🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
Bugaboo said:
I've come to the conclusion that because Connor cannot write or do math problems the only logical reasoning is that he doesn't have hands to write with
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Those activities both require effort. Conner Bible is the antithesis of effort.
 
ToroidalBoat said:
:story:

Seriously though, why? Other issues aside, he's not exactly personable.
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He's not even just not personable: he has no presence. I feel like he'd be the kind of teacher who just droned on for hours, got pissed at students when they interrupted them, and made everyone feel stupid if they didn't understand, and then expected them all to do perfect on his bizarre exams.

Not to mention I highly doubt Connor would be able to deal with the other things that come with being a teacher. I doubt he'd make any effort to remember his students' names, or interact with them. He would probably find grading to be too stressful. And I don't know that he could handle teaching multiple classes.

Powerlevel alert: I graduated high school the same year as Connor. I'm a first-year master's student, and I'm responsible for teaching 3 classes between Thursdays and Fridays (the actual professor does the teaching on the other 3 days of the week). I just got done with Friday's session. And there is no way in hell Connor would be able to do that, at least not at his current state. It involves so much more than just teaching, and teaching itself is a skill that I don't think Connor can possess, at least not with significant training.
 
Silver said:
Not to mention I highly doubt Connor would be able to deal with the other things that come with being a teacher. I doubt he'd make any effort to remember his students' names, or interact with them. He would probably find grading to be too stressful. And I don't know that he could handle teaching multiple classes.
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If he thinks we're mean he should just try to deal irl with a group of middle or high school students who can see they have a vulnerable tard in front of them. They'd tear his soul apart.
 
While the idea of Connor having a meltdown on day 1 of teaching is hilarious, you pretty much need to have a major that is specifically focused on teaching (i.e. Middle School Education, Early Childhood Education, ect.) and Connor will be struggling with gen eds on his useless associate of arts for at least the next 10 years (provided Ma and Pa bible don't just cut their losses and pull the plug, which they should have done a while ago). Connor is more likely to finish Redesigning Eva and fuck Molly Ringwald than he is of graduating from college, let alone becoming a teacher.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but long, loooong gone are the days when someone with a 4-year English degree can just up and go, "Whelp, I can be a teacher now!" Hell, even the two people I know with teaching degrees who legitimately wanted to teach (or convinced themselves that they did) either quit the field after a pretty short time or were unable to find a teaching job to begin with (like one dude I knew who ended up as a telemarketer :c).
 
BatNapalm said:
Connor is more likely to finish Redesigning Eva and fuck Molly Ringwald than he is of graduating from college, let alone becoming a teacher.
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He's not completely retarded. If he actually felt like it and applied himself he could do it.

Oh. . .yeah I see your point come to think of it.
 
Silver said:
He's not even just not personable: he has no presence. I feel like he'd be the kind of teacher who just droned on for hours, got pissed at students when they interrupted them, and made everyone feel stupid if they didn't understand, and then expected them all to do perfect on his bizarre exams.

Not to mention I highly doubt Connor would be able to deal with the other things that come with being a teacher. I doubt he'd make any effort to remember his students' names, or interact with them. He would probably find grading to be too stressful. And I don't know that he could handle teaching multiple classes.

Powerlevel alert: I graduated high school the same year as Connor. I'm a first-year master's student, and I'm responsible for teaching 3 classes between Thursdays and Fridays (the actual professor does the teaching on the other 3 days of the week). I just got done with Friday's session. And there is no way in hell Connor would be able to do that, at least not at his current state. It involves so much more than just teaching, and teaching itself is a skill that I don't think Connor can possess, at least not with significant training.
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I've mentioned it before, but I think Connor as a teacher would be exactly like my 6th grade math teacher. Kids would openly laugh and mock him and he would spend the entire class hour shouting at us and sending the worst offenders to the office, and nobody respected him ever. At not just our class, but all of them, every day with no exceptions. Just replace math with English and that's what would happen with Connor.

Don't feel too sorry for my teacher either. A few years later he got arrested in one of the city parks after he dropped his pants for a undercover cop.
 
