Can someone from the UK help me?

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Cats

Cats

Deceased
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Lately I have been more bored than usual and found myself watching clips of the 2000's-2010's television show "Shark Tank" on youtube. I have made it through the show all the way, enjoying QUEEN OF THE MILFS Lori Greiner the whole time, and I have finally made it on to "Dragon's Den", which is the UK version of this show.

I have only been watching DD for a few days now and already I can feel a seething, white hot hatred for the British - far more intense than my usual disdain - slowly bubbling up over the edges of my heart and mind like some kind of tainted, repulsive broth.

Can a kiwifriend from the UK please enter the thread and say something fun or redeeming, so that I am reminded that you all aren't insufferable Cock-Smoking Individuals who gobble up every last ounce of your terrible, terrible government's rampant tomcuckery? In the bottom of my shriveled and blackened little cat's heart, I know this to be true: There's the "lads" (that's what you say, right?) from Monty Python; Matthew Holness, Richard Ayoade and Matt Berry from Garth Marenghi; David Firth and his friend Devvo and MANY other Britishers that I love and admire as much as possible. But I really just need a Friend from the kiwifarm.com website to remind me in real time and just, you know, get me back on the right track.

Your Texas Friend,
Cats

P.S., I am so sorry that major parts of your country have been passively invaded with resounding success by Brown People, and that you live within the crushing grip of a nigh-dystopian Nanny State which attempts to stomp out every last remaining ounce of testosterone, fighting spirit, and empowerment of yourselves as individuals by treating you like literal fucking toddlers who can't be trusted or permitted to do anything of your own volition without asking permission first, requiring heavy licensure, or the thing you want to do just being flat out illegal...especially things like the basic human right of saying what you like, defending yourselves, running a personal business, or having in your possession any number of standard household tools and/or implements. I am sorry this invasion and repression leads to horrible things like acid-in-the-face attacks or being horribly mutilated in the streets by a knife-wielding Brown Lunatic while your fellow citizens stand around and film it on their mobile devices.
 
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Solution
FuckedOffToff
Don't watch Dragon's Den, it's shit.
Have you tried Task Master? You might like that. Greg Davies is all right, and Little Alex Horne.
Don't watch the new series though, they've got a non-binary lass, and fecking pronoun respect. I disavow.

Oh, and Bob Mortimer on Would I Lie to You is always great value for money. Qualified lawyer, btw, represented Jarvis Cocker from Pulp when he was arrested for mooning Micheal Jackson on stage at the Brit Awards.
Can't embed, just link. It's YouTube.
Theft or Shrubbery?
I promise, we're not all shitheads, mate.
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Cats said:
I have only been watching DD for a few days now and already I can feel a seething, white hot hatred for the British - far more intense than my usual disdain - slowly bubbling up over the edges of my heart and mind like some kind of tainted, repulsive broth.
Click to expand...
Don't worry about that, it's a natural reaction upon being exposed to the British.

Cats said:
Can a kiwifriend from the UK please enter the thread and say something fun or redeeming, so that I am reminded that you all aren't insufferable Cock-Smoking Individuals who gobble up every last ounce of your terrible, terrible government's rampant tomcuckery?
Click to expand...
I don't think they can anything fun or funny, their country hasn't issued state approved funny licenses yet. Even if they had one, they'll probably be arrested by a copper for offending a troon (Probably named Tony) so that they can gaing good boy points while not addressing rape gangs or knife crime.
 
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Don't watch Dragon's Den, it's shit.
Have you tried Task Master? You might like that. Greg Davies is all right, and Little Alex Horne.
Don't watch the new series though, they've got a non-binary lass, and fecking pronoun respect. I disavow.

Oh, and Bob Mortimer on Would I Lie to You is always great value for money. Qualified lawyer, btw, represented Jarvis Cocker from Pulp when he was arrested for mooning Micheal Jackson on stage at the Brit Awards.
Can't embed, just link. It's YouTube.
Theft or Shrubbery?
I promise, we're not all shitheads, mate.
 
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Solution
Look at British people. I know it's hard due to their appearance, but look at them. Do they look like they can help anyone?

Their only advice would be to pour yourself a cup of tea and wait for the proper authorities to address the situation. No reason to make a fuss, it is what it is innit. Stiff upper lip ol' chap, what-ho.

Can someone from the UK help me: what a silly question to ask.
 
