Brianna Wu / John Walker Flynt - "Biggest Victim of Gamergate," Failed Game Developer, Failed Congressional Candidate

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Not Dr. Evil said:
Of course his imaginary siblings were already huge John Walker Flynt fans.

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John, please, stop, my brain can't take much more of the insanity.

Nobody knows who you are outside of the terminally online and us autists on the farms. Your fifteen minutes of fame (and even that's being generous) passed over a decade ago, despite all of your attempts to remain relevant since then (when's the next Dollcast episode, by the way?). During your scampaign, people only voted for you because they saw the last name "Wu" and thought they were supporting a proud Asian woman. If you were to ask a random person on the street who "Brianna Wu" was, they would have absolutely no fucking clue. Hell, if you were to ask a hundred different people, in Boston no less, I would say the number who would recognize the name would be in the single digits, and even fewer would know any more than that.

Furthermore, even though John's first appearance on Triggernometry has over a million views, it's safe to say the only reason it did so well is because he was parroting what people wanted to hear, namely "leftists are crazy bro" right after Kamala failed. It's also not too far out of line with their videos' usual performance, especially his second appearance (~400k views) which is far down the page when sorted by viewcount, so it's not like he was some major draw. Besides that, the podcast has literally hundreds of interviews, and being able to recall any single person who appeared on it who isn't already famous would be a challenge, to say nothing of being so well aware of that person that you think someone else would be trying to scam you by impersonating them. Hell, I'll bet most people don't even know what the fuck Triggernometry is.

In short, 0/10, apply yourself, John.
 
King Dead said:
John, please, stop, my brain can't take much more of the insanity.

Nobody knows who you are outside of the terminally online and us autists on the farms. Your fifteen minutes of fame (and even that's being generous) passed over a decade ago, despite all of your attempts to remain relevant since then (when's the next Dollcast episode, by the way?). During your scampaign, people only voted for you because they saw the last name "Wu" and thought they were supporting a proud Asian woman. If you were to ask a random person on the street who "Brianna Wu" was, they would have absolutely no fucking clue. Hell, if you were to ask a hundred different people, in Boston no less, I would say the number who would recognize the name would be in the single digits, and even fewer would know any more than that.

Furthermore, even though John's first appearance on Triggernometry has over a million views, it's safe to say the only reason it did so well is because he was parroting what people wanted to hear, namely "leftists are crazy bro" right after Kamala failed. It's also not too far out of line with their videos' usual performance, especially his second appearance (~400k views) which is far down the page when sorted by viewcount, so it's not like he was some major draw. Besides that, the podcast has literally hundreds of interviews, and being able to recall any single person who appeared on it who isn't already famous would be a challenge, to say nothing of being so well aware of that person that you think someone else would be trying to scam you by impersonating them. Hell, I'll bet most people don't even know what the fuck Triggernometry is.

In short, 0/10, apply yourself, John.
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Bro I am getting tired of your wildly inaccurate accusations about great American folk hero Miss'ippi John. You have not even once mentioned John's fight with the KKK, nor of how he was raised as a sassy black girl, to say nothing of the complete neglect of his childhood fixing cars.

I fear that I'm going to have to get the banjo down from the pegs and give you a hidin' that you surent n'ar gonna firgit.
 
Let’s say that somehow John is telling the truth (he’s not), once his “family” gets to really know him and his screaming chink paypig, they’ll suddenly realize they made a massive mistake letting John and Frank into their lives.

This is where I can see some truth about John not wanting to expose his “family” - not because he fears for their safety, but because John is afraid they will find this thread on here and understand what a useless, retarded waste he is.

“You spent 10 years at college and had nothing to show for it aside from an Ambien addiction? And you let a dog freeze to death outside and blamed it on a Gay Gate? PLEASE LEAVE.”
 
King Dead said:
During your scampaign, people only voted for you because they saw the last name "Wu" and thought they were supporting a proud Asian woman
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House Disirict 8 has a population of 784,982.

John Walker Flynt caputured 2.15% of that

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Number 2 and Number 4 are mutually exclusive dumbass!

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John has never "scrambled into a bomb shelter." He barely left his hotel room.

