🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[TrippinKahlua]

I'm 183 pages into this thread right now, and I have to say that Connor has really inspired me to get my powerlevel-issues-that-shall-not-be-named conquered, because I don't want to be like this forever.
Thanks, Connor, you actually did something!
(Though to be fair to myself, I've always made at least some effort, and never fully gave up. I don't think he's made any, ever.)

Yeah, @Connor Bible inspired me to shape up a bit as well. I was supposed to be the next one after him, until I started mentioning Kettlebells and why Connor should use one.

 

[DuskEngine]

Yeah, @Connor Bible inspired me to shape up a bit as well. I was supposed to be the next one after him, until I started mentioning Kettlebells and why Connor should use one.

Real talk my posture and back pain have gotten way better since I got a 20 kg kettle bell

 

[VLAD]

I should actually get myself a kettlebell. Not to derail the thread too much, but are there any particular brands that experienced kettlebellers would recommend?

 

[TrippinKahlua]

I should actually get myself a kettlebell. Not to derail the thread too much, but are there any particular brands that experienced kettlebellers would recommend?

I bought a particularly fancy one from a site called Onnit, its in the shape of a Monkey head. They are probably more expensive than a standard one, but since I needed to import it, I made that choice.

Plus the standard ones came in sets, which would have bumped up weight duty more.

 

[VLAD]

I've stopped drinking sodas for now. Eleven days, so far. I've been going to the YMCA gym regularly. Still, despite my efforts, sometimes I feel like I'm not really going anywhere, y'know? I try to get some writing done, but the words simply don't come to me. I'm in a state of fright when I open Microsoft Word to begin a story. I'm practically choking. A bunch of "what ifs" swarm my conscience. What if it doesn't make sense? What if I'm wasting my time? What if I drive myself crazy? Every time I type, I'm scared to death.

Sounds like somebody needs a hug. And a kettlebell.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

The thing about kettlebells is that unlike dumbells they exercise the entire body when used and thus are better for building fitness

 

[JU 199]

From chat-

Connor Bible: It's really aimed at Kiwis, so it'll be pretty politically incorrect in its humor.

Connor Bible: Trust me, I'm going to be scathing.

Connor Bible: I'll be joking about celebrity obsession, suicide, masturbation, autism in general, trolling, WrongPlanet, etc.

Connor Bible: I'm going to be posting it on the Farms.

Connor Bible: In the first chapter, I'm going to have myself kicked out of the house.

Connor Bible: It'll get crazier from there.

Connor Bible: Literally, I'll have a foot shoved up my ass in the first chapter.

Connor Bible: No, I'm going to be viciously satirizing myself, and dropping references to other lolcows.

Connor Bible: I was inspired by Voltaire's Candide.

Connor Bible: I've thought about working in Nick.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

Given his past writing habits, I'll expect the first chapter to be posted sometime next October.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

It's easier to be critical of somebody else's faults then our own. Why improve ourself when we can just sit back and laugh at the failure of another?

Some of it comes from people deflecting or trollshielding, but I think there are also people who are just hateful dicks with anger issues who don't really understand the point of this forum. They see a site dedicated to documenting and laughing at lolcows, and feel like they've finally found acceptable targets for all their free-floating rage and disgust. They're not pointing out how much they hate Chris to distract from their own shortcomings; they just like angrily scolding people and think that's what we do here. Although they probably have some serious shortcomings, too.

Whenever I see a really angry post on here, I always think, "Being this person's Facebook friend must be a lot of work."

I couldn't have said it better myself, and I couldn't agree more. Humans being humans, users on this site tend to view lolcows as punching bags to fuel their egos, vent frustrations, and so on. In the process, they take it very seriously, and it becomes almost akin to a vendetta against the lolcow for (sometimes) imaginary attacks or slights.

You don't have an example of that happening, do you?

(Not to say that it doesn't happen. Just saying that I strongly suspect the punching bag that you're referring to is named Connor and is from the Carolinas.)

Look at Adam Sandler. I don't like his movies as much as the next guy, but I don't think he deserves a lolcow thread. I think he showed potential in his earlier films, but he kept getting and signing on to bad material. Same case with Rob Schneider, who, IMHO, was actually funny in his brief role in Demolition Man. Yes, Sandler's career is going down the tubes. Yes, his movies are shit. It's become hip to hate him and Schneider, but I don't think its practical to devote an entire thread to guys like them. After all, we have a rule against creating threads on celebrities. Washed-up celebrities, maybe; there's a lovely thread dedicated to them under Lolcow General, if you haven't seen it.

Thank you, @Marvin . You're the best.

Also, I'm pretty sure that Adam Sandler thread was made by @Null as a joke.

