UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

https://news.sky.com/story/row-over-new-greggs-vegan-sausage-rolls-heats-up-11597679 (https://archive.ph/5Ba6o)

A heated row has broken out over a move by Britain's largest bakery chain to launch a vegan sausage roll.

The pastry, which is filled with a meat substitute and encased in 96 pastry layers, is available in 950 Greggs stores across the country.

It was promised after 20,000 people signed a petition calling for the snack to be launched to accommodate plant-based diet eaters.


But the vegan sausage roll's launch has been greeted by a mixed reaction: Some consumers welcomed it, while others voiced their objections.

View image on Twitter


spread happiness@p4leandp1nk
https://twitter.com/p4leandp1nk/status/1080767496569974785

#VEGANsausageroll thanks Greggs

7
10:07 AM - Jan 3, 2019
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Cook and food poverty campaigner Jack Monroe declared she was "frantically googling to see what time my nearest opens tomorrow morning because I will be outside".

While TV writer Brydie Lee-Kennedy called herself "very pro the Greggs vegan sausage roll because anything that wrenches veganism back from the 'clean eating' wellness folk is a good thing".

One Twitter user wrote that finding vegan sausage rolls missing from a store in Corby had "ruined my morning".

Another said: "My son is allergic to dairy products which means I can't really go to Greggs when he's with me. Now I can. Thank you vegans."

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pg often@pgofton
https://twitter.com/pgofton/status/1080772793774624768

The hype got me like #Greggs #Veganuary

42
10:28 AM - Jan 3, 2019
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TV presenter Piers Morgan led the charge of those outraged by the new roll.

"Nobody was waiting for a vegan bloody sausage, you PC-ravaged clowns," he wrote on Twitter.

Mr Morgan later complained at receiving "howling abuse from vegans", adding: "I get it, you're all hangry. I would be too if I only ate plants and gruel."

Another Twitter user said: "I really struggle to believe that 20,000 vegans are that desperate to eat in a Greggs."

"You don't paint a mustach (sic) on the Mona Lisa and you don't mess with the perfect sausage roll," one quipped.

Journalist Nooruddean Choudry suggested Greggs introduce a halal steak bake to "crank the fume levels right up to 11".

The bakery chain told concerned customers that "change is good" and that there would "always be a classic sausage roll".

It comes on the same day McDonald's launched its first vegetarian "Happy Meal", designed for children.

The new dish comes with a "veggie wrap", instead of the usual chicken or beef option.

It should be noted that Piers Morgan and Greggs share the same PR firm, so I'm thinking this is some serious faux outrage and South Park KKK gambiting here.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

I like French Fries with mayonnaise.

I'd prefer a sauce that doesn't look so much like cum thanks.

 

[Sped Xing]

Mayonnaise is just whitish, but the consistency and opacity are all wrong. The sugar icing packets that come with toaster struedels look exactly like cum. In case that information ever comes in handy.

 

[CWCissey]

I like French Fries with mayonnaise.

What are you? Belgian?

 

[Spl00gies]

Never eaten a kebab. Don't feel like I'm missing much.

 

[CWCissey]

Never eaten a kebab. Don't feel like I'm missing much.

Get absolutely rat-arsed then eat one.

 

[Sped Xing]

Never eaten a kebab. Don't feel like I'm missing much.

In the states, a kebab is meat and veggies on a stick.

 

[CWCissey]

In the states, a kebab is meat and veggies on a stick.

That's also a thing here, we just call it a shish kebab.

 

[Too Many Catgirls]

In Paris they call it the royale with cheese.

 

[Otterly]

In the states, a kebab is meat and veggies on a stick.

In Blighty, a kebab is meat of unknown origin shaved off a dubious looking large chunk of meat which rotates in front of a heater all day, then shoved in a pita bread with spices so strong you sweat them out for a week afterwards, Onions, and ‘sauce’ of various types. The rest of the polystyrene tray is filled with chips and, if you’re fancy, salad. It’s eaten with a wooden chip fork.
Kebabs only exist after you’ve had ten pints and are staggering home in a semi coma state.
They are always regretted the next day. I had one as student (cough mumble) years ago and that one has put me off for life...

The proper british fish and chips is actually really, really good.