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King Dead said:
John, please, stop, my brain can't take much more of the insanity.

Nobody knows who you are outside of the terminally online and us autists on the farms
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OTOH hypothetical siblings would have 50% of his retard/lolcow terminally online genetics, so they would be more likely than anyone else on earth to be that internet poisoned
 
John has no sense of self awareness whatsoever.

Does pretending to power coat aluminum rims in a standard kitchen oven in the garage ring a bell? How about "NASA style soldering?"

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Not Dr. Evil said:
John has no sense of self awareness whatsoever.

Does pretending to power coat aluminum rims in a standard kitchen oven in the garage ring a bell?
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This was my favorite lie by John. It's so indictive of his over-inflated ego and complete lack of real-life checks-n-balances. I work in the powdercoating industry, and a set of rims (cleaned & coated) is around $1000. That's having a professional sandblast the rims down to bare metal and then applying a powdercoat paint that is stronger than any liquid-based paint in any color of choice, for only $250 per rim.

The thought of John sitting cross-legged, sanding each rim by hand for hours on end, then buying and setting up the specialized powder coating equipment, and then using a repurposed kitchen oven to cure the paint is laughable. No way John does all that.

The most likely scenario? John sanded his rims for 20 minutes and then declared this was too much work for a noble of his bloodline. He packed up his rims, paid $1000 to the local shop, and never spoke of his home-coating endeavors again.
 
Law said:
So Brianna Wu is 48 years old. 48 years ago the Navy had Tricare (but it was called CHAMPUS). So how does this "they couldn't afford a delivery unless I was cinematically kidnapped by Vatican operatives" bit work? What imaginary Navy job did his birth dad have?
Also is his birth dad still alive, or did he perish in a U.S. Navy slave galleon in the Strait of Hormuz while looking for the lost city of Atlantis?
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Wait if he's alleged bio mom was 59 when she died and its a recent death. Then that means Johnny would have been born when she was 10/11ish
 
GrammaNazi said:
The most likely scenario? John sanded his rims for 20 minutes and then declared this was too much work for a noble of his bloodline. He packed up his rims, paid $1000 to the local shop, and never spoke of his home-coating endeavors again.
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I think it is actually worse than that. If you look at the pictures closely you can see orange peeling that is indicative of spray paint.

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How did your "powder coating oven" manage to change colors from blue to silver Kermit?

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No, you weren't Kermit.

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Did you know that John can see into the future?

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Speaking of Frank, I've always been curious how he views these content pivots.

Is he very much in on it because he's just as deranged, or does he secretly raise his eyebrows?

I wouldn't be remotely surprised if Brianna prattles on and on to a dial tone while Frank is in the other room.
 
Not Dr. Evil said:
John doesn't realize this would mean that his imaginary "mom" was 10 years old when she gave birth to him.

Also, the mammogram came back negative bcause you are a man.

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He means “I found out last week that my mom died of it when she was just 10 years older than I am now.” He just structured the sentence very poorly. Must be too excited for his new lie cycle to bother proof-reading.
 
Not Dr. Evil said:
That doesn't fix the problem. Your parents are always X number of years older than you.
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Not if she died when she was 10 years older than John currently is. You stop aging once you’re dead bro. Imagine John is 50 and he’s saying “Omg I just found out my mom died when she was 60! That’s only 10 years older than I am right now!” Now if the mom died say 10 years ago at 60, then John would’ve been 40 at the time of her death. That puts her at 20 years old when John was born.

Of course this is all immaterial, as the mom is fake and John is retarded regardless.
 
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Kingfisher9000 said:
Not if she died when she was 10 years older than John currently is. You stop aging once you’re dead bro. Imagine John is 50 and he’s saying “Omg I just found out my mom died when she was 60! That’s only 10 years older than I am right now!” Now if the mom died say 10 years ago at 60, then John would’ve been 40 at the time of her death. That puts her at 20 years old when John was born.

Of course this is all immaterial, as the mom is fake and John is retarded regardless.
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John says imaginary dad is 66.

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Imaginary mom was/is two years older.

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Imaginary mom supposedly died at age 59. Which would make imaginary dad 57 and John 39.

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