🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[BILLY MAYS]

Don't proceed with this line of thought unless you were good at fractions in school

so as long you're not @Connor Bible then

 

[Smutley]

A small update on everyones favorite Brilliant Boy. Let's see, what all do we have...

Oh yeah, seven years later Connor is still plugging away on that Redesigning Eva novel if only Grandma wouldn't keep getting in the way

Oh my fucking god, really? Molly Ringwald will be dead and buried long before Connor finishes his associates degree. I don't know why all these nerds keep encouraging him though.

"Someone called me gay because I'm a fan"
"I think you're overreacting"
lol

May 10th, 2016

For reference, Connor spent five years yelling about Juno despite never actually watching the 96min film. I have strong suspicions about him finishing The Shining the movie, let alone the book.

April 20th, 2017

Nigga it's 659 pages. You could read 2 pages a day and finish in under a year Wait. Hold up a minute, what's that he says about this incredibly rare book?

It's been 2 months since his birthday and he just opened it to make sure there were pages in it

Here's a whole thread of Molly Sperging, where a lot of the users rib him gently. This must have been what caused the big I'M A LOSER FOR LIKING MOLLY!!!!! post

Spoiler

And some random Molly spergery. Nothing says "feminism" like a man who hates women

Oh good, he's still hanging with The Papist

 

[Graffiti canvas]

Good job, Connor. You're really making some solid progress there.

 

[John Furrman]

Good job, Connor. You're really making some solid progress there.

One paragraph a month is solid progress for Connor.

 

[r00]

I miss Connor and wish he'd come back so we could all put our collective arm gently around him and yell at him for being a fucking retard.

 

[Flame the Sunbird]

Connor, Gavin MacLeod is still alive! This thing is writing itself!

 

[Ti-99/4A]

So much for moving on with his life. Still jerking off and doing as little as possible, just not coming here to tell us about it.

 

[Flowers For Sonichu]

WHERE'S THE BOOK REPORT CONNOR?

 

[GV 998]

STUCK reading The Shining?

Look, I realize Stephen King may not be for everyone but The Shining is a real fucking page turner. I knocked that out in about 3 days when I first read it in high school, because it's such a gripping novel. It really is one of those "I couldn't put it down" books. I don't understand how reading it can be such a slog to Connor.

Well, certain books can feel like they go on forever, but King usually does a good job of keeping you engaged throughout the duration of his novels. Is Connor just perpetually bored with everything? I mean, lazy, sure, but it just seems like nothing truly interests him, at least not for very long. Molly Ringwald is an exception, but she's more of a fantasy than, say, a hobby to enjoy.

And his lack of enthusiasm, to me, says that he doesn't want to be a writer. He just wants to be rich and famous for being one. Every time he talks about his future, he usually says that he will be "a best-selling author".

Now, sure, all aspiring authors hope their books will be best sellers, but most unpublished authors are mainly just hoping to get published in general.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

I kept pressing on and on and on about that Kettlebell brah, but its too late. I'm done evolved from them bitch! My 15lb mace combined with it, and taking creatine and liver every day.

It's easy and possible to fix this "Loser Life" you talk about dumbass, but you never want to do anything to fix it.

 

[Meowthkip]

STUCK reading The Shining?

Look, I realize Stephen King may not be for everyone but The Shining is a real fucking page turner. I knocked that out in about 3 days when I first read it in high school, because it's such a gripping novel. It really is one of those "I couldn't put it down" books. I don't understand how reading it can be such a slog to Connor.

Well, certain books can feel like they go on forever, but King usually does a good job of keeping you engaged throughout the duration of his novels. Is Connor just perpetually bored with everything? I mean, lazy, sure, but it just seems like nothing truly interests him, at least not for very long. Molly Ringwald is an exception, but she's more of a fantasy than, say, a hobby to enjoy.

And his lack of enthusiasm, to me, says that he doesn't want to be a writer. He just wants to be rich and famous for being one. Every time he talks about his future, he usually says that he will be "a best-selling author".

Now, sure, all aspiring authors hope their books will be best sellers, but most unpublished authors are mainly just hoping to get published in general.

I'd argue that yes, Connor is either bored with everything, or he has some severe learning disorder that doesn't allow him to be able to pay attention to the simplest of tasks for more than five minutes before he decides to go onto the internet and complain about how hard his life is. But I think it's more the former; he seems wholly incapable of spending energy on anything that isn't about him and how much his life sucks. That's why he's probably written several novels worth of posts on the turmoil of being Connor, but he can't be fucked to read more than a paragraph or two of a book written by somebody else that will never know him, because he can't see himself in it, and the only thing that matters is Connor.