In Scotland you can get deep fried haggis, deep fried pizza, and even deep fried pies. Wash it all down with iron bru as you ruminate on why parts of inner city Glasgow have a Male life expectancy of 54...

 

[Sped Xing]

We call your kebab "Gyros" and prounce it "Jyrows" because we're fucking stupid.

Fish and chips always seems like it will be good and ends in bitter disappointment, here.

Fried pies are available in every gas station.

 

[Bender]

In Blighty, a kebab is meat of unknown origin shaved off a dubious looking large chunk of meat which rotates in front of a heater all day, then shoved in a pita bread with spices so strong you sweat them out for a week afterwards, Onions, and ‘sauce’ of various types. The rest of the polystyrene tray is filled with chips and, if you’re fancy, salad. It’s eaten with a wooden chip fork.

It’s eaten with a wooden chip fork.

How posh are you, having a wooden chip fork? The only true way to eat a kebab is to shove your face in it, bite a bit and hope you get more meat, bread and salad in your mouth than you drop over the floor. Then, when you're two doors away from home, decide you need a piss and let it all out over your neighbour's hedge. Finally, you wake up with no knowledge of having said kebab, but your pillow case is kind of yellow because of the grease that was stuck to your face because you were too drunk to wash when you got home and just flopped face-first into your bed, fully-dressed.

ETA: I'm gonna be stuck with this image of @Otterly's avatar eating a kebab with a knife and fork with a lovely cup of tea on the side for many moons to come.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

How posh are you, having a wooden chip fork? The only true way to eat a kebab is to shove your face in it, bite a bit and hope you get more meat, bread and salad in your mouth than you drop over the floor. Then, when you're two doors away from home, decide you need a piss and let it all out over your neighbour's hedge. Finally, you wake up with no knowledge of having said kebab, but your pillow case is kind of yellow because of the grease that was stuck to your face because you were too drunk to wash when you got home and just flopped face-first into your bed, fully-dressed.

And then this random woman smacks you in the face and shouts, "You smelly fat walrus, you live at no. 24!!!!"

 

[Bender]

And then this random woman smacks you in the face and shouts, "You smelly fat walrus, you live at no. 24!!!!"

Should've locked her door if she didn't want any guests, shouldn't she? At least I don't have to wash the bedclothes, that's a plus.

 

[Sped Xing]

Wait, I glossed over this.

You degenerates make silverware out of wood?

 

[Bender]

Wait, I glossed over this.

You degenerates make silverware out of wood?

No, you fucking muppet, we're not alchemists, we make woodware out of wood.

 

[Sped Xing]

Cor, bloimey, Oy go' a splin'er in me mouf!

 

[Bender]

Cor, bloimey, Oy go' a splin'er in me mouf!

Do you not use wooden spoons or wooden rolling pins during cooking/baking where you're from? What about those wooden salad serving things that's basically a big wooden spoon and fork? Do you get splinters from them in your food? Where are you from anyway?

 

[Thomas Talus]

Do you not use wooden spoons or wooden rolling pins during cooking/baking where you're from? What about those wooden salad serving things that's basically a big wooden spoon and fork? Do you get splinters from them in your food? Where are you from anyway?

We don't mash salad tongs or rolling pins against one of the most sensitive parts of the human body, especially not when the wood has gotten wet.

The correct rebuttal would have been cheap disposable chopsticks from Asian (actual proper Asian, not Paki) restaurants.

 

[Sped Xing]

Do you not use wooden spoons or wooden rolling pins during cooking/baking where you're from? What about those wooden salad serving things that's basically a big wooden spoon and fork? Do you get splinters from them in your food? Where are you from anyway?

A first World nation where we can afford real plastic.

 

[Bender]

We don't mash salad tongs or rolling pins against one of the most sensitive parts of the human body, especially not when the wood has gotten wet.

What's the problem? The food is all cooked, so there's no cross-contamination to worry about is there? You use the same metal fork to eat your steak and your vegetables, don't you? It's a disposable bio-degradable fork that you have the option of taking from the chippy or you can leave it there and eat with your fingers. Nobody's ever gotten a splinter from a wooden fork, otherwise everyone would just stop using them and chippies would stop providing them, wouldn't they?