All this talk about Connor's teaching endeavors are missing a critical detail which is he is incapable of holding any job even if he were to get a degree. This is a fat lump that is so pathetic he couldn't handle doing menial work at a job coaching center for the retarded.
 
registereduser said:
I thought more states allowed people to get away with just a bachelor's degree, but you're right, the vast majority require a master's, including South Carolina. But for some reason i also thought there was a shortage of willing teachers in the us.
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Eh, there might be a demand for teachers in certain areas like, I dunno, Special Ed (for example) and there's that Teach for America shit (but even then, I think they mostly take people with Education majors), but whenever I hear about any kind of "shortage" for jobs in the US, I'm automatically conditioned to disbelieve it no matter what the field is.

But what I meant to say was, even people with just 4-year degrees who want to teach are people who majored in education. For example, people who majored in Secondary Education and minored (or double-majored) in English are the ones getting the Highschool English teacher jobs and that's if they're lucky. Not the dude with just a 4-year degree in English. I'm sure there's some exceptions, but if teaching is what someone is planning to do, they kinda have to major in it.

Smutley said:
This is a fat lump that is so pathetic he couldn't handle doing menial work at a job coaching center for the exceptional.
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Because he is the exceptional.
 
Education is the major with the lowest SAT scores and the lowest IQs of any major. It is basically for retards. It's what athletes get if they're too dumb to graduate an actual major with their scholarship.
 
Connor was like, six when 9/11 happened and a full fledged retard. I doubt his parents said anything to him considering how wordy and self-serving this post is.
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How'd that doxing work out for you, Connor? Maybe you shouldn't make calls like this if you don't want to be labeled a hypocrite.
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lol, GODDESS MOLLY HAS SPOKEN and Connor has seen the error of his ways
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:story:
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MOLLY NORTH KOREA EXPLODED NUCLEAR WEAPONS THIS WEEK DID YOU HEAR!!!
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Hahahaha, "you are obviously more level headed"
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You could do with a few less rolls, fatty
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Smutley said:
lol, GODDESS MOLLY HAS SPOKEN and Connor has seen the error of his ways
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:story:
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MOLLY NORTH KOREA EXPLODED NUCLEAR WEAPONS THIS WEEK DID YOU HEAR!!!
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Hahahaha, "you are obviously more level headed"
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You could do with a few less rolls, fatty
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"Hey Molly, what's your opinion on strange, pudgy looking men on Facebook who constantly post questions on your page about current news events and obscure statements you made twenty plus years ago?"
 
Smutley said:
Connor was like, six when 9/11 happened and a full fledged exceptional individual. I doubt his parents said anything to him considering how wordy and self-serving this post is.
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How'd that doxing work out for you, Connor? Maybe you shouldn't make calls like this if you don't want to be labeled a hypocrite.
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lol, GODDESS MOLLY HAS SPOKEN and Connor has seen the error of his ways
View attachment 134570
View attachment 134571
View attachment 134572
View attachment 134573
View attachment 134577

:story:
View attachment 134574

MOLLY NORTH KOREA EXPLODED NUCLEAR WEAPONS THIS WEEK DID YOU HEAR!!!
View attachment 134576

Hahahaha, "you are obviously more level headed"
View attachment 134575

You could do with a few less rolls, fatty
View attachment 134578
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If by "level-headed" they mean his head is so empty that the top of his skull has collapsed into itself to make a completely level surface, then yeah I agree.
 
MysticMisty said:
Dox his grandma next, please. Maybe that'll get him back here for a day or two.
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It's always more fun to let cows return of their own volition. 'Sides, the reason Smutley doxed Connor's brother last time was because Connor sold us out to Vordrak and wouldn't reveal the email conversations he'd had with him.

Connor's brother was revealed to be a successful, competent badass whose mere mention had to have shamed his younger sibling in every way, and that made the event hilarious. But I think doxing his grandmother, who is obviously not as independent, in an attempt to get him to return, would just give Connor an excuse to pretend he's being targeted and provide idiots like Samuel Collingwood Smith with more bullshit "proof" that we're all a bunch of evil trolls who were "luring" him to the farms.

And anyway, even if he doesn't come back, it won't matter. We'll just stop talking about him and move on like we said we would. And in the extremely unlikely event that he actually is learning restraint and finding ways to fill his life with other things besides the internet, we should be happy that he's on the path to lolcow recovery. :optimistic:

But don't count on that. At some point, he'll return here anyway. Because he always comes back.


He always comes back. :|
 
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