EDIT:

Yeah, @Connor Bible inspired me to shape up a bit as well. I was supposed to be the next one after him, until I started mentioning Kettlebells and why Connor should use one.

Real talk my posture and back pain have gotten way better since I got a 20 kg kettle bell

Dude, I just found a $35 kettlebell on sale for $13. It's only 20 lbs. though, as I'm really out of shape & have terrible back pain. Here's hoping it helps. Thanks, @TrippinKahlua !

 

[Connor Bible]

No, no, I have every intention of finishing the first chapter of my parody soon.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

No, no, I have every intention of finishing the first chapter of my parody soon.

I'm so happy I could cry. I don't care how autistic I'm being, I'm legit happy to have you back & I'm thrilled you're taking steps to improve yourself.

EDIT: I promise not to shit all over your writing this time.

 

[Marvin]

Thank you, @Marvin . You're the best.

Also, I'm pretty sure that Adam Sandler thread was made by @Null as a joke.

Heh, like, I'm totally cool if Connor is trying to chill out some. Not that I'm very hopeful it will happen, but I can at least appreciate the attempt.

But an "is Cool Cat right about kiwifarms being big meanies??" thread is probably not going to end well for Connor. Glass houses and all that.

 

[VLAD]

I'm so happy I could cry. I don't care how autistic I'm being, I'm legit happy to have you back & I'm thrilled you're taking steps to improve yourself.

EDIT: I promise not to shit all over your writing this time.

Ditto this, except for the last part.

I promise to only shit all over your writing if it deserves it.

 

[Segue]

I'm legit happy to have you back & I'm thrilled you're taking steps to improve yourself.

Prepare to be disappointed. Connor's equivalent to a footstep is a reluctant wiggle before he goes back to doing nothing.

 

[bzewzi]

It's a Red Letter Connor Bible Certified Day up ins.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

Connor, is there other things to do at the YMCA that would be beneficial to you?

I've only heard about YMCA through the village people song. There are no YMCA's in my country.

 

[Randy Lahey]

Connor Bible: I was inspired by Voltaire's Candide.

@Connor Bible does that mean ripped off?

 

[Meowthkip]

From chat-

Connor Bible: It's really aimed at Kiwis, so it'll be pretty politically incorrect in its humor.

Connor Bible: Trust me, I'm going to be scathing.

Connor Bible: I'll be joking about celebrity obsession, suicide, masturbation, autism in general, trolling, WrongPlanet, etc.

Connor Bible: I'm going to be posting it on the Farms.

Connor Bible: In the first chapter, I'm going to have myself kicked out of the house.

Connor Bible: It'll get crazier from there.

Connor Bible: Literally, I'll have a foot shoved up my ass in the first chapter.

Connor Bible: No, I'm going to be viciously satirizing myself, and dropping references to other lolcows.

Connor Bible: I was inspired by Voltaire's Candide.

Connor Bible: I've thought about working in Nick.

Considering what Connor did with our brief writing collab, I'll have to believe this when I see it.

 

[Connor Bible]

Here is proof that I'm working on it.

Spoiler: excerpt

There once lived a young man in the lower Carolinas by the name of Connor. He was the son of a well-liked, well-educated man of modest means and numerous friends who worked two jobs to support his family. Connor and his mother, his father’s second wife, were unemployed, leaving the father to be the sole breadwinner. He had sired another son from his previous marriage, which ended in divorce; that lad was now in his early thirties, happily married, and a successful attorney. The father had felt that he had done an excellent job with this boy, but lamented that he had let Connor down. Now of twenty-two years, his cherry not popped, and his hands not given a tool with which he can rise to the positions of his father and half-brother, Connor had grown into an ass. He predominantly resided within his room at his parent’s household, wasting valuable opportunity with each video game he played or each expulsion of millions of potential sons and daughters from his cod.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Here is proof that I'm working on it.

Spoiler: excerpt

There once lived a young man in the lower Carolinas by the name of Connor. He was the son of a well-liked, well-educated man of modest means and numerous friends who worked two jobs to support his family. Connor and his mother, his father’s second wife, were unemployed, leaving the father to be the sole breadwinner. He had sired another son from his previous marriage, which ended in divorce; that lad was now in his early thirties, happily married, and a successful attorney. The father had felt that he had done an excellent job with this boy, but lamented that he had let Connor down. Now of twenty-two years, his cherry not popped, and his hands not given a tool with which he can rise to the positions of his father and half-brother, Connor had grown into an ass. He predominantly resided within his room at his parent’s household, wasting valuable opportunity with each video game he played or each expulsion of millions of potential sons and daughters from his cod.

That just. . .I know it's supposed to be self-depreciating, but it just makes me sad. It IS well-written, though!