and he gets that it's cool, so anything you write with those props is instantly cool by default.
That actually makes a lot of sense. I was wondering where Connor's sudden infatuation with Bond came from, & that would explain it. I was trying to articulate earlier how Connor's synopsis was nothing but rampant clichés, but apparently I don't word good at 3 AM. That's probably also why 007 appeals to him---it's the same static character over & over, just varying slightly in appearance.
Oh, do you remember when what's-his-face Daniel Craig or whatever started playing Bond & everyone freaked out because JAMES BOND'S ARMS HAIR IS NOT FREAKING BLUE BLONDE? & then the unholy shitstorm that followed when someone suggested Bond be played by a niggo? I imagine Connor would have a similar hissy fit if someone told him to actually write Bond as a proper character.
 
Apologies for this being like, a month old. I wouldn't think that Connor did any NaNo forum posting this year (considering how little writing he did), but I checked out of curiosity and there were these two from when he was still talking about the James Bond story.

But.... isn't being tied to the plot the whole purpose of an opening? It sets the stage for the rest of the story.

....Wait. This is Connor. Disregard; there won't be a "rest of the story."
 
The world may change in many ways over the years but take comfort in the fact that Connor will never change.
 
Bond falls into the same trap as Indiana Jones, where without his iconic accessories (tux, Walther PPK, Aston Martin; jacket, hat, whip) he's just a generic actionman. In the case of Bond it works because they just throw a new guy in the suit and say run with it.

This also helps explains why Connor is suddenly so in love with Bond - his synopsis is filled with every bond cliche his autistic mind can think of. It's concrete and he gets that it's cool, so anything you write with those props is instantly cool by default.
I think another part to it is that it's considered an adult's franchise (or at least 13 and up), but not so objectionable that his mom might not ban it outright like Robocop. So it makes Connor feel "grown up" with a lesser chance we'll call him out on his bullshit.
 
OH GOD I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT

Hey, now that Connor is suddenly an avid James Bond fan, when he starts spouting off like this:
You honestly fucking expect me to deal with other people with a poker face?
Did you guys seriously expect me to believe that @Molly Ringwald herself would join the forums just to be a yes woman to me in my private conversations with her?
& no one says "NO MR. BIBLE I EXPECT YOU TO DIE," I will be very disappointed.

Apologies for the double post, but. . .
If only Conner would smile every now and then, he'd actually look somewhat approachable.
@Smutley , do you still have that freaky-ass picture of Connor smiling? I can't find it anywhere. You know which one I'm talking about.

Also shit let's be Bond villains
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Was it this one?
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Or this one??
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It can't be THIS one...
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But the Connor refused to change...
 
Connor can't write the James Bond novel he claims to be writing because he's still refining Redesigning Eva. Why wouldn't he be? He's as good at project management as @Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt
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OH NO CONNORS TOTALLY REAL HOT LAWYER GIRLFRIEND MUST HAVE DUMPED HIM
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He's only on chapter 4 of Alphaboy, and I suppose he's claiming to be on chapter 2 of his James Bond novel, but lets be realistic, none of this has happened.
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:story:
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OH MAN BUT DON'T EXPECT HIM TO WORK FOR IT!
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Aww he's still hanging out with The Papist :3
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