 

[GV 998]

I kept pressing on and on and on about that Kettlebell brah, but its too late. I'm done evolved from them bitch! My 15lb mace combined with it, and taking creatine and liver every day.

It's easy and possible to fix this "Loser Life" you talk about dumbass, but you never want to do anything to fix it.

Connor will never buy a kettlebell. or use one. Or even take any exercise advice. It would probably take a serious medical scare to make him change his level of activity.

We couldn't even convince him to sit his ass down and write for just one hour a day. THAT was too stressful for him.

 

[Ruin]

I'd argue that yes, Connor is either bored with everything, or he has some severe learning disorder that doesn't allow him to be able to pay attention to the simplest of tasks for more than five minutes before he decides to go onto the internet and complain about how hard his life is. But I think it's more the former; he seems wholly incapable of spending energy on anything that isn't about him and how much his life sucks. That's why he's probably written several novels worth of posts on the turmoil of being Connor, but he can't be fucked to read more than a paragraph or two of a book written by somebody else that will never know him, because he can't see himself in it, and the only thing that matters is Connor.

I don't thinker Connor reads at all to be honest. I think he just Googles lists of popular/well know books and brings them up to make it seem like he's intelligent/worldly. When he used to talk about books here I noticed several times he'd reference parts of movie adaptions of books that weren't in the original novels which heavily implies he doesn't actually read them.

 

[Smutley]

STUCK reading The Shining?

Look, I realize Stephen King may not be for everyone but The Shining is a real fucking page turner. I knocked that out in about 3 days when I first read it in high school, because it's such a gripping novel. It really is one of those "I couldn't put it down" books. I don't understand how reading it can be such a slog to Connor.

Total Conjecture Post follows

Connor likes things that can be done passively. I think that's why he's so into movies, because he can sit there on the couch like a fat white lump and absorb whats happening on the screen. It's also probably why he likes older genre films as much as he does. Everything is presented in such a way that even his autistic brain can comprehend when someone is angry, or why someone is happy, or how the main character "loved" the wife that had no lines who had 20 squibs explode during the opening shoot out.

Reading is a lot of work. You can't do much else because you have to focus on it, to comprehend what you're reading. It's dull! Even in the genres he purports to love he can't slog through them. But he'll watch the shit out of the movie adaptations and then comment like he's an expert on the source material. You can see this in the way he gushes about the The Shining movie while leaving out critical scenes from the novel, like the living topiary lions that stalk Danny, or how the ending differs dramatically from the movie. If he'd watched the 90's version he could at least talk about this but nope, the much changed classic version is all he needs to be a superfan.

The only caveat to that is his love of video games which he never seems to talk about much. Way back when, Connor had actually 100% unlocked all the crypt items in Mortal Kombat: Deception which takes a ton of time grinding for coins. I mention this because his only talk of that was a couple posts on Wrong Planet lamenting that his memory card died and he'd have to do all that work over again. I think he realizes video games won't get him recognition like "writing" would, even if he doesn't understand a novels structure because he actually wants to write screenplay.

tl;dr - Connor is simply lazy and collects things he thinks make him seem smart while never actually using them.

 

[Francis E. Dec Esc.]

I miss the old Conner Cycle. "Hey guys, I wrote three pages in Redesigning Eva and took my grandma to Publix." -> "FUCKY YOU NULL DELETE MY THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

[Coster]

Is Connor getting better?

 

[MysticMisty]

Is Connor just perpetually bored with everything? I mean, lazy, sure, but it just seems like nothing truly interests him, at least not for very long.

Connor wants instant gratification. Reading involves picturing the location, the scenery, the character, the voices, all in your head, and all at the same time. And reading takes a long time. Depending on personal reading speed, length and difficulty of the book, and amount of free time, it can take anywhere from several hours to a few weeks to read one book.

The average movie length however is around 90 minutes. It doesn't vary from person to person, and best of all books are frequently adapted into movies. It's just like reading...but better! Connor can even save extra time by masturbating during the movie and not waste time he can spend online.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

I cant blame Connor for being a shitty reader. Reading is hard for guys like us/those.

I have only read one book in full, and that is the Disaster Artist.

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

Reading is hard for guys like us/those.

And why is that? The urge to constantly engage in masturbatory practices too strong?

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

Half-Life 3 will be out and the Kiwi Farms will be long dead (or have taken over the entire world) before Redesigning Eva is even through its first draft.