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Britain is the place where all the cool people left ages ago and all that's left are cringe retards. every once in a while they spawn somebody moderately based (Russell Brand) but either reject them entirely or bully them into conformity. all the smart limeys got off the continent as soon as possible and came to the much cooler place for actually cool people, America. what remains is a lost cause. reminder that they elected this guy as their prime minister, because he was supposed to be some kind of incredible autistic political genius who would solve all their government's horrible problems, and the dumb faggot look was supposed to be representative of that (he looks shabby because he's too smart to bother with primping!) but it turned out he was actually just another dumb faggot who intentionally kept himself looking like a dumb faggot because it made everyone think he was smart. but then the reason everyone got mad at him wasn't because he was fake and gay and totally failed to do anything effective, it's because he went to a party during COVID lockdown. lol. lmao

1687358837674.jpeg
 
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I think this might be the only british woman I have seen on Dragon's Den so far that doesn't look like some sort of muppet

see look: muppet, muppet duo, and they even have a megamuppet as a dragon

My favorite part of the duo was when one of the dragons basically said they look like they stink:
muppets.png
 
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I'm currently on holiday in a posh part of the south of France.
It's lovely.

You know how the trash of every country spoil everything no matter where they are?
I'm a brit and fuck me the chavs of my native isle are more obnoxious and off putting than just about any other nation, and while I'm happy to admit that it's also true that every nations lowest scum are aggravating in the extreme to different degrees.

But here's the thing.

As everybody gets richer they get more damn civilised. I stay in very posh hotels now I've made my money and the citizens of all nations just become better people as they progress financially. Dealing with wealthy Europeans is a real pleasure.
But this rule breaks down with one nation.
Americans.

The richer they get the more fucking unbearable they are.
Take any restaurant with 30 tables and you'll always hear the braying yanks at one table above everyone else. They can't fucking help themselves, a constant diatribe of how much better they are and how amazing everything USA is. It's fucking embarrassing but not to them, they seem oblivious to their baseless superiority and just crash ignorantly through every social situation.

Just the wealthy ones mind. The disadvantaged ones seem the same as the rest of us.
I once read that only 15% of Americans have a passport, that would explain alot, you're sending your worst.
 
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The Silent Perjority said:
It's fucking embarrassing but not to them, they seem oblivious to their baseless superiority and just crash ignorantly through every social situation.
Click to expand...
It’s extremely embarrassing to the other small percentage of Americans being quiet and trying to enjoy their vacation or business trip in peace. I think many are total autists when it comes to foreign countries because they deal with so few (non-Americanized) foreigners.

ETA: American tourists can be fucking cringe but at least they don’t need signs telling them how to properly shit on a toilet.
 
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FWIW even British people hate the dragons. Check out this early episode of Would I Lie to You?
It's pretty obvious that Frankie Boyle absolutely despises Duncan Bannatyne. This is the normal, human response to being in the same room as a dragon.

As for the contestants, British television seems to be going through this thing where producers find the most braindead, pants-on-head retarded mongoloids to "star" in their shows. Their quiz shows are exactly the same way; you will never find a more godforsaken group of spastics than British quiz show contestants.

You didn't specify exactly what you hated about the British, apart from "everything," but I hope this helps.
 
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The Silent Perjority said:
I'm currently on holiday in a posh part of the south of France.
It's lovely.

You know how the trash of every country spoil everything no matter where they are?
I'm a brit and fuck me the chavs of my native isle are more obnoxious and off putting than just about any other nation, and while I'm happy to admit that it's also true that every nations lowest scum are aggravating in the extreme to different degrees.

But here's the thing.

As everybody gets richer they get more damn civilised. I stay in very posh hotels now I've made my money and the citizens of all nations just become better people as they progress financially. Dealing with wealthy Europeans is a real pleasure.
But this rule breaks down with one nation.
Americans.

The richer they get the more fucking unbearable they are.
Take any restaurant with 30 tables and you'll always hear the braying yanks at one table above everyone else. They can't fucking help themselves, a constant diatribe of how much better they are and how amazing everything USA is. It's fucking embarrassing but not to them, they seem oblivious to their baseless superiority and just crash ignorantly through every social situation.

Just the wealthy ones mind. The disadvantaged ones seem the same as the rest of us.
I once read that only 15% of Americans have a passport, that would explain alot, you're sending your worst.
Click to expand...
Not far off what John Cleese said about the yanks in The Meaning Of Life as the Grim Reaper.

 
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